There is NOTHING like a woman scorned!

pissed

 

Is it just the women who seem to lose their flipping minds when they find out their significant other is fooling around?  Maybe not, but let’s just say this – we are certainly the ones more likely to let the entire world know when we have been done wrong.

I came across this on Facebook earlier today and man, it brought back some memories:

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If you want the full story, check it out herehttp://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/06/03/girlfriends-amazing-break-up-letter-goes-mega-viral-everything-elseis-at-kelsis-house/

Hmm.. talk about a flashback.

The story of the man I just knew I was destined to be with has yet to be shared on My Dating Hangovers, but believe me- it’s a good one.  Mr. Jekyll was his name and his dumb ass did something no man or woman should ever do if you’re doing dirty – check “Yes” when asked if you want to the computer to remember your password.  Especially if you’re using your girlfriend’s computer.

While I didn’t play the hide and seek game with Mr. Jekyll’s personal belongings,  in my blinded fury, I did post a confession from him for all 800 of his Facebook friends to see.

The moral behind this letter and my brief excerpt? Don’t fuck with a person’s feelings or heart and while these types of actions will not change the situation,  they can certainly offer some feel good moments and satisfaction.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones
myhangovers@gmail.com

He’s Getting Closer but…

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Nervousness, excitement and that tingling feeling and a host of other emotions is what I’m feeling right now which seems a little strange because I’ve already met Out of Sight who in just a few short days, will be back in California and this time for good.

I’m so happy and can’t wait to give him the biggest hug and some of the longest and wettest kisses possible, and find myself just smiling at the thought of him.  Hmmm, what a refreshing feeling.

Having stepped outside of my comfort zone of local only encounters and allowing a nearly 4-month friendship (guess that is what I call this “thing”) with someone out of states seems to be paying off, and I’m looking forward to things flourishing.  The two of us have had a chance to learn so much about each other and I’m not a believer that it’s true about absence making the heart grow fonder.  When you’re limited and not able to simply jump in the car and see someone in an instant, the way you communicate and how you do it makes a world of difference and fortunately Out of Sight hasn’t faltered too bad.

Since we met a few weeks ago, he has dropped off in contacting me a bit and while I can certainly understand how stressful and tiring a major relocation is, I still called him out on his shit and reminded this man that developing a pattern then deviating from it doesn’t sit well with certain people.  Especially women.   Busy or not, we all have to take a break to eat, walk to or from your car, poop or have some other break in a 24 hour period where you can take a FEW moments to send a quick text if a telephone call isn’t convenient.  Being a parent, career woman, student and person with a busy social calendar, I can certainly understand what busy means but come on, it’s not rocket science.  A simple text a day is sufficient for me even if it just says “Hello, have a good day and we’ll talk tonight…” and after a few days of me backing off a little with my attempts to reach out, he got the message loud and clear.

This has definitely been an interesting learning process and again, we have been learning so much about each other – both the good and the bad. By the way, have I mentioned that all things considered, this man is simply amazing?  Good-looking, smart and witty, caring, funny and full of life and what I really love about him has to be the go getter/get the job done type of attitude.  This all sounds lovely yet still there’s a bit of trepidation.  As with any situation between a man and a woman, we have our doubts because and mine have to do with Out of Sight’s actions.  Is he going to act like the man I’ve grown to really care for or will he be ke those “vacation” types of romances where people seem to change after buzz wears off.  All I can do is have a little faith and hope, right?

I’m hoping he doesn’t get here and completely lose his mind reverting back to how many of us were living our lives in our 20’s, meaning the decade absence from a place chopped full of exciting lifestyles, nightlife and of course a bevy of beautiful and exotic women. Something we’ve talked about is how we might be on two different tracks in life right now because I’ve been there, done that – all of the partying is pretty much out of me, rarely do I hang out late and the mission for me is to settle down and work on my family.  On the flip side, Out of Sight was in a boring marriage and lived in a place where the most exciting events were tornadoes and the occasional holiday cookout.  We’ll just have to see how he adjusts to the new life in La-La Land.  I care a lot for him and just don’t want to be the fool who has been building something with someone for months, who has no intentions of considering or pursuing anything else.

Something else I’m hoping is that he isn’t that much of a workaholic that I find myself in another situation as with Rescue, the first time around where I created a new phrase known as the “single girlfriend”.  Besides just wanting to spend time and make sure that what we have isn’t just a telephone call only type of compatibility, but I need to make sure he’s not sooooooo busy that he isn’t able to share more of beautiful, yet rather large appendage between his legs.  Out of Sight says his sexual appetite matches up to where mine is (yes ladies, if you’re getting it good you will want it more and more) so I’ll be looking forward to him being able to deliver.

Oh – I forgot to mention a little something last time as I may only have alluded to something having occurred when he was down a few weeks ago, but that’s a different post for some other time. Let me just say that the three instances  we were able to squeeze into a 24-hour period were pretty spectacular and left me wanting more and more.  It wasn’t planned, but when he kissed me with some of the softest lips – it was all she wrote.  Besides me sharing the details from our first of many intimate encounters,  I have to answer a question one of my girlfriends asked that I didn’t have an answer for at the time- who was better- Hope OR Out of Sight?

I’m getting a little carried away talking about this one but this goes to show how much of an impression this man has had on me but perhaps he’s underestimating my feeling for him, and is playing the cool dude role encouraging me to date.  I raised an eyebrow when he first told me this and his reasoning is he figures since I love to write, precious writing material would be lost if I stopped dating “before he got here”.  Huh?  He must have fallen on his head and anyone else who thinks I only continue to subject myself to the abuse of dating to have blogging material.  Let me make this perfectly clear – I would rather be settled down with a person with great potential than having a dating blog to generate a few shits and giggles.

Like I said, we’ll see how everything plays out and while Out of Sight was seemingly okay with dating, his opinion changed a bit when he started hearing more about this second guy…

Island Boy and I  have now had a total of three dates with another in the works for tonight,  and as I attempted to explain to Out of Sight (yep, he knows about him), he’s a nice person.   There aren’t any glaring red flags on why I shouldn’t keep going out with him but at the same time I’m not exactly doing cartwheels and feeling all giddy when I get a call or text from him.  He is very nondescript and a little hard to read which leaves me wondering if the calm,  cool and collective demeanor of an intellect with two distinct personalities, who is just catching a break from a bit of ex-wife drama is a good fit for me.  Yet there are other times when the edgy Belizean flavor of Island Boy comes out so I guess it’s just a matter of dealing with that “other” dude as well.

Again, we’ll have to see how things progress starting with tonight’s date.  By the way, we still haven’t kissed aside from a peck on the lips and two departing smacks on the cheek each time so he’s either a very slow mover or….

There you have it…. I’m happy that Out of Sight is getting closer but haven’t given up on considering other options until  gets settled in to see what may come of this “thing”.  Then there’s another man who says he’s interested in me, is trying to court me regularly and has me pegged as relationship material, but isn’t really generating a lot of excitement.  I’m not to the point of being torn because I know who I want, but will play things carefully.

It’s been over a year since I’ve been single again and I’ve encountered so many imposters presenting themselves as men who were ready to get out of the dating game, but they weren’t for real or ready.  Still, I’ll keep trying to get that right fit and avoid the many distractions coming at me from former hangovers.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…
Carmen Jones
myhangovers@gmail.com

Party of Three

Someone asked me this morning if there was still Hope or if things had returned to a hopeless state.  My reply was that things were so-so which means I’m pretty much winging it at this point.  The last update on him was after the detailed conversation had about dislikes, ways and preferences which left me feeling a little better knowing the type of person I was dealing with.  Accepting that although we happened to have spent more time together in a matter of a week than most people do in a relationship the first couple of weeks, we realized that did not negate the fact that there was so much more to learn about one another.  Yet with the understanding that Hope was just one of those men who marched to the beat of his own drum, when we went out for our post-dinner stroll along Shoreline Village, something changed in my mind during a key discussion about the difference in dating vs  seeing someone.

Shame on me, shame, shame shame.  Either it’s been a really long time since I’ve heard someone describe the time spent with another as “seeing them”, but it didn’t click until the end of the night. Hope explained that seeing meant there could be any number of men or women a person can be dealing with, but the term dating doesn’t apply until you’ve agreed to just “see” each other which would include the cancellation of dating accounts etc, all in the interest of working towards a relationship.  So again, shame on me because all of this time I was trying to “date” him based on the sheer amount of time he was consuming, while he was “seeing” me and still feeling me out.  Is this a matter of semantics or is there really that big of a difference?  I’m confused, but later for that and now on to the date/meeting/seeing/sighting.

Hope has finally earned enough trust allowing us to bypass the “meet ups” and was on his way to pick me up for dinner, and while waiting I began to wonder if our conversation about him missing in action for several days is not okay if he’s trying to get to know me.  When you’re hopeful for a situation, you don’t want anything to interfere with progress being made and certainly will not welcome any awkward moments or a change in the vibe if a person really isn’t okay with any prior discussions.

Fortunately, that wasn’t the case because when he walked through my door and said hello, before lifting me up in the air then planting a full-mouth kiss, I could tell things were okay.  Strong physical attraction can sometimes be a bad thing since it often clouds your thoughts with lust and desires causing distractions from obvious things you should be paying attention to, but man, it always feels so good to be wanted.  Hope’s body language and that look (you know the look) was exactly what it should have been.  So after a brief chat, is casual tour around the house surveying the lay of the land, family wall of photos and of course, the bedroom he someday wishes he’ll enjoy, we were off to dinner.

Even though the hostess and food was pretty crappy, the night was progressing along quite well and at some point we got on the topic of the dating site.  We have two people who claim they’re all about being upfront and direct, so when he said he was online cleaning things up a bit and removing photos in preparation to get off, this was the perfect transition into the activity of each other.  Hope asked me if there were a lot of men that I was dealing with from _______.com and I replied honestly that there are some I’ve been conversing with but admitted there weren’t any who were really holding my interest.  Naturally, I turned the question right back to him but still have that bittersweet taste when thinking about his reply.  He said “There are actually two women and you’re one of them.”

Mixed feelings on this one because as much as I like knowing that there isn’t a slew of women that he’s dealing with, to know that he’s narrowed it down to just made me think of more questions I wanted to ask or things I wondered about.  How long have you known this other woman?  Did you meet her online as well?  What is the differentiating factor between the two of us?  You’ve already narrowed your selections down to two women and you’ve only known me two weeks now?  What does she have on me and of course the bigger question – are you tonguing her down, feeling her up and sending her off with saturated underwear just as you are with me?

Don’t worry, I didn’t ask any of the above but I did ask if this opponent of mine was the real reason for his actions the previous week and he said no; what he explained about the hectic events at work were just that.  Okay, I thought to myself – at least he’s being up front and had the shoe been on the other foot, I can only hope that I wouldn’t have underscored any real contenders that he was up against and that’s when it hit me.  In a way, sometimes knowing the truth isn’t necessarily a good feeling especially when there is something missing here.

Hope is telling me that he has two women that he is seeing, and just as I stated earlier I’ll smack myself on the hand for not realizing in the eyes of some, there’s a difference between this and dating someone.  The reality is that out after meeting and going out with a man the first two or three times, let the record show that they have already spoken the words that I have YET to hear from Hope.  “I’m interested in you Carmen and am looking forward to knowing you better to see where things may go” or “I’m definitely interested in a relationship and want to move things to the next level”.

He has not mentioned anything of the sort, so I think it’s very clear what I’m dealing with here – a man who has no intentions of pursuing anything with me and in fact, it is highly likely that I am something to do with a cool person in his free time.  As such, these thoughts and others became the contributing factors for how my feelings became stifled and wanting to pursue anything further turned into nothingness.  Interestingly enough, while I’m having my private decision party in my head, Hope made a comment at the end of our discussion on how people handle relationships when things go bad.  He suddenly blurts out “Yeah, it’s a lot to deal with but I do miss being in a relationship” to which I replied “Yep, I hear you.  It’s a lot of work”.    That’s it.  No delusional speculation if that was some type of subliminal message or anything because again – he’s not expressed that type of interest.  Indeed, it is far too soon for action but it may not be too soon to broach the topic.

At the end of the day, it is what it is.  The same friend who asked if Hope was back to hopeless said I should cut my losses and move on, but this is also the same friend who continued to deal with a man whose own child alluded to there being another woman while he was with her.  It took her a while to see the light, but in the end she had to make her own decision on how to handle the situation.

I’ll be honest,  there’s a part of me that figured he was after some quick booty but I’m not so sure that he is.  Surely he would have made a pass by now and he hasn’t; Hope has only told me repeatedly that he couldn’t wait for a face-to-face interaction of sorts, promising not to disappoint.  But damn, what will my decision be on how to deal with this man?  This person I am “seeing” is easy-going, laid back, physically attractive, affectionate and hasn’t spared any expense when we’ve been together.  There isn’t anything he’s done to make me want to delete or worse – program him as a “Do Not Answer” altogether and he appears to be on the up and up with me.  Why not continue dealing with him until someone says when.

All I know is that for now, I choose to handle things as they come.  Once we finally made it to my place that night, kicked off our shoes and relaxed to the smooth sounds of my playlist titled “September Mood”, out came the alter egos and that was when the fun really began.   At some point the conversation came to a quiet lull, pillows were thrown to the floor and we were suddenly sitting a lot closer to each other.  Laughter and words soon turned into muffled sounds through the series of breathless kisses, and the next thing I know is Hope was on his knees facing me.  I’m smiling as I think about how amazingly agile he is even with his height and size, so I guess that is where the Tae-Kwon-Do comes in.  Moving my legs effortlessly, suddenly sliding the Vickie’s out of the way and then glancing at me with an insanely intense look of hunger in those beautiful hazel eyes was simply amazing.   He started licking his lips so to me, meant he was ready to eat, so what’s a girl to do?  Quite naturally, I let him eat.  And eat, and eat and eat until he licked the plate completely clean before telling me he was ready for seconds.

Unless there is a reason to eliminate a person from your life because of disrespectful, mean, or hurtful behavior why would you if they can bring you this type of pleasure.

Shit, mama didn’t raise no fool.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

The Front Runner

 “You really had me a little heated these last couple of days because you really fell off.  Hell, I even had to change your nickname.”

“Oh really?  What was it?”

“Hope, because that’s what I think we gave each other when it comes to dating.”

“Okay, and what did you change it to?”

“Humph.  I changed it to Wreck it Ralph because you seemed like someone who didn’t know what he was doing or liked playing games.”

“No, it wasn’t anything like that.  Like we just discussed, it wasn’t anything like that but since you changed to Wreck it Ralph how did the movie begin and how did it end?”

“Well, Ralph initially was looked at as the bad guy and he wasn’t really given the chance to communicate what he was really about.”

“And…. How did the movie end?”

“In the end Ralph ended up showing his true colors, that he was genuinely a good person and was the hero in the end.”

“Exaccctttllly!!.”

 

I hated admitting this but we laughed our butts off.  This is how we roll, these are the types of candid exchanges we can have and this is why he’s gone from Hope to Wreck it and back to Hope again.

Over the course of about a week or so when I last wrote, I had resolved that Hope had either been turned off about something or had a lot going on but unfortunately – I figured the latter meant the possibility of his time being taken away by several women.  These were two incorrect assumptions and the point that will be hammered home again and again and again is this – when two people don’t know each other’s communication styles and preferences, even down to how often they may want to communicate, there is far too much room for (incorrect) interpretation.

Hope isn’t the type of man who will text or call every morning to tell you how beautiful you are,  so we compromised and I told him constant contact isn’t what I want so I’m good for one of something a couple of times a week.  Three or four days going by, regardless of how crappy his week was is unreasonable to me and he’s agreed to work with me.  The most crucial point that I made was this – if things get that hectic, one of those “a lot going on this week, we’ll catch up in a few days” texts is just fine but leaving anyone hanging that you’re supposedly getting to know?  Deal breaker.

Speaking of deal breakers we shared several during our 2-hour conversation a few nights ago.  Everything from not wanting to be with anyone who doesn’t perform fellatio, another not waking up for a quickie, behavior and conduct in a public place and body odors.  So much ground was covered that night which is amazing, because in that first week there was so much shared which goes to show the humongous learning curve we all have when first meeting someone.

Then we talked about Mangos.

How often do you meet someone who says they are normally straight forward and up front about things, especially when there’s a problem or area of dissatisfaction while dating or in a relationship?  The person will say “I’ll let you know when I’m not happy” or “talk it out before it gets too bad” but really, how many people actually do this?  I was joking about it referencing a part from the movie “Think Like a Man” and said if either of us is in a bad mood, having a bad week, don’t feel like being bothered or the like, mangos will be the safe word.  It was a joke but hey, I’m sure there will be times when it may need to be put into effect.

Something that made me really happy towards the end of that call:

It isn’t often that you meet someone and the chemistry is just amazing and off the charts like this.  When we first met, I had a lot of free time and wanted to give it all to you and I did.  It just so happens that the next two days was absolute hell with so much (tons of details) going on, so no – I wasn’t ignoring you and there isn’t anyone I’m even remotely interested in like this.  The fact that I am physically attracted to you, love the way you think, your body and sense of humor isn’t something you come by often.  So if I made you feel that way, I’m sorry.

Boom.  An apology.

He understood, I understood and an agreement to do better was made.  Although I know his favorite brand of shirt is made by Geoffrey Beene, and he knows just by looking at me that I’m a 38D bra size, and I know that he loves chocolate and ranch with ketchup, and he knows not to ever buy a bouquet of roses or carnations, and I know he would never buy a bouquet without having it arranged with his preferences, there is still so much to learn about each other.

So there you have it, I’m back to having hope about hope for dating Hope.

Still hoping for a cure and not just these types of treatments.

Carmen Jones

Online Dating – Week 1

Well, I have just made it through the first week of being “back” into the scheme of things, back in the mix, back in the shit. Online dating.

I guess it wouldn’t be fair to complain about anything such as of the types and quality of men just yet because you get out what you put in, right? Meaning I really haven’t done much other than create the profile, write the abridged versions of “why I’m great and should no longer be single” thesis, and post a decent profile picture. What else have I done, you may ask – not a damn thing.

Like a bird kicking back and waiting for a freshly washed car, I just sat back and waited for the messages to flow in. Staying true to this bird+car analogy, I have seen nothing shit and to hell with anyone trying to use that you are what you attract mantra!

Don’t get me wrong, they have all been that bad but a good majority have. The minuscule profile details, the “Hey beautiful, how are you” messages that are supposed to make me all excited and moist, the images of shirt-less camera-phone-in-mirror shots which scream AMATEUR. Ugh.

Perhaps I’m going about this all wrong? Is it time for me to put up my ego hat and stop acting like clicking “search” and “view” for profiles is just too much to do.

At least doing a search the ability to weed out the undesirables is within MY control. That way I can see if their idea of “About Me” essays consist of a sentence only, the portions where details are provided all say “sometimes”, and all photos have some chicks head and body poorly cropped out ahead of time.

Yes, I think I may be going about this all wrong.

Slow learner, but I’ll get it right.

Carmen~

Facebook ends yet another marriage!

I guess the title is a little unfair to Facebook, right?

If you are caught cheating because of the evidence found by your wife after reading your in box messages, it is the person to blame isn’t it?

I’m a little too worn out to fully share what I’ve just witnessed but I’ll tell you two things:

First, I can totally understand how this friend’s wife is feeling but damn… The things women do when we’re pissed and hurt can be a quite extreme.

Two, this makes me remember my personal experience with a cyber cheater whose Facebook in box revealed who the real person was.

Dating hangovers, marriage hangovers… They are felt by far too many people.

Carmen

Why is dating so challenging?

Oh how I love the random posts found on Facebook, and today’s came in the form of “Question of the Day”. Why a married woman is interested in knowing this is beyond me unless she’s just curious, but the responses shared is what piqued my interest.

Ground breaking? No. New revelations not previously known? Of course not. Was I surprised that nearly all of the respondents were women? Absolutely, positively not.

Here are a few…

– “Living in Atlanta!”. I’ve heard this many times before from friends who live there, as well as from media reports. The ratio of men to women in this ‘hot spot’ is ridiculously unbalanced and I was even told that I should never consider moving there unless I was coming with a beau or husband in tow. Even then, I better beware because of the barracudas that would be ready to pounce on that new meat!

– “A woman not telling you what she really wants and one who will be the same person before and after sex”. This man even added that women seem to be bipolar, ever changing in personalities. I completely agree and have always made it a point to tell the men I meet if I am ready for marriage, a carriage and a picket fence or just an activity and fun buddy.

– “Finding a man who actually wants to DATE”. This is a big one because some people have lost the concept of dating. Asking “can I come through and kick it” or “Let’s hang out” is NOT dating. It’s hanging out or fuc*ing, nothing more.

– “The I don’t need a man type of woman”. Fair enough, there are plenty of women out there but come on fellas, many of them are full of it. It’s bad enough these types of women have likely been doing it on their own, been in bad dating situations and single for so long to the point where they might act like this. The reality is that while many will prance around singing silly songs like “Independent Woman”, when the partying, wine tasting and books club meetings are over, they’re taking their lonely butts home crying in a pillow wishing it was a man instead. Mainly fronting, but I agree – this type of woman can be a complete turn off!

– “Folks keeping it real”. As much as I hate hearing this phrase, it is a reality. The reply I just posted to this thread said there were two main reasons for the dating woes – dishonesty and separate agendas. What is the number one complaint from someone when they say why things didn’t work out? “I didn’t know…” Or “He/She never told me…”. Someone either “forgot” or failed to fess up about a girlfriend/boyfriend, wife, kid(s), that car or home they really don’t have, they really don’t like kids, not interested in a relationship/are interested in a relationship, want marriage/don’t want marriage etc… The separate agendas can be closely tied with the first reason, because when you’re not up front with each other your are most certainly going to be expecting two different results.

– “How about just GETTING a date?”. Yep, I’m feeling this one too. Why are so many people resorting to online dating, versus meeting men and women organically? I can testify to the affect that some men have forgotten how it works. Seriously, it’s like they’re wondering what should happen if you see a woman you would like to get to know. Just last week while out having drinks, my girl Kim and I noticed clusters of men at a local spot and she says “I don’t get it; all of these men just standing around in circles. They are glancing around at women, and you can tell some of them are interested but no one is making a move”. Now of course, the reasons can range from them being married or in relationships and are just “lookie loos”. Or maybe they’re waiting for that right moment, eye contact or whatever. What does it take for them to actually walk over to a woman, say hello and strike up a conversation? It’s like they’re stuck or something. In fact, the very next day I had a man approach me and say “You are extremely attractive; I have been watching you all day and finally had to come over and tell you this…”. Really? All day? Sigh.

How about this as a solution to the dating woes?

The next time any of us in the single bucket meets up with a person, take your list of “10 Things I hate About Dating” with you and swap list. I know, I know – then doesn’t allow for very much so you better make them the good ones and most important. My theory is if the two of you have similar items OR can agree on at least half of what the other wrote, you might have a chance.

IF instead you are giving each other the stinky eye that says “What’s wrong with that” or “That’s stupid, this is how we are”, it is safe to say that you’re better off moving on.

Sounds elementary, but let’s face it- all of these adult men and women who think they have gained wisdom in their years are completely clueless when it comes to dating.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen

Michael, will you marry me?

Queen Victoria, Halle Berry, Heather Mills (Paul McCartney’s ex), singer Pink, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Jennifer Hudson and most recently, Chrissy Lampkin (reality tv star) have all done it.

These women have said to hell with tradition or waiting on a man who may have been dragging his feet and proposed.

For those of you who didn’t know, it is not only Leap Day but is something called Sadie Hawkins Day – the day where it is accepted in many parts of the world for women to propose to men.

I know what you may be thinking when hearing about women who have to step up and take their relationships to this level- DESPERATE.

But is it really and why propose on a leap year/day?

Well, because leap is an anomoly. The fact that this day which is often considered “not a real day” is already such a variation from the norm, it makes this seemingly non-traditional action of women taking on the role meant for men acceptable.

I was curious on how this all began, and it seems to have started from one of several tales from way back when. I did a little digging and stumbled on one that says the proposals began like this:

The legend goes that St. Bridget of Ireland was frustrated that all the non-nun ladies in 5th century Ireland had to sit around waiting for proposals that might never come.

She complained about it to St. Patrick who, probably impressed by Bridget’s ability to turn her used bath water into beer, finally proclaimed that women could have the chance to propose themselves once every four years on the leap day. This became known as “The Ladies’ Privilege.”

As silly as it may sound, it stuck and the idea of a woman proposing seems to come around every leap year.

How the name Sadie Hawkins came to be was loosely based on the Irish version from what I can tell, but her version is a little more colorful which goes like this:

In Li’l Abner, Sadie Hawkins was the daughter of one of Dogpatch’s earliest settlers, Hekzebiah Hawkins. The “homeliest gal in all them hills”, she grew frantic waiting for suitors to come a-courtin’. When she reached the age of 35, still a spinster, her father was even more frantic—about Sadie living at home for the rest of her life. In desperation, he called together all the unmarried men of Dogpatch and declared it “Sadie Hawkins Day”.

Specifically, a foot race was decreed, with Sadie in hot pursuit of the town’s eligible bachelors—and matrimony as the consequence.

If a woman caught a bachelor and dragged him, kicking and screaming, across the finish line before sundown—by law he had to marry her!

Sadie Hawkins Day was first mentioned in the November 15, 1937 Li’l Abner daily strip

Hmm…

Now I wouldn’t exactly call “kicking and screaming” a joyous occasion for the groom to be, so a good old fashioned dinner with some candles and the ring surely comes across better.

At the end of the day, I’m sure women would much rather await the more traditional methods of a marriage proposal, but I’m okay with a variation.

Some men think that dating for 5 or 10 years is completely acceptable. They think that having one, two or three children together out of wedlock is fine because “you did it out of love”. Others feel as if sharing expenses, doing each others laundry and easing the tax load is just the same when shacking up as being married so why bother.

I say sometimes you have to take the bulls by the balls and lead him to the fence.

Ladies, you have less than 12 hours.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Quote of The Week

If only there could have been an aunt, older cousin or some other woman in my life to have schooled me on the in’s and out’s of being involved with men.

Or maybe that brother, uncle or elder who could have given me the “this is how to handle a man” spill.

So much wasted time and energy could have been avoided. So much angst and frustration spared. The few tears I shed over a man, saved for a joyous occasion instead.

This quote that I ran across from a friend’s Facebook page should be framed. It should be the first paragraph of Relationship 101, but not just for the men and women who are still trying to muddle through a situation.

It applies to the relationships we have with our friends, our families and anyone else we may have to deal with.

Still, it really hits home when I relate it to my past dealings with men. The Rescue’s, Jekyll’s, Sybil’s and more.

Apply it how you like, here is this week’s quote:

“People don’t change. They stay exactly who they’ve been since day one.

Once you realize this and stop waiting on them to be who you want them to be, you’ll be able to move the fu*k on.”

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen Jones

Time for a quickie

No you pervs, not what you’re thinking, but I wanted to actually try posting something succinct.

This has been quite an interesting week and yes – the Rescue saga has run its course. The whole situation puts you in mind of how you would feel if they announced the return of a movie. One that you wished would just go away. You know a Jaws movie. Part 7.

Yes, I’m just as tired of writing about him but you know I can’t help it. Love.

Fuc# love. Fuc# love with Rescue. Fuc# his excuses. Fuc# giving him time. Fuc# holding on. Fuc# second chances.

A siren went off in my head Tuesday night.

I realized that he had what I’ll call autistic partnition (yep, made that up) when it came to relationships. I joked (okay, it was more like fussing) to a friend, that he acted like the special little kid who keeps eating soap.

Doing the same nonsensical things over and over and over again.

Hell, maybe there’s something about 8 months that clicks off?

He was married May 2010 and by January 2011 had relocated back to California.

He and I became tried the relationship thing again in March and by October, it was a wrap.

Rescues relationship patterns speak for themselves. He IS Mr. Commitment, he is NOT afraid to ask “will you marry” me and he sure as hell isn’t shy when it comes to saying “I love you”.

I’ll miss the good times, but I’m looking forward to better times.

If only I could warn the next woman.

Wednesday night, a week after his “performance”, I put on my big girl panties and made that final phone call.

Just to make sure there was no confusion about the messages left, I even followed up with a text that said “if you listen to no other part of that message, listen to those last four words”.

Rescue was a few weeks too late with that talk and put not action behind his words.

Is it too soon for me to start talking about dating?

Hmm, maybe.

Bare with me – I may have a few other posts on him. It’s like a cold that kind of lingers for a while but soon enough, I’ll be back and to my old self again.

For now, it’s time I enjoy some much needed quiet time with a warm bubble bath and this moscatto.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen Jones

A Year of Dating Hangovers

One year.  365 days. 53 weeks. 

Several template revisions, three “About Me” rewrites, many lessons learned.

118 posts.  1,071 comments.  Thousands of Spam messages. 

Encounters with an estimated 26 men.  Total of 26 disappointments with men.

Countless expletives.  Many headaches.  Several arguments.  One heartache.

 Happy Blogoversary My Dating Hangovers!

I’m not quite sure how to feel knowing an entire year has passed since I first entered the world of blogging.  Although I started this as a hobby of sorts, to get my feet wet in the realm of online journaling, at times I wondered if I kept knocking down the different men I had encountered to give me a reason to continue writing.

I also wondered if I may have jinxed what I thought could be the end of my dating hangovers by continuing to chronicle what was happening in my relationship with Rescue.  That only stayed in my mind for a moment as I realized it was the person and not the blogging which puts me in the position I am in today.

Unknown relationship Single status.

Here’s an excerpt from my first post a year ago, November 17, 2010:

I’m single, AGAIN, as of Friday, September 10, 2010, slightly overcast, sharing my latest tales with a dear friend,  after dumping the one known as Full Metal Jacket via cell phone at, 7:32pm (not that I can remember or anything).   But don’t worry; this will not be the type of blog that is filled with sob stories and “why me” questions, unrealistic dreams and expectations or any of that fluff stuff.  Just real stories about my experiences and how I moved on from the hangovers which will either make you chuckle, appreciate, or HATE the art of dating.

Emotionally challenged, impotent, stalkers, bipolar, adulterers, fiscally handicapped, imposters, cheaters, alcoholic, obsessive, ADHD, porn-addicted, face-licking, cyber-cheaters, down low, and grammatically challenged men have truly been a lot to stomach.

I’m considering this blog a means of therapy as I rid myself of the toxins of the past creating my own hangover remedies, one post at a time.  On to the next!

I just realized that the way that introduction was written, it didn’t sound as if I had any intentions on finding the RIGHT ONE, instead I simply said “on to the next” and that is exactly what I got.  The next hangover.  Over and over and over again.

The past year has been filled with a lot of strange experiences and moments, and although I’m one week fresh off of hearing what sounded like a statement for re-election (you know – say everything the people want to hear), I can’t say that I haven’t had times I enjoyed the company I was in and the love in my heart from reconnecting with my past.

But hey– that type of tone isn’t the purpose of an anniversary now is it?  Nope, not at all.  Instead, it’s a celebration and a trip down memory lane so for your viewing pleasure (especially to the newer stalkers readers) a timeline and trip through My Dating Hangovers (November 2010 – November 2011):

Okay, so I didn’t exactly take the time to figure out how to PROPERLY insert the time line but you get the picture!

In addition to having chuckled, snorted and laughing out loud reviewing the timeline, I figured I’d pick out my favorite posts or topics:

 Top 5 Favorite Posts  

 –          Until Something Better Comes Along

–          Choosing a Life Partner

–          The Dating Resume

–          Dating the Single Parent

–          Never Date a Religious Hypocrite

 

Top 5 Men I Wish I Never Met

 –          Sybil’s Brother

–          Ghetto 2Pac

–          Good on Paper

–          Full Metal Jacket

–          Tupperware Man (don’t ask – I totally forgot about him but trust, he’s nuts!)

 

 

Top 5 Moments to Remember

 

–         Reunionw/Rescue

–          Prince concert w/Rescue

–          First date with Tall Glass of Wine

–          First date with USBC

–          Bedroom encounter w/Black Russian

 

 

 

And finally – two mini statements from the two men whose company I truly enjoyed and had figured out one of the small secrets to my happiness was laughter:

Tall Glass of Wine:

How often is it that you can meet someone who is able to carry on great
conversation, knows how to behave at the dinner table, can get down on the
dance floor, knows how to hold their liquor AND also loves Prince?

And of course…

Rescue 911:

Rescue makes me happy, makes me laugh, understands me, is affectionate, a great lover, communicates with me, shares his dreams, likes Prince, accepts me and all my flaws, understands my love of a wig collection, and above all – is my friend.

So what’s next?

I haven’t a clue but I DO know I would much rather have a blog titled “Let’s Stay Together”.

Searching for the cure…

Carmen Jones

 

A Week of Revelations

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Week of Revelations

Only time will tell what happens with him or any of these other three OR any of the others I didn’t have time to mention here.”

 I guess the most appropriate place to begin this post is by starting where I left off.  It’s been a little over a week since I last posted and other than the occasional feelings of disappointment, reasoning and a slew of other thoughts and random emotions, not much has really happened directly.  Meaning, I’ve finally taken my own advice of just sitting back and observing what is transpiring in my life when it comes to men. 

I even (get ready) stayed (yep, here it comes) home (really, I did) on one of the busiest (behind New Years and 4th of July) weekends for partying (here comes the scary part) and carefully reviewed the actions of each of those mentioned in A Tale of Four Men.

I really have problems keeping things succinct, but I’ll try. 

First up…….

Rescue 911 – “Ah….no wonder.  It’s in his nature even if he’s no longer doing it not to let things perish.  He may be thinking he can douse just enough water to smolder the fire and in his mind, he’s not letting something die”.   This was something Tall Glass of Wine said to me while we were sharing battlefield survival break up stories on our way to the Foo Fighters concert.  I told him I didn’t understand why after being told repeatedly “It’s not working”, “I don’t want to be with you”, “You’re unable to deal with me in a relationship” and every other phrase you could imagine why he would not give up.

He loves me. 

Without a doubt, I know that Rescue loves me from my almond shaped eyes to my swollen foot.  He’s never had any problems expressing how he feels and what he wants with me on down the road.  Still, his inability to handle life challenges and adversity?  His inability to communicate with the person he’s with?  His inability to see that you trying to go through your battles privately when you are in a relationship is a surefire way to end up SINGLE?  Rescue doesn’t get any of this.  It’s like trying to teach someone without fingers how to quickly tie their shoes.

We are quickly approaching a month – an entire month since I have seen him and I’ll guarantee you this, it isn’t due to lack of trying to connect with me on his part.  He’s tried to talk to me (I’m too annoyed or pissed to accept his calls with the exception of ONE on Friday).  He’s come by the house twice that I know of (and while I don’t know if he’s tried, I’m a little tickled by the thought of his expression trying what he thinks is the door key).  He has texted me asking when we can sit down and talk.  All requests, ignored.  He’s doing just enough not to let that imaginary person or building perish in a fire.  Rescue is acting like a rescuer.

I have those random moments when I may respond and engage in a textversation but it never leads to anything too promising.  I’m thinking back to a comment one of the readers made last week when she said “any response is still a response” but in my mind, this is how I’m slowly weaning myself off the nipple.

Admittedly, there have been a few things that have struck a chord with me to think “Hmm, maybe I should just see him and hear him out”.  Maybe.

The jury is still out but things don’t look promising for a turnaround with this situation at all.

I just sat back and observed, making notes of what has occurred.

Good on Paper – You’ll be happy to know that this update will be brief.   Very brief indeed as I have nothing to provide by way of details.  I have not heard anything further from this hangover and must say, he’s consistent and predictable.  I kind of like that.  GOP puts it out there what he’s looking for (booty) and is behaving as such to avoid any confusion about what the situation is (none of those “how are you” calls or texts in the meantime).  I’m okay with not hearing from him and am praying that my hormones cooperate with me and don’t lead to a reunion with him anytime soon.

 I just sat back and observed, making notes of what has occurred.

 Tall Glass of Wine – By the end of last week I realized what his story was – he’s bored.

Yes, I said bored.  This guy ended his relationship the day before I ended mine, but had been so intertwined with his ex-girlfriend and her children his days were pretty full. 

I never really asked for the details, but knowing he’s an active “get up and go” type of guy, I’m figuring they spent their free time on outings be it bike riding, hiking, movies, dinner, you name it.  I did mention long ago that Tall Glass liked to have a good time and expense rarely seemed to be a problem.

So when he calls me on a Tuesday night…. Let me pause here for a moment.  It’s a Tuesday night (only two days into a new week), a school night (he is fully aware that I have an underage child, not a latchkey kid WITH homework), knowing I wake up at the crack of dawn for work.  Unpause.  …saying “Hey, let’s go grab some sushi”, I was like huh?  I replied “Uh, you know I’m not a sushi nut like you though I’ll eat cucumber rolls all night but did you forget about my little one over here?”  “Oh.  Yeah.  My bad.”

I thanked Tall Glass for the invite and reminded him that unlike his last situation, I didn’t have teenagers and even so, I needed a little more notice on a week night to get myself ready.  I’ve got no problems with spontaneity but to an extent, you know?

Later that evening he sends me a text apologizing and saying he realizes how different his life is now that he ended things with his ex.  I told him that means he needs to figure out what he really wants to do that makes him happy without having to tie his freedom from boredom to another person.  That pretty much ended the texting that night and it turned me off a little.  Tall Glass is attempting to use me as some sort of filler.

Sunday night around 7pm he sends me a text message asking if I wanted to catch a movie.  I replied “that’s what I mainly use my Friday and Saturday night’s for, Sunday’s is more of a family day” to which he replies “I guess I’ll go by my lonesome self and enjoy it”.  Huh?  I jokingly (yeah right, a girl was serious as a heart-attack) replied back “maybe it’s time to do the family thing too” certainly not expecting him to send back “I had one with the ex”.

Damn, and I thought I was having issues with my break up.

I just sat back and observed, making notes of what has occurred.

That leaves me with just one more of the fantastic four (and I say this with all of the cynicism my soul can bare):  Special Agent.

I just scrolled back up for a moment to see how I was working on my succinctness?  Fail.

 How can I quickly summarize the things I’ve noticed with Special Agent in this last week?

 I can’t.

 I’ll have to come back with a follow up because there were a few eyebrow raising moments and I called him on each and every one of them.  In addition, I have a couple of theories about him.  I’m not saying they’re all bad or anything but definitely things to note.

Something funny he told me after reading last week’s post is that he felt I was holding back because I knew he was reading and this is the furthest thing from the truth.  In fact, I’m tempted to e-mail links to ALL posts about Rescue to him so he can read about how he’s responsible for the demise of his relationship.  Tempting, very tempting.

I digressed, now back to Special Agent.  Again, nothing will be withheld, especially not from him.  He comes across as the type of man who is a man’s man – will take being sliced across the hand without so much as a wince just to prove a point that he’s – well, a man.  So anything that is being written about him here (unless he specifically requests that I leave out or simply not mention something that is personal or privy), he’d better be kicking back in his office, feet on the desk and glasses on ready to suck it up.

I definitely sat back and observed this one, making notes of what has occurred.

More to come.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers….

 Carmen ~

I’m Back!!!!!!

 

“Come back to Jamaica…. our home is your home…”

I know I’m totally dating myself, but does anyone else remember that little jingle from back in the 80’s?  Let me just say that Montego Bay was everything I had hoped it could be and then some.

I’ve been back in town now for almost a week and have been trying to catch up on life which really is a buzz kill after partying, drinking and relaxing as if I didn’t have a care in the world.

Another song comes to mind – “Back to life, back to reality, back to the hear and now….”

Oh well.

How about some updates, right?

Let me just say this – for a minute there, I was fearful that My Dating Hangovers would go away sooner than I wanted.  I’d (past tense) settled down with (what I thought was – another past tense) a wonderful man and was only worried about surviving the little “hiccups” relationships experience and plan my future with Rescue. 

I was total drama queen before I left for vacation and with good reason – Rescue had shown to me that he, unequivocally was a MAN, one who was unable to handle certain life events and balance with OTHER life events.  He had shown me that his biggest weakness as a person, a boyfriend, and with the second marriage, a husband – an inability to communicate.   Hurt, anger, disappointment, frustration – one of many descriptors for my feelings in the days before leaving but that ONE night, the night before I left was interesting.

In a brief 10 minute, front door exchange of more hugs and feelings through non-verbal communication, I realized how MUCH I was in love with Rescue.    By no means does love conquer all and erase the stupid manner in which he was carrying on, but it meant a lot to me to see him.  It meant something to hear him tell me “we’re not over” and “I’m not letting you go a second time”, all before I embarked on a journey to the land where Stella was known to have gotten her groove back.

Not familiar with that phrase?  Take a listen look (if you’re reading this from a reader, you’ll need to enable images and links):  \”How Stella Got Her Groove Back\”

The entire time while I was in Jamaica, on a trip meant for relaxation and thoughts of leaving behind stupid men (those with husband’s were feeling the same), I was thinking of him.  I would text him, sometimes twice a day little updates or simple messages of how I missed him and couldn’t wait until I returned home.

And then I returned home….

I have a tune-up, complete with spark plugs, fluid drain and adjustment of my gears.  Rescue did well by showing up, as a good man who missed his woman should and picked up the habit of consistency with communication for several days afterwards.

The problem?

It has now been a week since we’ve seen each other, although he stays (or so he says he still stays) only 10 minutes away.

I guess it is time to get the termination papers back out.

Before the trip

I just got my house key back from Rescue.

The last message I’d sent was pretty stern as I said a little something like “I don’t want to talk to you” and “leave the car running, I’ll meet you at the door”.

So there he was, looking as handsome as ever with a puppy dog look on his face to match mine, waiting with key in hand.

Here’s how I envisioned things would go:

Carmen stands with hands on hips in the door way, one eyebrow cocked in the air with a disgusted look. Rescue walks up and she says “my key”, quickly extends her right hand, gets the key then smugly says “about time” then turns on her heel. Just as she’s about to close the door, Carmen yells “we are DONE!”

Yeah, sounds like a nice dramatic ending from the girlfriend who had been neglected for two and a half weeks. But uh, it didn’t quite go down like that.

Instead, Rescue walks up to the door steps, extends the key and when I go to reach for it, quickly grabs me and we hug.

I mean really, embrace is more fitting of a description.

As my chest is pressed into his and Rescue’s arms are wrapped tightly like a young baby being swaddled, it hits me. It’s almost like he is reading my mind, sensing the signals of my body language from that hug that seemed to last forever and he says “Baby, we are not over, we are not. I told you, I will not lose you a second time, I can’t. I won’t”.

It is almost 4 o’clock in the morning and it would take me a while to share all that transpired between us as I stood at my door, half asleep with pajamas and scarf to boot.

I’ll just say this – I lied. I told Rescue I didn’t want to talk but I did. I simply asked why? Why couldn’t he just TELL me that he was going through it. Why couldn’t he trust me, the woman he’s so in love with and wants to be with; trust me enough to explain his 3 week plan in advance so I wouldn’t think something else.

Why?

Because he is a man.

Men do foolish – not stupid things because of their pride, ego whatever.

Men, especially when in relationships, fail to realize that communicating with your partner is NOT the same as being monitored or bossed around. It’s simply communicating which alleviates a tremendous amount of bullshit.

We’re all big boys and girls, we realize that when your actions deviate from the norm and you fail to simply explain why, that leaves things open to interpretation and most times, we then assume. Assume the worst.

Long of the short? I’ll be high in the friendly skies for part one of my vacation and although things are not how they should be, I’m going to be leaving with love in my heart.

I can’t say for sure what will happen with Rescue when I return, and I did chuckle at the last thing he said to me as he jokingly told me “have fun and don’t be over there acting like Stella”.

Seeing him made all of the ill feelings I had towards him subside.

Only time will tell.

For now… Atlanta and Jamaica, you better get ready for me!

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen

Carmen’s posting with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Phase 2

The crying, dry heaves and headaches and confusion that follows have subsided.

I’ve have passed the “I don’t really want it to be over”, “perhaps we just need a break” and the “why do I feel so bad” stages.

I’ll admit it here – Saturday and Sunday were more like pre-break up moments. I’d told Rescue I was “letting him go so he could work on himself” and based on the generic/normal type of calls and texting that followed, I learned my girlfriends were right- he didn’t get it.

Rescue didn’t understand that those weren’t just words of support for his negligent, inconsistent and somewhat suspect absenteeism but instead, my punk way of saying IT’S OVER. Only I never really came out and said it.

I am now ready to tattoo those words onto my forehead.

So while he’s thinking I’m just having some post-menstrual moments, I’m crying the blues over a failed relationship. Just like he so smartly failed to communicate the space he was giving ME after our last tiff, I failed to communicate to him that for a second time, he had failed in our relationship.

This Monday and part of Tuesday? Rough. I had moments of regret for having blogged anything about this mess. Why? Fear of being judged if a miracle somehow happened making everything between us alright. I had moments of regret for not being more patient. After all, if he said he just needed to get through these next 2 or 3 weeks, is that REALLY such a long time? How patient am I of a woman who says she is completely in love with this man if a matter of weeks is a deal breaker?

Yet out of all of the moments of regret I was and am still having, the biggest of them all? Having allowed myself to become involved with someone who had a shit load of baggage.

What in the world was I thinking?

Am I desperate or something?

No, I don’t think so. I’m a good looking woman, even with the extra 20lbs or so un-strategically placed on my body. I’m fairly intelligent, both book smarts and a wealth of common sense. Although my job has a lot to be desired, it is a good job which pays fairly well and the type of work I do is well respected. I’m a great communicator, love public speaking and though I’ve only recently renewed my passport after a 20 year hiatus, I still get around across the US. On top of all of this? I’m a great Mom!

Hell, just reading that I’m feeling pretty damn good so again- why do women like ME fall and settle for men like HIM?

Just thinking about this situation and the last 8 months is making my blood pressure rise. It’s past 10pm, I have to give a speech tomorrow that I’ve not even written yet and haven’t a clue on what to wear.

My summary for tonight?

Fuc% him.

Carmen’s posting with WordPress for BlackBerry.