Program Change 

While contemplating my next move with Jon B, I’m realizing that aside from him being cute and seemingly good on paper, we really don’t have that much in common or at least nothing else that I can tell because he doesn’t talk about much.  

Sure, we both enjoy eating and indulging in cocktails, but other than that I only know that he’s hustling to expand his business, takes a lot of naps and feels slighted that his daughter isn’t too interested in his Skyping calls. That’s it – just the surface and superficial stuff.

So as I’m telling a friend about his latest radio silent act like, she silence me the most perfect suggestion:

“You need to take him off the boyfriend program and put him on the fuck boy program.  Treat him like he’s here to pass the time.”

This dude will consume several days in a row if I allowed him to and as much as I’m enjoying his company, everything seems to be on his terms and timeline which isn’t cool and another friend says I need to stop making myself so available.  

But isn’t that kind of like playing games?  If you are available and have nothing else to do, you should say no every once in a while so the other person thinks you’ve got other things going on?

Here’s what I don’t like: he responds to text messages and phone calls when he’s good and damn ready and if I’m trying to plan something in advance, he doesn’t get back until the last minute with a counteroffer. 

I don’t like being ignored because actions like this remind me of one or two hangovers from my past.  Seeing as how the average person is staring at their phone countless hours a day, it’s inconceivable that ten seconds can’t be taken to tap out a reply.  

I know this for a fact because I just did the same thing to another guy.  

He texted me at 10:29am and I saw my phone light up within a few minutes and could have replied with a simple “Hey, good
morning…Already working but we’ll chat later”, but I didn’t want to.  He’s nice and but I’m not feeling him at and figured responding too quickly would give him false hopes, so I would just respond later.  I didn’t respond until this afternoon.

See how this shit works?

Dealing with another one of those super busy and forgetful guys isn’t an appealing option, and neither is the possibility that he’s curving me so I asked him again if he wanted to become a fuck buddy and he’s saying no.  

His actions are telling me otherwise so I’ll give him a week or so, if that.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

 

 

I Can Work with Men

  • The funny thing about dating is that there are so many different types of men and situations out there so you really are placed in a position of picking your poison.

My last date from a few months ago really had it together.

He owned a couple of properties, had a stable career with no debt and only one child and was just as eager as myself to find someone special and settle down.

That same man was also a self-centered, controlling, condescending asshole who believed he was the crème de la crème and couldn’t understand why or how any woman could reject him.  But like the others he’d complained to me about who found a man with his life in order, I just wasn’t interested in him.

Two weeks ago I met up “47” who is the polar opposite.

He’s newly single, rooming in a small apartment with a relative, has two different baby mamas who are still giving him grief almost ten years later, is transitioning into a new career as a financial advisor, trying to get himself out of a boatload of debt and sheepishly volunteered that he “only made $47,000 last year and it’s been really hard”.  By no means am I judging the man based on his income, but these were his words about struggling, not mine.

“You just don’t make enough money to be able to date me”.

When I asked 47 about some of the women he’d dated recently and why things didn’t work out, he replied that most of them had catfished him and were all grossly obese, but it was that comment above that really stood out.

Initially I thought to myself “what a rude bitch and no wonder she’s still single”, until he provided more details about her.  She was a successful attorney who enjoyed weekend trips to wineries up north, traveling abroad and the opera and as single as she was, that woman was looking for someone who could at least come up with his portion and travel with her.

In the end, this woman and the two before her found 47 useful for nothing more than a quick lay and as he openly admitted, none of them were cool with his current financial and living situation.  He wanted a relationship, not just being looked at as a piece of meat and the fact that they’ve not come back for seconds?  Well, I guess that’s another story because if the sex is that good…

So how did our first meet-up go?

For the sake of brevity (something I really know nothing about), I’ll try to be brief about our Barnes & Nobles meet up and try to avoid two different posts but let me just say this – first impressions are a motherfucker.

Impessions-Quotes.001Whenever I’m going to meet someone whether it be from online dating or after our initial encounter, I make sure everything is on point.  Clothing, hair, scent, nails, shoes, teeth and my personal favorite – lotion.  They’re either going to like me or not but I most certainly am not offering any ammunition to be accused of looking a hot mess.

47 didn’t think things through too carefully or maybe was thrown off because he was rushing to meet me from the Inland Empire, because I was not impressed.

Even if I was to have “worked with a brother” and try setting aside my disdain for his roommate and overall situation, he pretty much set the stage for a not-so-positive evening by showing up:  late, shirt screaming for an iron, about two weeks past that last barber edge up, long dirty fingernails and breathe that was two clicks from being vile.

This is the first meeting, the impression meeting, the let me decide if I would even consider seeing you again meeting yet this is how he arrived.

I just don’t get these men, I really don’t BUT… I think I just may give him a chance to redeem himself.  Maybe.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Older Men With Roommates?

imageFor the love of God,  why are there so many men with roommates in Los Angeles????

I haven’t even begun to share the details about the guy I’m supposed to be dating “exclusively” because I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to have agreed to that, and so soon.

So in my moment of doubt  (and being a tad bit trifling), I went ahead and signed up on another dating site.  You know, to poke around a little bit a see if I stumbled on someone who has it a little more together.

And guess what  happened today?

I exchanged numbers with a guy who seemed interesting enough.  We’re about 10 minutes into the conversation and he starts complaining  about not liking the city he recently moved to.  He mumbles something about having been too rushed and not taking his time to find a place, so I asked for details.   Sure enough, he finally tells me he has a roommate and even better?

It’s a female.

imageGot a 4 bedroom beach house with plenty of bathrooms and living space?  Totally understandable.   Sharing cramped spaces in the basic Los Angeles apartment building?   Not so much.

I know what some of you may be thinking.   Just know that it’s merely a preference to consider dating a man who is independent and self-sustaining.   It isn’t about judging their situation which for most part, may only be temporary and you better believe there are many women who think like this.

imageBut what happens if things progress?  So now it’s me and him planning visits around a roommate,  considering their plans, wants or even moods.   And what about when it comes to fucking?  Tell me to stop moaning so loud,  stop grabbing the headboards and no more smacking of the ass?

This is the FOURTH man in a row who has approached me with a sketchy living situation.

I just can’t and if I do, it’ll  be half -asses because I’m too damn old to play the tip toe game for someone’s roommate.  All I ask is that a man possess the basics,  and of he can come with more, even better.  It’s sad to know that the older they get, the worse off they seem to be.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Too Soon?

EXCLUSIVITY
Related to exclusivity: Mutual exclusivity
ex·clu·sive  (ĭk-sklo͞o′sĭv)
adj.
1. Excluding or tending to exclude: exclusive barriers.
2. Not allowing something else; incompatible: mutually exclusive conditions.
3. Not divided or shared with others: exclusive publishing rights.
4. Not accompanied by others; single or sole.

It’s late and as I’m ready to call it a night, he sends me a text asking if we are now dating exclusively.

I don’t respond and in the morning will use the excuse that I’d fallen asleep.

We’ve had two outings together and the first didn’t leave a very favorable impression.  Hell, I haven’t even had a chance to share what went wrong with that first impression and here we are at the junction of exclusivity.

This IS  what I’ve been waiting for, right?  To meet a man who realizes pretty damn fast that I’m the rarest cut of a precious diamond.

Yes, this is a request to go put profiles to sleep and focus on getting to know each other, not an actual relationship.   But is it too soon?

So far he IS talking a good talk, even though my nose is turned in the air at a few things that are either concerning or deal breakers.

He’s not even programmed into my phone by name but only as “Maybe” with a smiley face.  Yet again, we’re broaching the subject of being exclusive.   Already.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Shit or Get Off The Pot

It’s been a loooooong time coming, but finally my time has come around again.   After the last conversation Papi and I had, we both resolved that the feelings we had (albeit confusing) needed to be dealt with.

“After so many years, how could we not have some strong emotions” he said somewhat emphatically.    He’s so right and after quite a few years, I’m finally on the same page with a man.

We both realized it was worth a shot trying something that was beyond the sex. We spent a lot of time talking about what our ideal companion looked like and conceded that we were likely looking right at it- in one another.

It’s amazing how I rarely will take a leap of faith without any second guessing and with him, I’m doing just that.  In fact, he wasn’t out the door more than five minutes before I went online and canceled my dating account.  Now here I am thinking of what’s to come and while only time will tell if there’s anything here, if we’ll revert back to cut buddies only or worse, nothing at all.

I might be getting closer.

But wait…..

There’s just one thing- this isn’t exactly what’s going on with us since my last update because in reality, not a fucking thing has transpired after our little chat.  Not a word, conversation, text and I do mean nothing, nada, zilch.

Let me tell you what did happen.

Papi said what he had to say, I said what I had to say.  I asked him why he never ever said anything to me about his current “state of confused emotions” and most importantly, why he never ever mentioned anything to me about how he’s felt in the past.

He said he figured it was just best to keep it to himself and not rock the boat, which is how we’ve been able to carry on like this for so long.  He just kept feelings to himself and since I never gave any green lights that said “Go”, he figured he would stay in his lane.

Blank stare.

I probably stood there glaring at him in disbelief before finally responding “What the hell?  You never gave me any signals or indication that you wanted anything but the red light so how would I have known?”

I wanted to know why he never asked if I was involved with someone whenever we struck up another round and after all of these years, why hadn’t he mentioned that he was even remotely interested.  He said he didn’t want to hear about my involvement with another man and I told him to a woman this translates into you not giving a shit about anything else.

I told him I wasn’t a mind reader and that if he was interested, he should have just said what he needed to say and deal with it.  This went on and on for a few rounds and eventually he starts laughing and tells me “Damn Carmen, you sound just like a man with some of the things you’re saying to me”.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been told something like this which further proves that my innate ways of saying or doing the types of ridiculous things most men are guilty of doing are right on the mark.

Papi recognized this and it made me wonder if he’s used to being the one on the other side of the fence.  We realized we weren’t getting anywhere and besides, it was already late at night so we bid our farewells and he was out the door which takes me back to the beginning of this post – the fact that nothing in the last two and a half weeks has transpired since that night.

We kind of left the “state of confused emotions” hanging for the past two and a half weeks but the art of practicing avoidance isn’t one of my strong points.

I would much rather face things head on and deal with the outcome, whether it’s to my satisfaction or not and although we had a quick session last week, I haven’t said anything else and neither has he. A few months ago I made the comment about knowing why I was single and not understanding what his deal was, someone who was seemingly such a great catch.

Yet after a few discussions about his interaction with different people such a particular co-worker and more importantly, his ex-wife, one thing jumped out at me.

His style of communication which was in his own words, not always received very well adding that he had been told many times that he came off as being condescending and not giving two shits about much of anything.

Okay, perhaps avoidance of issues is just how he rolls but that is so different from me.  I would much rather hear something standard of these kinds of men like “I’m just not in a position to offer you anything more” than nothing at all.

If there’s anyone out there willing to explain to me how things should work from here with this sexual relationship while we’re trying to ignore the elephant in the room, I’m all ears but my inner instinct is telling me exactly what should happen from here.

I need to resolve that I’ve arrived at that time in my life where I need to stop allowing this man to be my eternal back up plan.

That’s what he has always been because any time I’ve been in between relationships and the dating prospects haven’t been too serious, he has been there ready to provide and fulfill my needs but it’s never been for anything more than just sex.

There’s no specific explanation I can provide for why it took me this long to catch feelings.  18 years.

I can only guess that it was my turning 40 and having one of the most definitive ideas of what I’m looking for in a man.  Or maybe I can guess again that it was due to my lack of involvement with any real distractions (men).   Hell, I can even guess that once our intimate interactions took a turn, we began to explore each other’s boundaries a lot more, things got really intense and intense the hormones became confused with emotions.

Whichever the case, it’s not something that fits into any logical place for me and I would be lying if I said we could just carry on like usual is a possibility.  I think it’s just time to move on and this time – it needs to be for good.

It makes me wonder if I should have said anything to him at all.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Posted from WordPress for Android

Breaking the Rules

Rule #1 of having a friend with benefits – don’t catch feelings.

Rule #2 of having a friend with benefits – don’t catch feelings.

If only there was a manual for how to successfully carry on with this type of thing.  Too bad I never thought to read 10 Simple Rules to Maintaining a Successful Sex Buddy Relationship.

Here’s my deal.

In an effort to minimize my slut factor throughout the years, I have kept the company of two male “companions” whose sole purpose in my life was to dick me down.  No drama, no dating, no regular telephone calls and no questioning of each other’s dealings or actions in anyway.

Each of these men held their positions for extended periods of time (one beginning in 2007, the other dating back to 1998) which is good in theory because we became used to each other and knew exactly how to satisfy one another.

One of these “companions” by the name of Good on Paper started off as just the cut buddy. At some, I allowed him to try and be more when he thought he wanted more than just sex.  Against my better judgment in spite of my gut saying no, I didn’t all object when he began breaking each of the rules that make this type of situation successful.

HE caught feelings.

GOP started calling more often, sending me those daily “good morning beautiful” messages that most women are suckers for, trying to make plans for things outside of the bedroom and more – basically, trying to court me.

I was completely open to the idea but there’s just one thing about certain men who think they know what they want but aren’t sure if that’s what they want.  They will always fuck it up in the end which is exactly what GOP did.  He fell off slowly with one thing here and something else there until he eventually did the unthinkable – planned a date and nevershowed up.

Needless to say, none of that went over well and quickly, I nipped any further interactions in the bud.  My tolerance from the kind of bullshit that men can dish out is pretty low and I quickly became so frustrated with his inconsistent behavior that I no longer wanted to deal with him on any level – not even for sex and the way he put it down (see my top ten ever) you know I had to be pretty pissed.

We should have left well enough alone because we had been carrying on for years with the “I’ll be home shortly, bring the condoms” kind of situationship and had pretty much pissed all of our good vibes away in a matter of weeks.  The dynamics had been changed from how they began – no, ruined and my stubborn as was never able to get beyond and his place had been fully secured in the hangovers wall of shame.

So now there’s the second “companion”, Papi.

If you go back and read through the moments I’ve shared with this man, you can easily see that we have been consistently inconsistent. We have taken the phrase on again/off again to the extreme and any gaps in us communicating and getting together were never due to any bad vibes, issues or any arguments.  It’s as simple as one person falling off or being too busy and we each just went on with our lives until one of us resurfaced and re-ignited the flame.

We have remained friends with the benefits of not having to deal with all of the extras that come between men and women.  It has worked for so many years and now something has happened.

image

WE caught feelings.

My last post was really about me having to admit to something that the alpha in me doesn’t want to do – that I had somehow lost my bearings and wasn’t handling the more consistent dealings with Papi very well.  The fact that I actually told him is even more confusing for me and the fact that he responded made that whirlwind effect of thoughts and emotions even worse.

“We can discuss that… I’m in crazy production mode right now, but we’ll get some clarity. Emotions aren’t mutually exclusive to you.”

I wasn’t completely sure what he was trying to say here, so the pessimistic side took it as being something bad.  Very bad but when realizing I wasn’t too confident in the meaning of mutually exclusive I went to look up the meaning which quite honestly, only added to the confusion.

As a woman, you know we can take the same message that was delivered to a man and dissect, inspect and interpret a million different ways.  Seeing this in a text message as opposed to having talked about it makes this analysis paralysis even worse.  So what do we do?  We take a couple of screenshots and then enlist the support of a friend or two (or three) asking them to try figuring out what is being said because of course, this is sooooooo much better than talking to the man directly, right?

Two of my girlfriends took it the wrong way and were trying to soothe my bruised feelings, encouraging me to just accept that he’s saying he doesn’t give a shit about your feelings and keep it moving.  Fortunately, a third friend interpreted it another way suggested I just pump my brakes and discuss it further which is exactly what I did.

Let’s fast forward a couple of days…

We’re laying in my bed hot and sweaty, trying to gather our bearings from an intense session and I commented how refreshing that was and referred to him as Mr. Mutually Exclusive.

I asked him clarify what the hell that meant and he says “What I was saying in my message is that you’re not the only one with emotions.  I’m in the same position and what’s so bad is that it isn’t MY first time being here trying to figure out what, if anything to do about it.”

Well I’ll be damned.  I’m not the only one who’s been holding out,  but now I feel like a soap opera cliffhanger.   What now???

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

Posted from WordPress for Android

That One Connection

image

I’m addicted to him.

I realize this addiction after my latest encounter with Papi just a while ago, and while we have been at the sexual affair for almost 20 years, the unthinkable seems to be happening.

It just keeps getting better and this feeling is what frightens me the most.

Incredibly sensual and the chemistry is always intense.  The kind of interactions that most people will never experience in a life time.

We continue to explore and no take each other’s bodies to another level.  So tonight, it was my turn to be the dominant as I talked and nanny instructed him through each and every touch, kiss and stroke.

This man is truly my 50 Shades of Grey and this isn’t quite a sexual addiction, but an addiction to intimacy with him.

Oh, and what about dating?   Nope, nada, zilch.

I’m not even interested in trying to date and would be lying if I said it was solely due to the lack of quality men.  Instead,  my real issue is the “what if”.

What happens if I meet someone that I like?  That would force me to do exactly what I’ve done for years- pack him up and store him like some old discarded toy that had no use.  It’s like dating would be an unwelcome distraction or something.

Scary yet again, this all we have been for each other over the years and we know it is what it is, though each of us have done a few things outside of our boundaries as of late.

Him, with an invite to see him and enjoy a little music threw me for such a loop, I totally missed that he wanted to see me OUTSIDE the bedroom.  It never happened.  Totally out of character for him.

But I also stepped outside of my boundary a few days ago.  Texting him, saying how I couldn’t wait to see him when he returned from a trip.  Totally out of character for me.

Still….this isn’t us.

We know why I’m single and slowly but surely, I’m figuring out why he’s divorced and single and may likely have that status for the rest of his life.

Messed up situation that literally feels so good and so right.

I guess the cure I’m waiting for isn’t from the dating hangovers- maybe the cure is for him.

Carmen Jones

The 18 Year Situation

There’s something that happens when a woman is feeling really sexy and it could be something as simple as that dress fitting just right around her hips, those new stilettos or that new red lipstick.

We feel as if we need to be seen by everyone and it could mean a night out with the girls or a night in with a man. This evening it was just the thought of him and since I was feeling particularly frisky before getting dressed, the bad girl in me decided to take a photo or two. It wasn’t anything sleazy or something I would be ashamed of if that text message I was sending to him ended up in the wrong hands, but it was just enough. 

A simple message was attached asking “What time are we off work tonight” and when he replied “Damn, not soon enough but on time tonight without any curve balls.  I can’t wait to bathe in your hormones”.

Papi always comes back with the right answer and as he reminded me several days ago his “moves are usually in synergy” with what I like, hence the reason we have never had a falling out or disagreement in our 18 year history.

We have been consistently inconsistent with one another and while it doesn’t seem as if it’s been that long, I remember our first encounter right after graduating from college in 1998. I was the young and mouthy chick who thought she was pretty experienced, but he quickly and effortlessly showed me that I was a glorified amateur. Whatever it took to satisfy ME when it came to intimacy has been this man’s goal from day one and when I say he has never failed me between the sheets, I mean never. 

How many people can honestly say they’ve been with someone who can satisfy you with mind blowing sex each and every time? Go ahead and think about it, I’ll wait.Sexual_Chemistry_cover0So while I’m telling my girlfriend over drinks about my needing to sneak away from the group a little early she asks the same thing several others have asked – why haven’t we tried anything else besides the fucking?

She could tell how much respect I have for him and knew I had to care for this man in some way, but couldn’t understand how he could seem like the completed package and we haven’t progressed to anything else.   I replied that we gave it a shot at something else during a daytime outing (and only once) many years ago, and it was one of the most awkward dates ever. Uncomfortable silence among two great conversationalists is just mind blowing but that’s what happened. We just stared across the table at each other and finally started laughing before “we tried, back to business as usual” and that we.

After hearing all of this she just shakes her head in amazement and tells me “That’s your husband; you guys are in a sexual marriage”.

Hearing someone clearly define this situation using words other than friend with benefits or fuck buddy was pretty damn amazing to me. I would have never thought of it that way but realizing the extent of history (and not just the sexual exploration over the years) I’ve had with Papi I realized she’s right and at the same time, remembered that NO other man will ever be able to do the one thing he has done – he was involved with me before I had a child (flawless body), while I was with child (it was over with the father sooner than later) and now after my child (stretch marks and some extra pounds).

Throughout all of the life experiences he has never wavered or broken his pattern of consistency with me when it came to the intimate moments. 

Never.

Now we can fast forward to the last two months and now Papi and I have been more on than off, mainly because I haven’t really had any interest in finding someone for anything more meaningful. Sure, there’s the occasional date here and there but these men just don’t seem to do it for me so the desire and effort is minimal at best. While this seems as if my existence in the online world is nothing more than something to do, the bigger concern I have is whether I’m just really messed up and confused about what I really want and may have turned into one of those women who doesn’t care about anything else or I’m in denial.

Is it possible for you to have relations with someone for this long of a time without having any desire for anything more or better yet – not have strong feelings or even be in love?

What’s wrong with me or what’s wrong with him?

Guess I’m going to need to let those thoughts marinate a bit but just a little because we all know that once a woman starts thinking about things, she normally changes the dynamics from stable to chaotic.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

P.S. If you’re subscribed to emails and want to view images and anything else, go on and click this link for more of the hangovers!

 

 

3 Signs the Date Wasn’t So Great

image

“So um hypothetically speaking, let’s say you and I keep doing this right here you know and after about three months we’re in a really cool place.  Does that mean you’ll eventually close out your dating account or do we have that conversation when you feel like you’re ready?”

Blank stare.

“I’m ready, you know what I’m saying because you are the type of woman who is on my level, is over the clubbing, you’re a good parent and think the same way as I do.  So um are you ready to take this to the next level?”

Fool, what level and why are you talking like you’re with the homies on the corner?

No exaggeration, this is really how he speaks and all while I kept whispering to myself “Shut the fuck up, please just shut the fuck up”.

This is our first date on Friday night and unfortunately, our last but this poor guy missed each and every signal being sent his way to tell him that he was on Fantasy Island all alone.

Mr. Me (aptly titled) was too busy talking about himself the entire time, trying his best to sell the idea of him being this really great catch. Oh, and this is even though he lied about his age and height on his profile, wanted me to know that I nearly missed out.  The nerve of him taking a moment to  admonish me for my initial blow off and of course, there’s a back story.

Just a few weeks earlier Mr. Me was rubbing his eyeballs as he stared in disbelief at my standard farewell text message to guys that says “Sorry, we’re not a good fit”.   With all of the you knows, and uhs and you know what I’m saying along with a barrage of other faux pas making a conversation with him straight up painful, I knew he was a little too “urban” for me.

Why in the world do I keep forcing these types of situations is a mystery to me, because my profile even tells these prospects that an intellectual AND articulate man is best for me.  He was neither but in the interest of not being a snob or too picky, I decided to give him a chance and once again my second guessing and pity-dating ways have turned against me.

Back to the date, knowing that he’s much shorter with a body proportioned completely different than what his dating profile depicted, along with him having understated his age, I immediately transitioned from a mood of being hopeful to one of placation.

Sadly, Mr. Me was so self-absorbed in chatting about everything related to him from his rough upbringing (I likened him to Ricky and his brother was Dough Boy from the movie Boyz n The Hood), to his side hustle as a stylist.

While he’s plotting a plan to convince me to get offline and get to the “next level”, I’m working a mental calculation for my glass of wine and appetizer.  Keeping my portion as inexpensive as possible is generous, especially since I already knew this was the first and the last.

He totally missed this and everything else.

There were all types of amber warning lights being sent his way both during and after our date letting him know things weren’t as wonderful as he thought and here are the main three that he missed:

Lack of Eye Contact

This wasn’t too difficult to do because the smart guy chose the awkward seating arrangement. Instead of suggesting that we sit at a different table, we settled into a long lounge style sofa and he decided to sit next to me.  Poor thing missed me rolling my eyes to the ceiling, sighing in frustration.  He’s planning date #2 and I’m watching the clock.

Even during the moments when he started in on the “next level”, not once did I turn my head turn to acknowledge him.  Mr. Me said nothing about this lack of attention because he just didn’t pay attention.

Avoids Physical Contact

The advantage of our particular seating arrangement is that at any moment I could have reached over and touched his arm if I was feeling him.  I may have tapped his hand a few times, or willingly moved closer to him.

There was none of this and when he went for the seated side hug (picture it, very awkward), I stiffened up like a dead dog and pulled the opposite direction.  Once it was time to go and he tried for a good night kiss on my lips, my neck snapped so quickly he got nothing but a taste of hair.  There was nothing from my mouth in the form of words or body language otherwise to tell Mr. Me that I was feeling him, nothing at all.

Slow Response/No Response to Texts 

Even if the date wasn’t a smashing success, a quick thank you text was still sent to Mr. Me though some people won’t even do this.  It’s either going to be taken for just that and nothing more or provide hope that this will happen again.   But even if he was still clueless about what was not about to happen that same night, my vague responses and lack of interest in keeping any dialogue going the next two days should have been a clue.  Still, he didn’t get it and up until last evening was still texting me asking how my day was etc…

Clueless.

It’s amazing how many men fail to pay attention to words being said (or in this case, lack thereof) and what maybe going on with a woman’s body language.  Once again I found myself being out with someone for the sake of doing it, more out of guilt for rejecting him because I didn’t think we had anything in common.

One wasted outfit and a few gallons of gas later, so what’s a girl to do after all of this?  Call up her old faithful fuck buddy to redeem herself and end up with some real fireworks.

I just can’t do any more of these pity dates.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones
www.mydatinghangovers.com
myhangovers@gmail.com

But at Least She HAS a Man!

desperate

“Finally, I have met my soul mate. He is a true lover of the Lord, engages me in deep and thought-provoking conversations and compliments me constantly. Never have I had a man tell me how beautiful I am several times a day, not even my ex-husband and I can’t recall the last time I have ever felt so wanted by a man. Sure, he’s got a few minor things to work out but I’m not worried about any of that.”

Isn’t this lovely?

This was a conversation I had a few weeks ago with a co-worker who’s in her 50’s y as she gushed about how much in love she was with someone she stumbled on from Plenty of Fish. Of course after she shares the story with me and I’ve told her I was happy for her while wishing her luck for a positive and long-term experience, she turns and asks if there was a prospect in the works for me. I simply replied “No, and I’m okay with it right now” and then she tells me “Carmen, you better come down off of those high standards and expectations or you’re going to end up alone into your 50’s like I was…”

Certain situations require you to simply smile and walk away.

My standards seem incredibly unrealistic in her eyes, acting as if she’s just fallen in love with the most desirable man on earth.  Not only have I learned that she’s relaxed her standards by dealing with a man that is still married (been there, done that) – she also shared that he has a few other “things to work on”.

is acting like her catch is the best of the best because not only did I learn that he is still married, he has a few other “things to work on”:

Job?  Nope
Car? Nope
Own place?  Nope
Driver’s license?  Nope

Can someone really be so blindly in love that they don’t care about a person’s circumstances, even the inability to take care of their basic needs? It still confuses the hell out of me how men (and women are guilty of it as well) have their twisted little minds lying to them, making it okay to even think about dating. Sure, everyone deserves to find someone to make them happy and get a little love but how about getting your shit together first.

Being able to fulfill your own basic needs should be a given, if not a requirement before you even consider dating someone, shouldn’t it?  Okay, so life happens and your car could break down, you need to crash at your parent’s house for a little while or maybe that license lapsed but dating and being unemployed?  What’s even more interesting shocking to me is the mindset of some people who really believe that being unemployed AND actively trying to date is okay.  The guy writing this article even says being in this status is a good time to redefine yourself.  Really?

If this is what my “high” standards need to be reduced to, I’ll look at adopting about two or three  more cats and make sure I’ve got a slew of AA  batteries on stand-by for the rough times.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Decisions, Decisions

letsdate

I think I need to make a decision on what to do with this online dating account and there are two good reasons for not wanting to do anything too hasty but at the same time, there are two very good reasons for why I should just pull the plug.

It has been quite some time since the process of deleting of a dating profile has occurred for a good reason because normally the antics of men simply drive me to the point of sheer disgust and hopelessness and slowly, the dismantling begins.  The amount of time I pop on the site to read messages slows down and my response time, even slower and eventually I start to feel that the process of meeting men this way is nothing but a complete waste of time.  Next in the process and those of you still dating this way know it, is when we begin removing photos or specific details that only alerts the page stalkers that you’re about ready to make an exit.

Dating is tiring and there have been so many times when the profiles have been canceled because I figured the world consisted of nothing but men like Hope or Out of Sight so when I think back, there’s only been two instances where I took myself offline because there was a solid reason for doing so.  The first person was my ex-boyfriend, emotional fuck-up extraordinaire (Mr. Jekyll) and the other was about two years ago when Rescue breezed his way back into my life and to be honest, he did rescue me from a sad state of affairs because the dating scene wasn’t any better than it is today.

My Dating Hangovers was started several years ago because of Mr. Jekyll and a select number of nut jobs I encountered after our relationship had ended and the main purpose of blogging about dating experiences was to vent (therapy), learn from my mistakes (tough lessons indeed) and most importantly – make sure that I was ready (I’m sooooo ready) for a real man once he came along.  What’s funny but a little sad about that last part is that there’s a good possibility that I have met several men who fit the description of being stable in their lives, understood the benefits of wanting to settle down to plan and build onto their futures with a woman and most importantly – adored me, appreciated me and saw the value in what I have to offer as a woman, friend, confidant, companion.  Yet there was either something that was lacking such as the need for some semblance of physical attraction or their baggage that prevented me from allowing anything further.  The image of the man I want to be with is quite vivid and while there are concessions and compromises that can be made in some areas, anything in the critical zones is nothing short of settling.  I can’t and I won’t.

All of this is being said because I’m ready to give someone a real chance and in the words of one poor guy who didn’t make the cut, the distractions of the dating site aren’t needed any longer. This is meant to be a brief post so if I went into the details of this man I’ve been talking to for about two weeks, enjoyed a fabulous first date with on Saturday morning only to be in his company again over a nice dinner that same day, it would be much longer than what I have time for right now.  He’s older, intriguing, balanced, funny, chivalrous, focused, cultured, inquisitive and very much interested.  We begin our days with a quick hello, probably some quick music trivia and a daily challenge that can be about anything from relationships to “what would you do if” to religion – you name it, we’re all across the board.  I appreciate his openness and normally if a man texts me after a date expressing his enjoyment and adds “I know it’s very early but I recognize what type of woman I have in front of me and I assure you, I know exactly what I want…”, there are feelings that he’s probably desperate or a creep.  Not this time for this man who as of now, doesn’t even have a hangover name yet so maybe that’s because I’m hoping he doesn’t end up becoming one but I’ll think of something soon but the word that comes to mind is REFRESHING.

The points about this post that are being left out about why it might be a little premature to think about canceling are obvious – it’s early so how can I possibly know about his true character since there’s a possibility that everything he is saying and doing may be nothing more than a facade.  Yet at the same time, we know how many people we’ve dated who we thought we knew after months and even years, only to learn later that they were full of shit or there was always something.  Time will tell and one thing is for sure – I’ll definitely stop responding to the former hangovers in ways that could be an unwelcome distraction to this latest interest.  For now I’m looking forward to answering today’s challenge from him with the first question being “What does an exclusive relationship mean to you?  Is there a specific time-frame to become exclusive”.

You know I LOVE a man who can have the interest and make the effort to get to know the real CJ.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

Situationville

image

How many of you can relate to that title?  One simple word that basically means you are involved in one of those situations that really should NOT exist.You’re dealing with a man or woman, but there is no commitment, no relationship exists.   He or she is more than a friend, but more significant than a friends with benefits.  The two of you have a real connection, strong feelings and passion. Yet still, you’re undefined and technically unattached to each other.

It’s funny how many people, especially men seem to think that a commitment is all about a title when it is so much more.  So instead of moving on to something new there are many of us that find ourselves settling (whether we call it that or something else) which leads us to these horribly confusing dwellings called  Situationville.

A good friend of mine just introduced me to the term during a discussion as I was trying to convince her not to do the one thing she doesn’t need right now – an online dating experience.  For some strange reason once we’ve ended a situation or had a particularly messy break-up, we  run to the nearest dating web site in hopes of meeting that pain killer, some poor man or woman unknowingly about to step into a pile of emotional shit.   All because we are looking for someone to “keep us busy” or “take our mind off things”.   This girlfriend has had more than her fair share of disappointing dealings with men, but this recent one?  All bad and the poor thing is crazy in love creating even more of a cluster fuck of a situation, one of the messiest love octagons (triangle doesn’t seem descriptive enough).  She knows good and damn well that her feelings are very strong, emotions raw and that the man could send one text message alluding to some hope for a change, and in a matter of minutes he would be at her doorstep.  Yet she wants to date again even with me saying “Wait a little while, make sure that it is over” until I’m blue in the face.  The first guy out the gate has already began experiencing the aftermath of unfinished business and doesn’t even know it, so for now – since he’s admitted having come from Situationville as well, they figure it’s okay for them to start dating again.

Hmm…. I’m not so sure about that but who am I to talk because although my situation with Out of Sight is nowhere near as convoluted and messy as my dear friend’s, I haven’t exactly been preparing myself to be in the best position for dating someone new either.

It’s been about two weeks since I took him out to celebrate his birthday and what can I say – the night was absolutely wonderful but then again, whenever we get together, we always have a good time.  He arrived on time, dressed impeccably and greeted me at the door bearing a grin and some beautiful flowers; how nice is that to bring something for me even though it was his special day.  A few finishing touches on my outfit and we were out the door for dinner and a little dancing.

Chemistry, we have a ton of great chemistry and it isn’t just sexual which I’m thankful for.  I mean remember there were several months of us just talking and texting before we met each other, so we have had plenty of time to get to know each other without being in each other’s presence.  Quite naturally, when we are together the physical chemistry is off the charts. Someone asked me what was so different about this one that allowed me to step outside of my boundaries for dealing with men and I couldn’t answer specifically, but there are a couple of things that come to mind.

Out of Sight is quite the charmer, and is the type of man who can converse with ease around anyone, from the dinner conversation with the adorable older couple sitting to my left sharing their tales of travel from New York to the youngsters on his right visiting L.A. from Tennessee.   I could go on and on, but while he certainly has his flaws, there are plenty of good qualities that allow me to adore him so.  I mean, have you ever been around someone whose very presence and the simple things they can do such as laughing, can turn you on like no other?

Yes, that’s him so while I resisted the urge to cross my self-imposed boundaries of “just friends” that night, the next morning it was a wrap.  There’s just something about someone waking you up by kissing you softly on your neck, slowly down your back and working their mouth all the way down, using the tongue to dance with your erogenous zones.  Morning wood meets morning wetness and it’s a perfect union.

But…. at the end of the day, nothing has changed. I’m still at a point in life where the only way thing missing is a companion and he is at a point in life where everything else seems to be needed excepta companion.  What’s the problem with my love life?  Bad timing or the wrong man. Finally, I meet a man who seems to do it for me in so many areas but he doesn’t want to invest the time and energy for anything more; at least not anytime soon or the harsh possibility that perhaps it just will not be with me.  He tells me I’m spoiled and since I can’t have things when I want and how I want, I start acting out.  Okay, whatever because it sounds like double talk or more of a diversion to me.

The bigger problem is that on Monday night, we complicated things even more.  He was pissed that his placement in the friend zone was so aloof, and so cold with minimal contact from me and felt that wasn’t something he could handle.  I was accused of treating him like shit and eventually we nearly got to the point of writing each other off.   What doesn’t he understand here because  I would be a fool to continue carrying on with him as if we were lovers getting myself all caught up in a man who tells me right now he’s rebuilding life, so he needs to be in the place he’s been given.  Soon, the tone of the conversation became one of feigned indifference and the call ended.

Less than thirty minutes later, there’s a knock on my door and we stood face to face and we again arrived at the point where he tells me that he hated being emotionally attached and could not nor would he deal with my version of “friends”, which was about to end with him walking out of the door pissed off.Instead, we talked some more and he adds to this mess by saying “I love you, I love you I love you” and I only added to this mess by saying “I love you.”

In case you’re wondering what happens next? Nothing, not a damn thing because as much as this man can tell me how he feels, I will not be put in a position of having to take him by the hand to lead him on what should happen next.  If he needs time to work on himself, that’s cool – he can take all of the time needed and may end up finding someone else in the meantime but me?  I won’t settle and will not continue to blur the lines based on my own emotional attachment because it certainly isn’t fair to anyone I may meet in the meantime.

Welcome to my Situationville until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones
Myhangovers@gmail.com

A Few Pounds Too Much

image

It’s always hard to let someone know there’s something major missing in the likeness department when they are really nice, because no one wants to get their feelings hurt for I’ve been trying to decide how to handle this situation with Showtime.  There hasn’t been much shared about him here since our initial meet-up and the planning of our first date but we’ve actually seen each other several times since.

There always seems to be some issue when it comes to dating, right?

For me, it’s either been the player who wants to have his cake and eat it, me and three other women too, the life changer with no job/car/place of their own or the workaholic and fortunately, only about three or four instances where physical attraction was the issue.

I’ve been enjoying getting to know Showtime, though in my mind had silently been trying to convince myself that so many things about him were doable and not necessarily deal-breakers such as the baggage (divorced with 4 children including one in college, a teenage diva headache in training and one with special needs), the distance (lives about 35 miles away), and the non-option of more kids (thanks to his snipped vas deferens).

I realized that there is no perfect situation a long time ago, but there’s always a but and I mean literally his butt and just about everything else from the neck down. I can’t even downplay the magnitude of this situation because Showtime is LARGE and is probably about 50lbs overweight.  The man is nice looking in the face and has one of those pear shapes that accentuate the stomach in all the wrong ways, and strangely enough it isn’t the top part of his body that seems to gross me out.   I’m nowhere near rocking P90X abs myself but it’s the lower part that stopped me in my tracks especially when I got a glance when walking behind him – his butt, hips and thighs are out of control!!!

Making matters even worse on the scale of unattractiveness is that he is short and in my mind and quite a few other people as well, think I could be a little more accepting of a person I’m seeing being overweight if they’re taller because it just seems to lay a little differently and clothing can be a little more forgiving if the limbs are longer to be somewhat more flattering.   Did he lie about his height on his profile? Nope, not at all- his dating specs stated he was 5’7 (which in online terms really means he’s only about 5’6 or 5’5) but once again here I was trying to step outside of the box, setting height aside. Why?  Well, a part of it is because it seems like all of the men who have to work a little harder because of their physical deficiencies are a lot more appreciative of finding a good woman and focus more on making her happy.

Forget the “it’s not all about looks” people out there because I was trying, seriously.  Short stature, huge body and ill-fitting clothing on a man just doesn’t do it for me and when I think of him I start wondering things.  Does he try to work out or eat better?  How high is his cholesterol?   Will he ever want to do a canyong hike together?  Is this the biggest he’s ever been OR if this is down a couple of pounds from something bigger?

The ultimate test of me having some type of physical attraction to a man is the desire and willingness to kiss him which is a huge turn on and after five dates, two quick “courtesy” pecks on the lips is all he’s had. Guilt is beginning to takeover me because I don’t want to string him along or continue to waste his time, so each time the conversation of when we’re getting together again has come up in the last week, I always seem to have something going on for the date he has suggested.  I really wish there was a way to tell him the main reason (though the ones listed above are certainly valid) things don’t look promising, but is there such a thing as not hurting someone’s feelings?  The issue of not being physically attracted to someone will come up again and again, so for those of us who can’t put on blinders and just like a person for who they are, it’s just a matter of preference.

Just a few of my girlfriends say that I should be looking beyond Showtime’s physical stature because weight is something you can lose, but is that right for me to continue dating someone when again, that ittle voice in the back of my mind gets going and wondering if he would skip that deep-fried meal if we go out again, lay off the beers for a while or join me in doing this 3-day detox next week.  I think not because it’s a set up anytime you go into a situation thinking you can change someone.

Do you think I’m alone with this weight thing?  Just Google “great guy but he’s too fat” or “percentage of women who won’t date an overweight man” and see how many conversations come up on this very issue.  The largest number of issues are from women who say an overweight AND short man is even worse, and there are also postings from men who say the sight of a woman with “a few extra pounds” is repulsive.  Yes, repulsive and just as I had nice things to say about this guy, there were comments from men in these situations wondering how they can improve their changes with women and avoid continued rejection from women like this guy:”I’m fat it’s not like I enjoy being fat, but every time I try to have a relationship with a girl, they tell me that “You are a really great guy, but you are just too big for me to like”.  What is it not to like?  I’m a very respectful person, I’m smart, I’m funny and I’m an artist… Is there a way for me to be more appealing?”The responses ranged from telling him he needed to lose weight to finding another large person to simply finding someone who was happy with his physical appearance the way it is, so at the end of the day he or she may not be your cup of tea, just as you may not be their cup of tea.  It’s a fact of life that needs to be accepted to save a lot of wasted time.

I recall during our first or second date I had asked Showtime what happened with women he had dated in the past and his response was: one didn’t want to deal with a man that had so many kids and refused to deal with him being unavailable every other weekend, another he said they just “didn’t click” and a third just kind of fizzled away after a couple of dates.  I wonder if the real reason those women didn’t work out is the same as mine, because I’m feeling myself needing to have the “You are a really great guy, but…” conversation just as the poor guy in one of those threads said.  Better sooner than later, right?

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Pedal Slowly OR Just Stop?

slow-down1

 “Damn Carmen, it sounds like you are further ahead with things than he is, so I’m not saying get rid of him altogether but you may need to just pedal slower and allow him time to catch up.  Then on the other hand, he’s acting like a man and telling you what you want to hear because if he’s realized you are that good of a woman, he’s not going to want to let go.  That’s the reality of the game.  I think you need to cut out the benefits so he doesn’t have his cake and eat it too because the way I see it is this – a real man will go after what he wants if he wants it bad enough instead of making up excuses about work and living situations.  Have YOU told him you didn’t want to deal with him for any of those reasons?  If not, then you have your answer on whether or not he’s playing games and simply wanting to play the field vs. a dude who wants to and is ready to settle down.  The bigger question is what’s his plan?  When does he plan on looking for a new place?  A man without a plan is a man with NO plan, get me?”

Yeah, I get you.

These wise words came from a married male co-worker who I’ve known for over 7 years, as I gave him that look of sheer  exasperation when he asked “Have you settled down yet?” and responded that I stop by his desk later for the abbreviated version of my situation with Out of Sight.  A situation that I honestly believed was a non-factor up until a week ago when he broke down and contacted me.  After three weeks of not speaking  or communicating otherwise, it had seemed as if my last message to him about me not being able to give without there being anything in return  had pretty much  sealed the deal that things between us were over.  He never contacted me again and while I had moments of wanting to fire off a few “Fuck you bastard, you wasted my time” messages or “You should never have started something you really had no intentions of finishing” type messages I hadn’t reached out to him either.

No, I had to refrain from doing the types of things that men EXPECT women to do when a situation goes south but to be honest – that time without any contact with this man who I got along with so marvelously, giving hope to what has been a hopeless situation in dating was needed.  I missed him terribly but after seeing him Sunday for a quick moment and again when he took me to lunch later during the week,  I feel like I’m just asking for trouble when in reality that chapter should have been finished.  It should be finished and instead of me wasting keystrokes talking about how emotions I tried to downplay have resurfaced, I should be talking about how nice the last two dates have been with Showtime.  This should be about a man who is a family man, who learned from the mistakes made in a 18-year marriage and who isn’t in the mindset after being single for over two years of needing to get out and “do him”.  Yet instead, it’s a post about me revisiting someone who should probably be left alone.

For the single men and women out there who are truly worth it and so deserving of a compatible significant other in their lives, how tired are you of hearing why you haven’t been married?  As a matter of fact, as I sat across the table from Out of Sight during lunch while he was complimenting me on how much of an amazing and beautiful woman I was, he asked (again) “How is it that you haven’t been married?” I blushed and thanked him for the kind words and simply said “The reality is that I keep wasting my time on men….” and he finishes my sentence by saying “Men like me is what you wanted to say, isn’t it?”  Well I guess the answer would be yet –  men like him.  What I can appreciate about him is he doesn’t get upset when we’re having these types of candid conversations where he’s being called out on something.  For instance, I asked if he minded me sharing my assumptions about why he’s really reluctant to get in a relationship he was totally open to it and surprisingly – agreed to most of what I was saying.

Baggage.  His issues and memories from bad experiences with women from dating early on, getting married and any women that came afterwards including a particularly frightening fatal attraction encounter.  Out of Sight admitted that he wasn’t trusting because women “change once they go from dating to relationship status” and that many were lying when they said they weren’t the needy type.  Yeah okay man, I hear you and we all have issues we need to work on to try avoiding the same mistakes made in our past but get over it because the fact remains is this – month two or even week one is when you should have simply stated “I’m not interested in anything serious and am not sure when I will be”.   It wasn’t just this same old song and dance that started to annoy me, but it was the fact that he took something I shared with him and basically used it as ammunition to make him not look like such the bad guy.  Out of Sight explains that based on what I said caused the demise of the relationship with Rescue (being in transition, starting over, didn’t have his own place etc…), the main reason why he hasn’t pressed the issue with us is because he knew I wouldn’t he happy with another situation that was so similar to what I had already been through.  He’s absolutely right but him basically using this as an excuse could only mean two things – (1) he listens and is carefully thinking about the situation or (2) he’s full of shit.

I recognize that there are a few flaws that need to be worked on within and one is that there really isn’t any grey in my life – everything is pretty much black or white, it is or it isn’t.  So when circumstances are such that there is confusion, I don’t like it and panic by making sure any casualties to MYSELF are either minimized or eliminated altogether.  After just a few days from our reunion my mind had been made up about how to deal with Out of Sight, and I called him with what I thought was the best way of dealing with each other.  Something that hasn’t really been present with any of the other hangovers is that the two of us had agreed a while back that no matter what, we wanted to salvage the great friendship that had been developed.  The only way this could happen (for me) is if we kept things purely platonic and in fact – the expectations or need for daily contact wasn’t needed;  we could simply maintain contact and catch up every now and then and this way, I wouldn’t end up resenting him later if I continued being intimate with him or heaven forbid, fell in love and found myself in one of those unrelationships months later.

Sadly, there are far too many women crazy situations and wasting time on certain types of men.  Those that aren’t all over the place in life and are actually very stable but just aren’t up front with their situations like the Special Agent’s  who claim to be single but have women from San Diego to Japan thinking they’re “the ones”, to those men who are struggling financially and shacked up with their parents with no real plan for improving their situation such as Hope to the ones who stop pedaling their bikes mid-way without letting the other party know that they just want to slow the bicycle down a bit like Out of Sight.

So now it’s just a question of whether my behavior modification suggestion can work so he doesn’t become a distraction to my dating efforts and I’m not being unfair to any new potentials while I have him lingering in the background.  This post should have been about Showtime and the two great dates we’ve had, along with our plans for the next outing.  I should have been saying how this new guy is interested and shows it, without making up any excuses for not being in touch no matter how busy the day gets with work, children and life.  These are the types of situations that often prevent people from being who they’re meant to be with, while having to make special arrangements or concessions for those probably should NOT deal with.  Maybe I’m right, maybe not.

Yes – I’ve made mistakes in the past by spending  too much time on men who didn’t know what they wanted, those wanting the benefits of a permanent employee but wanting to function as  temporary workers, and not  having given a fighting chance to the right men.  A few of my girlfriends are always commenting how strong I am to have the ability to breakaway from men that don’t seem to be leading towards a happy ending but damn, I’m tired of having my gloves on ready to fight.  So tired of it but still, have not reached the point of just settling or “hanging in there” as some women have foolishly done knowing things just weren’t right.  Many of you don’t get it.

This woman here? I’m still learning from mistakes made in the past but I think I’m getting better at learning when it’s time to pedal a little slower or stop altogether because if nothing is being gained from past experiences, I’m only setting myself up to fail with the future experiences.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen Jones

Is it time to settle?

The type of man I’m looking for probably doesn’t exist. At least not yet, so it’s time for me to release myself from online dating again.

I’m not sure why it has taken me so long as the women around me have been been canceling their accounts left and right. Me being o ye faithful had even tried to encourage one friend to hold out until the new year, now understands.

Before you ask what happened I’ll say nothing in particular. There are so many undesirable characteristics being shown in the dating world, that both men AND women are guilty of presenting, I can definitely see why the online dating industry is a multi-million (really billion) dollar industry.

Epic failure on an epic level.

How are many of us coping? We’re settling. I know of SEVERAL women who have become mistresses of men in relationships or may be married. I guess they figured having everything they could want in a man from attraction, steady outings and financial perks from a man (whether he’s taken or not) is better than nothing at all.

Others have settled for the unfulfilling relationships or marriages and they have one or more lovers on the side. I’m not here to judge their lifestyles as they try to have the best of both worlds, but I guess they have to weigh family or financial obligations and aren’t ready to let that person go.

So again, why the opening statement of this post that sounds like the flag of defeat being waved?

Maybe its just that I am tired of the rat race, dealing with the imbalance from the men who try too hard OR the men who don’t try jard enough, aren’t sure of what they want OR the ones who just move a little too slow.

The man who isn’t a project, in need of reconfiguration or some type of overhaul may be out there just not at this moment. The man who says he knows what he wants and knows how to communicate when he meets the woman that is or is NOT what he’s looking for may be out there but he just hasn’t crossed my path yet.

There are a few men in the pipelines right now, but sadly, I have an idea that they may end up in the discarded pile as well.

Do I settle? Say yes to the man who spoke with me once, has been phone stalking me ever since and feels we’ll make a great couple? Do I settle? Should I have continued the outings with Hope as option #2?

Or do I settle for the single life and accept the ongoing advances from Rescue and have a regular fuc* buddy in an ex-boyfriend?

Carmen Jones

If you’re reading MDH’s via RSS or e-mail, you may not see all images, polls or surveys.  Simply click the link to view the actual site so you don’t miss out!