Older Men With Roommates?

imageFor the love of God,  why are there so many men with roommates in Los Angeles????

I haven’t even begun to share the details about the guy I’m supposed to be dating “exclusively” because I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to have agreed to that, and so soon.

So in my moment of doubt  (and being a tad bit trifling), I went ahead and signed up on another dating site.  You know, to poke around a little bit a see if I stumbled on someone who has it a little more together.

And guess what  happened today?

I exchanged numbers with a guy who seemed interesting enough.  We’re about 10 minutes into the conversation and he starts complaining  about not liking the city he recently moved to.  He mumbles something about having been too rushed and not taking his time to find a place, so I asked for details.   Sure enough, he finally tells me he has a roommate and even better?

It’s a female.

imageGot a 4 bedroom beach house with plenty of bathrooms and living space?  Totally understandable.   Sharing cramped spaces in the basic Los Angeles apartment building?   Not so much.

I know what some of you may be thinking.   Just know that it’s merely a preference to consider dating a man who is independent and self-sustaining.   It isn’t about judging their situation which for most part, may only be temporary and you better believe there are many women who think like this.

imageBut what happens if things progress?  So now it’s me and him planning visits around a roommate,  considering their plans, wants or even moods.   And what about when it comes to fucking?  Tell me to stop moaning so loud,  stop grabbing the headboards and no more smacking of the ass?

This is the FOURTH man in a row who has approached me with a sketchy living situation.

I just can’t and if I do, it’ll  be half -asses because I’m too damn old to play the tip toe game for someone’s roommate.  All I ask is that a man possess the basics,  and of he can come with more, even better.  It’s sad to know that the older they get, the worse off they seem to be.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

He Didn’t Wear Heels

image

Last week’s date marked the first time I’ve gone out with a non-black man and while one “quick” meet up will never allow me to claim an interracial dating experience, at least I was open coerced enough to have tried it.

During that excruciating hour and eleven minutes with the hangover I’ll call Guido, a few things became perfectly clear to me:  (1) nearly every man lies about at least one thing on his dating profile, (2) broken English and improper verb tense isn’t something I’ll ever be able to stomach, and (3) being told how beautiful I am repeatedly in one sitting is a little creepy.

That being said, to say that I was turned off by Guido is an understatement and while he was planning on making the night last even longer by moving from drinks to dinner, I politely declined saying I wasn’t hungry even though my stomach was growling like it hadn’t been fed in weeks.  The second and third realizations can certainly be annoying, but it’s that first one that kills me about men just like Guido who lie, lie, lie when it comes to their profiles and according to scientific research, 81% of the people out there are lying about something. 

Height, age and weight tend to be areas where the deception is the highest.

image

While Guido still looked a little bit like the profile photos posted he was just a shorter, bigger and more ethnic version of himself in real life.  Obviously I’m not very good at hiding my reaction to this actual version because he asked me why I seemed to flinch when he walked into the restaurant where we met. 

It wasn’t really a flinch but more like me silently asking who the fuck is this when seeing he was about 5’7 (profile said 5’11), chubby with stubby fingers wearing a jacket his body was screaming to get out of (profile said “athletic”) and while it didn’t matter either way, appeared to look more Latino (profile said mixed race). 

Of course if he’s going to ask what I thought about his appearance, I’m going to explain how different he looks and do you know this fat bastard even had the nerve to joke about the height discrepancy by saying “I’m not wearing my heels today” before quickly changing the subject. 

After he began the lengthy sales presentation about himself, I soon learned a few other things he lied about in his profile including his profession and ethnicity. 

Guido isn’t really in executive management but is a financial analyst who probably thinks he’s the big cheese because of the travel perks he received and pimps out to the ladies.  Also, when asking if his family still lived in Puerto Rico since he’s always traveling there (must have forgot he told me that’s where he’s from) I was confused when he shook his head like I said something offensive, before replying that he was from Chile.   This little tidbit explained realization number two.

Once again, there’s another fraud in my presence who ironically,  complained about having met WOMEN who weren’t what they depicted in their profiles.   I guess he decided to pay it forward thinking there was nothing wrong with little white lies.

Dating in general is already pretentious and risky enough without having to worry about the “little things” people aren’t truthful about either directly or indirectly.  Here’s the thing about lying when it comes to your appearance – unless you’re able to make some miraculous physical transformation before we meet all you’re doing is setting yourself up for failure, while eliminating yourself from ever having a chance at a second date.

Someone needs to tell these ass clowns to just be up front so they can stop wasting precious time, energy and gas.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

P.S. If you’re reading this post via email and wonder why you’re only seeing the first couple of sentences, have no fear – simply click on the post title link and off you go to the web site!

The Retards of Online Dating

image

How do you respond to a dude who’s photos shows a money struggle between bills, weed and women and if you think this photo is bad, just imagine what his dating profile says.

I normally ignore messages from ingrates like this (using the Urban Dictionary meaning here), but sometimes I really want to message EXACT what I am thinking and feel.

The Inland Empire (San Bernardino,  Riverside) area seems to be breeding a special kind of loser  because this happens to be the fourth of his kind that has reached out to me this week.

Sometimes I really wonder if breaking up with any of my ex’s was such a good idea because for anyone thinking the single life is fun and dating is “cool”, I’ve got about 20 pages on this blog that might  encourage you to think about working that shit out with the man or woman you’re with.  Damn, it seems like they’re getting worse.

Until there’s a cure….

Carmen Jones