A Message for The Older Woman

One of my hangovers (USBC) was obviously feeling himself this morning when he decided to post this message:
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In short, he’s us (yeah you, women 40 and over) that guys like HIM are now the hottest commodities around.  The ones who have been constantly jammed into that friend zone by women who just weren’t into him.

So today he decided to be the spokesperson for all of the men who just never made the cut and pound on his chest while basically yelling out “Now you lonely bitches want ME!”.

Oddly enough, I found this to be pretty funny because he’s not the only one who’s made comments like this in recent weeks.
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Several of the men stuck in a woman’s friend zone feel like their singlehood is because of our refusal to do one thing – settle.

Do you want to know what may happen if we do end up going for the one would just doesn’t do it for us?  I could ask the dozen or so friends of mine who have done it and one word sums it up – cheat.

So on behalf of the single and over 40 club, I would like to thank you for this morning’s PSA.  And oh- not all single women over 40 make the mad dash to adopt a cat.  We like dogs as well.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

 

I Can Work with Men

  • The funny thing about dating is that there are so many different types of men and situations out there so you really are placed in a position of picking your poison.

My last date from a few months ago really had it together.

He owned a couple of properties, had a stable career with no debt and only one child and was just as eager as myself to find someone special and settle down.

That same man was also a self-centered, controlling, condescending asshole who believed he was the crème de la crème and couldn’t understand why or how any woman could reject him.  But like the others he’d complained to me about who found a man with his life in order, I just wasn’t interested in him.

Two weeks ago I met up “47” who is the polar opposite.

He’s newly single, rooming in a small apartment with a relative, has two different baby mamas who are still giving him grief almost ten years later, is transitioning into a new career as a financial advisor, trying to get himself out of a boatload of debt and sheepishly volunteered that he “only made $47,000 last year and it’s been really hard”.  By no means am I judging the man based on his income, but these were his words about struggling, not mine.

“You just don’t make enough money to be able to date me”.

When I asked 47 about some of the women he’d dated recently and why things didn’t work out, he replied that most of them had catfished him and were all grossly obese, but it was that comment above that really stood out.

Initially I thought to myself “what a rude bitch and no wonder she’s still single”, until he provided more details about her.  She was a successful attorney who enjoyed weekend trips to wineries up north, traveling abroad and the opera and as single as she was, that woman was looking for someone who could at least come up with his portion and travel with her.

In the end, this woman and the two before her found 47 useful for nothing more than a quick lay and as he openly admitted, none of them were cool with his current financial and living situation.  He wanted a relationship, not just being looked at as a piece of meat and the fact that they’ve not come back for seconds?  Well, I guess that’s another story because if the sex is that good…

So how did our first meet-up go?

For the sake of brevity (something I really know nothing about), I’ll try to be brief about our Barnes & Nobles meet up and try to avoid two different posts but let me just say this – first impressions are a motherfucker.

Impessions-Quotes.001Whenever I’m going to meet someone whether it be from online dating or after our initial encounter, I make sure everything is on point.  Clothing, hair, scent, nails, shoes, teeth and my personal favorite – lotion.  They’re either going to like me or not but I most certainly am not offering any ammunition to be accused of looking a hot mess.

47 didn’t think things through too carefully or maybe was thrown off because he was rushing to meet me from the Inland Empire, because I was not impressed.

Even if I was to have “worked with a brother” and try setting aside my disdain for his roommate and overall situation, he pretty much set the stage for a not-so-positive evening by showing up:  late, shirt screaming for an iron, about two weeks past that last barber edge up, long dirty fingernails and breathe that was two clicks from being vile.

This is the first meeting, the impression meeting, the let me decide if I would even consider seeing you again meeting yet this is how he arrived.

I just don’t get these men, I really don’t BUT… I think I just may give him a chance to redeem himself.  Maybe.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Too Pooped for Friday Meet Ups!

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,  Thursday.

And now you’re on day five and like most people, have likely been fantasizing about  this day arriving like crazy.  No matter what, it always seems like the longest week  ever,  so when someone asks me on a date for the first time on a Friday night,  I often cringe.

Tired, achy feet, sore back, neck strain,  needing a few extra hours of sleep, annoyed with almost everything  traffic-related.  I really just want to go home and strip off my bra, shoes and hair (you read right ) but noooooooo- I have a date that I’ve already committed to.

Let me dig a little further.

It’s  been an incredibly long week filled with moments of me wanting to hide in the bathroom  at work and scroll through  numerous Instagram feeds instead of working.

Then I’ve had other moments where I wanted nothing more than to get lost in the music while slaving  away at my desk.

But it was those moments when I wanted to scream “Shut up, just shut  the fuck up!!!” And what’s scary about this is, for a slight second, I almost said it.

Now  with all of this going on, I need to manage my time perfectly to get my kid situated, back home to shower and get dressed  and hope for a little decompression  before it’s time to go. Crunch time and let’s not forget about traffic as everyone has the same thing in mind- get somewhere and let the weekend begin!

Why don’t people  think  about these things when it comes to first dates on a Friday night or any weeknight  for that matter?

“I have cancelled dates because I was too tired, but if I was actually interested in the guy I always made up a better sounding excuse and rescheduled.”

If we have worked a full shift,  we sure as hell aren’t  refreshed and at our best.   I just don’t understand why no one has ever really considered Friday night dates as being one of the most challenging.

Maybe it’s just me.

Still,  this guy seems like a promising candidate so unlike so many of the hangovers before  him – I  think he may be worth it.

I’ll do a couple of jumping jacks  or something to get some more energy flowing.

Fingers  crossed on this week’s  find.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

When a Woman’s Ready to Go

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Here’s how you blow up 18 years in a single text message:

“I’m such a punk because I should have said this last night.

I can NOT separate these (new) emotions from amazing sexual chemistry and with each visit,  it gets worse.

Confuses me and I send stupid shit like this.

But… I do want sooooo much more in my life than just an occasional tryst, no matter how incredible.  I know what I want and you can’t give me that.

So for me, it feels like I’m settling and I can’t do that.

Not the best way to tell you and for that I’m sorry.”

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again- I don’t swim in murky waters.  This situation with Papi was as dirty as the Mississippi River for me, so I opted to bail out the water (feelings) and row away.

Oh and in case you’re wondering,  he most certainly had something to say in response which for me,  made this even easier:

“I just have to find a way to make it more than what it is”.

I wanted to know what the hell that meant buy quickly realized it didn’t matter.

He missed the point that I was (selfishly) making things all about me.

Me sharing my thoughts wasn’t meant to liberate his hidden feelings and it sure as has wasn’t to be taken as some kind of ultimatum.
I don’t want Papi to have to find a way or try figure out anything.

He just needs to realize that’s he’s getting ready to experience something his “careful treading” had successfully avoided for such a long time- the disappearance of me.

Once and for all.

Damn shame because yes – the d@!# WAS that good.

Until there’s a cure..

Carmen Jones

Posted from WordPress for Android

Shit or Get Off The Pot

It’s been a loooooong time coming, but finally my time has come around again.   After the last conversation Papi and I had, we both resolved that the feelings we had (albeit confusing) needed to be dealt with.

“After so many years, how could we not have some strong emotions” he said somewhat emphatically.    He’s so right and after quite a few years, I’m finally on the same page with a man.

We both realized it was worth a shot trying something that was beyond the sex. We spent a lot of time talking about what our ideal companion looked like and conceded that we were likely looking right at it- in one another.

It’s amazing how I rarely will take a leap of faith without any second guessing and with him, I’m doing just that.  In fact, he wasn’t out the door more than five minutes before I went online and canceled my dating account.  Now here I am thinking of what’s to come and while only time will tell if there’s anything here, if we’ll revert back to cut buddies only or worse, nothing at all.

I might be getting closer.

But wait…..

There’s just one thing- this isn’t exactly what’s going on with us since my last update because in reality, not a fucking thing has transpired after our little chat.  Not a word, conversation, text and I do mean nothing, nada, zilch.

Let me tell you what did happen.

Papi said what he had to say, I said what I had to say.  I asked him why he never ever said anything to me about his current “state of confused emotions” and most importantly, why he never ever mentioned anything to me about how he’s felt in the past.

He said he figured it was just best to keep it to himself and not rock the boat, which is how we’ve been able to carry on like this for so long.  He just kept feelings to himself and since I never gave any green lights that said “Go”, he figured he would stay in his lane.

Blank stare.

I probably stood there glaring at him in disbelief before finally responding “What the hell?  You never gave me any signals or indication that you wanted anything but the red light so how would I have known?”

I wanted to know why he never asked if I was involved with someone whenever we struck up another round and after all of these years, why hadn’t he mentioned that he was even remotely interested.  He said he didn’t want to hear about my involvement with another man and I told him to a woman this translates into you not giving a shit about anything else.

I told him I wasn’t a mind reader and that if he was interested, he should have just said what he needed to say and deal with it.  This went on and on for a few rounds and eventually he starts laughing and tells me “Damn Carmen, you sound just like a man with some of the things you’re saying to me”.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been told something like this which further proves that my innate ways of saying or doing the types of ridiculous things most men are guilty of doing are right on the mark.

Papi recognized this and it made me wonder if he’s used to being the one on the other side of the fence.  We realized we weren’t getting anywhere and besides, it was already late at night so we bid our farewells and he was out the door which takes me back to the beginning of this post – the fact that nothing in the last two and a half weeks has transpired since that night.

We kind of left the “state of confused emotions” hanging for the past two and a half weeks but the art of practicing avoidance isn’t one of my strong points.

I would much rather face things head on and deal with the outcome, whether it’s to my satisfaction or not and although we had a quick session last week, I haven’t said anything else and neither has he. A few months ago I made the comment about knowing why I was single and not understanding what his deal was, someone who was seemingly such a great catch.

Yet after a few discussions about his interaction with different people such a particular co-worker and more importantly, his ex-wife, one thing jumped out at me.

His style of communication which was in his own words, not always received very well adding that he had been told many times that he came off as being condescending and not giving two shits about much of anything.

Okay, perhaps avoidance of issues is just how he rolls but that is so different from me.  I would much rather hear something standard of these kinds of men like “I’m just not in a position to offer you anything more” than nothing at all.

If there’s anyone out there willing to explain to me how things should work from here with this sexual relationship while we’re trying to ignore the elephant in the room, I’m all ears but my inner instinct is telling me exactly what should happen from here.

I need to resolve that I’ve arrived at that time in my life where I need to stop allowing this man to be my eternal back up plan.

That’s what he has always been because any time I’ve been in between relationships and the dating prospects haven’t been too serious, he has been there ready to provide and fulfill my needs but it’s never been for anything more than just sex.

There’s no specific explanation I can provide for why it took me this long to catch feelings.  18 years.

I can only guess that it was my turning 40 and having one of the most definitive ideas of what I’m looking for in a man.  Or maybe I can guess again that it was due to my lack of involvement with any real distractions (men).   Hell, I can even guess that once our intimate interactions took a turn, we began to explore each other’s boundaries a lot more, things got really intense and intense the hormones became confused with emotions.

Whichever the case, it’s not something that fits into any logical place for me and I would be lying if I said we could just carry on like usual is a possibility.  I think it’s just time to move on and this time – it needs to be for good.

It makes me wonder if I should have said anything to him at all.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Posted from WordPress for Android

Breaking the Rules

Rule #1 of having a friend with benefits – don’t catch feelings.

Rule #2 of having a friend with benefits – don’t catch feelings.

If only there was a manual for how to successfully carry on with this type of thing.  Too bad I never thought to read 10 Simple Rules to Maintaining a Successful Sex Buddy Relationship.

Here’s my deal.

In an effort to minimize my slut factor throughout the years, I have kept the company of two male “companions” whose sole purpose in my life was to dick me down.  No drama, no dating, no regular telephone calls and no questioning of each other’s dealings or actions in anyway.

Each of these men held their positions for extended periods of time (one beginning in 2007, the other dating back to 1998) which is good in theory because we became used to each other and knew exactly how to satisfy one another.

One of these “companions” by the name of Good on Paper started off as just the cut buddy. At some, I allowed him to try and be more when he thought he wanted more than just sex.  Against my better judgment in spite of my gut saying no, I didn’t all object when he began breaking each of the rules that make this type of situation successful.

HE caught feelings.

GOP started calling more often, sending me those daily “good morning beautiful” messages that most women are suckers for, trying to make plans for things outside of the bedroom and more – basically, trying to court me.

I was completely open to the idea but there’s just one thing about certain men who think they know what they want but aren’t sure if that’s what they want.  They will always fuck it up in the end which is exactly what GOP did.  He fell off slowly with one thing here and something else there until he eventually did the unthinkable – planned a date and nevershowed up.

Needless to say, none of that went over well and quickly, I nipped any further interactions in the bud.  My tolerance from the kind of bullshit that men can dish out is pretty low and I quickly became so frustrated with his inconsistent behavior that I no longer wanted to deal with him on any level – not even for sex and the way he put it down (see my top ten ever) you know I had to be pretty pissed.

We should have left well enough alone because we had been carrying on for years with the “I’ll be home shortly, bring the condoms” kind of situationship and had pretty much pissed all of our good vibes away in a matter of weeks.  The dynamics had been changed from how they began – no, ruined and my stubborn as was never able to get beyond and his place had been fully secured in the hangovers wall of shame.

So now there’s the second “companion”, Papi.

If you go back and read through the moments I’ve shared with this man, you can easily see that we have been consistently inconsistent. We have taken the phrase on again/off again to the extreme and any gaps in us communicating and getting together were never due to any bad vibes, issues or any arguments.  It’s as simple as one person falling off or being too busy and we each just went on with our lives until one of us resurfaced and re-ignited the flame.

We have remained friends with the benefits of not having to deal with all of the extras that come between men and women.  It has worked for so many years and now something has happened.

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WE caught feelings.

My last post was really about me having to admit to something that the alpha in me doesn’t want to do – that I had somehow lost my bearings and wasn’t handling the more consistent dealings with Papi very well.  The fact that I actually told him is even more confusing for me and the fact that he responded made that whirlwind effect of thoughts and emotions even worse.

“We can discuss that… I’m in crazy production mode right now, but we’ll get some clarity. Emotions aren’t mutually exclusive to you.”

I wasn’t completely sure what he was trying to say here, so the pessimistic side took it as being something bad.  Very bad but when realizing I wasn’t too confident in the meaning of mutually exclusive I went to look up the meaning which quite honestly, only added to the confusion.

As a woman, you know we can take the same message that was delivered to a man and dissect, inspect and interpret a million different ways.  Seeing this in a text message as opposed to having talked about it makes this analysis paralysis even worse.  So what do we do?  We take a couple of screenshots and then enlist the support of a friend or two (or three) asking them to try figuring out what is being said because of course, this is sooooooo much better than talking to the man directly, right?

Two of my girlfriends took it the wrong way and were trying to soothe my bruised feelings, encouraging me to just accept that he’s saying he doesn’t give a shit about your feelings and keep it moving.  Fortunately, a third friend interpreted it another way suggested I just pump my brakes and discuss it further which is exactly what I did.

Let’s fast forward a couple of days…

We’re laying in my bed hot and sweaty, trying to gather our bearings from an intense session and I commented how refreshing that was and referred to him as Mr. Mutually Exclusive.

I asked him clarify what the hell that meant and he says “What I was saying in my message is that you’re not the only one with emotions.  I’m in the same position and what’s so bad is that it isn’t MY first time being here trying to figure out what, if anything to do about it.”

Well I’ll be damned.  I’m not the only one who’s been holding out,  but now I feel like a soap opera cliffhanger.   What now???

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

Posted from WordPress for Android

High Standards, Single Women

In a perfect world, we would do everything in sequence such as getting to know each other as friends before you start dating someone but nothing is perfect and sometimes doing things out of order ends up being a good thing.  When it comes to men, I’m finding this to be an advantage and in most cases can thank my lucky stars that my spidey senses about a hangover kicked in before it was too late.  My talk with one that I’ve known for a few years now was quite enlightening when he revealed why he never pursued anything with me after several outings.

While the story doesn’t quite go the way he remembers since it was me who told him I wasn’t interested, I’ll let USBC believe things were under his control.  During one of those conversations with someone of the opposite sex the question of who I’m involved with almost always comes up, and when I responded there wasn’t anyone right now who was appealing, USBC says he tells me the reason he wasn’t interested in pursuing anything serious is because didn’t want to do that much work and was afraid of me.

Too much work and afraid, huh?

I knew this talk was about to get interesting and he begins explaining how afraid he was that I would be that one woman to do a number on him.  Meaning, he’s so used to being the one in a situation/relationship causing the other grief and pain, the idea of someone doing the same to him wasn’t something he could contend with.  Just like a few others, USBC couldn’t believe that he could have stumbled on someone who was sexy, smart, funny, adventurous, spirited and kinky like me could be kept by a man like him.  As such, he figured it was best to go with a “safer option” and began dating some low maintenance chick not having to worry about doing any real work to keep her happy.

For some reason, this was so funny to me because a lot of my friends always wonder how the boring chick seems to score in relationships and marriages and it’s because they’re considered low maintenance or as he said – low maintenance.  I think this Huff Post article gives the most accurate description of this type of woman saying she is “willing to repress her own needs in order to make no demands on her current or desired partner.”

Taking it a step further beyond her submissive ways, envision what she is typically going to look like.  She is likely very basic if not frumpy, does minimal to keep up her exterior appearance (she would never rock a Ruby Woo lipstick and a stiletto is out of the question) and is likely sporting everything au natural.  The type of woman who is low maintenance might be a loner or a homebody.  Most importantly – just rolls with the ebbs and flows, accepting of all of the bullshit these men may send her way.

Almost always, she’s being cheated on for a woman like me and just as USBC explained to me – the very things that makes a man like him interested in being with her, are the same things that he ends up despising once he realizes she just doesn’t go it for him. In my eyes,  these women aren’t winning a damn thing.

I’m totally stoked about this conversation for two reasons – the most obvious being able to figure after only three dates that we weren’t a good fit based on what I was hearing and now, this man being comfortable enough to actually divulge what I’ve suspected to be the problem with dating all along:

The insecurities of a man are most often the reason for all of the drama and headaches with dating and relationships.

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Sorry fellas, I’m not the beat up Toyota Corolla with 200,000 miles that only needs the tires kicked every now and then.   But I’m not the Phantom Rolls Royse running you $650 a pop for a basic oil change.

I AM a woman of substance who takes pride in her appearance and has enough self-respect to know my worth.

Accept it and love me or leave me alone.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

 

He Didn’t Wear Heels

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Last week’s date marked the first time I’ve gone out with a non-black man and while one “quick” meet up will never allow me to claim an interracial dating experience, at least I was open coerced enough to have tried it.

During that excruciating hour and eleven minutes with the hangover I’ll call Guido, a few things became perfectly clear to me:  (1) nearly every man lies about at least one thing on his dating profile, (2) broken English and improper verb tense isn’t something I’ll ever be able to stomach, and (3) being told how beautiful I am repeatedly in one sitting is a little creepy.

That being said, to say that I was turned off by Guido is an understatement and while he was planning on making the night last even longer by moving from drinks to dinner, I politely declined saying I wasn’t hungry even though my stomach was growling like it hadn’t been fed in weeks.  The second and third realizations can certainly be annoying, but it’s that first one that kills me about men just like Guido who lie, lie, lie when it comes to their profiles and according to scientific research, 81% of the people out there are lying about something. 

Height, age and weight tend to be areas where the deception is the highest.

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While Guido still looked a little bit like the profile photos posted he was just a shorter, bigger and more ethnic version of himself in real life.  Obviously I’m not very good at hiding my reaction to this actual version because he asked me why I seemed to flinch when he walked into the restaurant where we met. 

It wasn’t really a flinch but more like me silently asking who the fuck is this when seeing he was about 5’7 (profile said 5’11), chubby with stubby fingers wearing a jacket his body was screaming to get out of (profile said “athletic”) and while it didn’t matter either way, appeared to look more Latino (profile said mixed race). 

Of course if he’s going to ask what I thought about his appearance, I’m going to explain how different he looks and do you know this fat bastard even had the nerve to joke about the height discrepancy by saying “I’m not wearing my heels today” before quickly changing the subject. 

After he began the lengthy sales presentation about himself, I soon learned a few other things he lied about in his profile including his profession and ethnicity. 

Guido isn’t really in executive management but is a financial analyst who probably thinks he’s the big cheese because of the travel perks he received and pimps out to the ladies.  Also, when asking if his family still lived in Puerto Rico since he’s always traveling there (must have forgot he told me that’s where he’s from) I was confused when he shook his head like I said something offensive, before replying that he was from Chile.   This little tidbit explained realization number two.

Once again, there’s another fraud in my presence who ironically,  complained about having met WOMEN who weren’t what they depicted in their profiles.   I guess he decided to pay it forward thinking there was nothing wrong with little white lies.

Dating in general is already pretentious and risky enough without having to worry about the “little things” people aren’t truthful about either directly or indirectly.  Here’s the thing about lying when it comes to your appearance – unless you’re able to make some miraculous physical transformation before we meet all you’re doing is setting yourself up for failure, while eliminating yourself from ever having a chance at a second date.

Someone needs to tell these ass clowns to just be up front so they can stop wasting precious time, energy and gas.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

P.S. If you’re reading this post via email and wonder why you’re only seeing the first couple of sentences, have no fear – simply click on the post title link and off you go to the web site!

The 18 Year Situation

There’s something that happens when a woman is feeling really sexy and it could be something as simple as that dress fitting just right around her hips, those new stilettos or that new red lipstick.

We feel as if we need to be seen by everyone and it could mean a night out with the girls or a night in with a man. This evening it was just the thought of him and since I was feeling particularly frisky before getting dressed, the bad girl in me decided to take a photo or two. It wasn’t anything sleazy or something I would be ashamed of if that text message I was sending to him ended up in the wrong hands, but it was just enough. 

A simple message was attached asking “What time are we off work tonight” and when he replied “Damn, not soon enough but on time tonight without any curve balls.  I can’t wait to bathe in your hormones”.

Papi always comes back with the right answer and as he reminded me several days ago his “moves are usually in synergy” with what I like, hence the reason we have never had a falling out or disagreement in our 18 year history.

We have been consistently inconsistent with one another and while it doesn’t seem as if it’s been that long, I remember our first encounter right after graduating from college in 1998. I was the young and mouthy chick who thought she was pretty experienced, but he quickly and effortlessly showed me that I was a glorified amateur. Whatever it took to satisfy ME when it came to intimacy has been this man’s goal from day one and when I say he has never failed me between the sheets, I mean never. 

How many people can honestly say they’ve been with someone who can satisfy you with mind blowing sex each and every time? Go ahead and think about it, I’ll wait.Sexual_Chemistry_cover0So while I’m telling my girlfriend over drinks about my needing to sneak away from the group a little early she asks the same thing several others have asked – why haven’t we tried anything else besides the fucking?

She could tell how much respect I have for him and knew I had to care for this man in some way, but couldn’t understand how he could seem like the completed package and we haven’t progressed to anything else.   I replied that we gave it a shot at something else during a daytime outing (and only once) many years ago, and it was one of the most awkward dates ever. Uncomfortable silence among two great conversationalists is just mind blowing but that’s what happened. We just stared across the table at each other and finally started laughing before “we tried, back to business as usual” and that we.

After hearing all of this she just shakes her head in amazement and tells me “That’s your husband; you guys are in a sexual marriage”.

Hearing someone clearly define this situation using words other than friend with benefits or fuck buddy was pretty damn amazing to me. I would have never thought of it that way but realizing the extent of history (and not just the sexual exploration over the years) I’ve had with Papi I realized she’s right and at the same time, remembered that NO other man will ever be able to do the one thing he has done – he was involved with me before I had a child (flawless body), while I was with child (it was over with the father sooner than later) and now after my child (stretch marks and some extra pounds).

Throughout all of the life experiences he has never wavered or broken his pattern of consistency with me when it came to the intimate moments. 

Never.

Now we can fast forward to the last two months and now Papi and I have been more on than off, mainly because I haven’t really had any interest in finding someone for anything more meaningful. Sure, there’s the occasional date here and there but these men just don’t seem to do it for me so the desire and effort is minimal at best. While this seems as if my existence in the online world is nothing more than something to do, the bigger concern I have is whether I’m just really messed up and confused about what I really want and may have turned into one of those women who doesn’t care about anything else or I’m in denial.

Is it possible for you to have relations with someone for this long of a time without having any desire for anything more or better yet – not have strong feelings or even be in love?

What’s wrong with me or what’s wrong with him?

Guess I’m going to need to let those thoughts marinate a bit but just a little because we all know that once a woman starts thinking about things, she normally changes the dynamics from stable to chaotic.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

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5 Things Your Single Friends Don’t Want to Hear on Valentine’s Day

 

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Overpriced Hallmark cards, cutesy cuddly teddy bears, fat cherubs, tons of flowers and far too many commercials for that special engagement ring means it’s that time of year again. Talk about sensory overload from all of these things even before the public displays of affection kick in and guess what? Single folks are normally pretty cool with those of you in love, wanting to showcase this moment. We’re happy for you and hope that you all of this and then some BUT there’s just one thing – we wished you would stop sharing so many details.

We don’t want to hear it.

For some, this single awareness day is pretty touch and they’ll do everything to either avoid public places altogether or front like life is grand and make sure they’re everywhere the couples are to show it’s okay if they’re flying solo.   Those of you in lover wonderland just need to know that we aren’t concerned about your plans for the day, we don’t care to hear about how beautiful those corner lot flowers you received, we don’t need to know that he broke the bank taking you out to dinner, and we sure as hell don’t want to know the intricate details of your late night trysts afterwards.  More than likely, we’ll end up seeing everything on your Facebook or Instagram page anyway once we notice that you probably get more “likes” or comments than any post ever before.

Still, even if singles were to stomach all of the details we don’t care to know about the worst thing you can do is to ask us stupid ass questions or make statements you think are making us feel better when in reality, your good intentions only makes us want to kick you in the face.

So if none of your friends have ever mustered up the courage to have told you this before, I’m telling you now. Here are five things single people aren’t interested in hearing and especially on Valentine’s Day.

I hope you’ve got your pencils ready and here we go!

 

#1 Asking what we have planned for the day

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 If I knew you were in the 12-step program, how stupid would I look asking if you wanted to go out for drinks, so think carefully before go there.  Assuming we’re pretty good friends, there shouldn’t be any reason for you to ask and you can best believe that your single friends would have mentioned or hinted at some king of event or outing.  For some of you, you may only be asking about our plans as a lead in to your own plans so whichever the case, don’t do it and just wait for us to clue you in on anything whether it’s nice dinner or a long walk on the beach with our dogs.  We’ll let  you know.

#2 –  Rubbing in #1 by asking if we have a special someone

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I have one friend who’s the worst offender by asking if there’s some hot guy I’m hooking up with and every time I’m like “Yes, I’ll be with your boyfriend for the night” in my mind.  Just the same as asking a single person if they have  any special plans on V-Day,  you should know that you would have been told by now if we wanted you to know especially with women.  Girlfriends are always good for sending a text or maybe even a photograph of some hottie we plan on getting it in with.  Take a moment to think about this and ask yourself if your friend has mentioned ANYTHING to you recently about someone new or an old flame and more than likely the answer is no so don’t go here either.

 #3 – Suggesting speed dating or singles mixers

speed dating Bless your hearts and good intentions but suggesting speed dating to us is the equivalent of suggesting online dating any other time and again, you mean well but this isn’t helping.  What makes  you think we’re not already the bulls eye of every marketing event known to man for different singles excursions?  From the dating mixers to the comedy clubs to restaurants catering to groups of men and women, we already know so thanks for this little tip but consider we may be just as content with doing something with little fan fare or maybe even nothing at all.

 #4 – Saying we’ll meet someone when least expected

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 Remember what I said earlier about wanting to kick you in the face? If nothing else, this statement is the worst thing you can say to a single person and is the one of the most cliché lines ever. It’s the equivalent of telling someone who died that a loved one is in a better place. You’re stating what may be the obvious but it doesn’t make anyone feel wonderful hearing it and especially not on Valentine’s Day so just cut it out.

What’s worse is that many of you not only say this but will offer up some story about how you were online and “not looking” and ended up with a good catch or how some chance meeting at the coffee shop led you to your soul mate. All very touching stories but just allow us continue to expect the unexpected on our own.

#5 – Downplaying it all

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 Your relationship is either on shaky grounds or your marriage really sucks so okay, we get that this day may not mean anything to you because your significant other is likely just going through the motions. Oh well, that’s you boo so stop trying to downplay the whole single status on this day as being just another day. How about allowing us to make our own interpretations of the day and any desire to be in a relationship is just that – our desire. The negative twist you’re putting on this day could also be your way of trying to soften the blow some singles feel when there’s no one to celebrate with but again, the commentary isn’t needed.

So there you have it, what single people don’t want to hear.  Now you love birds have a wonderful weekend, enjoying all that the significant other thought to give or do for you but member,  if we’re interested in hearing the details of how things went, we will ask you.

 

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones