A Different Kind of Infidelity: Cyber Cheating (Part 1 of 2)

Sometimes I find myself wondering about this prolonged status as a single woman, wondering if the level of scrutiny and skepticism placed upon men I have encountered has been a little too much.

While chatting with a long-time friend about this, I was reminded of all of the ridiculous experiences from my past, particularly the level of patience exhibited when dealing with one of my ex-boyfriends.

In what seemed like the longest relationship of my life (lasted just 8 months), I had endured everything from bipolar mood swings, emotional boxing matches, compulsive lying and manipulation, struggling with a smaller than average penis, and cyber cheating. It was that last one that sealed his fate.

To this day that ex never understood why I was so upset and disgusted with him.  He felt like his online shenanigans were harmless, but to me it was still cheating.

Have you ever dealt with someone who was using the Internet and social media to “step out” on your relationship?

Head on over to Digital Romance to check out my guest post on this emerging trend of infidelity.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

The Death of Dating

He didn’t have any standards,  so she kept lowering hers.

She stopped caring about making a good first impression, so he stopped taking a last look in the mirror before walking out the door.

She stopped requiring a phone call, and agreed to dares through a string of text messages .

We’re all guilty of ruining the dating scene- both men and women.

Interested in reading more about how we’ve gone from searching for the “right one” to someone “cool to hang with”, click here  to check out my guest post for Digital Romance.

Digital Romance is one of the best online resources for dating news and advice.

Carmen Jones

Could this be the LONGEST one EVER?

There are always two extremes online: the master of minimalism type dude who is lazy or unimaginative and writes “Just ask”.  Then there’s this type that treats his dating profile like an autobiographical novel.

He lost me as soon as I saw all of THE CAPS and my scroll bar disappear.  Can someone read all of this shit and let me know if he’s a solid catch or something ? 

IM ______, AN INVENTOR FROM _______ NOW LIVING IN _______/_, CA. I’M A VERY ARTISTIC, OLD FASHIONED TYPE GUY WHO’S ALSO THE INVENTOR OF THE… (insert a whole paragraph HERE)

I LIVE BY STRICT RULES AND MORALS. I’M A VERY STRAIGHT FORWARD, COMPASSIONATE, LOVING AND MOODY GUY. CATCH ME ON A GOOD DAY YOU’LL GET AN ANGEL, ON BAD DAYS…YOU’LL GET A HELL RAISER. I’M JUST BEING REAL..LOL

I DON’T BELIEVE IN TRYING TO SELL MYSELF TO A BUNCH OF WEIRDOS ON A DATING SITE. I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT EVERYBODY, THERE,S A SELECT FEW ON HERE WHO KNOWS WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT…ANYWAY, BACK TO MY LIKES AND DISLIKES. I LOVE MUSIC, SPORTS AND ART. THE OLD SCHOOL MUSIC IS MY FAVORITE.

LADIES STOP ASSUMING THAT THE ATTRACTIVE GUYS ARE ALL PLAYAS. AND THE GUYS HAVE TO STOP ASSUMING THE HOT CHIX ARE LOOSE BOOTIES WITH A TON OF MEN. I JUDGE A PERSON BY THE WAY THEY DRESS. IF A WOMAN DRESSES LIKE A SLUT, SHOWING TOO MUCH SKIN IN HER PROFILE, SHE’S EITHER INSECURE (WANTING ATTENTION) OR SHE’S FAST. ALL OF MY PIX ARE DECENT, I’M NOT TRYING TO SELL SEX.

IN TRUTH THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE ARE THE LONELIEST. THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE CAN GET LAID A LITTLE EASIER THAN THE REST BUT THEY ARE USUALLY ALONE ON THE HOLIDAYS..LOL IN THE HEIGHT OF MY PLAYA DAYS WHILE IN MY 20’S I ONLY SPENT CHRISTMAS WITH A FEMALE ONCE! BUT ALL YEAR ROUND I HAD A BLAST….GO FIGURE. PLAYAS ARE NOT TAKEN SERIOUSLY, THEY’RE CONSIDERED “PRETENDERS NOT CONTENDERS” THAT’S WHY THEY’RE ALWAYS ALONE ON THE HOLIDAYS WONDERING WHY NOBODY WANTS THEM. LADIES, IF YOU WANT MORE SUCCESS MEETING SERIOUS GUYS, CHANGE THAT “LONG TERM” TO “DATING, OR HANGING OUT” ALL SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS STARTS FROM TRUE FRIENDSHIP FIRST.

I KNOW SOME OF THE THINGS I WROTE IN THIS PROFILE MAY TURN SOME FEMALES OFF. BUT I’M NOT A MR. ROGERS TYPE GUY. I’M A TOTALLY HONEST REAL GUY. IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER WHAT A PERSON WRITE IN THEIR PROFILE, IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO CHEMISTRY IN PERSON. EVERYBODY ON HERE BASE THEIR INTEREST ON LOOKS FIRST, PROFILE SECOND, IF THEY HAVE CHEMISTRY IN PERSON IT’S ON! THAT’S WHY I PUT MORE EMPHASIS ON DISPLAYING ATTRACTIVE PIX. 

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FEMALES RESPONDED BACK TO ME WITH “I’M SORRY I’M NOT FEELING A CONNECTION” HOW DO YOU FEEL A CONNECTION BY READING A PROFILE? LOL WHAT THEY’RE REALLY SAYING IS “I DON’T DATE BLACKS OR I JUST DON’T LIKE YOUR LOOK”(BLACK) I CONSIDER MYSELF AN INTELLIGENT GUY WITH A GREAT PERSONALITY AND SENSE OF HUMOR. MY POINT IS…LOOKS, MATTER TO EVERYBODY ON THIS SITE INITIALLY. I ASKED EVERY FEMALE WHO I’VE MET OR CONVERSATED WITH WHY THEY RESPONDED TO ME, THEY ALL SAID “I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOOD LOOKING AND FUNNY” NOT ONE SAID “OH, I WANTED TO MEET YOU BECAUSE I LOVE THE WAY YOU TYPE OR BECAUSE OF YOUR BRAIN OR PERSONALITY…LOL

ONE THING I CAN’T STAND ARE THE FEMALES WHO ASK “ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ONLY SEX?” MY RESPONSE TO THAT IS “IF YOU DON’T HAVE A BRAIN WITH ZERO CONVERSATION, WHAT ELSE IS THEIR TO DO OTHER THAN HAVE SEX?” EVERYBODY ON THIS SITE WANTS TO GET LAID, EVEN ANIMALS WANNA GET LAID…LOL IF YOU DON’T WANT SEX PLEASE RAISE YOUR HANDS.

I’M SURE YOU LADIES MET PLENTY OF GUYS WHO WERE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY BUT WERE DUMB AS HELL. MALES AND FEMALES WANT THE SAME THING, A PERSON WHO’S INTERESTED IN YOU MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY.

ANOTHER THING I CAN’T STAND IS A WOMAN WHO SAYS “I NEVER HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND” REALLY? LET’S EXPLORE THIS SHALL WE… IF YOU NEVER HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND THAT MEANS ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WERE SUCCESSFUL..MEANING YOU WOULDN’T BE HERE. THE “ONE NIGHT STAND” GET SUCH A BAD RAP, THE “ONE NIGHT STAND” IS ACTUALLY GOOD IF YOU HAVE COMMON SENSE AND GOOD JUDGEMENT. IF YOU MET A NICE GUY, DECIDED TO HAVE SEX THE FIRST NIGHT, AND WHILE HAVING SEX YOU NOTICE HIS WEENIE WAS TERRIBLY SMALL, WOULD YOU CONTINUE DATING THIS GUY? MY GUESS IS “HELL NO!”

THE MEN OF COURSE HAD MANY BAD EXPERIENCES WITH FEMALES WHO WE THOUGHT WERE THE ONE, BUT LATER FOUND OUT SHE WAS TERRIBLE IN BED OR GOD FORBID, HAD A TERRIBLE FOUL ODOR, OF COURSE WE WOULDN’T CALL HER BACK FOR A SECOND DATE.

ALSO IT’S IRRITATING WHEN I TRY TO ASK A WOMAN CERTAIN QUESTIONS PERTAINING TO SEX AND ROMANCE IN OUR FIRST CONVERSATION AND SHE REPSONDS WITH “I DON’T TALK ABOUT SEX ON OUR FIRST DATE” REALLY? WHY WAIT DAYS AND WEEKS TO FIND OUT IF A PERSON YOU’RE ATRACTED TO LIKES TO KISS OR NOT? IT’S BEST TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS EARLY SO YOU’RE NOT SURPRISED BY SOME WEIRD ADMISSION LATER LIKE “I DON’T FRENCH KISS, I ONLY HAVE MISSIONARY SEX, I HATE ORAL SEX” ETC.

YOU KNOW WHAT I NOTICED, IF YOU REMEMBER A LOT OF WHAT YOUR DATE SAID WHILE OUT WITH THEM, YOU DEFINITELY INTERESTED IN THAT PERSON. I WAS OUT ON AN 8 HOUR DATE WITH THIS TALKATIVE HOTTIE, I SWEAR TO GOD I CAN’T REMEMBER MUCH OF WHAT SHE SAID. I THOUGHT I WAS INTO HER. 

BUT I HAD A HARD TIME RETAINING HER INFORMATION. BUT WITH OTHER FEMALES I COULD REMEMBER ALMOST EVERYTHING THEY SAID. JUST TODAY A WOMAN CALLED ME, WELL I THOUGHT SHE WAS CALLING ME, THE BIMBO HAD THE NERVE TO SAY “HEY, IS THIS JAMES?) I SAID “WHO IN THE HELL IS JAMES?) I IMMEDIATELY DELETED HER ASS. CALLING ME BY SOMEBODY ELSE’S NAME IS A DEFINITE NO! NO! BOTTOM LINE…RETAINING INFO=INTERESTED… NOT RETAINING INFO LIKE NAMES=NOT INTERESTED!

PEOPLE ARE SO FUNNY TO ME…I LIKE TO SIT OUT SOMEWHERE AND JUST WATCH PEOPLE IN ACTION, THAT’S THE FUNNIEST sh*tIN THE WORLD.

This dude wonders why women aren’t receptive to his profile or his messages, when he’s got 10,000 reasons right here.

I just can’t.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

First Conversations with Someone New

Last night’s conversation with July Guy was GREAT, but it almost didn’t happen because after I had given him my number for him to (per his words, have a chat), all he did was fire off a flurry of text messages and not one was asking when I was free to talk.

I hate that shit!  Hate it, hate it, HATE it.

Even if we’re talking about a regular encounter outside of online dating, why do people use text messaging as a way of getting to know someone?  If we make it past the first couple of calls and like each other when meeting, we’ll have plenty of time for the filler of text discussions but not right out the gate.

I guess if texting is your thing and you don’t care about hearing an actual voice, then go with the flow but it isn’t for me and I let him know after about ten minutes of back and forth when sending this:

“It seems as if texting is your thing which is cool, but I would like to put a voice to the man behind the photos and messages.  How about you call me or let me know when you’re free to actually talk otherwise, have a good evening”.

Shut that down real quick and shortly after he gave me a call.

Our talk ended up being hilariously entertaining and enlightening and we touched on everything We chatted about work life, living situations (no roommate, yay!!), dating experiences, our children and the desire to procreate with better choices and even politics. After a while, July Guy comments how glad he was to have called since he wouldn’t have learned so much without talking.

Duh.

Of course you wouldn’t have so just imagine how many women you’ve likely turned off if that series of Q&A by text messaging is your modus operandi.

I can’t explain how refreshing it is to have even a sliver of interest popping into my head.  So far, everything he’s written in his profile was coming through over the phone without any red flags waving around.  He has a fairly quiet and reserved demeanor for the most part, but is still down to earth, extremely relatable and more than anything – had a great sense of humor.

20160729_124932What was meant to be a brief intro conversation was going so well, we were talking well into the night and just like the old Whoodini song goes, the freaks come out at night.

Listen folks, I’ve been on this self-imposed sex hiatus for SEVEN months, twenty days and 29 hours so I’m pretty ripe which likely explains my mild temperament nowadays so when the conversation suddenly ventured into adult zone – we rolled with it.  The next thing I know, July Guy’s voice suddenly becomes midnight love radio personality as he’s telling me all of the dirty things he would like to do to me as I’m lying in my bed touching myself in certain places.

Considering the drought mentioned above, I won’t lie – when checking out some of these dating profiles I’m torn between considering the next great dating potential OR the next replacement for Papi and after having a phone session like last night?  If his actions are as tough as his talking, this guy could certainly be used as a great substitute.

Don’t judge me.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Profile photos men shouldn’t share

On and off, hide and reveal, resign and restart.  The vicious cycle known as online dating and for the life of me, I just don’t understand how men can continue to sabotage themselves by ruining the most important part of the process – the dating profile and specifically, the photos.

Do these men not realize that they can turn a woman all the way on by what he’s sharing in his profile and just the same, can turn us off completely by choosing the lazy, cheesy and sleazy photos like this debonair fella right here:

20160620_213255

Yes, this is an actual photo from someone’s profile and yes – he looks like a teenager and made me feel like a pedophile for viewing it and yes – you’re welcome for the red box editing to spare you the unruly hairs and extreme shrinkage.

If only I could be the fairy godmother of dating and tell these clueless gents what NOT to do but for now, you can check out my post written for Digital Romance, Inc.,  5 Photos Men Need to Stop Posting Online.

Digital Romance, Inc is the premier source for using the power of technology to get the best dating advice articles, podcasts and videos delivered at the tap of a button.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

 

Happy Valentine’s Day

screenshot_2016-02-14-15-55-49-1.pngSomeone who’s been crushing on me since the 9th grade just posted this on my wall.  Such a sweetheart of a guy, who’s smart, kind,  intelligent and….

Very married.

It always seems to work out that way but, still -a nice gesture.

I hope the lovers are enjoying the day and my singletons as well.

Until there’s a cure..

Carmen Jones

When He Shows the First Sign of Crazy

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time” – Maya Angelou

It’s just after 6am and I just ended a telephone call by telling two bold-faced lies to the man on the other end.

The first lie was that I was entering underground parking (with not a structure in sight) and would be losing reception and the second lie was that I would call him right back.

After about a minute of listening to the venom spewing from his mouth, I was beginning to wonder if this dude was a loose cannon, and for the remaining nine minutes on the phone with him, my suspicions were confirmed.  I would be deleting this nut job immediately so please – allow me to introduce Jaded Jack (“JJ”).

I met JJ a few days ago while hanging out with a few friends and while he wasn’t much of a looker, he was decent and came equipped with a nice set of teeth, sense of humor and his casual banter was entertaining.

Since we exchanged numbers in passing, we really didn’t have time to get beyond the basics such as names, age and status.  It was just in your face, this is who I am and if you think you might like me, let’s take a chance kind of dealings and boy, did that “chance” end up being more like a risk.

See, this is what I miss about online dating.  A lot of what we learn from someone’s profile and those pre-screening messages such as career, schedules, children etc… may not necessarily be obtained at the time of meeting.

Someone like me needs to know a few details about someone I may end up dating but you can’t really fire off tons of questions when you meet a person without coming off as putting them through some kind of inquisition.

Then again, online dating isn’t foolproof either because looking back at the hangovers of the past that I did encounter online then meet doesn’t exactly scream “Winning!” either, huh?  I guess this just means that meeting compatible and decent people or dating really is like playing a game of craps and JJ was the snake eyes rolled with wobbly dice.

Now… About this morning’s first conversation (post meeting) which went just like this:

Yeah, I just finished my push-ups and am normally up around 4 or 5am when I was working.  I was laid off from Pepsi-Cola and was doing a stint with the school district, but I’m better than cleaning up classrooms and stuff like that.

In fact, I’ve got a meeting with the union this afternoon to try getting my job back.  So now because this punk ass coworker came at me sideways and we got into a heated verbal altercation I’m out of a job…”

“People keep telling me I need to just bite my tongue but that just isn’t me.  See, this is why I’m not looking for anything right now – not a relationship.  Nothing.

I’m just looking for a cool friend until I can get myself situated and everything worked out right.  I need someone who doesn’t want to fight and argue every day, because I just went to hell and back these past two years in my last relationship. I’m a bit jaded but I’m not looking to be with anyone right now.

The woman I was with took me to a different place and would always accuse me of cheating, said I was still sleeping with the mothers of all my kids (yes plural and no, I didn’t care to ask how many) but then would remind me how fine she was and how she could have any man she wants.  I know I’m not the finest man in the world or the tallest, but when a woman sees what is between my legs, SHE will be blessed…..”

Ninja what the hell is wrong with you?!?!?!?!?

In case you’re wondering, here’s what I said to prompt this type of reaction: “Hey, you’re up early this morning.  How’s the day starting out?”

That’s all.

He went from zero to 100 real quick acting as if he had lost his flipping mind. I don’t even remember him having taken a breath in between his rant nor did he notice that I was completely silent on the other end, eyes bucked wide open and jaws gaped as I took in everything he was telling me.

As I’m approaching my office, all I could envision were his blood vessels on the brink of exploding and him foaming at the mouth while he went on another tangent about his two-year emotionally and physically abusive, confrontational and destructive relationship with a ghetto Bonquisha.  His words, not mine.

Aside from simply hanging up, how the hell do you react to someone like this? Now that I think about it, there were probably two things I was able to fit in which included “Wow, it took you TWO years to figure out all of these things about her” and something like “People shouldn’t ignore the warning signs” but that’s really about all because clearly – this conversation was about him and him alone.

Finally, he decides to takes a breather and this was my chance to tell him my two lies.

I’m thankful JJ revealed so much about himself and did so right away.  He’s right about needing nothing in the form of dating or a relationship right now and to be honest, he doesn’t even need a new friend or casual acquaintance and most certainly it won’t be me.  This man reminded me so much of the explosive Bullet and really needs a therapist and some anger management training, not a new female friend who’s only going to be used as his personal punching bag.

I will never understand how so many men and women plagued with personal problems and drama believe they’re in the best position to meet someone new, even if for nothing more than friendship.

Please believe that most of us aren’t looking for the perfection in a person that doesn’t exist, but you sure as hell better have your life together and your attitude in check.

No thanks JJ, I’m so good on your wonderful offerings of friendship and “blessings”.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

I Tried

There are a couple of things a woman can do at the end of the date that was a bust. She can make a call to one of her girlfriends offering up a play-by-play of things went, find something else to get into so the night doesn’t end up being a total waste or be a dud and just head back home.

I opted for something else.

A few shakes of the hair to make those curls fall in place, freshening up of the lipstick and the perfect resting bitch face meant it was time for a selfie, which was sent to him in a text message with no words – just the photo.

Within 5 minutes Papi had replied with “Should I be on my way?”

Of course he should be on his way and I chuckled a little at the thought of him even asking because he knows good and damn well exactly how this dysfunctional situationship. I illuminate the bat signal and he arrives on my doorstep ready to handle whatever is being thrown his way.

It’s him and yes – I swore him off completely just a month or so ago but maybe it’s as simple as me having missed him and not just because I had a crappy date. But as always, he allows himself to be a passenger on this rollercoaster of mine. He gets off, walks around for a little bit then comes right back for another ride and as always, allowing me to call all of the shots.

“I miss your soft touch, your scent. I miss watching you sleep and listening to you breathe heavily….”

Or maybe it was because we missed each other.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but how about its affect on your libido because it’s amazing what swearing off sex with a person can do to you. What’s even more amazing is the gaps in time we’ve had for as long as two years that seemed nowhere near as intense as our reunion after this brief month plus hiatus. You would think twenty years had gone by.

So in he walks and at first, we’re doing nothing more than talking about the events of our day and our issues until the conversation ceases and he begins to undress me.

Once we are both completely naked Papi whispers in my ear that “we are about to make love and forget about everything else that happened today”, and it was at that moment that my body felt as if it was in a state of shock. Suddenly, I felt warm all over and could feel my temperature rising with each touch from his fingers and when we got to that first kiss it was over. That kiss that felt as if he was telling me everything he ever wanted to say with his mouth all while entering inside of me at the same time was just too much, making me climax so violently I need a couple of minutes of recovery before we could continue.

It’s really like that.

Nearly every time with a different level of satisfaction each time we are together. Just thinking about our encounter makes me groin throb so can someone please tell me, how the hell (and why would you want to) sever ties with that?

Until there’s  a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

That Random Text

Did he send this to me at 2 o’clock in the morning because he knows how much I love D’Angelo?

Never mind the lyrics though,  it’s just a nice cover of an old school favorite right.  Nothing more to think about here unless I foolishly look at this random text message as some kind of subliminal message.

The bigger question is this – should I even care?

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Posted from WordPress for Android

Stop Over Thinking, It’s Just Great Sex

An overwhelming instinct to protect myself from certain situations that can be detrimental to my well-being has suddenly kicked into overdrive.

This is really just a fancy way of saying whenever I’m feeling like the situation with a man is a little confusing or uncomfortable for me, the anchor comes up and this old ship gets to sailing.

It’s funny (well, not really) how just a few days ago I was skipping through the field of daisies, still on a high after the latest tryst with my long-term cut buddy Papi which I’ll say again, was one of the best sessions. I could just brush it off as having been one of those moments where the hormones of a 40 year old woman had gone crazy,  but I wouldn’t be a woman if I left it at that.

Just as many of us will do, I’ve been trying to analyze every moment to get some answers and wanted to slap myself once I realized how much time my brain had been spinning trying to do just that.

What was so different about this time? Why was the energy so different?

Could it be something as simple as me using a different scarf to blind-fold him or was I more turned on by being the one in control while instructing him through each moment during sex, doling out punishment if he disobeyed?

I found it mildly disturbing that I was even thinking about the why because that is totally out of character for me and then it hit me – maybe I was beginning to catch feelings.

If anyone has ever been in this situation before whether you were the catcher or the catchee, you already know that once a person tries to step outside of what’s already been established (sex partners and nothing more), it’s a lose-lose outcome.

This man has been a part of my life since I was 23 years-old and I’m now a few months away from being forty-one and if there weren’t any types of feelings there, I would be questioning whether or not my emotions were made of concrete and yesterday I kind of sort of let him know with a quick text message.

Dialogue is not what I was looking.

My sending that text was nothing more than a getting-this-off-my-chest-please-don’t-reply-and-if-you-do-I-won’t-read-it chicken shit kind of message and afterwards, I felt a hell of a lot better by simply telling him that perhaps the lack of any other “male distraction” was causing me to feel a little caught up.

That’s all I said and again, made it clear that I wasn’t looking for a reply of any kind, taking any and all credit for these feelings being all of my own.  Well, his ass replied and not only was I surprised, confusion by something he said using the phrase “mutually exclusive” totally messed me up.

Now I regret having said anything at all because our situation is what it is and I just need to regroup and keep it pushing.

This is happening because of failed dating and I blame the other men for this. If there were some decent prospects to consider, all of my focus this year would NOT have been on one person and everything would be okay and I could get back to sharing the sexual experiences with Papi and nothing else.  Bastards!!!

Don’t try to make sense of that last part; it only makes sense in my twisted little mind to find a reason for me having allowed overactive pheromones to have temporarily blinded me. For the first half of this year, I’ve not really been focused on dating of any kind – in person or online but now I think it’s time for a few distractions so I can close Pandora’s box just as quickly as I opened it.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

We broke up, but I’m back…

I’m caught up in this vicious cycle where the levels of frustration are so bad that I say to hell with it all.  I take down all of my decorations and pretty pictures, and might even leave some threatening note before finally ending things for good.

After a couple of weeks or so, boredom usually sets in and a little sliver of hope pops into my mind that maybe – just maybe things will be different this time.  Aren’t these the types of thoughts that makes a person want to have some reflective moments to re-evaluate their purpose and goals?  Hell yeah, it certainly is so after much thought and consideration I’m back.

Online.

Trying to meet someone normal, for the umpteenth time.

So maybe… there won’t be so many men this go round who are suspiciously suspect like this fella right here whose pose screams “DIVA”: Screenshot_2015-03-18-21-01-20-1

and maybe, just maybe there won’t be so many desperate men who repeatedly send messages without having received one solitary response like this winner:

Screenshot_2015-03-05-10-02-59-1

Or better yet, those whose mailing address begins with  “U.S. Penitentiary…” have been placed on yard duty only and can stop wasting my time like this oratory genius:

Screenshot_2015-05-19-20-56-07-2

I’ve heard that if you get stuck while doing something, it’s best to take a break and regroup.  So with that being said, I’m going back in.  Again.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones
Web: www.mydatinghangovers.com
Email: myhangovers@gmail.com

 
(Photo Credits:  oochoo.blogspot.com)

Date night with a….

 

first time“Que paso con su ponchito?”

Some of my friends just sit back and read about my dating dilemmas, while others try coming up with a fix.

So when my good friend Estelle asked during lunch “What’s up with my man”, then suggested I finally step out of the dating box and go out with the Hispanic guy, I said sure.

This one has reached out to me twice before, but each time I dropped off.  While it’s no secret that I’ve dating nothing but black men, that wasn’t the reason why he never made it past past a telephone call or two.

No specific reason,  just never piqued my interest so on a whim here I am waiting to meet him.  It’ll be interesting to see if he’s true to his roots or if he’s a watered down version of a black man.

Does it matter that he picked one of the most popular places in the South Bay frequented by the brothas? :

Well…here goes nothing.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Throwback Dating

Photo Credit: realpointerswithdhane.com
Photo Credit: realpointerswithdhane.com

Nothing is constant but change and this concept most certainly applies to dating.

Over the last ten years or so, the rules of the game have changed drastically and this isn’t just because online dating is now one of the most popular ways to try finding that special someone but our society is now a lot more screwed up.   Simple interactions we used to take for granted such as talking on the telephone or simply saying hello to someone you’re interested in have gone away and the likelihood of sharing an intelligible conversation is slim to none. Some of the ridiculous experiences I’ve had with men from both online contact and the good old-fashioned face-to-face contact and dating are both pathetic and embarrassing but sadly some of the women are not beyond reproach other. I just wish we could rewind the clock to those throwback styles of dating.

Remember when…

A man would see a woman he was interested in, ask for a number to call her and within a day or maybe even less, a telephone call was made and the voices of two interested people went to.

Then…

During that initial telephone call, the two people are either having a brief discussion with a few awkward pauses or may be lucky enough to have one of those marathon calls when chores, homework and even food is being ignored and no one wants to be the first to hang up. It may be with this first call or maybe a couple more, but soon after an actual date is planned where typically it is the man who is asking the woman out for dinner, a movie or maybe even dancing.

Next…

The man just needs her address and he’s on his way to her house and wait for it – gets out of the car. He’s dressed nicely for the date leaving his baseball cap and flip flops for another day and walks up to knock on the door (calling her to come out was unacceptable and honking was criminal). He might have a little something for the woman since it is their first date and soon after she greets him, they’re headed back to the car and on their way.

Then…

As they’re driving to their destination with some “safe” music playing, conversation ensues and…

I think you’re getting the idea where I’m going with this fairytale of sorts. What’s funny and sad at the same time is that anyone younger than 30 or has been meeting the same types as myself and many others, has no recognition of what I’ve described above. Things nowadays are so ridiculously twisted when it comes to dating that THIS has become the norm:

If someone interested in you he or she will ask if you’re on Facebook, ask for your Instagram name, Twitter handle, or Snap Chat name and just maybe you’ll be asked for a phone number text you sometime. After several days or maybe even a week, contact is made using one of the sources above which mostly likely is a text message with something like “HYD”, “WYD” or “Hey” or my personal favorite “Hi Sexy”. It is quite possible that you will NEVER receive an actual telephone call and if allowed, a man or woman will continue to text you, add you to their group distribution lists for jokes and chain letters along with countless requests for photos.

Should the moons and stars are properly aligned, a call might be placed for one of those “in traffic, just called to say hi” conversations and since it’s likely the person on the other end is socially retarded, you’ll end up wishing they had really Facebook’d or texted instead. Depending on how things might be going in a person’s life (as in they’re having problems in a relationship, just been dumped or are really bored), there’s a unique substitution that may be offered. It’s either presented in the form of you “meeting up” somewhere if they suddenly remembered your name and location, “hanging out” at some crowded space with other random people or another personal favorite – asking you to “come through” which is really morse code for getting fu@ked.

Photo Credit: Brian Ward via Twitter
Photo Credit: Brian Ward via Twitter

I could go on and on but again,  you get where I’m going with this and many of us can readily admit how screwed up the dating scene is.  As if dealing with another person’s baggage, lifestyle challenges and everything else isn’t enough, now we have a generation of lazy daters.  I just wish we could bring back that old school type of dating.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

But at Least She HAS a Man!

desperate

“Finally, I have met my soul mate. He is a true lover of the Lord, engages me in deep and thought-provoking conversations and compliments me constantly. Never have I had a man tell me how beautiful I am several times a day, not even my ex-husband and I can’t recall the last time I have ever felt so wanted by a man. Sure, he’s got a few minor things to work out but I’m not worried about any of that.”

Isn’t this lovely?

This was a conversation I had a few weeks ago with a co-worker who’s in her 50’s y as she gushed about how much in love she was with someone she stumbled on from Plenty of Fish. Of course after she shares the story with me and I’ve told her I was happy for her while wishing her luck for a positive and long-term experience, she turns and asks if there was a prospect in the works for me. I simply replied “No, and I’m okay with it right now” and then she tells me “Carmen, you better come down off of those high standards and expectations or you’re going to end up alone into your 50’s like I was…”

Certain situations require you to simply smile and walk away.

My standards seem incredibly unrealistic in her eyes, acting as if she’s just fallen in love with the most desirable man on earth.  Not only have I learned that she’s relaxed her standards by dealing with a man that is still married (been there, done that) – she also shared that he has a few other “things to work on”.

is acting like her catch is the best of the best because not only did I learn that he is still married, he has a few other “things to work on”:

Job?  Nope
Car? Nope
Own place?  Nope
Driver’s license?  Nope

Can someone really be so blindly in love that they don’t care about a person’s circumstances, even the inability to take care of their basic needs? It still confuses the hell out of me how men (and women are guilty of it as well) have their twisted little minds lying to them, making it okay to even think about dating. Sure, everyone deserves to find someone to make them happy and get a little love but how about getting your shit together first.

Being able to fulfill your own basic needs should be a given, if not a requirement before you even consider dating someone, shouldn’t it?  Okay, so life happens and your car could break down, you need to crash at your parent’s house for a little while or maybe that license lapsed but dating and being unemployed?  What’s even more interesting shocking to me is the mindset of some people who really believe that being unemployed AND actively trying to date is okay.  The guy writing this article even says being in this status is a good time to redefine yourself.  Really?

If this is what my “high” standards need to be reduced to, I’ll look at adopting about two or three  more cats and make sure I’ve got a slew of AA  batteries on stand-by for the rough times.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

The Selfish Fucker

hititThey say it’s best to try everything at least twice and that’s exactly what I did with this latest hangover who as of Wednesday, so it seems like this was a mutual agreement to hit it and quit it.

Our initial encounter went pretty well  and if  you recall, the sexual interaction was a little strange and not very satisfying with me because it felt like I was in bed with Roger Rabbit who was doped up on some type of enhancement drug.  He just couldn’t get enough because as he said over and over again, “your pussy is just so damn good” and it seemed to me as if I was expected to just give in to his raging appetite.  During our post-sex wrap up, he asked again if it was really that bad because we had gone on for so long and said it was because he had consumed so much Vodka and swears the drinks gave him some super powers which explained that crazy marathon sex.

Seriously?  Of course I had to do a little checking on the benefits of Vodka myself and learned that some types have potato byproducts but guess what?  Didn’t find shit that said libidos are being extended by having a dirty martini or two so I’m sticking with him having popped a pill before we went to dinner.  This guys ego was something else because it was almost as if he was expecting me to give him four gold stars for our encounter but instead, I had to admit that because of the chaffing and just exhaustion it wasn’t such a great experience for me and in the end it was because he’s a selfish fucker.

With the exception of a brief moment of me straddling him before being tossed over on my back like a rag doll, the duration of the night was with me being trapped in HIS favorite position which for men who have smaller or thinner penises, love it since it allows for optimum penetration.  I then reminded him that having my knees pressed to my chest with his former football physique on top of me was tantamount to having someone sitting on my chest.  Now that I think about it, he came across as having some serious expectations for that having been our first time because he not only was asking “Who’s pu$$y is this”, he kept begging for a blow job and at one point even had the nerve to get me to try anal sex with him.  No boundaries for this man, none at all but he obviously thought the same applied to me which is the furthest from the truth.

Needless to say, I wasn’t excited about anything else along the lines of intimacy with him but he is a decent enough guy so I at least agreed to a second date with him and figured hey – he might even get a second chance but my mind and body were in a completely different zone than that previous week.  In fact, everything was different with me to the point where I didn’t want to hold his hands and and when he went in for a kiss, he was met with my cheek.  Since we live so far apart we had already decided that he could crash at my place and be gone by checkout time, so we arrived and as I was in the bathroom washing up, he had popped open a bottle of wine and by the time I walked into the bedroom was butt naked in my bed – waiting with glass in hand.  This entire moment was pretty damn comical to me because it reminded me of the scene from Waiting to Exhale and there is something about a cocky bastard just knowing he’s about to get it that infuriates a woman.  So I did the ultimate – started wrapping my hair up in a scarf,  threw on my pajamas and turned onto my side before telling him “Nighty night”.

Have you ever been laying in the bed and felt someone’s eyes burning a whole into your back?  Yep, this is exactly what I was feeling and was tickled pink when he kept telling me the clothes and panties had to come off because he was definitely getting some before he went to sleep.  Again, the expectations of this man were incredible and it was because of his attitude that having sex ready and available at his beckon call that I lay there telling him it just wasn’t going to happen.  He asked again and again “Why” and “Why not” before finally saying that he had to respect my decision and would “handle things” accordingly.

Now he’s pissed because he can’t get his way and can’t understand how I was so willing the first time and unwilling the second.  Interestingly enough, I sometimes wake up in the wee hours of the morning if I’m with a man and have an intense craving for sex so this night was no different.  All it took was a couple of rubs on his bald head and shoulders from me to awaken him and within a few moments, we were both ready to go and then within about TWO minutes, it was over.  Yes, three minutes and what’s the first thing that comes out of a man’s mouth when he comes too quickly?  “This has never happened to me before”.

I can’t win for nothing with this dude – it’s either too long or too short so he either didn’t have time to take something, was so excited that I finally gave in or maybe it was the rum and coke he had and not the Vodka.  No hard feelings here and at least I tried something new and did it  more than once.  There weren’t any expectations of him other than the exploration of sex with a new partner and for him this woman wasn’t willing to deliver whenever and however he wanted so this just means I’m back to my Ladysgasm or sticking with the regular players with proven track records of consistency and satisfaction.

Until there’s a cure….

Carmen Jones

4875182ff1cac5012a8c5cb870ef32a3710025036b9aa6f81b