When The Texts Stop Coming

2016-08-18_19.07.40I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been in a situation where we met someone new, exchanged numbers and after a few text messages, felt like things may be going in the right direction.  But then the communication starts changing a little bit or those texts stop altogether, leaving you wondering what went wrong and I’m sorry fellas – the men are normally on the receiving end of this confusion.

But have you ever wondered what you may have sent that may have turned a woman off?

I’ve got a couple of reasons to explain why we stop responding to text messages, so head on over to Digital Romance to check out my latest article.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen Jones

First Conversations with Someone New

Last night’s conversation with July Guy was GREAT, but it almost didn’t happen because after I had given him my number for him to (per his words, have a chat), all he did was fire off a flurry of text messages and not one was asking when I was free to talk.

I hate that shit!  Hate it, hate it, HATE it.

Even if we’re talking about a regular encounter outside of online dating, why do people use text messaging as a way of getting to know someone?  If we make it past the first couple of calls and like each other when meeting, we’ll have plenty of time for the filler of text discussions but not right out the gate.

I guess if texting is your thing and you don’t care about hearing an actual voice, then go with the flow but it isn’t for me and I let him know after about ten minutes of back and forth when sending this:

“It seems as if texting is your thing which is cool, but I would like to put a voice to the man behind the photos and messages.  How about you call me or let me know when you’re free to actually talk otherwise, have a good evening”.

Shut that down real quick and shortly after he gave me a call.

Our talk ended up being hilariously entertaining and enlightening and we touched on everything We chatted about work life, living situations (no roommate, yay!!), dating experiences, our children and the desire to procreate with better choices and even politics. After a while, July Guy comments how glad he was to have called since he wouldn’t have learned so much without talking.

Duh.

Of course you wouldn’t have so just imagine how many women you’ve likely turned off if that series of Q&A by text messaging is your modus operandi.

I can’t explain how refreshing it is to have even a sliver of interest popping into my head.  So far, everything he’s written in his profile was coming through over the phone without any red flags waving around.  He has a fairly quiet and reserved demeanor for the most part, but is still down to earth, extremely relatable and more than anything – had a great sense of humor.

20160729_124932What was meant to be a brief intro conversation was going so well, we were talking well into the night and just like the old Whoodini song goes, the freaks come out at night.

Listen folks, I’ve been on this self-imposed sex hiatus for SEVEN months, twenty days and 29 hours so I’m pretty ripe which likely explains my mild temperament nowadays so when the conversation suddenly ventured into adult zone – we rolled with it.  The next thing I know, July Guy’s voice suddenly becomes midnight love radio personality as he’s telling me all of the dirty things he would like to do to me as I’m lying in my bed touching myself in certain places.

Considering the drought mentioned above, I won’t lie – when checking out some of these dating profiles I’m torn between considering the next great dating potential OR the next replacement for Papi and after having a phone session like last night?  If his actions are as tough as his talking, this guy could certainly be used as a great substitute.

Don’t judge me.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Can Incompatibility Be The Problem?

He’s giving me that look again, rubbing on my leg and talking dirty to me.  I know what he wants and don’t know if I can stomach another round with him. In fact, the last time I almost reached towards the nightstand to get B.O.B. and this was while we were having sex.

I have been fortunate enough to have had some marvelous sexual conquests in my life. However just the same, there have been a few men who have fallen short (pun intended) in the bedroom and if this was just someone I was having a little fun with, I would chop it up as a loss and move on.  But when the sex isn’t so great with someone you really care for, in a relationship with or even married to, it’s a very big deal.

If you have ever found yourself being sexually frustrated or even repulsed at the thought of being intimate with someone, go on over to Digital Romance, Inc.* and check out my Guest Post about sexual compatibility:  https://digitalromanceinc.com/romance/sexual-incompatibility-putting-strain-relationship/

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

*Digital Romance, Inc., one of the best sites for dating and relationship advice.

Profile photos men shouldn’t share

On and off, hide and reveal, resign and restart.  The vicious cycle known as online dating and for the life of me, I just don’t understand how men can continue to sabotage themselves by ruining the most important part of the process – the dating profile and specifically, the photos.

Do these men not realize that they can turn a woman all the way on by what he’s sharing in his profile and just the same, can turn us off completely by choosing the lazy, cheesy and sleazy photos like this debonair fella right here:

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Yes, this is an actual photo from someone’s profile and yes – he looks like a teenager and made me feel like a pedophile for viewing it and yes – you’re welcome for the red box editing to spare you the unruly hairs and extreme shrinkage.

If only I could be the fairy godmother of dating and tell these clueless gents what NOT to do but for now, you can check out my post written for Digital Romance, Inc.,  5 Photos Men Need to Stop Posting Online.

Digital Romance, Inc is the premier source for using the power of technology to get the best dating advice articles, podcasts and videos delivered at the tap of a button.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

 

5 Things Women Want in a Man

what women want

Someone new reached out to me over the weekend online and sent this:

I know there’s  less than a snowball chance in hell that you will even respond to this message, but sending it anyway.

Your profile is well written and you’re photos are great,  depicting a woman who’s  at the tip of her game. Yet you’re  single (presumably) and online.

This might be out of line, but I’m guessing you’re still single because you’re looking for that perfect guy  on your carefully crafted list of about 101 different things.

But maybe… just maybe I’m wrong and if so, you’ll respond and we’ll end up riding off into the sunset.

Just hoping I’m  at least I’m the top 10.  Hope to hear from you soon.

Interesting opening message and I’m case you’re wondering what in the world I’m saying in my profile, let me assure you – nothing that prompts this kind of reply.

In fact, it’s been edited to just the basics: I’m single, have a cat, enjoy photography and blogging and looking to date.

That’s all.

But the strikes a chord with me. There are so many people (women included) who believe there’s this ridiculously long complex list of requirements singles require.  Not true, not even  a little bit so I put together 5 things a woman really wants in a man.

You can check it out on Digitalromance!

https://digitalromanceinc.com/dating/women-want-in-a-man-5-things-simple/

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

About Digital Romance:

Digital Romance, Inc., is the premier resource offering some of the best advice on dating and relationships.

A Message for The Older Woman

One of my hangovers (USBC) was obviously feeling himself this morning when he decided to post this message:
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In short, he’s us (yeah you, women 40 and over) that guys like HIM are now the hottest commodities around.  The ones who have been constantly jammed into that friend zone by women who just weren’t into him.

So today he decided to be the spokesperson for all of the men who just never made the cut and pound on his chest while basically yelling out “Now you lonely bitches want ME!”.

Oddly enough, I found this to be pretty funny because he’s not the only one who’s made comments like this in recent weeks.
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Several of the men stuck in a woman’s friend zone feel like their singlehood is because of our refusal to do one thing – settle.

Do you want to know what may happen if we do end up going for the one would just doesn’t do it for us?  I could ask the dozen or so friends of mine who have done it and one word sums it up – cheat.

So on behalf of the single and over 40 club, I would like to thank you for this morning’s PSA.  And oh- not all single women over 40 make the mad dash to adopt a cat.  We like dogs as well.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

 

I Can Work with Men

  • The funny thing about dating is that there are so many different types of men and situations out there so you really are placed in a position of picking your poison.

My last date from a few months ago really had it together.

He owned a couple of properties, had a stable career with no debt and only one child and was just as eager as myself to find someone special and settle down.

That same man was also a self-centered, controlling, condescending asshole who believed he was the crème de la crème and couldn’t understand why or how any woman could reject him.  But like the others he’d complained to me about who found a man with his life in order, I just wasn’t interested in him.

Two weeks ago I met up “47” who is the polar opposite.

He’s newly single, rooming in a small apartment with a relative, has two different baby mamas who are still giving him grief almost ten years later, is transitioning into a new career as a financial advisor, trying to get himself out of a boatload of debt and sheepishly volunteered that he “only made $47,000 last year and it’s been really hard”.  By no means am I judging the man based on his income, but these were his words about struggling, not mine.

“You just don’t make enough money to be able to date me”.

When I asked 47 about some of the women he’d dated recently and why things didn’t work out, he replied that most of them had catfished him and were all grossly obese, but it was that comment above that really stood out.

Initially I thought to myself “what a rude bitch and no wonder she’s still single”, until he provided more details about her.  She was a successful attorney who enjoyed weekend trips to wineries up north, traveling abroad and the opera and as single as she was, that woman was looking for someone who could at least come up with his portion and travel with her.

In the end, this woman and the two before her found 47 useful for nothing more than a quick lay and as he openly admitted, none of them were cool with his current financial and living situation.  He wanted a relationship, not just being looked at as a piece of meat and the fact that they’ve not come back for seconds?  Well, I guess that’s another story because if the sex is that good…

So how did our first meet-up go?

For the sake of brevity (something I really know nothing about), I’ll try to be brief about our Barnes & Nobles meet up and try to avoid two different posts but let me just say this – first impressions are a motherfucker.

Impessions-Quotes.001Whenever I’m going to meet someone whether it be from online dating or after our initial encounter, I make sure everything is on point.  Clothing, hair, scent, nails, shoes, teeth and my personal favorite – lotion.  They’re either going to like me or not but I most certainly am not offering any ammunition to be accused of looking a hot mess.

47 didn’t think things through too carefully or maybe was thrown off because he was rushing to meet me from the Inland Empire, because I was not impressed.

Even if I was to have “worked with a brother” and try setting aside my disdain for his roommate and overall situation, he pretty much set the stage for a not-so-positive evening by showing up:  late, shirt screaming for an iron, about two weeks past that last barber edge up, long dirty fingernails and breathe that was two clicks from being vile.

This is the first meeting, the impression meeting, the let me decide if I would even consider seeing you again meeting yet this is how he arrived.

I just don’t get these men, I really don’t BUT… I think I just may give him a chance to redeem himself.  Maybe.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Older Men With Roommates?

imageFor the love of God,  why are there so many men with roommates in Los Angeles????

I haven’t even begun to share the details about the guy I’m supposed to be dating “exclusively” because I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to have agreed to that, and so soon.

So in my moment of doubt  (and being a tad bit trifling), I went ahead and signed up on another dating site.  You know, to poke around a little bit a see if I stumbled on someone who has it a little more together.

And guess what  happened today?

I exchanged numbers with a guy who seemed interesting enough.  We’re about 10 minutes into the conversation and he starts complaining  about not liking the city he recently moved to.  He mumbles something about having been too rushed and not taking his time to find a place, so I asked for details.   Sure enough, he finally tells me he has a roommate and even better?

It’s a female.

imageGot a 4 bedroom beach house with plenty of bathrooms and living space?  Totally understandable.   Sharing cramped spaces in the basic Los Angeles apartment building?   Not so much.

I know what some of you may be thinking.   Just know that it’s merely a preference to consider dating a man who is independent and self-sustaining.   It isn’t about judging their situation which for most part, may only be temporary and you better believe there are many women who think like this.

imageBut what happens if things progress?  So now it’s me and him planning visits around a roommate,  considering their plans, wants or even moods.   And what about when it comes to fucking?  Tell me to stop moaning so loud,  stop grabbing the headboards and no more smacking of the ass?

This is the FOURTH man in a row who has approached me with a sketchy living situation.

I just can’t and if I do, it’ll  be half -asses because I’m too damn old to play the tip toe game for someone’s roommate.  All I ask is that a man possess the basics,  and of he can come with more, even better.  It’s sad to know that the older they get, the worse off they seem to be.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Too Soon?

EXCLUSIVITY
Related to exclusivity: Mutual exclusivity
ex·clu·sive  (ĭk-sklo͞o′sĭv)
adj.
1. Excluding or tending to exclude: exclusive barriers.
2. Not allowing something else; incompatible: mutually exclusive conditions.
3. Not divided or shared with others: exclusive publishing rights.
4. Not accompanied by others; single or sole.

It’s late and as I’m ready to call it a night, he sends me a text asking if we are now dating exclusively.

I don’t respond and in the morning will use the excuse that I’d fallen asleep.

We’ve had two outings together and the first didn’t leave a very favorable impression.  Hell, I haven’t even had a chance to share what went wrong with that first impression and here we are at the junction of exclusivity.

This IS  what I’ve been waiting for, right?  To meet a man who realizes pretty damn fast that I’m the rarest cut of a precious diamond.

Yes, this is a request to go put profiles to sleep and focus on getting to know each other, not an actual relationship.   But is it too soon?

So far he IS talking a good talk, even though my nose is turned in the air at a few things that are either concerning or deal breakers.

He’s not even programmed into my phone by name but only as “Maybe” with a smiley face.  Yet again, we’re broaching the subject of being exclusive.   Already.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Happy Valentine’s Day

screenshot_2016-02-14-15-55-49-1.pngSomeone who’s been crushing on me since the 9th grade just posted this on my wall.  Such a sweetheart of a guy, who’s smart, kind,  intelligent and….

Very married.

It always seems to work out that way but, still -a nice gesture.

I hope the lovers are enjoying the day and my singletons as well.

Until there’s a cure..

Carmen Jones

Single With Benefits

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I’m still here and yes, still single.

This chick here has been quite busy over the holidays and am just now starting to get into the swing of things after ending the year trying to knock out some of my goals that I’d set which included the usual suspects such as:  losing weight, saving money, traveling, meeting “him” and purchasing a home.

The bad news is when it came to losing a couple of pounds and meeting him I failed, failed, failed.  I got nothing, nada, zero, zilch to offer for either of those two major goals.

The good news is that I hit two of the major ones out of the park – I nailed the savings/debt management AND purchased my first home!!!  I did it on my own and in one of the worst places to purchase property, good old Southern California.

Ah… what a great feeling and while I’m trying not to let what one of my friends joked about being a homeowner raises the bar even higher for the types of men I’d consider taint my joy,  I would be lying if I said there wasn’t some truth to what she said.

The pickings for men who have it together that aren’t bat shit crazy or self-absorbed assholes are pretty slim and not even considering the ownership portion, a lot of them are shacking up or back at home with their parents.  It seems like so many men are really struggling but are always putting themselves out there to date.  I don’t get it.

But to be honest, there’s not been much focus on dating or dealings with any man for that matter, including Papi.  The last potential who at first glance kind of seemed like someone I could entertain as a dating prospect that I’d met right before Thanksgiving ended badly because no matter how much of a gentleman he claimed to be, accepting rejection was NOT his forte.

For days, I was the most beautiful woman in the world, with impressive conversation and book smarts which all changed once I started phasing him out:

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Then I see he’s not getting the nice way of me handling things and send him the pink slip, and he responds with this:
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He’s not the first and surely won’t be the last of his kind who can’t handle rejection.

Do you know how often men actually stoop to this level? More often than you think another blogger shares here. Clearly, he was really in his feelings and I’ll have to share some choice words from another guy who couldn’t take the “not interested” reply and read me the riot act on of all things, understanding rejection.

Then there’s the fall back guy Papi, whose sole purpose in life was to make my fantasies of multiple orgasmic nights come to life but towards the end of the year, that routine became old.

  I guess I just got tired of trying to figure him out and interpret his mixed and often cryptic messages that were as frustrating as solving a rubik’s cube with too many missing pieces.  Zero patience or time for that song and dance and even as recently as a few days ago, have been ignoring his attempts to bring in the New Year with sweating and groaning by sending messages like this:

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Yes, that is exactly what you think it is  and ordinarily these kinds of tempting sexting messages  would have me drooling.  I decided to opt out this time around.

So for now, not much has changed on the hangovers scene.

Perhaps since one of the things I’ve been wanting for so long (being a homeowner) has satiated the desire for something else I’m wanting (a good man) and there are so many things I want to do to fix up my new place as much as possible in the next couple of months to keep me distracted from dating.

But…with my short attention span, I suspect I’ll be back to trolling for prospects pretty soon.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Great First Dates

We might have a winner!

We might have a winner!

We might have a winner!

In case the point isn’t being emphasized enough, I think we might have a winner so let’s just call him Winner!

Last night’s date was a smashing success and even better, the feeling is mutual since we ended the night by texting each other pretty much the same thing and woke up texting nearly the same words as last night which – we were happy to have met, enjoyed the relaxed and open conversation an agreed how everything flowed effortlessly.  Our chemistry was amazing and if you were looking over at our table while we laughed over good food and drinks, you would never have known that we were on our first date.

It’s about damn time and I’m so glad I didn’t let the tiresome day and drain of the week stop me from going through with the date.

A real date (not one of those bullshit Starbucks coffee meet ups), where the man did the planning (instead of asking what do you want to do), asked about details (were we dressing causal or adding a little flair) and most importantly, the person showing up matched who was being represented online (I’m sure he’s closer to 5’7 than 5’9 but still, he looked like his photos).

The most important detail?  He’s ready.

Winner wants to settle down, is over the dating scene (especially online dating though I’m only the second off the site) and mentioned a word that resonated with me greatly – partner.

Not once during our discussion which included everything from beer to golf to real estate to intimacy, did he say he was looking for someone to “chill with” nor did he say a girlfriend is what he wanted but he made it clear that he was looking for a partner.  What’s even better is that he had pretty clear meaning of exactly what that person was, how she took care of herself, her mate, the kinds of goals in life she should have and more.

It was surreal sitting beside a man that was on the same page and he’s thought long and hard about how to what he’s looking for in a woman (though I’m concerned he might be in too much of a hurry to end his single status) and seems pretty confident that I’m exactly what he’s looking for after only one meeting.

He’s nice-looking, has a stable career, able to articulate well and has an amazing sense of humor and just as he was complimenting of the type of woman I represented, he appears to have so many qualities that I’m looking for in a man but of course – there are always a few things about a person that don’t make you feel all warm and fuzzy or quite simply, are turnoffs and deal breakers.

His living situation, his ovary hustling dreams and the puff-puff.

Winner owns a 3-bedroom home not far from me that he shares with his 6 year-old daughter and his ex-fiance.  That is a BIG problem for me because I don’t give a hoot how much a person can say something is over, living under the same roof is not a clean break-up.  If you hear his story, it probably makes him look like a good guy with a huge heart with a lot of patience until the courts had to get involved.  But so what, I don’t like the sounds of an ex anything being in the same house. Not only are the feelings still there which may be good or bad like this article points out, for the new person coming in to know that you are just a few feet away from a late night or early morning booty creep isn’t something that would set well with any sane person.

“He’s not ready to start a new relationship. He’s still living with someone” – Exetiquette.com

Now the only saving grace is that he says the ex has a court order to be out of the home by February 1st 2016 which isn’t far away at all, but as I’ve said time and time again – situations like that are messy and a person really should not date or entertain anything similar until their old business has been fully handled.  Sure that date will be here before I know it but so what – I’m not okay with it and as a result, he’s been forewarned that he has earned a spot in the friend zone.  Who’s to say what will happen in February and how messy what is essentially an eviction (because she wouldn’t leave voluntarily after the break up) ends when the time comes so again, the living situation is an issue for me and likely for any other women he’s attempted to date.

My online profile says “does not want children” and his said “undecided/open” and just in case my response here isn’t clear, it is mentioned during any messaging and I assure you, he and I had this conversation before meeting where I made it understood that there was no on the fence for me.  I’m 40 years-old with a teenager and I don’t care if he’s the most doting father ever, having another one if so not an option for me.  So during dinner the topic comes up again where he’s mentioning “one more kid, maybe a boy and….” I have to remind him that if he’s set on hustling these ovaries, I’m not his girl.  He joked around a bit more and mumbled something about being able to change my mind and I believe he’s really convinced of that.  Not good, not good at all.  Is he going to be the one who acts as if he’s accepting of one thing while plotting all along to veer a person in the other direction?

Last concern is the smoking – why does it seem as if every black man I’ve met in the last two or three years have a habit of smoking marijuana?  Each will make it seem like they only smoke “occasionally” in the beginning but then really fess up to needing a hit once or a couple times a day.  Most women (unless they’re tokers too) don’t care for it and I’m not really a fan either so while it isn’t a major deal breaker since it’s something I did long ago, I could do without.  His saving grace is that his lips aren’t discolored, I didn’t smell it in his clothes and the bonus he added is that he doesn’t smoke blunts.  Really, he said this like it was for bonus points or something while mentioning the benefits.  Ummm, okay.

Okay, so there you have it – a great first date and introduction to a (seemingly) nice guy along with some points of pain.  I won’t mention my concerns about his level of eagerness to move forward because it’s possible there have simply been so many men I’ve met who weren’t about anything serious tainting my opinions.  For now we can both practice a little patience and continue getting to know each other but as I stated earlier, with some definite boundaries on how far until issue #1 is handled and ironically, he had a few recommendations for me.

“Patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for.”

While talking about past relationships and relations, we both revealed that side bar sex buddy – for him, some young 20’something who was good for nothing more than a quick roll in the hay and a little smoking an for me, my 18 year sexual marriage with Papi.  He offered some interesting insight on why things have been going on for so long saying I shouldn’t be worried about how his living situation is going to end because it will be a simple split in a couple of months, but more concerned about ending my dealings with Papi which are a must before we get serious.

Now really – which do you think is the bigger issue to resolve?  My unrelationship which has never been anything more than in between the sheets or his 5-year dealings with a woman he once said “will you marry me” to?

I’ll let that sit for a moment or for as long as it takes for his unfinished business at home to be resolved.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

 

Too Pooped for Friday Meet Ups!

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,  Thursday.

And now you’re on day five and like most people, have likely been fantasizing about  this day arriving like crazy.  No matter what, it always seems like the longest week  ever,  so when someone asks me on a date for the first time on a Friday night,  I often cringe.

Tired, achy feet, sore back, neck strain,  needing a few extra hours of sleep, annoyed with almost everything  traffic-related.  I really just want to go home and strip off my bra, shoes and hair (you read right ) but noooooooo- I have a date that I’ve already committed to.

Let me dig a little further.

It’s  been an incredibly long week filled with moments of me wanting to hide in the bathroom  at work and scroll through  numerous Instagram feeds instead of working.

Then I’ve had other moments where I wanted nothing more than to get lost in the music while slaving  away at my desk.

But it was those moments when I wanted to scream “Shut up, just shut  the fuck up!!!” And what’s scary about this is, for a slight second, I almost said it.

Now  with all of this going on, I need to manage my time perfectly to get my kid situated, back home to shower and get dressed  and hope for a little decompression  before it’s time to go. Crunch time and let’s not forget about traffic as everyone has the same thing in mind- get somewhere and let the weekend begin!

Why don’t people  think  about these things when it comes to first dates on a Friday night or any weeknight  for that matter?

“I have cancelled dates because I was too tired, but if I was actually interested in the guy I always made up a better sounding excuse and rescheduled.”

If we have worked a full shift,  we sure as hell aren’t  refreshed and at our best.   I just don’t understand why no one has ever really considered Friday night dates as being one of the most challenging.

Maybe it’s just me.

Still,  this guy seems like a promising candidate so unlike so many of the hangovers before  him – I  think he may be worth it.

I’ll do a couple of jumping jacks  or something to get some more energy flowing.

Fingers  crossed on this week’s  find.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

When He Shows the First Sign of Crazy

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time” – Maya Angelou

It’s just after 6am and I just ended a telephone call by telling two bold-faced lies to the man on the other end.

The first lie was that I was entering underground parking (with not a structure in sight) and would be losing reception and the second lie was that I would call him right back.

After about a minute of listening to the venom spewing from his mouth, I was beginning to wonder if this dude was a loose cannon, and for the remaining nine minutes on the phone with him, my suspicions were confirmed.  I would be deleting this nut job immediately so please – allow me to introduce Jaded Jack (“JJ”).

I met JJ a few days ago while hanging out with a few friends and while he wasn’t much of a looker, he was decent and came equipped with a nice set of teeth, sense of humor and his casual banter was entertaining.

Since we exchanged numbers in passing, we really didn’t have time to get beyond the basics such as names, age and status.  It was just in your face, this is who I am and if you think you might like me, let’s take a chance kind of dealings and boy, did that “chance” end up being more like a risk.

See, this is what I miss about online dating.  A lot of what we learn from someone’s profile and those pre-screening messages such as career, schedules, children etc… may not necessarily be obtained at the time of meeting.

Someone like me needs to know a few details about someone I may end up dating but you can’t really fire off tons of questions when you meet a person without coming off as putting them through some kind of inquisition.

Then again, online dating isn’t foolproof either because looking back at the hangovers of the past that I did encounter online then meet doesn’t exactly scream “Winning!” either, huh?  I guess this just means that meeting compatible and decent people or dating really is like playing a game of craps and JJ was the snake eyes rolled with wobbly dice.

Now… About this morning’s first conversation (post meeting) which went just like this:

Yeah, I just finished my push-ups and am normally up around 4 or 5am when I was working.  I was laid off from Pepsi-Cola and was doing a stint with the school district, but I’m better than cleaning up classrooms and stuff like that.

In fact, I’ve got a meeting with the union this afternoon to try getting my job back.  So now because this punk ass coworker came at me sideways and we got into a heated verbal altercation I’m out of a job…”

“People keep telling me I need to just bite my tongue but that just isn’t me.  See, this is why I’m not looking for anything right now – not a relationship.  Nothing.

I’m just looking for a cool friend until I can get myself situated and everything worked out right.  I need someone who doesn’t want to fight and argue every day, because I just went to hell and back these past two years in my last relationship. I’m a bit jaded but I’m not looking to be with anyone right now.

The woman I was with took me to a different place and would always accuse me of cheating, said I was still sleeping with the mothers of all my kids (yes plural and no, I didn’t care to ask how many) but then would remind me how fine she was and how she could have any man she wants.  I know I’m not the finest man in the world or the tallest, but when a woman sees what is between my legs, SHE will be blessed…..”

Ninja what the hell is wrong with you?!?!?!?!?

In case you’re wondering, here’s what I said to prompt this type of reaction: “Hey, you’re up early this morning.  How’s the day starting out?”

That’s all.

He went from zero to 100 real quick acting as if he had lost his flipping mind. I don’t even remember him having taken a breath in between his rant nor did he notice that I was completely silent on the other end, eyes bucked wide open and jaws gaped as I took in everything he was telling me.

As I’m approaching my office, all I could envision were his blood vessels on the brink of exploding and him foaming at the mouth while he went on another tangent about his two-year emotionally and physically abusive, confrontational and destructive relationship with a ghetto Bonquisha.  His words, not mine.

Aside from simply hanging up, how the hell do you react to someone like this? Now that I think about it, there were probably two things I was able to fit in which included “Wow, it took you TWO years to figure out all of these things about her” and something like “People shouldn’t ignore the warning signs” but that’s really about all because clearly – this conversation was about him and him alone.

Finally, he decides to takes a breather and this was my chance to tell him my two lies.

I’m thankful JJ revealed so much about himself and did so right away.  He’s right about needing nothing in the form of dating or a relationship right now and to be honest, he doesn’t even need a new friend or casual acquaintance and most certainly it won’t be me.  This man reminded me so much of the explosive Bullet and really needs a therapist and some anger management training, not a new female friend who’s only going to be used as his personal punching bag.

I will never understand how so many men and women plagued with personal problems and drama believe they’re in the best position to meet someone new, even if for nothing more than friendship.

Please believe that most of us aren’t looking for the perfection in a person that doesn’t exist, but you sure as hell better have your life together and your attitude in check.

No thanks JJ, I’m so good on your wonderful offerings of friendship and “blessings”.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

I Tried

There are a couple of things a woman can do at the end of the date that was a bust. She can make a call to one of her girlfriends offering up a play-by-play of things went, find something else to get into so the night doesn’t end up being a total waste or be a dud and just head back home.

I opted for something else.

A few shakes of the hair to make those curls fall in place, freshening up of the lipstick and the perfect resting bitch face meant it was time for a selfie, which was sent to him in a text message with no words – just the photo.

Within 5 minutes Papi had replied with “Should I be on my way?”

Of course he should be on his way and I chuckled a little at the thought of him even asking because he knows good and damn well exactly how this dysfunctional situationship. I illuminate the bat signal and he arrives on my doorstep ready to handle whatever is being thrown his way.

It’s him and yes – I swore him off completely just a month or so ago but maybe it’s as simple as me having missed him and not just because I had a crappy date. But as always, he allows himself to be a passenger on this rollercoaster of mine. He gets off, walks around for a little bit then comes right back for another ride and as always, allowing me to call all of the shots.

“I miss your soft touch, your scent. I miss watching you sleep and listening to you breathe heavily….”

Or maybe it was because we missed each other.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but how about its affect on your libido because it’s amazing what swearing off sex with a person can do to you. What’s even more amazing is the gaps in time we’ve had for as long as two years that seemed nowhere near as intense as our reunion after this brief month plus hiatus. You would think twenty years had gone by.

So in he walks and at first, we’re doing nothing more than talking about the events of our day and our issues until the conversation ceases and he begins to undress me.

Once we are both completely naked Papi whispers in my ear that “we are about to make love and forget about everything else that happened today”, and it was at that moment that my body felt as if it was in a state of shock. Suddenly, I felt warm all over and could feel my temperature rising with each touch from his fingers and when we got to that first kiss it was over. That kiss that felt as if he was telling me everything he ever wanted to say with his mouth all while entering inside of me at the same time was just too much, making me climax so violently I need a couple of minutes of recovery before we could continue.

It’s really like that.

Nearly every time with a different level of satisfaction each time we are together. Just thinking about our encounter makes me groin throb so can someone please tell me, how the hell (and why would you want to) sever ties with that?

Until there’s  a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones