“Statistics” by Lyfe Jennings

Some express their feelings about relationships by writing, others through lyrical expression….

I’m not necessarily a fan of the harmonizing in the song, but pay attention to the lyrics as he delivers a thought-provoking commentary on modern day romance.

Ladies, are you taking notes?

25% of all men are unstable
25% of all men can’t be faithful
30% of them don’t mean what they say
and 10% of the remainin’ 20 is gay

That leaves you a 10% chance of ever findin’ your man
That means you better pay attention to these words that I say
I’m gonna teach you how expose the 90%
and show you what to do to keep the other 10.


Don’t be a booty call,

If he don’t respect you girl he gon’ forget you girl,


If he’s in a relationship

And he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you.


Tell him that you’re celibate

And if he wants some of your goodies he gon’ have to work for it.


Be the person you wanna find

Don’t be a nickel out here lookin’ for a dime.


(Verse 2)

15% of all men got a complex

15% of all men don’t practice safe sex

20% of them are from homes without a father

so there’s a 50/50 chance that you’ll marry a coward

Something to think about when you’re takin’ a shower

Something to swallow when you drank your bottled water

I’m gonna teach you how to expose the 90%

and show you what to do to keep the other 10


Be patient! He’s waiting!

You don’t gotta settle for that

Leave all that stress alone!

Get you a backbone!

Stop being sorry for yourself!

Chances make champions

It’s gonna take (patience)

Time is still (wastin’)





Can You Date Someone You’re Not Attracted To?


I arrived early so I could watch him walking up, checking out his height and stature.  Made polite small talk as we waited in line, checking him out from different angles and lighting since the frontal view didn’t quite do it.  I cocked my head to the side several times as he spoke like someone trying to find a hidden image in a painting, still trying to find it.  I couldn’t, not one thing.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Looks aren’t everything.  It’s about what is inside that counts.  Personality is more important.  Don’t judge a book by its cover.  Sound familiar? 

These are a few of those most overused excuses on why outward appearances should not prevent you from getting involved with a person.  So as I recall the great time I had Friday evening with a really nice guy but make up my mind that we will never be more than friends, I ask myself – can I date someone who I’m not physically attracted to? 


I know, I sound shallow but I can’t date someone who isn’t appealing to me, especially if I’m meeting them for the first time.  And these hideous online dating profile pictures I’ve come across?  Forget it!

Everyone has a particular style, preference and look that normally draws them in allowing for that instant attraction while others (and I admire you, I really do), could care less what a person’s physical attributes offer or take away.  I can’t do it.  Sometimes I see couples together (dating and married) and think to myself “they’re made for each other” and other times I might look at one half of the couple and wonder “what the hell did he see in her?” or “he must really good in bed”.  It brings to mind a few of the celebrity couples who seem to have set aside the physical:



Looking at people who are refreshing and appealing is what attracts me; a man’s face and any other physical attributes are the first things I’m focused on, especially during a first impression – not his winning personality or good heart.  A nice looking man is inviting and makes me want to engage in conversation, but obviously, I accept the fact that there are those who strongly feel that physical attraction is a set up for failure.  

For instance, I came across a forum asking people if they would date an unattractive person and noticed a comment from “Joe” who simply stated that people who wouldn’t were “shallow morons”.  He went on to say that “most men and women basing everything on looks are generally the ones who have the most problems in relationships”, also adding that many of the good looking women he’d encountered knew nothing about having a good relationship or life.   By the way, Joe also added that he wasn’t overly attractive.

The main point I took way from this bitter-laden comment, and the one I constantly think about?  It is important to get to know someone before making a decision based on looks because you might be losing out on something great and you’ll never know it.

Something to think about, but in the meantime I’ll have to break the news to Mr. Nice Guy and explain that he just doesn’t do it for me. 

What is a Dating Hangover?

Hang·over • \hang-ô-ver\ •noun

  1. A person or thing left over from or influenced by a past age; Something remaining from a previous time or state.
  2. A let down, after a period of excitement

–          Fatigue, weakness, pain, headache, nausea and vomiting
–          Depression, anxiety
–          Irritability

Now surely, everyone at some point (some more than others) in their lives has experienced these types of feelings and I’ll be the first to admit – it sucks!  My hangovers have left me feeling like crap to the point where I couldn’t function for a couple of hours, feeling as if I was shutting down physically, emotionally and mentally.  Yes, these types of feelings are what remain from a crappy date or a relationship gone terribly wrong.

Ah… yes, the dating experience.  Go ahead, take another look at the meaning and symptoms above and tell me the funky feeling from being drunk isn’t JUST like getting over that someone who wasn’t quite “the one”.

I’ve talked about it, joked about it, been asked when I was finally doing it, obsessed over how to do it and finally – I’m here.   Welcome to My Dating Hangovers.

The time is long overdue for me to start writing about these misadventures.  I know, I know – you’re probably thinking “great, another blog about dating”.   Well….yes – why not?  These types of blogs never get old because there is a wonderful experience or absolute nightmare occurring as often as a car is stolen in South LA.

I’m single, AGAIN, as of Friday, September 10, 2010, slightly overcast, sharing my latest tales with a dear friend,  after dumping the one known as Full Metal Jacket via cell phone at 7:32pm (not that I can remember or anything).   But don’t worry; this will not be the type of blog that is filled with sob stories and “why me” questions, unrealistic dreams and expectations or any of that fluff stuff.  Just real stories about my experiences and how I moved on from the hangovers which will either make you chuckle, appreciate, or HATE the art of dating.

Emotionally challenged, impotent, stalkers, bipolar, adulterers, fiscally handicapped, imposters, cheaters, alcoholic, obsessive, ADHD, porn-addicted, face-licking, cyber-cheaters, down low, and grammatically challenged men have truly been a lot to stomach.

I’m considering this blog a means of therapy as I rid myself of the toxins of the past creating my own hangover remedies, one post at a time.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones