And just like that…

My swirly stint with Jon B is over!

It became too confusing trying to decipher his mixed signals when he’s doing one thing but continuously tells me that he wants to “take things slow”

What the hell does that mean?!?!

Not once did I press him with one of those “what’s next” or “what are you looking for” conversations, not once.  While he’s repeating his mantra of wanting to take it slow, he should have just said he’s not interested in the seriously dating (or dating me) because I was getting a little confused.

Wanting to see me more than one day in a week, especially taking up my weekends isn’t necessary if you want to take it slow so again, how does that work?

It’s too soon to be having these kinds of conversations more than once.

The first time I asked him what was up with his delayed respond to text messages, he offered up some talk about business being crazy or some remodeling stress and the second time I mentioned it he told me he didn’t have to talk every day.

Which part did you want to take slow?

So when I told him I wasn’t really sure what he was trying to do here and that I figured he was trying to be my replacement fuck buddy, he would tell me again how he wanted to “take things slow”.

Did he want to take it slow when he was whispering naughty words in my ear while kissing me up and down my neck? Or maybe he wanted to take it slow when he had that sudden urge to follow me to the ladies bathroom, doing a body search to see if I was wearing any panties?

Could he have wanted to slow things down after our little bedroom tryst before that movie date?  Oh wait, I got it – he really needed to take things slow after that missing condom scare.

I am not a toy he can play with when bored, lonely or horny.

Here’s the bottom line:  I made the mistake of thinking I was dating someone, when he was just “hanging out” when he needed something to do.  His actions made this all perfectly clear because nearly every time we would get together, it would be on his terms and timeframe.  

In addition to all of this, not once did he ask me any of those questions that a man would normally wonder about if they were interested; he never asked if I was dating or seeing anyone else and never asked if I was sexually active with anyone. 

He never asked because it never mattered.

So after our last conversation this past Thursday night, I realized he was really beginning to act like a fuck boy, and then I started playing games. 

His texts were being ignored, I took my sweet time returning his calls and once he left a message saying “Hey stranger, give me a call back”, I was satisfied that he’d been given a taste of his own medicine.  Finally, I responded to him by text with a “Have a great weekend” and he replies “You do the same Carmen”, (deliberate use
of my name means fuck you) so I realized this gig was up.

I’m after that mutual attraction and connection.

If I meet someone and the feeling is mutual that we’re interested and wanting to know each other beyond a few outings, we will WANT to communicate and as often as we’re able.

I know this kind of man exists because I’ve had them before and since I’m really not trying to recruit a replacement for Papi (though there’s likely no such thing), why settle for being the woman that is just a time filler?

I tried it.

It was fun while it lasted and now this is yet another item I can check off on my bucket list, even though he is a watered down version of the swirling experience.  At least I can say I was open to an interracial experience and maybe willing to try it again because at the end of the day, the actions and intentions of the man make the difference.  

Not the ethnicity.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones 

Program Change 

While contemplating my next move with Jon B, I’m realizing that aside from him being cute and seemingly good on paper, we really don’t have that much in common or at least nothing else that I can tell because he doesn’t talk about much.  

Sure, we both enjoy eating and indulging in cocktails, but other than that I only know that he’s hustling to expand his business, takes a lot of naps and feels slighted that his daughter isn’t too interested in his Skyping calls. That’s it – just the surface and superficial stuff.

So as I’m telling a friend about his latest radio silent act like, she silence me the most perfect suggestion:

“You need to take him off the boyfriend program and put him on the fuck boy program.  Treat him like he’s here to pass the time.”

This dude will consume several days in a row if I allowed him to and as much as I’m enjoying his company, everything seems to be on his terms and timeline which isn’t cool and another friend says I need to stop making myself so available.  

But isn’t that kind of like playing games?  If you are available and have nothing else to do, you should say no every once in a while so the other person thinks you’ve got other things going on?

Here’s what I don’t like: he responds to text messages and phone calls when he’s good and damn ready and if I’m trying to plan something in advance, he doesn’t get back until the last minute with a counteroffer. 

I don’t like being ignored because actions like this remind me of one or two hangovers from my past.  Seeing as how the average person is staring at their phone countless hours a day, it’s inconceivable that ten seconds can’t be taken to tap out a reply.  

I know this for a fact because I just did the same thing to another guy.  

He texted me at 10:29am and I saw my phone light up within a few minutes and could have replied with a simple “Hey, good
morning…Already working but we’ll chat later”, but I didn’t want to.  He’s nice and but I’m not feeling him at and figured responding too quickly would give him false hopes, so I would just respond later.  I didn’t respond until this afternoon.

See how this shit works?

Dealing with another one of those super busy and forgetful guys isn’t an appealing option, and neither is the possibility that he’s curving me so I asked him again if he wanted to become a fuck buddy and he’s saying no.  

His actions are telling me otherwise so I’ll give him a week or so, if that.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones




Profile photos men shouldn’t share

On and off, hide and reveal, resign and restart.  The vicious cycle known as online dating and for the life of me, I just don’t understand how men can continue to sabotage themselves by ruining the most important part of the process – the dating profile and specifically, the photos.

Do these men not realize that they can turn a woman all the way on by what he’s sharing in his profile and just the same, can turn us off completely by choosing the lazy, cheesy and sleazy photos like this debonair fella right here:


Yes, this is an actual photo from someone’s profile and yes – he looks like a teenager and made me feel like a pedophile for viewing it and yes – you’re welcome for the red box editing to spare you the unruly hairs and extreme shrinkage.

If only I could be the fairy godmother of dating and tell these clueless gents what NOT to do but for now, you can check out my post written for Digital Romance, Inc.,  5 Photos Men Need to Stop Posting Online.

Digital Romance, Inc is the premier source for using the power of technology to get the best dating advice articles, podcasts and videos delivered at the tap of a button.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones


A Message for The Older Woman

One of my hangovers (USBC) was obviously feeling himself this morning when he decided to post this message:

In short, he’s us (yeah you, women 40 and over) that guys like HIM are now the hottest commodities around.  The ones who have been constantly jammed into that friend zone by women who just weren’t into him.

So today he decided to be the spokesperson for all of the men who just never made the cut and pound on his chest while basically yelling out “Now you lonely bitches want ME!”.

Oddly enough, I found this to be pretty funny because he’s not the only one who’s made comments like this in recent weeks.

Several of the men stuck in a woman’s friend zone feel like their singlehood is because of our refusal to do one thing – settle.

Do you want to know what may happen if we do end up going for the one would just doesn’t do it for us?  I could ask the dozen or so friends of mine who have done it and one word sums it up – cheat.

So on behalf of the single and over 40 club, I would like to thank you for this morning’s PSA.  And oh- not all single women over 40 make the mad dash to adopt a cat.  We like dogs as well.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones



We broke up, but I’m back…

I’m caught up in this vicious cycle where the levels of frustration are so bad that I say to hell with it all.  I take down all of my decorations and pretty pictures, and might even leave some threatening note before finally ending things for good.

After a couple of weeks or so, boredom usually sets in and a little sliver of hope pops into my mind that maybe – just maybe things will be different this time.  Aren’t these the types of thoughts that makes a person want to have some reflective moments to re-evaluate their purpose and goals?  Hell yeah, it certainly is so after much thought and consideration I’m back.


Trying to meet someone normal, for the umpteenth time.

So maybe… there won’t be so many men this go round who are suspiciously suspect like this fella right here whose pose screams “DIVA”: Screenshot_2015-03-18-21-01-20-1

and maybe, just maybe there won’t be so many desperate men who repeatedly send messages without having received one solitary response like this winner:


Or better yet, those whose mailing address begins with  “U.S. Penitentiary…” have been placed on yard duty only and can stop wasting my time like this oratory genius:


I’ve heard that if you get stuck while doing something, it’s best to take a break and regroup.  So with that being said, I’m going back in.  Again.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

(Photo Credits:

High Standards, Single Women

In a perfect world, we would do everything in sequence such as getting to know each other as friends before you start dating someone but nothing is perfect and sometimes doing things out of order ends up being a good thing.  When it comes to men, I’m finding this to be an advantage and in most cases can thank my lucky stars that my spidey senses about a hangover kicked in before it was too late.  My talk with one that I’ve known for a few years now was quite enlightening when he revealed why he never pursued anything with me after several outings.

While the story doesn’t quite go the way he remembers since it was me who told him I wasn’t interested, I’ll let USBC believe things were under his control.  During one of those conversations with someone of the opposite sex the question of who I’m involved with almost always comes up, and when I responded there wasn’t anyone right now who was appealing, USBC says he tells me the reason he wasn’t interested in pursuing anything serious is because didn’t want to do that much work and was afraid of me.

Too much work and afraid, huh?

I knew this talk was about to get interesting and he begins explaining how afraid he was that I would be that one woman to do a number on him.  Meaning, he’s so used to being the one in a situation/relationship causing the other grief and pain, the idea of someone doing the same to him wasn’t something he could contend with.  Just like a few others, USBC couldn’t believe that he could have stumbled on someone who was sexy, smart, funny, adventurous, spirited and kinky like me could be kept by a man like him.  As such, he figured it was best to go with a “safer option” and began dating some low maintenance chick not having to worry about doing any real work to keep her happy.

For some reason, this was so funny to me because a lot of my friends always wonder how the boring chick seems to score in relationships and marriages and it’s because they’re considered low maintenance or as he said – low maintenance.  I think this Huff Post article gives the most accurate description of this type of woman saying she is “willing to repress her own needs in order to make no demands on her current or desired partner.”

Taking it a step further beyond her submissive ways, envision what she is typically going to look like.  She is likely very basic if not frumpy, does minimal to keep up her exterior appearance (she would never rock a Ruby Woo lipstick and a stiletto is out of the question) and is likely sporting everything au natural.  The type of woman who is low maintenance might be a loner or a homebody.  Most importantly – just rolls with the ebbs and flows, accepting of all of the bullshit these men may send her way.

Almost always, she’s being cheated on for a woman like me and just as USBC explained to me – the very things that makes a man like him interested in being with her, are the same things that he ends up despising once he realizes she just doesn’t go it for him. In my eyes,  these women aren’t winning a damn thing.

I’m totally stoked about this conversation for two reasons – the most obvious being able to figure after only three dates that we weren’t a good fit based on what I was hearing and now, this man being comfortable enough to actually divulge what I’ve suspected to be the problem with dating all along:

The insecurities of a man are most often the reason for all of the drama and headaches with dating and relationships.


Sorry fellas, I’m not the beat up Toyota Corolla with 200,000 miles that only needs the tires kicked every now and then.   But I’m not the Phantom Rolls Royse running you $650 a pop for a basic oil change.

I AM a woman of substance who takes pride in her appearance and has enough self-respect to know my worth.

Accept it and love me or leave me alone.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones



He Didn’t Wear Heels


Last week’s date marked the first time I’ve gone out with a non-black man and while one “quick” meet up will never allow me to claim an interracial dating experience, at least I was open coerced enough to have tried it.

During that excruciating hour and eleven minutes with the hangover I’ll call Guido, a few things became perfectly clear to me:  (1) nearly every man lies about at least one thing on his dating profile, (2) broken English and improper verb tense isn’t something I’ll ever be able to stomach, and (3) being told how beautiful I am repeatedly in one sitting is a little creepy.

That being said, to say that I was turned off by Guido is an understatement and while he was planning on making the night last even longer by moving from drinks to dinner, I politely declined saying I wasn’t hungry even though my stomach was growling like it hadn’t been fed in weeks.  The second and third realizations can certainly be annoying, but it’s that first one that kills me about men just like Guido who lie, lie, lie when it comes to their profiles and according to scientific research, 81% of the people out there are lying about something. 

Height, age and weight tend to be areas where the deception is the highest.


While Guido still looked a little bit like the profile photos posted he was just a shorter, bigger and more ethnic version of himself in real life.  Obviously I’m not very good at hiding my reaction to this actual version because he asked me why I seemed to flinch when he walked into the restaurant where we met. 

It wasn’t really a flinch but more like me silently asking who the fuck is this when seeing he was about 5’7 (profile said 5’11), chubby with stubby fingers wearing a jacket his body was screaming to get out of (profile said “athletic”) and while it didn’t matter either way, appeared to look more Latino (profile said mixed race). 

Of course if he’s going to ask what I thought about his appearance, I’m going to explain how different he looks and do you know this fat bastard even had the nerve to joke about the height discrepancy by saying “I’m not wearing my heels today” before quickly changing the subject. 

After he began the lengthy sales presentation about himself, I soon learned a few other things he lied about in his profile including his profession and ethnicity. 

Guido isn’t really in executive management but is a financial analyst who probably thinks he’s the big cheese because of the travel perks he received and pimps out to the ladies.  Also, when asking if his family still lived in Puerto Rico since he’s always traveling there (must have forgot he told me that’s where he’s from) I was confused when he shook his head like I said something offensive, before replying that he was from Chile.   This little tidbit explained realization number two.

Once again, there’s another fraud in my presence who ironically,  complained about having met WOMEN who weren’t what they depicted in their profiles.   I guess he decided to pay it forward thinking there was nothing wrong with little white lies.

Dating in general is already pretentious and risky enough without having to worry about the “little things” people aren’t truthful about either directly or indirectly.  Here’s the thing about lying when it comes to your appearance – unless you’re able to make some miraculous physical transformation before we meet all you’re doing is setting yourself up for failure, while eliminating yourself from ever having a chance at a second date.

Someone needs to tell these ass clowns to just be up front so they can stop wasting precious time, energy and gas.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

P.S. If you’re reading this post via email and wonder why you’re only seeing the first couple of sentences, have no fear – simply click on the post title link and off you go to the web site!

The Retards of Online Dating


How do you respond to a dude who’s photos shows a money struggle between bills, weed and women and if you think this photo is bad, just imagine what his dating profile says.

I normally ignore messages from ingrates like this (using the Urban Dictionary meaning here), but sometimes I really want to message EXACT what I am thinking and feel.

The Inland Empire (San Bernardino,  Riverside) area seems to be breeding a special kind of loser  because this happens to be the fourth of his kind that has reached out to me this week.

Sometimes I really wonder if breaking up with any of my ex’s was such a good idea because for anyone thinking the single life is fun and dating is “cool”, I’ve got about 20 pages on this blog that might  encourage you to think about working that shit out with the man or woman you’re with.  Damn, it seems like they’re getting worse.

Until there’s a cure….

Carmen Jones

Girl, Don’t Send That Text!

 wpid-screenshotedits-1.pngIf someone is struggling with an addiction or having suicidal tendencies, there’s help.   One call to a dedicated number can offer support, fresh perspectives and hopefully prevent someone from doing something they’ll end up regretting.

So why in the hell has no one ever created a crisis hot line for dating? You know we need it!

There’s always some man or woman acting a god damn fool over someone they’ve been dealing with and shit has taken a turn for the worse.  They’re about to send some convoluted text message, blow up someone’s phone and leave some stalker-ish message that’s about five minutes long or worse – go on over to the house and wait for someone to “talk face to face”.

The end result is always something foolish,  only to be regretted soon after  so there needs to be a dedicated friend and number for these occasions.   Just imagine something like that special red phone you see in the movies where some dude is waiting for the word – detonate the bomb or diffuse it.

This is what I was thinking about before speaking to a friend of mine this evening.   She had been calling me a few times throughout the day, but we kept missing each other.  Finally, she yells out I really need to speak with you and it’s about some guy she’s been seeing for about a month.

Sadly,  I was too late.

I wasn’t there waiting on the crisis line to help her earlier and as a result she violated each and every rule of dating.   Especially when there’s no commitment AND things are too new.  She caught feelings for a man who was on one of those “doing me” kicks,  she got emotional, said some things, then texted some things, then just had to leave a lengthy voicemail to recap her feelings.

You’ve already done the damage and now you’re calling me wondering what to do?  Shit,  this was like telling me you forgot to pay the bill after the lights have been out for a week.  The damage is done so now this is more like a recovery mission instead of a rescue. A dating crisis hot line could have helped but instead,  there’s now another man thinking that women are nothing more than emotional basket cases.

Ladies, here’s a tip that has taken me many many years to learn – we don’t always have to respond or say something and if we do, it does NOT have to be right now.  Let some of these situations marinate a bit, then plan your attack  course of action and while your girlfriend on the other line may not be an expert it’s still better than your irrational and hasty behavior.

Until there’s a cure….

Carmen Jones

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Throwback Dating

Photo Credit:
Photo Credit:

Nothing is constant but change and this concept most certainly applies to dating.

Over the last ten years or so, the rules of the game have changed drastically and this isn’t just because online dating is now one of the most popular ways to try finding that special someone but our society is now a lot more screwed up.   Simple interactions we used to take for granted such as talking on the telephone or simply saying hello to someone you’re interested in have gone away and the likelihood of sharing an intelligible conversation is slim to none. Some of the ridiculous experiences I’ve had with men from both online contact and the good old-fashioned face-to-face contact and dating are both pathetic and embarrassing but sadly some of the women are not beyond reproach other. I just wish we could rewind the clock to those throwback styles of dating.

Remember when…

A man would see a woman he was interested in, ask for a number to call her and within a day or maybe even less, a telephone call was made and the voices of two interested people went to.


During that initial telephone call, the two people are either having a brief discussion with a few awkward pauses or may be lucky enough to have one of those marathon calls when chores, homework and even food is being ignored and no one wants to be the first to hang up. It may be with this first call or maybe a couple more, but soon after an actual date is planned where typically it is the man who is asking the woman out for dinner, a movie or maybe even dancing.


The man just needs her address and he’s on his way to her house and wait for it – gets out of the car. He’s dressed nicely for the date leaving his baseball cap and flip flops for another day and walks up to knock on the door (calling her to come out was unacceptable and honking was criminal). He might have a little something for the woman since it is their first date and soon after she greets him, they’re headed back to the car and on their way.


As they’re driving to their destination with some “safe” music playing, conversation ensues and…

I think you’re getting the idea where I’m going with this fairytale of sorts. What’s funny and sad at the same time is that anyone younger than 30 or has been meeting the same types as myself and many others, has no recognition of what I’ve described above. Things nowadays are so ridiculously twisted when it comes to dating that THIS has become the norm:

If someone interested in you he or she will ask if you’re on Facebook, ask for your Instagram name, Twitter handle, or Snap Chat name and just maybe you’ll be asked for a phone number text you sometime. After several days or maybe even a week, contact is made using one of the sources above which mostly likely is a text message with something like “HYD”, “WYD” or “Hey” or my personal favorite “Hi Sexy”. It is quite possible that you will NEVER receive an actual telephone call and if allowed, a man or woman will continue to text you, add you to their group distribution lists for jokes and chain letters along with countless requests for photos.

Should the moons and stars are properly aligned, a call might be placed for one of those “in traffic, just called to say hi” conversations and since it’s likely the person on the other end is socially retarded, you’ll end up wishing they had really Facebook’d or texted instead. Depending on how things might be going in a person’s life (as in they’re having problems in a relationship, just been dumped or are really bored), there’s a unique substitution that may be offered. It’s either presented in the form of you “meeting up” somewhere if they suddenly remembered your name and location, “hanging out” at some crowded space with other random people or another personal favorite – asking you to “come through” which is really morse code for getting fu@ked.

Photo Credit: Brian Ward via Twitter
Photo Credit: Brian Ward via Twitter

I could go on and on but again,  you get where I’m going with this and many of us can readily admit how screwed up the dating scene is.  As if dealing with another person’s baggage, lifestyle challenges and everything else isn’t enough, now we have a generation of lazy daters.  I just wish we could bring back that old school type of dating.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Is it THAT bad?

Uh…. yes.  Online dating is that bad and for some reason the convicts seem to be the main ones looking for love.

Check the background and I dare anyone to tell me this dude isn’t missing his shoelaces, is making license plates, or has swapped phone time for the Internet.


This one too and I think it was the door and what is likely wiring for an alarm that gave him away:


And last but not least, this poor sap who didn’t get the memo about the pose. His dumb ass must have forgotten this wasn’t the new mugshot moment:


Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

This Week in Dating Fuckery


It’s been a long week for me and today is only Tuesday,  so I welcomed a little break with a few dating site messages.

Things started off kind of odd with this dude because his first message said “Hello,  you are very beautiful so I had to message.   I read your profile carefully and no one is perfect.”

What the hell?  Who’s looking for perfection?? I just make it pretty darn clear with this newly reactivated profile that my threshold for bullshit is negative zero.

I reply something simple and this dude asks me how my day was and if I was headed home.  I said not yet and returned the question asking if his day was ending well, and here’s how HE responds:


Incarcerated.  Really man, what the hell are you messaging me for??  Do I strike you as the one who’ll readily put $20 on your books?

Like my girl MeSoSingle said, why are prisoners privy to so many benefits like the Internet and online dating at that.

Of course, I’ll try to find the humor in situations like this so for shits and giggles, I went back to view his profile again. 

Wouldn’t you know, he listed his hobbies as:  weight lifting,  basketball, drawing.  Yep, everything there except making license plates and jogging alongside the fence.

I can’t make up this shit if I tried.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Return to Sender?


The man I have been getting to know while he planned a major life changing move back to Southern California has arrived and he made sure I was on the list of things to do the same day his plane touched down.  Sunday afternoon seemed to make all of the waiting and anticipation worth it, and thankfully that same chemistry and good-feeling vibes experienced over the telephone these last couple of months seemed worth it.

After over 10-years of being gone, being married and starting a family in the mid-west, Out of Sight is a resident once again. Yet just like that item  you recently purchased where you’re not so sure it is what you wanted or will work out, you make sure that packaging and receipt isn’t thrown away in case it needs to be returned.  This is exactly how I’m feeling about him and while these thoughts may not be new my concerns about him giving up so much more to move than, last night’s conversation renewed these thoughts and confirmed my reasoning for having them.

Out of Sight is a flight risk.

Sadly, I went to bed with thoughts of disappointment and  woke up this morning thinking the same thing, then began asking myself if I should just stop so much of the interaction now, cut my losses and spare my feelings or stop over-thinking and not deviate from my behaviors and just relax.  Last night’s conversation that started with me asking “How was your first full working day?” and his long-winded bitch fest is what has me doing a 360 degree turnaround and just as I was annoyed hearing him say if things got too bad and didn’t work out, he could always go back home BEFORE he moved here, I sure as hell don’t like hearing it AFTER he moved.

I can certainly understand the dynamics of this type of situation – major move, new location you haven’t lived in since your early 20’s, uncertainty and making sure everything back home continues to be taken care of.  I get all of the trepidation, really I do.  I understand his frustration that the home of the relative he’s staying with wasn’t prepared the way they told him it would be, and how there’s nothing like having your own space. Out of Sight isn’t happy with the living arrangements and has been on a non-stop mission to find his own place to live immediately, especially now that he’s been familiarizing himself with the areas near his job.  This brings me to his next issue – the job.  It’s only been three days but so far, he’s not feeling it at all.

The negotiated pay he was told was finalized has not been finalized and the operations of the organization seem poorly managed. Can you say unhappy, frustrated, skeptical, scared, regretful and reluctant in the same sentence? If the main driver for making the move here was based on the potential of a rewarding career and a very good salary doesn’t seem to be panning out and you have no other motivations (aside from maybe the fast-paced lifestyle and a climate no like other) or incentives such as a home of your own, children or family to stay, why would you stay?

I totally get where’s he’s coming from and while it’s still too early to say how this will all pan out, I can only reinforce my feelings all along that he may have been a little too hasty in making the move without thinking or planning in greater detail. Hence my thoughts about him being a flight risk, so here’s what I’m going to do – back off.  Way off. I’ve been through the man-in-transition game before with Rescue and that experience was pretty rough.  These men need to work out their issues and readjustments to new situations because at the end of the day, these are THEIR issues.

It just seems that I can’t catch a break, there’s always something and while this isn’t even a dating hangover in the sense that we’ve not had enough face time to be considered as dating, it is situations like this that keep me where I am. Having to explain far too often why I’m single.As cliché as it may be, I’ll keep rolling with the mantra of waiting to see what happens and in the meantime, I think the friend category will suit me just fine instead and I dare someone to tell me I’m wrong for thinking this way.  Double dog dare you.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering about the potential back-up plan with Island Boy?  I haven’t heard from him since Friday night when I shut-down his booty call hour request to come over to my place.  That wasn’t the first time he tried inviting himself over, but you have to know that a “Can I come and see you?” text at 11:30pm isn’t a plan to bake some chocolate chip cookies.  Uh…. Next!

So there you have it, my dating hangovers.  Men are really like a brand new pair of shoes ordered from the Internet that you haven’t tried on.  The packaging and receipts sure as hell better be put in a safe place because you never know if you have to return them to the sender.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

Small World


So far, so good with Out of Sight and while I think the crack in his foundation has been clearly identified based on our conversations, my focus will be away from the negative and more on the potential that he’s offering.  Unfortunately for his friends and family, the relocation date has been pushed ahead by over a month and I’m not ashamed to say that I’m elated to hear this.  It’s all about me for right now.

Funny thing is that I’m quite nervous at the same time because the expectations that Out of Sight has for a woman he would even consider dating are quite demanding and while unrealistic isn’t necessarily an accurate statement, let’s just say it is now very apparent (beyond him being a workaholic) why this man is single. Still, things seem to be progressing fairly well so far as the two of us getting to know one another and I’m really thinking the distance apart enhances the types of conversations we’ve been having.

I mentioned in my last post that Out of Sight is the closest you can get to being the male equivalent of me; that could be a bad thing because we both have very extreme points of views but it’s our ability to be open with our communication that seems to balance everything out.  We tell a lot of stories and share experiences – both the good and the bad, so last week during one of our discussions I learned to hate a particular phrase that we tend to use – it’s a small world.

Allow me to explain how we have learned that we have more in common that we originally knew or cared to know…

A few weeks ago me and Out of Sight were having one of our usual telephone gab sessions while I was en route to a birthday gathering and something the two of us seem to have in common (to a fault) is the reference of a person’s name when sharing a memorable experience or story.  Without recalling all of the specifics that morning, I do remember saying how the birthday honoree was a really great guy and because of his personality, seemed to know so many people all over the country.

Out of Sight happens to ask why was it that this guy so popular and my reply was “Maybe because he’s part of a large fraternity or maybe it’s just that he’s amazingly entertaining and compassionate person”, and then he asks what was my friend’s name.  It turns out we know the SAME person very well with me having worked with him and developed a close friendship over the years, while both he and his ex-wife are intimately familiar with this same guy. You better believe the itch is certainly there for me to let our mutual connection know that one of his boys was on my hangover radar to start probing him for some information whether good or bad surprisingly,  I’ve continued to resist doing so.  Instead, I’ll continue learning all about Out of Sight on my own and let things flow with naturally.  This instance of it really being a small world after all isn’t bad and in fact, ended up being pretty comical once we shared our thoughts about the secret life this mutual friend is probably engaging in.  The second example, however hit a little too close to home.

In case I haven’t made it clear enough, we converse pretty often which can range from several times throughout the day or depending on how crazy our schedules may be, once or twice but nothing too extreme in either direction. The lovely part about this blossoming friendship is that nothing is left off the table, absolutely nothing.  We talk about everything from credit scores, favorite pastimes, whether it’ll be a hug or a long kiss when we meet, to my thoughts on someone using the bathroom while I’m showering and best of all – we share experiences and funny stories.

So a few days ago during one of our mid-morning sessions, we were talking about his upcoming move as well as the vacation he’s taking to the land of silicones and fat-injected booties – Miami and he asked if I wanted to come along.  I remember making a comment about the wild and crazy partying that would surely take place, which sparked a flashback in his mind that began with “I remember one time I was messing around with this one kinky chick named __________; man, let me tell you she was a f-r-e-a-k and the things we did and what she let me do….”

Initially, Out of Sight didn’t hear me when I chuckled and said “Shit, I KNOW her!”, and he continued telling the tale of how he was a 22 year-old in his sexual prime meeting up with a woman who was in the same place as he was in sexual curiosity.  Down to try anything, ready to explore everything.  The more he talked in this amazingly animated tone, the quieter I became as I started going through my photo gallery to find a photo of her.  Suddenly, it hit him; he pauses saying “What? You don’t know her, let me finish telling you this story because there’s no way we’re talking about the same woman.”

As soon as I began quizzing him on the physical appearance and he mentioned one very specific part of her body, doubts were quickly being eliminated.  SILENCE.

Now just picture this for a moment – A woman is happily running through a field of beautiful sunflowers, the wind is blowing through her hair and she doesn’t have a care in the world.Suddenly, she starts sinking slower and slower into the ground until finally – her entire head is covered in cow manure. Is the picture pretty clear? This is exactly how I was feeling at the realization that this uh…sexually liberated woman was the same person, a former fling of his and a very, very good friend of mine.

Saying that it is a small word is an understatement and really – what is the likelihood of the person you found online, are anxiously waiting to meet, lives thousands of miles away AND happens to have had some kinky, sex toy filled threesome encounter with one of your closest friends?

I have to give him credit though, because he’s obviously got great taste in women, because we are so much alike.We’re quite similar in appearance and stature, personalities are the same hence our friendship, and are both pretty darn smart. That’s the bright side, I suppose.

Still, I couldn’t help feeling a certain kind of way.   Regardless of how long ago it was the thought that me getting to the point of kissing this man and engaging in any type of intimate encounter will always be in my mind as him having once been one of her conquests and me taking on her………leftovers. Alas, I am pressing forward and will just have to think like a man; they are entirely different creatures when it comes to certain situations like this and couldn’t give a flying fart about a friend or even a relative having dealt with the same woman.

There’s also a part of me that is resisting the urge to ask her a few pressing questions such as: how was he in bed, was it any good, did it stay hard without having to work hand or mouth miracles, would she do it again, does the jizz smell okay, was he able to satisfy both her and the other woman, is he wild and passionate, can he kiss, does he have good bedroom talk, is he a minute man?

Dating is hard enough without little glitches like this!

So many things I’m wondering about as I realize that there are now not one, but two aces I’m holding in my pocket; two people who are very near and dear to me who could really shed some additional insight on Out of Sight.

I guess I’m okay with not probing and will let things ride as I look forward to meeting the man who seems to have captured my attention for all the right reasons.

 Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones