• Online Dating,  Plenty of Fail,  THIS is Why I'm Single!

    We broke up, but I’m back…

    I’m caught up in this vicious cycle where the levels of frustration are so bad that I say to hell with it all.  I take down all of my decorations and pretty pictures, and might even leave some threatening note before finally ending things for good. After a couple of weeks or so, boredom usually sets in and a little sliver of hope pops into my mind that maybe – just maybe things will be different this time.  Aren’t these the types of thoughts that makes a person want to have some reflective moments to re-evaluate their purpose and goals?  Hell yeah, it certainly is so after much thought and…

  • Dumb Shit Guys Do,  Online Dating,  Plenty of Fail

    Older Isn’t Necessarily Better

    This week in online dating fuckery…. “Grab my attention,  huh?   Well I’m certainly interested in being locked from top to bottom.  I just need to get rid of these cold sores and finish this prescription for this HPV…” Okay, so I really didn’t say this but it sure would have been a hoot to see what Mister Carmel had to say. FUCKERY. Most of the time these foolish tyoes of messages are simply ignored but every now and then, I’ll reply.  I know this is a little odd, but sometimes I just want to pass the time being entertained by these idiots. I’m realizing more and more that the number…

  • Friends with Benefits

    Girl, Don’t Send That Text!

     If someone is struggling with an addiction or having suicidal tendencies, there’s help.   One call to a dedicated number can offer support, fresh perspectives and hopefully prevent someone from doing something they’ll end up regretting. So why in the hell has no one ever created a crisis hot line for dating? You know we need it! There’s always some man or woman acting a god damn fool over someone they’ve been dealing with and shit has taken a turn for the worse.  They’re about to send some convoluted text message, blow up someone’s phone and leave some stalker-ish message that’s about five minutes long or worse – go on over…

  • Sex/Romance,  Slider Posts,  Slider Posts,  Uncategorized

    Ignoring the Limpness

    It’s late at night and the two of you either made plans for a happy ending or figured a hot and steamy make out session is what a 2am visit would eventually lead to. An intense round of tongue wrestling ensues and next thing you know, any clothing you were wearing has been strewn throughout the room. The kissing and touching gets pretty intense, nipples and other body parts are now out and ready for some action but there’s just one small problem – the man’s penis isn’t cooperating and not willing to participate in the fun. This just happened to me last night and I’ll be damned if I start…

  • Uncategorized

    Therapy is Sexy

    Since I’ve been back from my European vacation, things have been pretty quiet on the hangover front and to be honest – I’m enjoying the down time.  Not having to worry about getting all dolled up for a meet-up with some creep who drives around with a bottle of Moscato or feeling bad for accepting a “friendly”  outing from a former hangover when I realize he still has hope that something could ever be is just a bit much.  It’s been a little over 3 years now in my single hood and every now and then, a self-imposed vacation from men occurs. Now is just the time to sit back,…

  • Sex/Romance,  THIS is Why I'm Single!,  Uncategorized

    The Selfish Fucker

    They say it’s best to try everything at least twice and that’s exactly what I did with this latest hangover who as of Wednesday, so it seems like this was a mutual agreement to hit it and quit it. Our initial encounter went pretty well  and if  you recall, the sexual interaction was a little strange and not very satisfying with me because it felt like I was in bed with Roger Rabbit who was doped up on some type of enhancement drug.  He just couldn’t get enough because as he said over and over again, “your pussy is just so damn good” and it seemed to me as if…

  • Sex/Romance

    Fifty Shades of…

    Last night’s date with a man I originally met over two years ago was painstakingly boring and from the moment we walked into a local spot for a few drinks, my mind was already wandering to the dirty limits. Who was I going to fuck once I get rid of this sappy dude?  Sounds pretty bad to think about a man while in the presence of another but it is what it is.  The night (finally) came to an end with a church hug and as soon as this ass hit the seat, I was looking at my phone wondering who would be the suitor of choice. The first person…

  • Online Dating,  Sex/Romance

    Thoughts & Achy Nipples

    I’m not sure what it was that jostled me out of the bed this morning, because it sure as hell wasn’t the chime of my alarm.  Memo to self: Pressing “Save” is a critical step when changing the time of your wake-up call.  Was it the sound and smell of the horny neighborhood skunks getting it in under my bedroom window the reason I nearly fell onto the floor? Nah, probably not. It was more like my brain having mercy on me because that dream I was having was really fucked up.  It seemed as if it lasted for hours, and had me feeling all types of emotions from horny to…

  • Uncategorized

    No Longer Accepting Applications

    Just like that employer deciding that the maximum number of applications for an open position has been reached, I have officially closed out my online dating profile so of course this could mean one of two things.  The first being the optimistic stance that a wonderful person is now filling my phone with “good morning beautiful” messages, calls just to say hello and bonding time getting to know one another.  OR we could go with the reality of how draining and mentally and emotionally exhausting dating can be when you continue meeting the types of men you wished were all in a landfill somewhere being shitted on daily by flocks…

  • Relationship 101,  THIS is Why I'm Single!

    Party of Three

    Someone asked me this morning if there was still Hope or if things had returned to a hopeless state.  My reply was that things were so-so which means I’m pretty much winging it at this point.  The last update on him was after the detailed conversation had about dislikes, ways and preferences which left me feeling a little better knowing the type of person I was dealing with.  Accepting that although we happened to have spent more time together in a matter of a week than most people do in a relationship the first couple of weeks, we realized that did not negate the fact that there was so much…

  • Relationship 101

    The Front Runner

     “You really had me a little heated these last couple of days because you really fell off.  Hell, I even had to change your nickname.” “Oh really?  What was it?” “Hope, because that’s what I think we gave each other when it comes to dating.” “Okay, and what did you change it to?” “Humph.  I changed it to Wreck it Ralph because you seemed like someone who didn’t know what he was doing or liked playing games.” “No, it wasn’t anything like that.  Like we just discussed, it wasn’t anything like that but since you changed to Wreck it Ralph how did the movie begin and how did it end?”…

  • Uncategorized

    Thinking Too Much?

    Women think too much, we just do.  Sometimes I wish I could reach in the back of my head and disconnect that plug that goes into my brain to prevent me from doing the very thing that sometimes seems to sabotage a few situations that could have been promising in the world of dating.  Then again, thinking things out is good because you’re able to weed out the bullshit a lot sooner. Saturday night, I had yet another date with Hope and not only was it the fifth in the week that we’ve known each other; it was the first time we allowed ourselves to get a little more touchy-feely.…

  • Uncategorized

    Great Date And Then…

    Not much afterwards. I’m a little confused because I hear about men and women going on that first date and in their mind, having a really great time but then shit pretty much fizzles after that.  It has happened to me and after about 3,047 dates, this is probably only the second time.  A man doesn’t normally meet and spend time with me and not want to either call me moments after leaving each other, or asking when we’re getting together soon. But it did. Naturally, that inner voice is trying to replay the Sunday morning until afternoon date, looking for that place to press pause and dissect the scene. …

  • Bad First Dates,  THIS is Why I'm Single!,  Uncategorized

    I’m Here to Date, Not to Screw

    For the last couple of days, I have been trying to figure out   procrastinating on posting about my lastest date. Fresh out of the caribbean where the men worshipped me like the super bad chick that I am, right into one of the hottest sushi bars in LA for a first time meeting with a new hangover.  I can’t remember if I mentioned this last week, but there were a few “last call” stragglers I had exchanged numbers with prior to ending my membership on this dating site I’ve been on for the last couple of months. One of the men who passed the initial screening for telephone number exchange…