• Uncategorized

    Therapy is Sexy

    Since I’ve been back from my European vacation, things have been pretty quiet on the hangover front and to be honest – I’m enjoying the down time.  Not having to worry about getting all dolled up for a meet-up with some creep who drives around with a bottle of Moscato or feeling bad for accepting a “friendly”  outing from a former hangover when I realize he still has hope that something could ever be is just a bit much.  It’s been a little over 3 years now in my single hood and every now and then, a self-imposed vacation from men occurs. Now is just the time to sit back,…

  • Online Dating,  Red Flags

    Return to Sender?

    The man I have been getting to know while he planned a major life changing move back to Southern California has arrived and he made sure I was on the list of things to do the same day his plane touched down.  Sunday afternoon seemed to make all of the waiting and anticipation worth it, and thankfully that same chemistry and good-feeling vibes experienced over the telephone these last couple of months seemed worth it. After over 10-years of being gone, being married and starting a family in the mid-west, Out of Sight is a resident once again. Yet just like that item  you recently purchased where you’re not so sure it…

  • Uncategorized

    Nearing That Cliff

    I’m getting dangerously close to the edge of the tallest cliff, taking a deep breath, closing my eyes and then jumping off the dating cliff saying fuck it all. Seriously.  I’m tired and frustrated and the feelings I have had for so many years while in between relationships have come full circle- dating is hard and it sucks. Is this rant about The Date of The Week from last night, Detroit, who couldn’t umderstand why a woman would be mildly annoyed because she waited in a restaurant while his “almost there” turned into 30 minutes late.  He was a nice enough gentleman, but his teeth were horribly stained and he…

  • My Dating Hangovers,  Online Dating,  Red Flags,  THIS is Why I'm Single!

    Enron

      As of a few moments ago, I just canceled my second date with Enron only he doesn’t know it yet. You’ll notice that this post doesn’t have a title because hell, I’m a little conflicted on what it should be. While I always said the direct approach is the best way of letting someone know you’re not interested, I may have to do a gradual phase out of this one. Let me just say that Enron is an amazingly interesting man. He had my mind enthralled with his initial message to me, and after the second reply something struck me that said “These words are too good to be…

  • Break Ups,  Married Men,  My Dating Hangovers,  THIS is Why I'm Single!,  When you're dating your ex

    A few hours later…

    Great minds think alike! Esme, you’re so right. Fu#k these men with all of their issues. I decided at 2:25pm this afternoon that Rescue needs to be rescued. Pun intended. I told a friend a few weeks ago we need to stop dealing with these dog pound-caliber of men. Yes, I said dog pound. They’re cute, you want to cuddle them and even though they’re tattered and beat up from life events, some of us feel the need to rescue them. So last night, I accepted a last minute invitation to see a Foo Fighters concert with….. Tall Glass of Wine. And a great time was had by all! Until…

  • Break Ups,  Married Men,  My Dating Hangovers,  Relationship 101,  When you're dating your ex

    Before the trip

    I just got my house key back from Rescue. The last message I’d sent was pretty stern as I said a little something like “I don’t want to talk to you” and “leave the car running, I’ll meet you at the door”. So there he was, looking as handsome as ever with a puppy dog look on his face to match mine, waiting with key in hand. Here’s how I envisioned things would go: Carmen stands with hands on hips in the door way, one eyebrow cocked in the air with a disgusted look. Rescue walks up and she says “my key”, quickly extends her right hand, gets the key…

  • Break Ups,  Married Men,  My Dating Hangovers,  Red Flags,  When you're dating your ex

    Phase 3- The “I don’t know how I feel” moment

    To say that this past week has been rough would be a gross understatement. I haven’t been shedding tears of “my relationship is crappy and pretty much over, but more “this whole wanting to be with someone is crappy”. Actually, I take that back – the crying has pretty much subsided and has been replaced with an attitude of indifference. Rescue has issues that need to be worked out and as much as he keeps trying to convince me that WE are okay, I beg to differ. Selfishness or love? Which is it when someone knows they’re not right for you OR need to work on themselves before trying to…

  • Break Ups,  Married Men,  My Dating Hangovers,  Relationship 101,  When you're dating your ex

    Phase 2

    The crying, dry heaves and headaches and confusion that follows have subsided. I’ve have passed the “I don’t really want it to be over”, “perhaps we just need a break” and the “why do I feel so bad” stages. I’ll admit it here – Saturday and Sunday were more like pre-break up moments. I’d told Rescue I was “letting him go so he could work on himself” and based on the generic/normal type of calls and texting that followed, I learned my girlfriends were right- he didn’t get it. Rescue didn’t understand that those weren’t just words of support for his negligent, inconsistent and somewhat suspect absenteeism but instead, my…

  • Break Ups,  Married Men,  My Dating Hangovers,  Relationship 101,  Settling or Compromising?,  When you're dating your ex

    After all of that…

    I believe I am now a single woman. Again. After all of the drama, the divorce arguments, trying to convey communication vs incorrect assumptions, and learning to juggle things in life, I decided I can take no more. When I woke up yesterday (for like the 3rd time), I decided there is no hope for Rescue and me. Maybe there’s no hope for him, period. After all of enlightening feedback I received from Papa Bear, I thought we would be okay, being able to be strong enough to weather any storm. I apologized my part in having caused and strife and it was well received by Rescue but then he…

  • Married Men,  My Dating Hangovers,  When you're dating your ex

    “Of course, because you’re a WOMAN!”

    “You guys don’t get a lot of what men are trying to communicate or do so stop trying so hard to analyze everything”. Yes, this is what my dear friend named Papa Bear said to me last week. I’m a 36 year-old woman, of course I know there is normally a communication barrier between the sexes but this time, I think it finally sank in just how much. As tired and exasperated I was after what I shall affectionately dub as “the worst holiday weekend ever”, I wondered what else can I do. Rescue and I have pretty much done some major damage with our hiatus from seeing each other,…

  • Break Ups,  Married Men,  My Dating Hangovers,  Red Flags,  Relationship 101,  Settling or Compromising?,  When you're dating your ex

    He can blame himself in the end- Pt. 1

    So much has transpired since my update last weekend. Of course, my girls who have seen me know the details of all that went down with me and Rescue and for you others – read it here because I simply don’t have the energy to rehash it. That last line sounds like a state of defeat, doesn’t it? As of today (Saturday) night, I have to admit to myself that something went away within the last couple of days. Saying that I’m no longer in love with Rescue would be a lie BUT saying I’ve lost THAT feeling is completely true. You know what I’m talking about? I can’t really…

  • Married Men,  My Dating Hangovers,  Settling or Compromising?,  When you're dating your ex

    The “Ah hah” Moment

    I’m realizing that I just am not cut out for relationships. I try. When I say I’m interested in meeting my life partner, I’m just not talking out of the side of my neck. I’m serious. Yet of the ones I’ve tried to make work, the end result? Epic failure. I’m sick of hearing people tell me that relationships take work, and that of you really care for someone, you’ll make concessions and learn compromise. While those helpful words of wisdom may sound good, they can be a bit overrated. We sometimes get committed relationships confused with marriage. As someone reminded me yesterday that I’d never been married before (Yes,…

  • Married Men,  My Dating Hangovers,  When you're dating your ex

    In a happy place… for now

    Things are going pretty well on the “situation” front with Rescue. I’m happy to announce that……………………………………………………… Re-training is going successfully! Of course, just like that new puppy who needs to be taught that peeing on the carpet or chewing on the curtains is a no-no a couple of times before he gets it, the same applies with Rescue learning the do’s and don’t’s. Do’s: – continue being consistent when it comes to daily contact – keep the “I love you’s” coming – continue to share your goals/ideas/dreams with me – remember what better happen in 4 months – keep a smile on my face #1 Don’t? Failure to communicate when…