The Death of Dating

He didn’t have any standards,  so she kept lowering hers.

She stopped caring about making a good first impression, so he stopped taking a last look in the mirror before walking out the door.

She stopped requiring a phone call, and agreed to dares through a string of text messages .

We’re all guilty of ruining the dating scene- both men and women.

Interested in reading more about how we’ve gone from searching for the “right one” to someone “cool to hang with”, click here  to check out my guest post for Digital Romance.

Digital Romance is one of the best online resources for dating news and advice.

Carmen Jones

Should You Date When You’re Broke? Part I

Dating is something that consumes both time and energy and for the life of me, I will never understand how the cheaters and players are able to carry on without burning out.

While having two dates back to back in the same weekend may seem appealing (yeah, I’m hot stuff) and in the right direction (eliminate two men at once), it was a bit tiring.  Having to decide on two different outfits, hairstyle, shoes and coordinating purses and jewelry is something I would much rather worry about once a week.  Not only is the preparation for the first date and meeting with a person enough to get you all worked up, the disappointment at having WASTED your energy and a fly outfit is enough to make you want to say to hell with this!

So how about a little recap of date 1 of 2?

Before I go into the details of Friday night’s date, let me make the following statements:  First of all, people with finances that are a little questionable, iffy or non-existent should not be actively dating.  I say “people” because men and women alike should really be focusing their efforts on either conserving their funds by figuring out how to live within their means, or trying their hand at a second job to supplement their income.

Secondly, I really need to stop ignoring my instincts and listening to that little bitch in my head who says “Stop here, send him the “take care” text and keep it moving”.  Whether it is out of concern that I may be a little too particular about the types of men I will communicate with and date OR my false sense of hope that their situation really isn’t all that bad, I must stick to what my inner gut is trying to tell me.

Now, on to the next hangover.

My disappointment date from Friday was all my fault, entirely because I reached out to HIM.   A few weeks ago my solution to being proactive and actually searching the site instead of waiting for the men to reach out to me seemed like a good idea; at least once a week I would peruse through the online profiles and initiate contact, so I reached out to the hangover named Broke Boo.  From what I could tell, he was a nice looking man who was about 5 years younger and wrote intelligibly in a profile that said he was interested in the same things as me.  A message was sent to him and while it took nearly a week for a reply, it was worth the wait since it included an apology for the delay along with a light hearted message that made way for easy flowing communication.  After several exchanges and Broke Boo commenting that the women he had encountered never seemed interested in taking things offline, telephone numbers were given and a day later we were getting acquainted with each other verbally.  So far, so good right?

Well…. Hold on.

Those initial conversations can make or break your interest in a person, and while Broke Boo wasn’t guilty of committing any of those telephone no-no’s, like yelling at someone in the background about some damn ice cream (see the next post about Saturday night’s date for the full story on this), putting me on hold excessively, or asking me to snap a picture and text right away, it was certain portions of what he was saying.

The warning signs about his financial status that had me mumbling under my breath like “This _ucker is broke…” What makes me say this?  Well, when the discussion switched to work and what each of us did for a living and he mentioned he was a real estate broker followed by a “Man, it’s rough”, that was a clear indication of his um – financial disparities.  I commented something about the market being really tough right now, and he replied that it was and said he was having a really hard time maintaining but that the industry was all that he knew.  Broke Boo explained his background in corporate America, his education and how his knowledge gave him the best of both worlds for the line of work so for now- it was just a matter of him making the best of this situation.

Of course I try to see the light at the end of the tunnel and try putting a positive twist in wherever possible, but I also jokingly asked “Are we talking rough as in I do okay here and there or rough as in Top Ramen every night for dinner?  His response was “Top Ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner”.  Now we are all very much aware of the state of the market, and in California? Realtors are like vultures are circling around the same piece of meat, hoping to make a kill. So his lifestyle has been taking a beating for some 5+ years, and when he added that he was trying to figure out how to make things work so he can go to lunch and only Top Ramen, I knew what was up.

Broke, broke, and broke.

So there’s the warning of what was to come, and while Broke Boo was telling me how difficult it was to sustain in his line of work, he STILL asked me out the following night.  Now I certainly don’t want to prolong the details of the date, I appreciate the need to continue scrolling from a cell phone while reading, so part II is where I’ll share the details.

I sure wished the dating fairies would put down their joke book and stop messing around in my life.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers….

Carmen Jones

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