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Funny. Enjoyable. Comical. Traumatizing. Annoying. Embarrassing. A Waste of Time. Scary. Wonderful. A joke. Depressing. Adventurous. Exciting. Boring. Yuck. Fuck. Broke. Torture. Useless. Overrated. Worthless. Fun. Budget. Free. Money. Frustrating. Elimination. Insecurity. Hopeless. Fear. Disease. Bad jokes. Getting hammered. Sex. Infatuation. Draining. Surprise. Hate. Won’t Be a Second. Happy it is not me. Infatuation. Never again. Thank God it’s over.
Hmm… take a good look at the words above. Now do it again. Have you ever stopped to think about what it actually means?
Allow me to break it down with the actual definition:
Dating – v. A form of courtship, and may include any social activity undertaken by, typically, two persons with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.
A few months ago after one of my hell date experiences, I threw out a random question to friends and family thinking there must be something we are missing. We are either clueless about what we really want or simply get involved with the wrong people, so I wanted nothing but the first thing that came to mind when hearing “dating”.
I would be lying if I said the words above shocked me, and I’m certainly no surprised that the majority (hell, damn near ALL) of the responses were negative, but what was interesting is who the comments were coming from. I’d asked my single and happy, single and miserable friends, those in real or “complicated” relationships, and even those who claim they are happily married. Even better, the male feedback – while many of the men gripes dealt with money, money and money, a few had legitimate gripes about their failed attempts at love as well.
Alright, so WHAT was the point?
I needed a reality check, because after reading that simple two line definition explaining what the real purpose of dating was. I now see that I’ve been cheating myself by getting involved with the types of men who don’t share the same goals. I’ve been cheating myself by “working with them”, knowing good and well after the first couple of encounters; I KNOW that they are all wrong.
I shouldn’t consider someone who is shooting blanks and I’m on the fence about having another child. I shouldn’t get in the habit of “kicking” with a man who is cool to hang with but has no intentions of settling down. I shouldn’t get involved with anyone who doesn’t have any aspirations for a better quality of life or goals for the future. I SHOULD be up front about what I’m looking for and eliminate anyone immediately who doesn’t want the same thing. I SHOULD listen to my instincts because 95% of the time, they’re right.
Now is the time to start thinking of courtship, and what I ultimately want out of it. Is there anyone else on board with this new strategy?