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For every one successful experience with a man, I have THREE unsuccessful experiences. Friday night’s guy? A hit. Sunday afternoon’s guy? A miss. I’ll take the blame for the latter because I did something I normally do not do – gave someone a second chance.
A little public service announcement for those currently trying out online dating or may be considering it in the future, beware of the “trackbacks”. Whether this is the actual term, I could careless but once I explain how it works, you’ll agree that the word fits.
Because there are soooooooo many profiles you are matched with, the ones you search and view on your own and of course, viewing those who viewed YOU, I can see where duplicating your efforts might happen. For instance, I have several trackbacks and specifically, there are three or four really men who continue to contact me even after I’ve responded to them saying “sorry” asking that I:
- Increase my age range to be compatible (I’m talking 55+ and my preferences are set at 29-42)
- Consider dating an atheist because God is just hype (yeah, someone actually said this)
- Think about dating a married pilot because he is well traveled and can extend benefits to me
Needless to say, my responses to all of the above are a resounding HELL NO. For the most part, I simply reply with regrets and remove them from my search list and for the repeat offenders; I block them from being able to message me at all.
On the other hand, there are trackbacks from men I’ve communicated with and either (1) lost interest after a few messages, (2) they failed to pay their fees and could no longer access messages or (3) we exchanged numbers to make contact but no one really made a move to call. The latter is where Captain A-Hole comes in and for some reason; I gave him a second chance.
For the most part, Captain appeared to be a pretty decent prospect. 37 years-old, only 1 child, and lived fairly local in Marina del Rey, 6’1 tall, athletic and toned build and listed his likes as reading to snowboarding. This was the line that caught my attention: “I like people that are well read and can hold an intelligent conversation… Change my mind about something”. Finally, listing a dream vacation of visiting Rome and touring the Coliseum was different because normally someone is listing a foreign country without really specifying what they actually would like to see.
Now remember, he’s the trackback I gave a second chance to so sit back and observe how he screwed this chance up as well starting with the online chat:
“First off I must compliment you, you are a beautiful woman! I’m sure you hear it alot but one more compliment wont hurt.. It seems like we have a few things in common, let me know if you’d like to chat sometime. My subscription ends soon. BTW my name is Hxxxxxx”
Hi Hxxxxxx, Thank you so much for the compliment and no… one, two or three more doesn’t hurt. ; ) I saw your profile from the wink and thought you looked familiar and now that you have followed up with a message, I KNOW so.
I guess the Second time’s a charm? I have an incredible memory. A few months ago when I first joined before cancelling, I had given you my number… didn’t hear from you, then about 2 weeks month or so later, I received a text and not even an initial phone call. Perhaps my name rings a bell?
“LOL. Hey Carmen! Tell you what, let’s exchange numbers and talk, I’m in the middle of moving right now (well watching my movers move everything lol) so I wont be on here long 310-xxx-xxxx Hxxxxxxx “
Okay, Im just getting back from an executive lunch so give me a call later or I will call you (from 310 xxx xxxx). Good luck with the move! And you better not follow up with a text this time. : )
Please draw your attention to the last line.
So what do you think Captain does on a dreary Sunday morning, 6 days after I left him a VOICEMAIL? Yep, he sends a text. Now don’t get me wrong – I’m all for text messages as I’ve posted before but when you’re in the “getting to know you” phase, especially if you’re making that FIRST contact? You better be pushing buttons followed by “call” and not send!
“Good morning! How are you? This is Hxxxxxx.”
“I’m fine, thank you.”
“Good thanks. I’m flying in from San Francisco this evening, I wanted to meet you. Do you think we can get together?”
“Okay, I don’t have much going on so that should work. What time is your flight arriving?”
“Cool! I’m flying in around 5pm. How far are you from the Marina?”
“About 20 minutes.. Just give me a call when you arrive to make sure you’re up to getting out after a flight. Also, what spots are near you? I don’t mind driving that way, but am not familiar with their restaurants.” ( I think I set the expectation that a booty call at his home was NOT in the plan for ME)
“You can just come to my place, maybe you can help me unpack. =)”
“Uh… coming to you is a stretch but your place is not an option I’m comfortable with. We haven’t even spoken over the phone, let alone having met. Perhaps we should link up after you’ve gotten settled in.”
“My building also has a lounge where we can chill.” (what? A lounge? We can drink up before you rape or strangle me??)
“On second thought, never mind. I don’t want to meet you. Not only have your turned me off AGAIN with this text message bullshi$, you think I’m desperate OR crazy enough to need to come to your house? You’ve got me confused with a dumb chick. Have a safe flight and good luck finding someone on _______, and hell no – I don’t want to help you unpack!!!”
My recap on where I went wrong? Giving someone a second chance. It never, ever fails because they always mess that one up as well.
See……….this is the reason for my dating hangovers!