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Never date a…..horrible kisser


Person who can’t kiss.

Can you remember the last time you had a really great date?  You were enjoying each other’s company, conversation flowing well without any of those uncomfortable moments of silence.  Laughing at jokes and sharing stories over a great meal, followed by a nice movie and before you know it, the night is winding down and the time for you two to part is quickly approaching.  The two of you laugh some more and plan the next outing then suddenly, thunderstorm clouds, heavy winds and rains come out of nowhere and a fireball flies from the sky.  That’s pretty much how the night went for me after the kiss with a wet pencil.

My giggles and good vibes?  All went up in flames.  Do I feel bad for even blogging that someone’s kiss could completely turn me off?  Nope.

I know, I know….the photo inserted for this post is a bit extreme but……..

The art of kissing is sometimes underrated, but I’m here to tell you – it is one of the most sensual and arousing arts known to man.  To me, it can deepen, limit or diminish any attraction you might have to someone.  When I’m interested in a man and I want to show him, my mouth becomes a symphony of sorts as my tongue and lips play together in a rhythmic motion.  Mmmmm…..

Kissing this man?  It made me want to throw up in my mouth.  His tongue just felt like a thin, sharp and slimy pencil being rammed into my mouth.  Picture it……  You’re feeling good, eyes are closed as your lips draw near and when just when you think it’s going to be a nice little peck or melting pot of emotions, you have this slimy shit darting in and out of your mouth like a blind fish.

So what do I do?  I stopped and pulled back.  What did HE do?  Continued to stick out his tongue like a child waiting for that first snowflake to drop.

Damn, is he serious?

I believe in giving people second chances, so I said to myself, what the hell – let him try it again. 

Take two!

His tongue extended in the snowflake catching position, his eyes closed.  My mouth closed, my eyes wide open.  That was the end of that first kiss and that will probably be the last.

Call it what you want, but when it feels like your mouth is being assaulted, that is NOT a good feeling.

Perhaps a “how to kiss a woman” step by step post is in order?


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Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!

I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.

This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".

If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!



  1. Wow, that’s one scary picture! Still, at least he’s dressed smartly.

    I’d love to read a “how to kiss a woman” step by step post – I fear my abilities in this area may be rusty! But from reading this post it sounds like one useful principle is: if in doubt, less is better than more (tongue/moisture/pressure.)

  2. Morning to you Matt and yes….pretty scary picure, but when my stomach turns thinking of this guy’s tongue, it fits.

    Yes, I definitely will do a “how to kiss her” but like with anything else, including sex, there isn’t really a one size or style that fits all.

    What men should do is do a test run, maybe start off kissing slowly, stopping to read the woman’s expression.

    If she looks like she’s in agony because you stopped kissing her and her lips are still puckered like she’s waiting for more, you got it right.

    If she looks like a deer caught in headlights or suddenly develops sniffles, well….you know. LOL

  3. Yeah, that sucks, but you can train someone to kiss proper.

    No, seriously, you can- my hot crazy ex didn’t know how and I taught her! (Not the only thing I taught her… ooo dirty!)

    That being said, I’m a great kisser. True story. The problem is I’m also slightly claustrophobic, so after I’m already in a relationship (read: won her over) I tend not to want to kiss very often.

    “Get AWAY from me! I needs ma space!”


    Merry Christmas!

    1. Yes – a kiss on the first date is a good determination of a second and sadly, there are a lot of people out there who thing ramming their tongue down your throat while drowning you in DNA is the way to do it. Now of course, if I’m really, really feeling a guy (which in the case of wet pencil, he was just OKAY), I might take time to show him what I like. But come on, aren’t we a little too old for all of these lessons? Ugh.

      Welcome to the hangovers and please, come back soon!

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