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‘Tis the season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!!!
I certainly hope that all of you readers and bloggers alike had an enjoyable holiday. I sure did, and of course, my life just wouldn’t be what it is if it wasn’t filled with twists and turns, ups and downs.
So…. as of today, December 27th, I am pleased to announce that I am officially off the market. I’ve met a wonderful man who is everything I could have dreamed off. Nice looking, successful, ambitious and most of all, adores me. My Dating Hangovers are no more.
It has been a short ride, but thankfully, I can put all of the hangovers from stupid men behind me.
Yeah fricking RIGHT! If you believe that, you’re either way too hopeful or have been sipping on a little too much of that holiday egg nog.
As much as I wish that blurb above were true, it isn’t. In fact, while my holidays with friends and family turned out better than anyone could expect or ask for, of course, MEN put a little bit of a damper on the weekend.
Now which hangover shall I begin with? Should I b$tch and moan about how the holidays really put things into perspective about how insignificant I was to a certain someone? I could mention how Good on Paper (“GOP”) took my blood pressure to levels previously unknown to me when I didn’t so much as receive a “Merry Christmas”. A refresher on this man: good on paper, initially classified as the f%ck buddy, and mid way HE decides he wants more (his mouth says he’s interested in dating, but his actions are a million light years behind). Nothing, nada, zilch. I was even going to give this dude a pass had he at LEAST included me in the text message template. You know the kind that means “I thought of you a little, but didn’t want to personalize anything”? GOP did, however, try to make a recovery effort by extending a bootleg birthday wish. I told myself no more, deleted him and have ignored any texts of phone calls. Is this really it for me? Hmm…..
Nah, I won’t bore you with that never-ending saga. The photo above says “miscommunication”, so that is the main reason for today’s post. Remember “until something better”, the one I refer to as USBC? If not, let me refresh you once again, but since his dumb ass obviously didn’t COMPREHEND me, I’ll lay it out simply for you readers just in case there was something I did NOT communicate properly to him:
YOU’RE A GREAT GUY, BUT YOU ARE NOT THE ONE FOR ME. YOU ARE INTERESTED IN DATING AND YOUR LONGTERM GOAL CONSISTS OF SHACKING UP BECAUSE YOU MADE IT PAINFULLY CLEAR, YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN MARRIAGE. ALSO, YOU HAVE GONE WITH THE MOST EFFECTIVE FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL BY HAVING YOUR VAS DEFEREN SEVERED, HENCE MY “MAYBE WANT ANOTHER CHILD” IS AN IMPOSSIBILITY WITH YOU.
There, how’s that for clarity?
The problem is that my nice guy is soon to be out guy, as in not even being able to be a friend. You see, several of you warned me that although he SAID he was okay with knowing the capped statement above, he REALLY wasn’t okay.
In fact, just a few days after we agreed to casually hang out when either of us had free time, he started in with the “when can I see you”, “you’re always busy”, “who is the replacement guy” type of antics. Seriously? What happened to the cool bravado of “I don’t chase after any woman”?? Smoke screen.
Just as I mentioned above that someone I cared for poo-poo’d on me during the holidays when all I expected was a fricking call or text just to know I was thought of, there’s the opposite end of the spectrum – USBC threw several subtle hints leading up to Christmas eve until finally on the day of asked if he could spend time with me. Uh, no.
I was nice about it, but explained I was with my family and wished him a happy holiday. I received a guilt trip message later Christmas night saying “I hope you’re enjoying your night and since I probably won’t see you for your birthday either (insert violins here), happy birthday. It sure seems like you’re becoming more distant with me”.
Nice. Attempts at laying a guilt trip? So not cool.
Alright, so let me cut to the chase. USBC has completely lost it. If only I had the ability to transfer text messages directly to WordPress, I surely would because what I received about an hour ago lets me know, he may be on his way OUT. Out of the phonebook that is.
In a barrage of about 20 text messages in a row, here’s what I summarize his rant as:
– the dating website we met on pretty much sucks
– women are crazier than men (except me, he says after I fired off an expletive)
– he should have stuck to dating white women instead (uh, okay)
– then he figures white women won’t work because they’re not into HIM
– or he would have been better off with an ugly chick (cause he says they’ve always got his back)
– says once he told me he wanted to move forward and I wasn’t obliging, he went back online dating
Let’s stop here for a moment. He says he wanted to move forward after I told him I was NOT interested in him like that? Seriously? Did I fail to communicate what I was saying OR did he just interpret what I said in reverse?
Okay, back to the summary:
– admits (like I care, I didn’t even know he’d gone offline, I sure as hell didn’t!) he met a few chicks
– went out with several who wanted to use him for a booty call and outings
– reveals he met an awesome woman (though not as awesome as me, he says)
Okay, I’m thinking wow – good for him! I was happy to hear he had met a woman who seemed equally yoked to him. Yay!! Now he can leave our friendship status as just that, right?
WRONG. He ends the text tyrant by saying the woman ended up being the worst experience ever. Says things were going just great until he received a call from her BOYFRIEND who introduced himself, handed HER the phone and allowed her to explain how their fun has come to an end.
Alright, sad ending yes but what pisses me off is that USBC is lumping me into the pack of bad experiences, and even went so far as to call me a commitment phobe. What??? Is he having a brain fart? Because I am not content with considering a man who is so jaded on the idea of marriage he told me (and I quote) “hell no, I don’t want to get married again; I’ll be cool living with someone as common law”.
I’m sorry, he can call me what he wants but I wasn’t the bad online dating experience. I was probably the BEST experience he ever had, but do you know what the problem was? Miscommunication.
He failed to READ my dating profile which clearly states what I am/was looking for and he thought he could change my mind and get me to settle.
Guess the communication mishap was on him.