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Ooh….its shiny, the right cut, in the perfect size and even better – it is YOURS, an engagement ring. There’s just one thing, it once belonged to someone else. How would you feel if your engagement ring came from the pawn shop and you didn’t find out until later?
Okay, so just as I’m getting ready to call it a night, I get this news from my friend (yet another who has done this). Michael* is a really great guy; he’s a hard worker, compassionate and extremely ambitious and after dating his girlfriend for only a year, got down on bended knee while at dinner and asked her to share his home, his dreams and his life. As she tearfully replied “yes” to his proposal, he lovingly placed it on her hand, the ring of some poor woman who’s own dreams of marriage probably ended at a Hollywood pawn shop.
What a beautiful thing to witness, a marriage proposal but when he just revealed WHERE the ring came from, I almost met my maker as I nearly choked on a drink. I just kept saying “no Michael, no!!!!” followed by “you’re bullshitting me, right?” and lastly, ending with “why are you telling ME this?”. I told him he is screwed if she ever, ever, ever finds out, not matter how much time has passed.
I know, it sounds like I’m putting extras on this and should just be happy for the two of them but come ON! Although I’ve only had two interactions with his bride to be, her BeBe and Dolce ways don’t paint her as the type of woman who would knowingly or unknowingly accept a ring that belonged to someone else. In fact, she would probably have a coronary from the humiliation if anyone in her circle ever found out. He should know better, she is definitely not the “I’m just happy that he asked me” type of woman. Not at all. So why did he offer up this pawn shop find?
Broke, broke, broke. Maybe I’m a little inflexible in this situation but my feelings are pretty simple – if you can’t afford to do it right, don’t do it at all. I mean okay, we buy used things all day every day but there are just some things you DO NOT buy used like panties, bras and uh…engagement rings. I think of that as a curse.
Remember I mentioned this wasn’t the first guy who’d decided to pop the question and bypass the Daniel’s or Kay Jewelers long-term payment plan and stop at the local shop instead. But HE and his fiance’ of several years didn’t make it. No, the girl never found out (at least I don’t think she did).
In any event, used engagement ring or not, I’m really hoping that everything works out for them and I’m really hoping she never finds out where her ring really came from. This is the type of situation that is similar to cheating – should he ever tell her about it or just leave it alone?
Alright… now I’m done for tonight. Ready for hump day.
Carmen ~
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HOLY MOLY!!! A pawn shop!? I didn’t even think of the possibility! This is a really terrible moment for women everywhere, just think of all the cheap dudes who actually do this type of thing! Ahh!!! I’m scarred!
Yes Simmarah, a fricking pawn shop and again, NOT the first dude to do it. Welcome to America! Lol!!
I really tried to mask my disdain when he tells me about this and it was no big deal. He gives me the old “its the thought that counts” spill. Whatever!
I would rather he just wait on buying me a ring. Loser.
My first reaction is to think that this is as shallow as can be. But then again, I can see how someone who is committing to a new and fresh chapter of their life would want a symbol that is itself new and fresh.
I think my distaste for this whole thing stems with the sense of entitlement and focus on materialism that precedes it. Here’s a question that would probably divide women into two camps:
Would you rather have a brand new ring that was simple and cost $400 or a beautiful, large ring cut and set your favorite way that cost $10,000- previously owned?
Examine the underlying issue though; who said that every woman who gets married should have a large, expensive, and rare gemstone to commemorate the occasion? A ring is a symbol that is worn as a daily reminder that you have committed your life to this person and to this family. Notice how there are all sorts of rules out there now that people just automatically go along with?
It should be a diamond.
It should cost approximately 3 month’s worth of salary.
It should be new.
Why? Says who? Who benefits from this arrangement? Granted, women like shiny things in small boxes. Got that, and that’s okay. But an automatic ritual that everyone has to subscribe to? There are those people nowadays who are bold enough to buck the trend. I know of a couple that exchanged reasonably-priced platinum rings because they both like them. They also wanted to save money for their upcoming child. Certainly that says more about commitment and family than a big rock, right?
Until we reach a tipping point of people that can say, “I don’t need an expensive diamond ring to prove my worth, the worth of my husband, or the strength of our commitment” this trend will continue. After all, do you want to be the one girl in a group whose husband didn’t get her the big rock?
Just another problem with materialism. Sigh.
Whoaaaaaa horsey! Hold on Caleb, no – I would have to disagree that materialism is the issue:
It should be a diamond – nope
It should cost approximately 3 month’s worth of salary – nope
It should be new – YES
And….”A ring is a symbol that is worn as a daily reminder that you have committed your life to this person and to this family.” Yes it is a symbol, so why is it not comprehensible that a woman would want a new ring that didn’t wasn’t previously owned by another woman, who also had a daily reminder of the commitment?
No, I don’t agree that people should spend these ridiculous amounts of money on “things”, rings or otherwise. In fact, I think the notion of big, expensive blowout weddings are a waste of time and money so the couple you mentioned above who exchanged the “moderately priced” goods are okay in my book.
More importantly, what I was trying to impress is that my friend did not TELL his fiance’ this and she is NOT reasonable so if she ever finds out, all hell will break loose. Still, I stand behind the position that once a man (or woman, because women are doing the proposing too) decides to take that step, it should be a well thought out decision. If used, tarnished, cracked, chipped, zirconia or bubble gum machine ring is what the two are okay with, more power to them.
Me? I’d rather take the not-so-extravagant or budget breaking ring instead of getting someone else’s broken dreams. =)
Hmm… pawn shop ring? I don’t know. A part of me says yay, ANY ring! Then again, damn – dude couldn’t just spring for for the ring at the mall or something.
Jessie, that’s what I’m saying…I would hope that I don’t stress about the size, carat and cut and would hope even more that the man who’s ready to say “will you” has either paid attention or asked about the details.
Hell no, say it ain’t so! I don’t know, I’m with the ladies on this one. If I want to step to my lady with the “spend my life”, I’m going to come correct. I see Caleb’s point, it shouldn’t be all about the cost of the ring but a pawn shop? That is just…..tacky.
I think my verbosity caused some confusion. I’ll shorten it up:
1. Used rings? Probably not a good idea. Especially if it’s a secret.
2. Materialistic women expecting ultra-expensive rings to show their worth? Lame.