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Is texting leading us to the bedroom sooner?

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This is soooo not what I was planning on posting today, but as I sat here munching on my chili, the headline of a CNN article snagged my attention so here it goes.

The two main questions posed by a joint survey by Shape and Men’s Fitness Magazines was whether those texts and Facebook messages really lead us to having sex much faster and if our digital-based relationships made it easier for us to send someone packing via text message. You’re only able to read a snippet about the survey results, which to me, seemed to be all over the place.

So what do I think?

Well the first part of the question is an absolute no brainer for me because hell YES – the more I find myself engaging in those risqué textversations with a guy, the chances of us getting together and acting out some of the things we’re writing increase ten-fold.

Let’s face it, the majority of the getting-to-know-you moments are either by text, e-mail or some form of social media so I wasn’t really shocked to learn that over 65% of the women surveyed said they’d been asked out by some dude sending a text message.  Really, that is a shame you can’t get a simple phone call for this. 

I wrote about this new style of dating a few months ago and commented that I actually miss the old-school way, you know, TALKING ON THE PHONE.  But no matter how much I fuss about it not happening, I find myself getting used to a text here or there because it’s often convenient and well, seeing a “I can’t wait to kiss your soft lips” might be something I want to look at again and again.  Just sayin’. 

I think texting leads to sex sooner because people are more likely to express things that way as opposed to voicing it, especially if it’s someone you just met. What can start out as a compliment about something you said or did to an innocent mention about a part of your anatomy, it only grows from there.  For instance, I recently met a potential Hangover named Marcus* and for the last couple of days this week, we’ve been getting acquainted with one another by talking on the phone and of course when we’re unable to speak, via text. 

He’d commented about a picture I’d sent (yes, it WAS a clean picture) and how he loved looking at my sensual lips, adding that my hips and everything else were amazing.  I like him so of course, I wasn’t discouraging any of this but just replied with a few “awwww”’s and thanked him.  Marcus didn’t stop there, as he then followed up with saying how he couldn’t wait to see if my lips were as soft as they looked, then caught himself and said he should stop before he gets himself into trouble.  This is just a smidgen of how sexting can begin, but even after seeing his messages and reading them again later, I’ll admit my curiosity about him in other, non-platonic ways began to build.

If we were talking on the phone instead, I’m guessing he probably would have stopped after the first mention and compliment.  So again, I agree that the exchanges we may have via text pumps up the anticipation of heading to the bedroom sooner that we might otherwise.  I’m not alone because 80% of the women in the Shape survey say the same thing.

One thing in particular about this article that I completely relate to is the fact that any type of electronic communication, whether it’s that Facebook message or a Blackberry Message is that is seems to make the time you’ve known a person seem much longer than it really is.  I can’t really say if texting in between talking to or seeing someone is really a good way of getting to know someone better, but it sure as hell is good filler.  Sometimes it isn’t always about the anticipation leading to the reveal of the Victoria Secrets, but just learning more about a person.

For what it’s worth, I really don’t mind the texting but feel like there should be a limit on the types of things you should send.  Texting me a question like “does size matter” then following up with a picture of your tiny specimen?  Probably not a good one text to send.  Asking if I enjoy having my hair rubbed while we’re kissing?  Much better.

The second part of the survey about text break ups I’ll have to gab about that some other time.  The bottom line about texting is that unless you’re sworn to marriage before the booty, let’s face it – if you are on the market like I am and actively dating, we’re all going to get to the intimacy stage sooner or later.  Just remember that texting isn’t called sexting for nothing, it’s a new form of foreplay that will inch you closer and closer to getting between the sheets.

If you’re interested in reading the other figures and comments regarding the survey, check it out here:

Waiting for the Hangover cure,

Carmen ~

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Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!

I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.

This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".

If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!



  1. I absolutely agree – texting does make it seem like we know someone longer, plus it lowers our inhibitions… I know I can text risque without feeling too exposed (especially if he’s a new guy), before saying it on the phone. I can’t wait to hear about this new hangover Marcus. He sounds fulfilling 🙂

  2. Yes, Simmarrah, inhibitions go out the door when you’re texting. I would bet my last dollar that since the advent of unlimited text message package, more people have been hooking up sooner!!!! Like I said, the plus of text dating is the info you learn about someone when
    you aren’t able to talk on the phone.

    And yes!!!!! I can’t wait to share good details about Marcus and really hope he doesn’t end up being a hangover! We have a date tonight to go shoot some pool so wish me luck! Happy Friday to you!

  3. Oh, good one – heck yes!!!! I know better, but it seems like I’m much more willing to send bad stuff via text nowadays that I would have waited until after a couple of dates to say before. Let us know about the texting and break up statistics as well. Not that….I would ever dump someone that way. LOL

  4. Yup.

    Texting= Quicker lay.

    It’s science.

    Really, when you get right down to it, all technological advances are designed to help people have sex more easily.

  5. I admit, I’ve not only sent “special” photos via text but have ended things that way as well. BUT if it makes it sound any better, only actual boyfriends saw the good stuff.

  6. This post actually came to mind when I was on my date with Ryan on Sunday night. He had eluded to sex so frequently in our text messages, and I wondered if he was like that in person, in which he WAS.
    Maybe you could help shed some light on this situation. Is he extremely horny, or just straight forward?

    1. Simmarah, I’m going to have to say Ryan is probably a little bit of both. I guess it’s one of those things where we notice little things over the phone or via text and 99.9999% of the time, it’s only a smigden of how they really are. I guess I don’t mind the advances via text as long as I’m feeling the person, but sometimes I get those “I’m really interested in you for you” moments and try not to go there with the messages because it really is a form of foreplay.

      How direct was he via text? Hinting around or just blatant about what he planned on doing to you?

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