Absolute An0nymity
What are you thinking when you decide to contact an ex or someone you used to date? I mean if you haven’t talked to a person in over a week or some extended period of time, and you’ve got your fingers ready to make that call or send a text. We all do it, which I guess isn’t necessarily a bad thing (though I wonder what the hell is the point), but it’s WHAT you SAY to the person that makes all the difference. Sometimes what I receive from an old fling is just retarded.
Case in point – the text I received earlier this morning from USBC. I know it’s been a while since you’ve had to hear about him, and we haven’t talked or communicated otherwise in about two weeks and I think it’s been almost two months since we hung out. Remember why he was awarded this acronym, right? We both agreed to just “hang out” when either of us were free or had nothing else to do until something better came along.
Well let me tell you, I could give a flying fart about what USBC’s been up to and think this second instance of a childish “I’m with someone and it isn’t you” update is really his lame way of saying “still wish it could have been you”.
I could really make this a post about “What not to say to an old fling” or “Men text dumb stuff” or even “Do not contact” but I figured the best way of expressing this stupidity is by sharing the message the old fashioned way. Verbatim. Lights, Camera, Action!
Him: “I want a divorce!”
Me: “That’s fine, come get your stuff before I burn it, LOL”
Him: “What’s up, what’s happening in the wonderful world of Carmen?”
Me: “My neck and back have been killing me, but all things considered, I’m pretty good. What about you?”
Him: “Just working this crazy shift. Sleeping all day and working all night. Had to kinda get a GF just to make it work out.”
Me: “Gf? Uh okay. Good for you, hope that works out”
Him: “I don’t know. Seemed like a good idea at first”.
There are so many things wrong with this exchange already and what I hate experiencing time and time again is the PB, when someone says something then tries to back peddle so they don’t mess up any possible chance they might have with you. Ugh. Back to the diagloue….
Me: “If you “thought” getting a GF was a “good idea” as opposed to wanting one for other reasons, dude, you’ve got issues”.
Him: “What? Nah, she’s cool and everything. I can’t really do anything else so I decided to take her up on her offer. It only lasted 21 hours at first but then it worked out for 3 days I think, then we kinda fell out again. But we’re back on track now, since like yesterday. Relationships are touch. The biggest issue I have with her is her 6’5 300lb husband who has anger issues… Well she says he just breaks stuff”
Silence. I had nothing else to say and that textversation ended there.
Are you fricking kidding me? When I said “what about you”, I sure as hell wasn’t looking for some new Tyler Perry screenplay about some married chick you’re banging. Who cares? I mean really, this was unsolicited information and worse, this is the second zero to sixty second romance he’s had with a woman who is married. Why does he think either of these deserve bragging rights?
What’s so sad about this story is I’d considered USBC a highly intelligent individual, but obviously he is single for a reason. If he believes that sharing this type of story with me (mind you, he KNOWS I have a blog though he’s not been invited to it or even been given a hint) somehow make him look like he’s the man, he’s missed the mark. Big time.
Ugh.
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Some people never learn, obviously your guy here is trying to tell you it should have been you, LOL!!!
Wow. just wow.
Some men just do not get it. Like telling you all that is suppose to make him sound more appealing cos he was able to get a married woman to stray?
RUN AWAY!!!!!
Just Saying, maybe that’s it! The “look at what I can pull” factor? I really think he’s got deep issues and is quite special – I just can’t get over all of the specific details, describing the husband, they’re okay for 21 hours etc. Is he paying for booty of something? Geesh
Yep, most of those texts from him are pretty ridiculous! Clearly he wants to draw you into chatting about his “girlfriend” (although it sounds like they’ve been “together” for five days and had at least two breakups in that time – maybe his use of the word “girlfriend” is a bit premature!) so he’s probably trying to make you jealous but also it sounds like he must enjoy drama in some way, whether via old flames or large angry husbands!
Um, let me translate that ridiculous conversation for you:
Him: Hi.
You: Hey.
Him: Blah blah blah, I’m thinking of having sex with you.
You: Hmm. Blah blah. I’m leaning towards not having sex with you.
Him: Something lame that makes you know I would have sex with you!
You: Now I’m definitely not having sex with you. Why did I ever have sex with you.
Him: I’ll try and save some face, man up, and come back at you for sex later.
THAT’S what happened. You’re welcome.
Caleb
Classic! Caleb, I’m waiting for a piece from you. As long as you agree and allow me to pick the topic. I’m giddy just thinking about it.
Oh, and correction to that dialogue:
You: Now I’m definitely not having sex with you. THANK GOD I never had sex with you.
Oh, Carmen, so many girls are waiting for a piece from me.
I am curious though.. what “topic” would you choose?
ME <—–hilarious
I bet they are waiting for you, no matter how ridiculous the date me rules may be.
Topic? How about “Why I Won’t Settle Down Even Though I meet Awesome Women”? Or “How to Keep Me”? I just wonder if there’s a fuse in a man’s mine that is blown and we just don’t know about it!!
Holy crap. Great idea!
“how to keep me.”
I’m sure I would come off as the most egotistical prick ever and never get a date, but it does have potential to be funny.
And that’s what counts, right?
Well… the idea does sound awfully prickish but I think it would work. I’d be interested in hearing it from a smart guy who isn’t some random schmuck from the Internet OR some dude I used to date and me trying to figure out the minds of men. Your potential for humor is amazing. I sure hope you’re considering entertainment law!!!
Right Jesse, and to make it worse, this is the second time he’s done this. The first time he pointed out that since I didn’t want him he was FORCED to get in a relationship with someone else. I didn’t care to ask if he’d signed up for the online dating again, but I’m guessing so. Sooooo glad I didn’t give him any or he really would have been hooked! Haha
This dude is wack! I don’t hit up ex’s or old flings just for the hell of it and I sure as hell wouldn’t make myself look as bad as he did.
I didn’t realize you guys had it so bad!
Are you kidding me? Please tell me there aren’t really men out there as dumb as this dude. His entire exchange just screams with insecurities and ridiculous ways to try getting a rise out of you. From the tone of this, doesn’t sound like it worked. Jokes on him!
No anonymous, I wish I was kidding. Needless to say, after I went radio silent after this latest rant, I haven’t heard from him again. Yet. It’s a cold game out here in the world of the single people.
Thanks for stopping by.