His words, NOT mine: “I really think I’ve got commitment issues and after we talked, I haven’t been able to think about anything else. Damn, you’ve really got me thinking and now I feel bad”.
Yep, TGW has issues alright but thank goodness – it isn’t ME!!!!!! I think it was Something She Dated who cpmmented that she was tired of meeting grown ass men who were still in the figuring shit out phase in life. I wholeheartedly agree, because not only is TGW admitting that he has issues when it comes to committing to relationships but to life in general. In one conversation, I learned that he has a habitual pattern of starting and not finishing things and we both agreed that this crosses over to his business which sometimes is affected by his indecisiveness and procratination.
TGW is pretty intelligent and his knowledge about different topics, cultures, fine arts and culinary is pretty expansive, so why did our conversation about dating and relationships lead to such a revelation?
So Friday while we were having lunch at his fab Argentinian restaurant he tells me that he couldn’t get our telephone discussion from the previous night out of his mind. Two things come to mind, the first wondering how such a simply conversation can give someone such a guilt trip and two, wondering I should be getting paid to be some type of counselor instead of doing this for free.
Now before I go into my rant, I’ll share a little about how his revelation came about.
I mentioned a few weeks back that I’d met this man, was impressed with the chivalry he’d shown each time we’d gone out and couldn’t get enough of talking about the great dates. Nothing has changed, meaning we still have fun wherever we end up but after isn’t the natural progression of dating called er, uh….moving FORWARD?
After about the first couple of weeks of chatting it up over the phone, texting which led to a little sexting and of course, our dates, I figured it was time to tell him exactly what I was looking for after he’d made one too many sexual innuendos.
Translation (in my twisted little mind) – “we’ve been hanging out, money has been spent and the chemistry is great, so when are we having sex?”. When I replied “I’m not into sport fu@king” and that I was “looking to settle down, as in a REAL relationship”, I could have sworn I heard crickets on the other line.
Soon after TGW responded with an oh-so-exciting “Oh really, that’s cool” followed by a lame “Yeah, that’s something I’m not opposed to at some point”.
Um…. okay, yeah.
Deduct 150 points from his “ooh” factor.
Still, we continued on with the relationship talk and I was intrigued when he told me about the total number of relationships he had PERIOD. 37 year-old man + 3 serious relationships + 5 or more years each. Do the math.
So you’re probably wondering where we come up with the commitment issues problem, especially since his 5+ year stints obviously show he’s able to maintain and be stable, right? As our conversation goes on I asked him if he’d considered marrying any of the women he was in love with, shacked up with and played step-daddy to the kids with and the answer was no, no and NO.
“Why stay with them so long and drag it out?”, I say and his reply was “I don’t know, I guess it wasn’t enough time to figure out if that’s what I wanted”.
Get the hell out of here! Are you fricking kidding me??? I’m sorry. I truly believe that within as early as 6 months and probably closer to a year, you KNOW if the person you’re with is marriage material for you. Unless you chose to cyber date for the first 3 months, one of you are deployed to Iraq or someone was in a coma, that is enough time to have experienced different things with your significant other. 5 years?
That is way too long and the idiot women who hung in there that long were either commitment phobes themselves or simply retarded. It gets better. Wait for it, wait for it….
Here I am thinking that because I was dealing with someone who was NOT native to this country and ASSuming that his parent’s ideologies about relationships and the building of family structures had rubbed off on him.
Want to know why I say this? Wait for it, wait for it….
In a way, hearing him explain to me how deep into the relationship he was with each of these women was kind of funny and as I chuckled thinking he at least has consistency I finally responded with an “I see” (men, you KNOW this is NOT good) and asked him if not with them, did he plan on getting married at some point.
“Why get married, what’s the point? Just to have children or have a ceremony?”.
Yup, there it is and it shows we really are on two different pages with the religious beliefs and thoughts about marriage.
He quickly realizes the “Oh?” I replied with pretty much sealed his fate as he says “Damn, guess I just fucked things up with you, huh?
I’ll stop there. More to come.
Until there’s a cure…