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Could I Date A Bisexual Man?

“Hi, I am on here because my boyfriend has recently left me for another man after I was loyal to him all year. I am bi but I haven’t been with a woman in a while.”

Say what?

I just received this message on POF from a man whose photo looked a little suspect, so away to his profile I went to read more.Β  While I can certainly appreciate his candor by being up front instead of him lying, but hell no- I’m not interested.

Say what you will, but I don’t think it’s in me to even consider a bisexual man.

For the record, we all realize that there is a pretty big double standard when it comes to bisexuality.Β  A woman who is discovering herself, bi-curious or just flat out enjoys kissing nipples and sugar walls is a lot more accepted than a man who enjoys a little stubble while kissing and leaving monkey bites on the back of another man’s neck.

We tend to look at bisexual women as being exotic and sexy and bisexual men as being a disgusting person and these aren’t my feelings personally, but just the way some tend to think.

I tossed this question out to several of my friends to make sure it wasn’t just a cultural thing, especially since I already have to deal with the infamous “down low brother” issue.Β  Interestingly, they couldn’t date a bisexual man because it would just seem a little too weird for them.

So could I (knowingly) date a man without wondering if he was admiring the SAME good looking guy as me? Nope, I just can’t handle that. It’s bad enough having dated one or two guys I had my suspicions about, believing they were more than just metrosexual.

Back to the guy who sparked this post;Β  he also mentioned he hadn’t had experiences dating women in quite sometime so that got me to wondering what exactly is a “while”.

I asked myself if I could be considered I bi-phobic? No, I don’t think so. It’s just that I’ve got enough to worry about with all of the nuances that come with dating then to have to worry about someone’s sexual persuasion or preference.

A fist pound to all of you out there who love preaching the “we’re all part of the human race” or “it shouldn’t matter a person’s sexual orientation”.

This girl wants a man who has only been interested in women so switch hitters need not apply.

I ignored that POF message, clicked delete and blocked the profile.

Next!

Carmen~

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Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!

I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.

This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".

If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!

Carmen

20 comments

  1. Like you said, I would appreciate his candor but this isn’t my cup of tea. I don’t think that makes us anything less than….hetero…no bashing…just hetero

    1. That’s right Melzie, no bashing but you know we’ll be accused of bashing anyway for not being understanding that someone changed their direction.

  2. I wouldn’t be able to date a bisexual man, I’d constantly be wondering – just like the SATC episode. Plus the fact that he’s on POF, is another iffy subject – block and delete is exactly what I would have done!

    1. That’s right Simmarah and it goes for ANYONE who is bisexual person. Those feelings may be like a light switch you’d hope was stuck on off if that type of person isn’t your cup of tea.

      Best example of a switch hitter?

      Anne Heche.

  3. Um, let me think about this one.

    No.

    Double standard or not, two d’s at any point in time is not a good look.

    I started to say “well if the bisexual activites didn’t mean full out sex”, but still, hell no.

    I agree Carmen, I would always be wondering if the dude wants to do the same man I’d consider.

    Pass.

    1. Yeah Jessie, pass is right. Heck, it is what it is.

      Again, I can only hope that anyone (male or female) would disclose their orientation up front. There are plenty of pie in the sky, “we’re all human” folks out there who could care less.

      BUT for those like me- tell me and get it over with.

      My thing is this; I consider bisexuality similar to learning how to ride a bike. You start out, may have a hard time at first but it’s something that becomes second nature. Even if it’s been a while, it takes a short time to remember.

  4. Devil’s advocate here…so don’t kill me πŸ™‚ (And I believe we all know I inadvertantly went out with one…and he is now a good friend!)

    Can someone truly help who they fall in love with? Maybe that guy really floated his boat at that particular moment in time. I will be the first admit that I get girl crushes. Some women I would probably sleep with if they ever asked. I have to appreciate the guy being upfront about it. But I also appreciate that you know yourself well enough to say No Thank You!! So maybe it is a ‘Win’ all the way around.

    See? That wasn’t so bad πŸ™‚

    1. Oh yes E- the new bff Jake and he’s a real plus because he ended up being a cool friend but damn it… Who in their adult life really is in need of more new friends? Lol

      But seriously, point taken. Perhaps those of who may have thought about or dabbled with the same sex are a lot more receptive to the idea.

      True, you may not be able to control your heart and who you fall for but if I had a choice- I choose not.

  5. This is the most homo-phobic discussion I’ve ever witnessed. And why do you have a picture of a grown man with a boy? This is just another one of those discussions at a very low level… wouldn’t surprise me if this was an American site.

    1. Johnny, I’m not sure you say this is a homo-phobic site. Aside from any comments following what I said, the title simply states could “I” date a bisexual man.

      Merely stating an opinion about what the comfort level would be dealing with someone who plays for both teams.

      As for the picture? Totally random.

      Thanks for your feedback.

    2. I agree with Johnny. I’m not sure if this site is “homophobic”, but it’s most definitely very close-mided. I’m currently dating, and ridiculously in love with a bi-sexual man (I’m a woman, if that matters). He is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met and the way I feel about him can not be compared to any of my past relationships. To think I could have missed out on all of this if I thought the same way as any of you do!! It’s not always easy; one of the reasons I found this site was because I was googling for constuctive coping techniques. But no relationship is perfect is it? Your boy/girlfriend might never do any housework. Your boy/girlfriend might not be affectionate enough. There’s always gonna be something, somewhere that doesn’t quite fit because human beings are complex creatures.

      and yeah, seriously, what’s with the picture you chose?

      1. Thanks for your thoughts as well. First off- the picture was a random picture. If it helps, I searched using “bisexual men” using this tiny screen of my cell phone and clicked “apply and there it was.

        From my phone, it looked like a taller man embracing a shorter one but when I hopped online after the last angry comment, I now see that the picture is more like “pedophile”. Okay, I can see the concern.

        On to your comment about this being a closed-minded site. I said “I don’t think it’s in ME” to date a bisexual man.

        The site doesn’t approve or disapprove any type of behavior or preference when it comes to sexuality, so honestly, I’m not understanding where you’re picking that up.

        You have definitely shared a wonderful experience along with examples of how a bisexual man is still a man and still a person capable of serving different purposes. I thank you for that.

        Again, there is nothing homophobic about this site nor are there any connotations of gay bashing.

        It’s all about preferences.

        Carmen

    3. Agreed. This post couldn’t be more biphobic if she tried! The whole tone is disgusting. She evidently doesn’t understand bisexuality one bit and needs to be educated. Absolutely appalling (and yes, probably American. “Free speech”)!

      1. Hi Georgia, and thanks for stopping by. I’m sorry you feel my comments on this encounter with a bisexual man were offensive and ignorant, but it happened to have been my preference at the time – to want a heterosexual man. So my question to you would be this: what is the difference between preference and being biphobic in your eyes? Could the same be said about a bisexual person who refused to be with someone who was hetero? I respect your opinion here but am really interested in knowing your reply.

  6. I would disagree, I believe you are being Bi-phobic. After all what is a Phobia? It’s a fear. Stating that you already have enough to worry about is relative to inferring that with hetero men you need worry about other women (jealousy) but now with a Bi-man you would have to worry about men AND women. Those worries can be chalked up to fear, specifically, fear that a Bi-man wants to fool around behind your back. Which is of course silly in the sense that being bi doesn’t make any guy more prone to cheating. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that straight guys are more innocent and don’t cheat as much as a Bi-person would, ive known more than my fair share of women who have been cheated on by straight men, and straight men who boast about cheating to their buddies..

    Now, as far as the POF message, if that’s what I got, sure id delete that crap asap and move on. Guys, Bi or not, should be able to do better than that. But I would encourage women to perhaps give Bi-men an extra look because there are benefits. Most Bi-men are actually looking for a monogamous relationship, they also are in general more empathetic, emotionally in touch and contrary to popular belief, are really no-more susceptible to disease. (BTW, if your worried about it, ask him to get tested, if any guy refuses Bi or not, then id stay faaaaaaar away…)

    Just my 2cents..

    1. Bi-phobic? Never thought of that one, so maybe Logan, maybe.

      I think I may have mentioned this before, but I can readily admit to be biased.

      The thought of a bisexual woman isn’t all that bad, in fact it may even be a bit arousing.

      The thought of a bisexual man and the likely preferred methods of penetration, not so much.

      I’m not judging, but the visual of that just doesn’t do it for me.

      Do I take a person’s sexuality into consideration when measuring their possible actions against those of the men in my past? No.

      Gay, straight- it doesn’t matter. No matter what the orientation, if someone’s going to fool around, they just will.

      I really try not to exclude anyone unless I have had an experience with their type that has proven a certain trait over and over again. It’s just one of those things for me. I guess.

      Thanks for such a thought provoking reply!

  7. This discussion is exactly why I keep telling people I don’t want to date women. They say I should at least give them a try now that I am 30 and need to get on it if I want to have kids.

    Well why bother if dating is about honesty? On the first date she’s going to leave me if I disclose my orientation. I can’t be on the “down low” like the other guys, it is too stressful for me.

    My recommendation to “picky” women is you can have it either way you like. You can hear it up front, or you can just keep wondering what every guy you date may or may not be hiding for the rest of your life.

    1. Welcome Jack and thank you for sharing. A couple of things stood out in your response; namely when you say people keep telling you to try dating a woman. Why?

      I’m curious if you had ever been involved with a female, maybe when you were younger OR if this means you have been involved with men only. Does a woman even pique interest or any form of attraction and the bigger question – do you consider yourself outright gay?

      Next, you brought up something I was just discussing Friday night – how much do you tell and how soon? I was discussing the extremely small penis one of my ex-boyfriends had and actually admired him for being so forthright in bringing it up before anything turned sexual.

      Yet I was a little torn. I thought to myself and wondered if I had some issue, would I really tell a man up front OR would I take the shady approach and hook him, then reveal?

      “Picky” women needing to take it or leave it?

      I guess it’s been a while since I posted this and can imagine somewhere the word picky was used, but I need to clarify one thing. Picky is a woman not being interested in a guy because he’s 5’9 and not 5’11, or not dating him because he is a newspaper deliverer, something like that.

      Sexuality? That isn’t something I could imagine anyone with a clearly defined preference for gender could take lightly.

      I think you should be up front about your history with men, and you’d be surprised (or maybe not), how many women would be willing to give you a chance.

      Still, from the sounds of it, you don’t strike me as being even remotely interested in going down the bisexual route because, unless I missed it, I’m thinking a woman just isn’t your cup of tea.

      Do what works for you, not what your friends think you should consider or try.

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