Today marked the end of a 4-month “Do Not Contact” ordinance from the one called Mr. Jekyll, and while I’ve really only mentioned this ex once or twice before (see The Dating Resume at https://mydatinghangovers.com/?p=230), he is by far one of the worst hangovers I’ve experienced. Ever.
Maybe I’m in denial, but every time I’m contacted by him and I text a ridiculously foul message (last message I sent made reference to how his newborn was uh…not so cute) I say “that’s the end of him, he won’t contact me again”, I’m wrong. So of course for every time that I say this, my good friend Dee is right there saying “No, you wounded him a bit but he’ll be back in a couple of months”. Damn, I hate it when she’s right but the question that is yet to be answered is why won’t he just leave me alone?
About this hangover….
Just as with any storybook relationship, it didn’t all start out bad but even as I’m writing this, I can recall there being the “little” warning signs that something was wrong, wrong, wrong within a matter of two weeks. Yet still, I fell in love and when I say this man swept me off my feet, he pulled out all stops, bells and whistles to get me. Mr. Jekyll was very affectionate, caring, thoughtful, funny and always made time for me. Mr. Hyde seemed like the perfect man.
No, that last sentence was not a typo. I really met two different people, possibly even more.
Mr. Jekyll not only stands out in my mind because of the ride of a lifetime I affectionately refer to as the worst emotional rollercoaster ever, but he’s best remembered for making the number three significant. In a matter of THREE months Mr. Jekyll showed me all of the things I’d learned to expect in a relationship and I fell head over heels in love. In my mind, I wondered if it was possible to care so deeply for someone since it had only been THREE short months after I’d ended things with the man I believe is/was my first real love, Rescue 911. Was he simply a rebound? Finally, the dramatic end of the relationship filled with Facebook posts, Hotmail and voicemail passwords came after THREE strikes and failed attempts for him to act right.
All of this is just scratching the surface of a “Oh wow” to “Oh damn”of a relationship in less than one year, but saying all of this, why do some ex’s just keep coming back like a bad case of crabs? Why the need to be friends after things end when we have no financial or familial strings or mutual friends that might require us to at least be cordial with one another?
Why would I want to be friends with someone especially if we had a particularly nasty break-up? Do I need to talk to you and shoot the breeze about how you’ve been, how the family is or your life in general? Not really. In fact, I had such disdain for Mr. Jekyll for so long one of my favorite phrases was “I wouldn’t spit on him if he was on fire”.
Bitter? Nope. Disgusted? Yep.
So what prompted this rant? At about 2:00am this morning, I turned over to check my Crackberry (don’t judge me, I’m working on this bad habit) for messages and had to allow my eyes to adjust – not just to the backlight but to the message that was sent at 1:23am from a number that was all too familiar but with a very simple “Hey, what’s up”. I honestly think that having your phone in hand when sleepy is just as bad as drunk texting, because apparently instead of doing the usual and ignoring him, I replied.
Maybe it was purely for shits and giggles, but the textversation was actually pretty basic and civilized. It consisted of the basic stuff when a person is really just trying to gauge your temperature – the “How are you’s”, “Hope the family is well” type of stuff but as always, Mr. Jekyll sends something stupid that makes me regret having responded.
“When are you getting married?”.
Yes, just like that and just as quickly as he’d gone from neutral questions is how quick I ended with “take care” and ceased communicating with him.
I can’t wait to share the details about this guy who had addictive personality disorder embedded in his DNA. From being a serial texter, Facebook stalker and porn-addicted chronic masturbator, he came with it all. I shared this story with a friend at work and we both chuckled and said maybe the reason the ex’s keep contacting us is because we’re REALLY good women and they know that.
I think it’s probably a little bit of that AND the fact that some of them are just simply… nuts.
Until there’s a cure for my hangovers…
Carmen ~
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The chronic porn-additcited masterbator, serial texter is equal to Radio Silent..who ONLY shows his face when there is an emotional family issue that he cannot handle…WHY? I’m so over it…and now the mother is having a unit built on to the house, and well…I wanted to give it a try..thinking NOT.
Oh I don’t know E; Jekyll is in a different spectrum of assitivity. Radio silent is an emotionally screwed up man who can’t function with with a woman when things get hot under the collar.
Mine is well…. Bipolar.
I thought carefully before giving him the nickname of Jekyll, and once I recounted how different moods and personalities would surface like the changing winds? Yep, definitely has a disorder.
Really, why would you want to contact an ex who tried to socially rape you? Retard.
Your guy is a lost cause too. Sorry.
Well… We don’t know the full story about this guy but any one with THAT many addictions would be last for my friends list too.
Tried ignoring him and that doesn’t work either??
Weirdo must set reminders in his phone to contact you every couple of months. You know, to let you know he’s thinking of you. Lol!
Seriously Jessie, I think he does remind himself.
Again, our relationship didn’t have one of those “let’s stay in touch” or “We’ll always remain friends”.
In fact, it was more like “You’re a piece of shi%, lose my number”.
Ignoring is effective about 30% of the time.
C, some just don’t get enough of the abuse. My old girlfriend does the “checking in” once every couple of months even though SHE suggested we not stay in touch.
The way I see it, an ex is going to try contacting you to see where you are, put the feelers out.
When she and I talk it starts off the same as with you and wacko dude: small talk, how are you, what I’ve been up to then once the flow is going, she’ll ask if I’m seeing anyone. If I say I’m with someone, that convo goes in a different direction.
I’m left wondering what the hell I (1) told her for and (2) why I even answered the call.
Kendall that little game would get old real quick! I’m not saying ignore her future calls but….. 🙂
Yeah Kendall, I get the same feeling of “why” with some of the ex’s. For the most part, I don’t mind since most of my break ups were pretty amicable but I think there’s normally something up a woman’s sleeves when she calls out of the blue. Same applies for those random “Hey, how are you” texts.
@ Silver – “Hey how are you texts” are never really about how you are. They’re fact finding missions. LOL
Ah… the checking in. Is that something that you and this particular desperado agreed to do? You know, as in having had one of those “Hey, I don’t really want to be with you, but let’s check in from time to time for a little booty”?
That Q&A gets tired and quickly!
When you have a chance, take a look at Nancy’s post on this very subject. Pretty interesting since there are parts from your gene pool. 🙂
Hey there Carmen – I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and I enjoy it – keep up the good work. I was writing my own post on post break-up contact when I read your post yesterday, totally made me laugh. Anyway…just thought I’d say hey and that it is always nice to know someone else is feeling my pain 🙂
http://hownancybecamenegative.com/2011/04/28/post-break-up-contact/
Welcome Nancy and I can’t WAIT to start reading on how you became negative! Wondering if the reason has a little to do with something that starts with a M and ends with an N?
I just popped on over to your blog to take a look and LOVE the breakdown, especially from the male point of view.
Soooo much to comment on, but I’ll save my dos pesos for your post.
Thanks again for reading and the kind words!