It’s about time I start having some good news to share so guess who had a nice date this weekend? Yes, it’s true. A nice sunny day, good eats and great conversation with plenty of laughter is how Second Chance and I enjoyed a Sunday afternoon.
You know there’s always a story behind the naming of a hangover, so here’s how he received his. This wasn’t our first encounter as Second Chance had initially contacted me almost a month ago on POF, but he failed. Miserably. We’d exchanged numbers after a few messages back and forth online and as I said I would, made that first phone call and left a message for a call back. The dude NEVER called. Of course I was a little annoyed pissed knowing I’m a good catch for anyone on that site, but brushed it off and went on about my business. About a week or two later, I get a message from him saying “Hi, I’m sorry I’m just now contacting you but I lost your number. What is it again or can you just give me a call back?”
Umm… no.
I snidely replied that he made it obvious that he’s bad at following up for losing the number in the first place, and he was even more of a loser by waiting so long to follow up, explain and apologize. I wished him good luck and told him I’d have to pass on giving out my number a second time and went on about my business. He was taken aback by my reply but understood, and that was the end of him. Until his second attempt which was a little more appealing:
“Sometimes we want what is bad, and loathe what is good for us. Whatever the
reality is that we create, it is what it is. Your smile reminds me of something
I once knew. It made me feel good, reminded me of home. I know our paths didn’t
cross properly but they still crossed... So I’m saying hello again. Please don’t take me
as some internet looking- for-love type guy..."
Alright, so the first part seemed a little cheesy but the tone of the message seemed quite sincere, so when I received this second message from him about 2 weeks ago, I stepped outside of the halls of stubbornness and decided to see if he was worthy of an exception so I agreed to talk to him. I made it perfectly clear that he’d better make it worth my while by me communicating with him and within an hour of getting my number, this time he called and so began one of several refreshing conversations.
Those first few phone calls that you have with someone new are actually pre-meeting screening tools. You have the ability to gauge based on how they carry on over the phone, number of interruptions and need for a call back and just the general flow of things to decide if you’re dealing with someone you’d even want to meet.
What I liked about Second Chance leading up to our meeting was his warm and outgoing personality; he’s educated and well spoken but also has some street smarts. He has a great career as an engineer for a major telecommunications company, lives alone and only has one child, showcased a sense of humor and loves the San Francisco bay area as much as I do. Needless to say, it was only a short period of time before we were both asking ‘When are we going to meet?”
Sounds good so far, right?
Fast forward to Thursday evening, and another phone conversation where we shared a few stories and plenty of laughs and the date was planned. Second Chance told me he would work around my schedule (yahoo, loved hearing that), the destination was my choice (I’m a breakfast nut so that was easy) and said I could consider our outing as a belated Mother’s Day treat. Aw, how sweet.
So how about that first meeting/date? Well…. here’s what he did well:
– Called to confirm the meeting time and place the night before
– Checked in the day of to confirm I was still able to make it
– Called to advise when he was en route
– Waited outside the restaurant for me (remember story about Ghetto 2Pac)
– Freshly shaven, clean clothes, shoes, nails and teeth and smelled GREAT
– Smiled to show he was REALLY happy to see me
– Complimented what I was wearing and said my hair was “beautiful” (yes, it was pretty damn cute!!)
– Told me how happy he was we’d finally met
– Able to carry on a conversation without any uncomfortable moments of silence
– Laughed at my jokes and stories (Yay!)
– Was courteous to the waitress AND left an appropriate tip
After all of this, it sounds like a date that went off without a hitch, right? The only thing left is the question of what he looked like and does he look anything like this profile pictures? I guess I didn’t mention it in the beginning because of all of the guilt one of my friends tried to lay on me when I complained about this one little thing.
Here’s how you go from excited to being disappointed in 30 seconds.
Thank goodness I’d arrived early AND was able to park facing the direction Second Chance would be coming from, because this prepared me for all that I was about to see. I saw him as he turned the corner into the shopping center, I watched him as his legs took him across the parking lot to the front entrance. I watched my expression in my rearview mirror go from happy thoughts and anticipation to a loud sigh that sounded like a deflated air mattress as I quickly sized up a stocky man who probably stood no taller than 5 foot 3 inches tall. He is too damn short!
I know, I’ve been down this road before with USBC and no matter how many times I hear that I should just roll with it and give a guy a chance, even if he is vertically challenged, there’s something about a short man that just doesn’t do it for me. I feel bad even writing this because he is a nice guy, we got along well and I wouldn’t mind seeing him again but damn. I think I even may have had him by a few inches because my range of view was more of his forehead when we were standing instead of his eyes and I was wearing some pretty conservative heels (only about 3 inches).
Naturally, if there’s something about a person that stands out it eventually becomes more of a distraction to the point where I started feeling a little weird because I kept noticing how short his legs and arms were and that his hands were about the same size as my little miniature paws. It was so bad to the point of me nearly asking “How tall ARE you?”
I didn’t ask; in fact, there was probably no indication in my mannerisms whatsoever that I was anything other than pleased. I enjoyed the company, the food was good and as we continued our conversation I’d already classified him as having potential for a cool friend to do things with and that would probably be it.
Say what you want about me but it is a well known fact that out of all of the shortcomings some women will deal with, the height thing is not one of them.
Sigh.
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Nope. I agree 100%. I’m 5’2 and do not ever want to feel like I can “take” my date on.
Call me a bitch or whatever, but I will not date anyone who isn’t at least 4 inches taller. We shouldn’t be able to wear the same size (length) in pants.
Of course I have nothing against short people as people.. I’m short.
I just do not want to be intimate with them. I will date bald, pudgy, etc, but not short…sorry.
Excellent post!
Just Saying, I think it makes a HUGE difference that we are already short. I’m 5’2 as well and figure it wouldn’t be so bad if I was a few inches taller, say 5’6.
Dating someone who’s the same height as my 10 year-old isn’t a good look.
And LOL @ wearing the same length pants.
I just remember USBC chilling at my home during one of our hang out sessions, and I nearly died when I realized how short he really was. As he sat on the edge of my sofa eating a sandwich, he crossed his legs and the big toe was just swinging back and forth, not even touching the floor. Any possibility of me overlooking the height thing was gone and blown to pieces.
… oops hit enter too soon…
Although I did have the hots for a guy that was 5’5 once. He was the full package and more.
However he blocked me from every media source available after I sent a email to a few g/f’s with his picture saying ” my future b/f”.. etc.. it was funny and nothing was meant by it, but I had added him to the email in error…opps. Kind of freaked him out I’d say. lol
Now that’s funny, oops on the cc! So is it safe to say there wasn’t another date? 🙂
Okay, sorry but I’m with you and to tell with the nay sayers, your preference is your preference.
Question though- for the ones your meeting online, aren’t you checking out their profiles and what they’re listing for height? Or was this one of those guys who uh… Embellished a little?
Jessie, yes! They always list their height as 5’6 to 5’8. I heard that short men actually lie about this by adding on about 4 inches to their actual size.
I need to just to start asking straight out when they contact me.
All I have to say Carmen is…..AMEN!!! I just can’t respect a guy who isn’t taller than I am wearing heels.
I know Nancy, a little man just takes away from that “secure in the arms of a man” feeling. Again, I feel bad because each of them were cool guys but again- preference.
Men may not be into me because I’m a little thick and am working with a kangaroo patch tummy but hey, that’s their preference.
Thank goodness for the tall genes in my family and thank goodness I have a daughter who doesn’t have to worry about this.
Hey Carmen, I think men exaggerate their height to make them taller, double up on shirts to look buffer and perform fellatio that’s out of this world to make up for any “short” comings.
Glad you had a girl too! But hey, you know one thing that holds true with these little fellas? They’re normally cool as hell.
I mean funny, down to earth and good natured. Can’t be mean and short I guess.
Carmen,
Love love love the blog and have been reading it for a few months now. Keep up the good work! Now as for the short men,I totally agree. I’m 5’8″ and that was my thing too. I met a guy on Eharmony and he claimed to be 6 feet. When we met and it was obvious he was no taller than me, he looked at me and said ‘wow you’re tall’ lol I said ‘well how tall are you? you’re profile said 6 feet’. He grumbled something about losing a few inches during a back surgery. Uh huh yeah right. I just have to mention though that when I started reading your blog I was doing the online dating thing too but it didn’t pan out. I have since met the sweetest, most caring, generous, kind hearted man….and he’s 5’11” woot. We met at a local bar of all places lol so don’t give up ladies, there is someone out there for you!
“Lost a few inches in surgery”?? That’s like me telling men I wear a D cup but look like I’m wearing a training bra cause I worked out before meeting him! Lol! Gar-bage.
Welcome Traci and I am happy for ANY woman who’s able to meet that guy that seems like an endangered species of goodness.
Here’s what I think I should do from now on- round down. If a guy says he’s 5’8, I’m automatically going to figure in the adjusted height calculations (AHC and yes, just made that up).
I was telling a girlfriend this morning, I would take the chipped tooth, bitten nails, bad hairline, or roles behind the neck before someone who I feel “bigger” than.
Happy reading and keep reading!
Damn, you guys are brutal but hey Carmen – it’s true, a matter of preference. Personally, I like women with a little meat on their bones so I’d take you, pouch and all. LOL
Oh Kendall, now that’s what I call love! 🙂
Hopefully, I’ll get over things like this and just be happy in the presence of someone who’s cool to be around. One day. Just not there right now!!
Man, short guys must have it tough. Being 5’11 myself, I haven’t had to deal with height issues, but I can imagine these guys get rejected all the time, solely based on height. It must be hard to take.
But I totally get, for example, not wanting to date someone the same height as your 10 year old son. Or someone who you feel a lot bigger than.
I guess the only thing I would say is that sometimes we get too attached to finding someone who meets all of our preferences. In the end, no one probably will fit every last thing we hope for.
Nathan, is that 5’11 true or 5’8 with your inserts? 🙂
You’re absolutely right, they have a tough time but there ARE women out there who could care less and roll with their shorty. Of course, these are the couples I see and think to myself “he must be packing” or “he’s loaded” and of course “he’s probably a really sweet guy”.
There’s some over compensation somewhere I’m sure.
I don’t think the majority of us (especially not myself) looking for someone who meets all our preferences- just the major ones.
Thanks for commenting.
Oh one more thing Nathan-Just checked out your blog- Finally, a male perspective without bashing women. Looking forward to following you.
one more thing….not everyone is going to be your perfect match. For instance my guy is a little older than someone I would normally date, but with all of his positives it’s not even an issue : ) (matter of fact, and this is just my opinion, I think that older men sometimes tend to know what they want and don’t play games and that’s very refreshing)
I don’t know about short guys getting rejected all the time, but if they at least would be honest and up front about their height it would save both parties a lot of grief…..
Oh of course Traci, not looking for perfection- that doesn’t exist and I’m certainly not without flaws.
Key word here is preference and not perfection.
And yes- if men stop lying or mi stating truths such as height, a lot of this complaining would be eliminated. They’re just selling themselves short, pun intended.
I agree with everyone on here that deliberately lying about age, height, weight, etc. really isn’t a great plan. I used to list myself as 6ft because it was a nice round number. But even that statement, being mostly accurate, got me in trouble once with a woman who was clearly 6ft and realized I didn’t quite hit the mark. So, even though the difference for me wasn’t much, I decided to round down and forget about the +/- half inch involved.
I absolutely refuse to date someone shorter then me. I’m 5’9, so that kind of narrows the pool of available men…I swear they are growing them shorter these days…
My problem is I wear a lot of heels. 4 inches plus. And I realize not all men can be six foot two! Then in my mind they have to have some muscles to balance it out. What can I say, I’m weird. But I came to understand that I want a man who can take care of me if need be! If some guy attacks me, my man should be able to kick some ass and take some names. Of course, we all know I can do this on my own, but I am much happier if I don’t have to chip my manicure 😉
Ah…. My dearest Esme! I think that’s it… I don’t want to be out with the guy who looks like he can get punked. Besides the height, you’re like a modern day GI Jane- anyone who wears pink Polo shirts with the collar popped and can’t measure up to your 4 inchers need not apply!! 🙂