“I’m going to have to buckle down and build a backbone because this really sucks!”
My reply:
“Come my child, let me hold you. I will reassure you that you’re not crazy when men confuse you, will comfort you when a man disappoints you and curse you if you keep asking me if dating is really this bad.”
Okay well that wasn’t really my reply, but it surely is what I feel like saying to the newcomers to the dating scene or who I’ll refer to as The New Kids On The Block.
Let’s assume these newly single men and women were homes and they’ve suddenly found themselves back on the market.
If they were dating seriously or in a relationship, the poor things fell out of escrow. Something happened with the funding (could be literal) or that appraisal (you know, found too many cracks in the foundation, bull*hit infestation and the like). They just didn’t make it to that final step in the relationship.
Or if they were actually married and things failed, one of two things occurred:
A quick sale (separated but probably no real interruption in lifestyle dating game soon after) OR foreclosure (divorced and starting from scratch).
My girl Kim? The latter.
To say that getting back into the dating game, fishbowl or whatever else it’s called is crappy? A gross understatement.
For years while Kim was happily married, settled in as wife and mother, she would hear about my trysts and love affairs and probably thought:
1. It couldn’t be that hard finding someone decent.
2. I should be more open to the types of men I’d date or where I would meet them.
3. Maybe there was something I was doing wrong.
4. Thanking God she was NOT single.
Sadly, Kim and a few other friends who all seem to have found themselves separated, divorced or just plain old SINGLE within the last 6 months to a year.
They are seeing that # 1 through 3 do not apply. How do I know this?
These are smart, beautiful and successful women. Still, I’ve heard them complain about these and more:
Unreturned calls, ignored text messages, canceled dates, being stood up, men trying to get to 2nd base after your first coffee meeting, jerks who think you shouldn’t mind dating them if they once sexed AND lived with one of your close friends etc…
Four words for the New Kids On The Block who have been sharing their hangovers with me?
I-TOLD-YOU-SO
Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…
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People always tell me it can’t be so hard to date. EXCUSE ME??? Live some time in my shoes.
Yes Esme, I hear you. I used to hear ” you’re too hard”, “give them a chance”, “stop being so critical”.
If I wasn’t so hard, I would still be with the alcoholic. If I’d given the other a chance, I would have dealt with the loser who was really married. And for heavens sake, being critical saved me from Jekyll, the porn addicted basket case.
Whatever, we know our worth.
Yep, this pretty much sums it up. I still think the women might have it a little but worse than us.
Sometimes I wonder why I keep trying to figure out why I keep trying but I just refuse to give up.
Don’t give up and don’t give in Kendall!
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve heard for years that I’m just not ‘giving them a chance’. Ha. It’s sad that dating is so hard when it should just be fun, but it is what it is. You’ve got to remain optimistic that there are a few good ones hiding amongst all the idiots. Too bad they’re so well hidden. 😉
Hidden is a nice way of putting it. If only I had those special goggles to find them!
That would be AWESOME!! Instead of night vision goggles, you have douchebag goggles. They tell you who pops their collar when no one is looking.
Couldn’t agree more. I hate the married ones that always think it’s ME.
NO HONEY, IT’S THEM … is my usual comeback. But you’re right, until they are in our shoes, they won’t understand!!!!!
There are times when I really think I have it all. I mean I don’t have to clean up after anyone else, I can come and go as I please, and I don’t have to worry about when the next petty fight is going to start or if I have to be the one to apolgize. Nor do I become bored with coming home to the same person and doing the same old thing night after night. I still have excitment in my life. So as my sister and mom were complaining about their respective partners over the weekend, I asked them if they ever wished they were in my shoes as in Single. They both looked at me and laughed more obnoxiously than I have ever heard. Seriously? You guys are going to straight laugh at me? I know that being single is tough for all reasons that you have listed but come on – it’s got its perks too. Just remember – we’re single and we’re good at it. Meaning we haven’t settled just to have a companion and those new kids on the block will realize just how strong we really are when they get out there in the dating world.
Um… They laughed at you? That’s just wrong on so many levels but I feel you on this.
My Mother gives me that “I feel sorry for you single girls out there” look. I think uh, okay. My father was a great FATHER and sure, had his moments as a great husband BUT she totally settled.
I can recall hearing how sick she was of him, he didn’t like doing what she liked, partied too much, swore too much, wanted sex too much, didn’t like to read books as much, wasn’t interested in continued education at all, lost the drive to excel etc…
Seriously, some times I don’t think we have it all that bad but there are definitely some moments where it can be a very lonely feeling.
My senior memory moment is messing with me right now, but months back I wrote a post talking about singlehood, especially during the holidays.
Those, moments where I want to relax and cuddle, have d#ck on demand when I wake up, having a solid date for certain functions etc… Yeah, those are moments where I’m not exactly singing Put a Ring on It (shoot me if I EVER do!).
Sigh.
Damned if you’re single, damned if you’re not.
What’s in between? The F Buddy?!