This probably more of a rant than anything, but I just have to say how sick I am of hearing the stories about women who are waiting.
Waiting for that man to propose OR for those lucky enough to have heard already heard it, waiting for things to be “right” before a the man finally marries them. If you have to ask why it hasn’t happened after so much time together (especially to someone other than your guy), you probably already know the answer.
I mean really, let’s be truthful with ourselves. No, I’ve never been married or been engaged. Hell, I’m not even sure if the promise ring was anything more than a “I’ll try not to cheat on you” gesture but I don’t need to have experience with either to know what is common sense, right?
If you were to Google “Why He Won’t Commit” or “When is he going to ask me”, you’ll get tons of hits and plenty of bullshit reasons why. There’s some author out there who will feed you with everything from a man not feeling financially stable, grounded in his career or other as a logical explanation for why women are waiting.
Just from having witnessed the disappointments of my friends, I know there is really ONE main reason why that question for marriage takes anywhere from 3 years to the first of Nebruary. There is a single reason why a woman had to give the “we’ve been together __ years and we…” speech which is rarely met with open arms. A solitary explanation for why a man will tell a woman “you need to get your life together” without listing specifics. Just one teeny, tiny reason why that wedding date keeps getting pushed back further and further.
I think it’s truly sad that most people have accepted domestic living arrangements, co-habitating, shacking up. But at the same time, respect those who figure marriage is not for them. Totally fine, however I make it clear upon meeting someone new, they are not for me.
Ladies, we need to set the expectations of what we really want, long term, early on. Many of us do not and instead, end up with one of the following types of men:
1. Mr. Yes, I definitely want to get married (and has a specific time frame in mind).
2. Mr. Yes, I definitely want to get married but am not sure when.
3. Mr. Yes, but maybe in about 5 or 10 years (and he’s already over the age of 35 and been with YOU more than 7 years).
4. Mr. Maybe, I’m not sure (he’ll use the “if I find the right person” disclaimer).
5. Mr. I’m not sure (you take a gamble either way)
6. Mr. No, I’m not interested (but in our twisted little minds think that marriage is like breaking in a new pair of shoes).
#6 is where we probably go astray the most. This guy makes it pretty clear, you roll with it and later on… You wait and realize damn- he was serious?
Perfect example in my case, Tall Glass of Wine. Remember him? The knight in shining armour, dressed to the nines, clean cut, intelligent AND gave me the greatest foot rub by a man I’d known 1 hour ever? Ah yes….interested in marriage? Nope. Not even remotely. Was I going to continue to date him, share my precious nookie? For what? Set myself up for
Obviously, this isn’t always the case as people can change their minds, both want the same thing and live happily ever after.
Five. The number of friends who have broken up and ended relationships altogether because the 6 months, 1 year or 2 years following the “will you” never materialized into “I do”.
Four. The number of friends/acquaintances who had to give ultimatums because their beaus weren’t quite ready to take that next step after seriously dating for 3 to 5 years.
Three. The number of friends whose ultimatums backfired, their guys flipped and they never brought it up again and are likely, candidates for an episode of Cheaters.
Two. The number of friends who have been told by their long-term, on again, off again partners that they needed to work on themselves before he would even entertain the thought.
One. A woman who has not given up in spite of all of my crappy experiences and jokes called relationships.
Stop waiting ladies, enough of hearing the excuses BUT if you’re willing to stick it out until HE is ready… Shut up and stop complaining.
I think I’m working on the cure for the hangovers…
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.