My life seems to be on overdrive as of late – finalizing my career change ideas, researching masters degree programs, lounging in large pools in Vegas. I mean really, that can just be a bit overwhelming for a girl, you know?
Of course I realize there’s no excuse (except a lame one) for me having left the writing alone for over a week. None. Especially when I fuss at other bloggers and remind them of that handy WordPress mobile application we can always use whenever we’re not near a computer.
So what about my dating life and the hangovers?
I’m glad to say that I am pretty darn happy with Rescue 911, training sessions have been ongoing and right now, I really don’t have much to complain about. He’s currently going through re-training with me and thus far, has been very receptive to my suggestions, gripes and
comments on things that could lead us off the beaten path of happiness together.
Yes, I said re-training.
Since this is the first time I’ve ever gone backwards and became involved with an ex-boyfriend, I have to imagine the only way things can work a second time around is if each person makes sure the other understands what went wrong the first time and what they can do whatever is in their power to make sure they survive any relationship challenges this go round.
I’ve had to re-train Rescue and let him know that if he’s working late and having to pull an all nighter, a simple text like
“I’m working late” is all it takes to keep me from fussing later. Explaining that it isn’t insecurity or me policing his whereabouts but instead, care and concern that he’s okay if he’s not come through that door by 4am.
Rescue has gone through a refresher course on time management so he understands that being involved with a woman, working
a job with crazy hours, being a father, having a side hustle in the recording studio, event planning and of course needing moments to himself, he has quite the juggling act to contend with.
We’re BOTH in sexual sensitivity training. Meaning no matter how tired we are, stressed at the end of a long day or frustrated, no more than three days should pass without a little sexual healing. Just thinking about how my body still gets that tingling feeling all over from his touch, his kisses, how he looks at me like I am a goddess and it all leading up to wonderful love making sessions. Mmm. I digressed.
Although the lack of time and his inability to succeed at the balancing act when we were together some 4 years ago, I’ve got my issues to be worked on as well. Patience. Patience. Patience. I’m pretty quick to the draw and ready to shoot to kill so Rescue has his work cut out
training me to be a little more receptive to certain things, especially to change.
With the exception of that ONE piece of unresolved business he has until December to address, things are progressing in the right direction. Still, I can’t help but have certain thoughts that could possibly sabotage the entire situation.
Good on Paper has recently started calling, more frequently and I’m not sure why. What I SHOULD be doing is saying “stop calling me, you had your change, have a good life”.
So why is it that I have not? Is it out of curiosity, hope, doubt or fear?
I think I’d better figure out the why and really soon.
I promise not to stay away for so long again.
Carmen ~
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I hope he deals with his shit by December!
I’m glad you both have been working on things! I wonder if you still have a fear of it not working out, and that is why you haven’t let go of Good On Paper??
Yes Esme, he sure as hell had better. No excuses either. I’m not trying to end up like one of those Dear Abby candidates.
GOP link? I really don’t know what it is about him. I do know that I have my moments of doubt with Rescue just because of the unfinished business AND because I’ve always been the guarded heart type of person.
Then again, GOP was always a conquest never made. Perhaps its my ego that won’t let go!
Aaahhhh…the unconquered…sometimes those just won’t let us be. But do you think anything would be different if you DID?
Probably not Esme, but you can’t help but wonder.
I’m a little fickle at times, so used to being guarded with my feelings and emotions for fear of ending up like a basket case should something not work, my mind thinks of escape.
Sigh.
I don’t get people sometimes. You’re talking about how happy you are, however it sounds like there is something or someone stopping you from doing it all the way.
Aside from your reasons based on the divorce, is there something else going on?
Silver, I know- makes no sense. Funny how I was just watching a comedy show last night and the guy is talking about how strange women are.
He said we don’t have doubt and suspicions about our relationships when things are bad or after an argument or fight; instead, we go looking for things and reasons when things are going too well.
So true. I’m working on me. Perhaps it’s just a little fear.
I relate 100%. I’m back with an old boyfriend myself, and I’m so happy, yet I’m so skeptical in going forward 100%. I only can tell you my advice (which I’ve been following) – go forward as much as you can, baby steps if you may, and then decide later. You have all the time in the world and I’m confident you can come to a better decision once you’ve both invested time 🙂
Well Simmarah, this is comforting to hear. I’m not the only one going through the storage box pulling out old clothes to see if they still fit.
Curious- why are you so cautious? Not just giving it your all and going with the flow?
I like how you remind me about having time, but why doesn’t this register in MY mind? Why does everything have to be on a timeline of when we feel things should happen?
For instance, I’m about 60% sure that I want another child. Now while this goes down a percent every month it seems, the thought is still there. Timeline? It needs to happen by age 38-39 because I refuse to be a depressed 40 year old waddling around.
Marriage. Timeline? I’d PREFER to make it happen before I get to my 40’s so I can “settle” in with my significant other.
So I hear you but again, am ready to make things happen now.
Wow…dating life seems to be so overly complicated…why is it that God made it so easy to simply have sex, but so hard to allow us to love in an uncomplicated manner? Argh!
T.
T, if we had the answer to that, there would probably be no need for dating blogs.
I do believe we make things complicated and being in relationships really don’t have to come with so much..so much…. Crap!
It’s all Adam and Eve’s fault. My child blames everything we don’t like on those two, so I’ll start using it too.
By the way… WELCOME!
Mmm, I like the concept of training. Good point when going backwards (something I never suggest, an ex is an ex), make sure you’re handling the “why’s”.
I guess like Silver said, what’s the doubt for? Seems to me like things are going well and sure, there’s that looming “it better happen”, but really Carmen- quit tripping.
Enjoy the ride and don’t be so quick to think that what your experiencing is wrong. Hell, give me hope!
Jessie, I’m trying, I am and even having written this post, feel like I’m making up concerns that aren’t there.
But you have to agree, this situation (currently) isn’t one where anyone would feel 100% confident in.
Thankfully, Rescue has given me no reason to doubt what he says.
Let’s just say I’m like that drive going through the 4-way intersection with the broken traffic lights – proceeding very cautiously. Observing. Trying to be ready to make drastic maneuvers if needed.