“I’m certainly not able to expect or ask for an answer now, all I ask is that you think about it”.
Rescue’s words last night before I got out of his car.
Emotions, thoughts, skepticism, hope, confusion.
But wait- I’m getting ahead of myself. Last night’s talk with him caught me off guard because in my mind, I was completely over the situation since we didn’t meet up this past Sunday as originally planned.
As I always say and fail miserably, I will try to keep this update under three scroll bars.
In a nutshell, things went down
Friday – He called, I finally answered, we spoke. I had taken the day off for some relaxation and a little retail therapy, so he happened to have caught me at a moment where I didn’t have “screw this jerk” on my mind.
The conversation started off a bit on the awkward side with the “hello”, “doing fine, how are you” and “things are okay” type of discussion.
I loosened up a bit, and soon after the conversation flowed and we started laughing a bit.
Seemed like the old us until he asked me a question that was like yanking the needle off the record – “why didn’t you tell me you were taking today off, we could have planned something”.
My icy reply of “because WE are not there” stunned him a bit, but he took in in stride and simply replied “I know, you’re right but my goal is to change all of that”.
Conversation went on a bit further and Rescue asks when we can sit down and really talk. I told him to set a date but warned him this would not be a friendly, social visit.
I made it perfectly clear that I’m pissed and disappointed at what has transpired in the last month and a half, so he had better come with his “A” game and be prepared for some serious talking. He set a date for Sunday, I agreed.
Saturday passed- nothing. No follow up calls, texts, nothing.
Sunday? I woke up with the devil in me and fired off a flurry of text messages telling Rescue he could go do himself (yeah right, you know what word was really in place of “do”).
Afterwards, I sat back and waited.
In true Rescue fashion, he reacted or should I say panicked.
Excuses of failed attempts to reach me that my caller I’d confirmed didn’t happen.
Okay, I hadn’t tried to contact him and instead of waiting, very well could have simply called and asked “What time are we hooking up on Sunday”.
Stupid things women do and our thinking that the person who screwed up things should initiate everything.
I recognize MY way of handling things may not necessarily be conducive to resolving conflict. Ironically, that is my profession but when it comes to this Rescue ordeal? Not so much.
Questions and more questions ran through my mind like:
Why shouldn’t he be doing all the work?
Why was I considering talking with him and my mind is ready to respond with nothing but doubt and negativity?
Why doesn’t he just give up? I’ve been refusing to see him for a month and have only answered 3 phone calls from him in that same period of time.
Why I can’t I be stubborn about not calling? Isn’t there some clause in a relationship that says “the one who messes up, needs to clean it up” or something like that?
Why isn’t this man being more consistent with me? If he’s truly trying to salvage things, doesn’t he realize that the reason things are where they are now is because of his failure to communicate?
Why am I allowing myself to become upset again? Did I not say I was going to ignore any further contact from him?
But the most important question of them all – “Am I truly, without a doubt, ready to be done with him?”
So last night, after enjoying a nice, hot shower, a delicious meal and two glasses of wine, I was feeling pretty damn good and relaxed. I was chatting with an old hangover, (I always referred to as “The Flame”) one of the coolest, funniest fling-turned- male confidant I have ever met. So while we’re catching up and reminiscing the house phone rings, which for me, is the equivalent of the bat phone. Very few people have that number.
I let the answering machine pick up and soon after, call waiting is chiming in and its him.
Rescue says it is very important that he see me, asking if he could talk to me.
“No, it’s too late, you need to move on…”
Well, that’s what I wanted to say but instead “sure, I’ve got an hour or so”.
The conversation went well beyond an hour. Far beyond.
I know some of you may be reading thinking “be done with it already” but some things are
easier said than done.
It’s time I put my big girl panties on and address my feelings face to face before severing ties of a relationship.
Of course, I’ll have to explain how it all went down.
Until there’s a cure…