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If You Have To Keep Wondering Where You Stand With Someone, Then Maybe It’s Time To Stop Standing & Start Walking…

I know, it has been a while and came up for air for a moment.

Interesting how the person who shared this with me is the one who should have this same message posted to his bathroom mirror. To be read over and over and over again.

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Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!

I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.

This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".

If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!



  1. Short and sweet and to the point. Interesting because I had “the talk” with a man I’d been involved with weeks ago and just asked that he come clean – he either wanted to be together or move on. Of course, when pinned to the corner with his balls in hand he said “let’s do us” and I went with that so I took a stand, right?

    The problem with this Carmen is that I feel like someone will only tell you what they think you want to hear most times instead of what the real answer is. I say this because here I am wondering the same thing because he only behaved for about three days.

    This shit is frustrating!!

    1. Ask and you shall receive…. Something related to the true answer. Maybe.

      Trust me Jessie, I know where you’re coming from. Having dealt with men telling me what they thought I wanted to hear has happened MANY times. Then again, they may actually let you know exactly where you stand and what they want, but be completely clueless about how to put action behind those word.

      Frustrating indeed.

      Question for most people is why does someone keep holding on when they’ve been given the position they don’t want?

      1. Why? That’s like asking for the secret recipe or something, Carmen. Sometimes we just do either out of comfort or just too lazy to look for someone else.

        I am still dealing with him and its probably a combination of the two. At least I know and continuing on, can only blame myself in the end if I hold out hope for change.

        At the end of the day, quotes like this are nice reminders. Thanks lady!

        1. Jessie, the comfort zone is probably the biggest excuse that many rely on. Who wants to go through the A-Z all over again with someone new just because you stalled out on M, right?

          1. Stalled out on M? That’s funny but soooooo true but I think the older I get, the more afraid I am of ending up alone so it makes your more likely to deal (a nice way of saying settling).

            1. Yes, we do a lot of settling but just word it differently. We either say some of the things we had been holding out for “really weren’t that important” or that we “can’t expect perfection” or the best one – “I don’t want to be alone”.

  2. I agree with this quote whole-heartedly.

    There is nothing more frustrating than laying awake at night wondering where the hell your relationship stands. As much as I despise game playing, it’s usually when one walks that the other realizes if he/she wants that person back or not. It can be a powerful defining moment.

    1. That’s the part I hate the most, Esme. Why should a person even have to take it there and ask?

      We are either more screwed up when it comes to trying to start a relationship or just don’t communicate very well. In fact, to me it seems like when engaging in those “where do I stand” or “where are we trying to take this” type of discussions, they’re almost like forcing the other into something they probably don’t want.

      Think about it – Let’s say you and Loverboy were at Stage 2, were talking to each other on a regular basis, doing sleepovers and the whole nine. You’ve even had a couple of outings with the kids and one day you say “Loverboy, we’ve been spending a lot of time together so I want to know where this is going?”. He replies “I’m enjoying the way things are right now and don’t see that anything needs to change.”

      Obviously, you disagree and realize he’s not interested in what you want (commitment) and start pulling away. If he’s like most, he’ll likely react and realize he’s missing out and tada! Starts saying and behaving like you wanted him too. Now is this REALLY him wanting the same all along or did your behavior FORCE him to conform out of fear os losing you?

      Fortunately, you’ve found a happy place and had a man with a mature mind.

      I think if you have to ask, he or she probably isn’t worth it.

  3. From a male’s perspective, if you keep holding on after a man as told you “we’re just friends”, “I ain’t ready right now”, “I’m focused on my career”, or “I enjoy your company or conversation but lets leave it how it is for now”. Then those women are just “silly”. Why stand in wet cement and be stuck on stupid, as the man walks right by you with his eyes set on his “real prize/desire of another woman”. Yes, it can change if you willing to wait forever, but more than likely it won’t. The quicker women state what They want and won’t settle for less, then you won’t be standing, you’ll be walking together.

    Remember, us men are simple, we know what we want and go after it. If he ain’t after you then he doesn’t want you.

    So, yeah I agree with dude, get on your Nikes and start walking.

    1. One thing for sure, women are certainly the ones doing the waiting the majority of the time.

      Welcome Dwight!

      With the exception of the last couple of men I have dealt with, I have normally been told that I am “too harsh” or “too impatient” when it comes to men and for the most part, its true. If I happen to experience and one of the following, I’m out and sure as hell am not waiting to ask the types of questions where clarification of “what now” is needed:

      1. A man who says from the beginning “I’m just looking for someone cool to hang with and have too much going on to want anything else…”


      2. “You know how much I want to be with you, we really need to have titles?”

      Uh… Both are those are pretty damn clear that the guy is not on the same page as me. Still, I have to say that while both are guilty of this, men are likely the main culprits of sending the mixed message. I think its safe to say that most people who stay involved with someone who has them doing more standing than walking is just naive and foolishly hopeful, but the others are probably being misled in some way.

      Hopefully, you’re the type who will be up front and let the silly girl continue waiting and hoping, but on her own accord.

    2. From another man’s point of view… You’re absolutely right about that Dwight- many women will stick around, figuring we might “come around and sometimes we will. Risky chance though because we are simple creatures and can usually gauge right away if the woman we’re dealing with is for “fu__k and fun”, “cool and a maybe” or “this is for me”.

      Carmen, I think more women need to post a reminder on their mirrors inside the house, car, purse… I’m just saying.

      Kidding but serious at the same time.

      1. Okay Silver, I’ll give the men that – we’re guilty of being hopeful and at times, gullible BUT, some men don’t help the issue.

        I have experienced the mixed signals that are shot out when involved with someone (Good on Paper is a perfect example). He tells me one thing, then acts the complete opposite. I ask what’s up and he reinforces what he told me, then blames me for not listening or questioning what he says only to act the same stupid way.

        Circus acts.

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