Christian Singles is waiting for me to meet a few of their men who will have shared values and beliefs.
Match.com is enticing me to come back. Why? They are responsible for more relationships and marriages than any other site.
EHarmony is promising to get me together with “the one”. How? With a questionaire that is extensive enough to be used for applying to a government job, they figure you have a better chance at weeding out the undesirables.
Black People Meet? Hell, they don’t have any fancy slogans or catch phrases, they simply ask if I want to search singles in my area.
Let me not forget about a newcomer to the dating site world- Our Time.com, the premier site for the empty nesters, baby boomers, widows, AARP members and everything in between.
In the last couple of weeks, my junk mail box has been bombarded with messages from each and every one of these.
Sure, there are a few of the popular ones like Zoosk, Okcupid and the infamous dating web site that likely has the most douchebags of them all – Plenty of Fish.
But there’s one I was a little disappointed not to have seen, the one called “The Site Where Profiles Are Real, Men are honest and up front and Are Not Just Using The Word Dating as a Cover Up for An Escort Service”. I know, I must have bumped my head but a girl can be hopeful right?
Not to say that any web site can offer a better outcome than my dealings with any of my former failures, but I think I’m ready to get back out there.
The wait is over.
While I certainly needed the healing time after one of the worst hangovers yet (thanks again Rescue), I also waited to start dating because I was waiting for someone to put some action to his words and make a move. The interest was there, a friendship and agreement that “we would be great” together so it made sense to try.
No other details needed on why the “we” ended up like a box of fireworks but without any fuses- dead.
So in a matter of a few weeks, I’ll have a break from school and time for some new opportunities.
Indeed it is! Sometimes it takes a while to get over a hump, but I’m glad I waited.
It’ll make me a better person in the long run, helping me to not carry any baggage into the next situation.
Fingers crossed! 🙂
Waiting?? Have you been working a secret deal under the table with your ex? Hmm.
In an event, go for it! You probably already know it doesn’t really matter where you meet the next person be it online or work or in traffic – it is sheer luck what you end up with.
Don’t hold out for anyone who isn’t working for you. Period.
No Jessie, not Rescue though I had been dipping back a few times for a fix but that stopped a few months ago.
Let me just say this – I’ve had to learn the hard way that second chances simply do not work (for me).
I can understand second time around if the first wasn’t too bad of a f- up. I’ll have to go back and read what you wrote on this one, but what changed? Why the second go round?
Of course, you can share what you choose on here but you hadn’t mentioned that he was even up for consideration? Wishful thinking maybe to not jinx anything?
I’m all up in it but am curious.
No worries, Jessie! I blog about my ups and downs so I’ve got it coming, right?
Okay, no specific mention about Agent because there wasn’t really anything to mention.
He’s a great guy, we had our off and on moments of communication and more than anything, were working on building a friendship. Within the last few weeks, it was me (always the woman, right??) Who jokingly said “You need to stop playing around with me before someone snatches me up..” Something to that effect, and a week or so later, we planned a date. That never happened. Due to his job. Again. So he says. The end.
I had no chance to post anything here, it was snuffed out before it began.
Although, I’m quite curious as to who ‘he’ is. Was it an old hangover? How long did you hold out until you realized its time to move on/over? I hope the disappointment heals in time. Since you realize he was not for you. Best of luck.
Anonymous, “he” would be Special Agent and one of the previous hangovers.
I know, I know – hadn’t I learned my lesson digging back in the crates with the likes of Good on Paper or Rescue?
I figured since I only had made it out of the starting gates with Special Agent from the first time around (nearly what, two years ago now??), trying a second time wasn’t as bad.
Besides that, I see quite a few second timers in my inner circle and it CAN work. As long as the two people have a vested interest and some serious consideration and efforts from both, second time around CAN work.
How long did I hold out? Well, I officially was done with Rescue right before Thanksgiving last year BUT dabbled. A few mind blowing love making sessions afterwards and even one that felt like I was saying “goodbye” while yelling “Ooh yes!”. By February or so, I rarely spoke to him and didn’t see any reason to. In all honesty, I was likely waiting for THAT point where I could say there was no turning back to him.
The disappointment of Special Agent’s actions (or lack thereof)? I’m over it. I can’t force a man to do anything and I shouldn’t have to convince him that I’m worth it.
I appreciate the wishes of luck and hope you’re fortunate enough to be hangover free.
I’m not sure why you would wait for anyone unless we’re talking about a youngster who doesn’t have a clue.
Go get them and they better be ready for you.
P.S. Happy Easter to you!
Happy Easter to you as well, Kendall!
Youngster? Goodness no, but I’m not knocking young men. Truth be told, any of the ones I have dealt with had more of a clue, were interested in pleasing me more and a hell of a lot more ambitious than most of the older men.
Holding out if you think there’s a payoff at the end isn’t so wrong. Holding out for too damn long IS.
And there you have it… What a man does if he wants a woman vs. One who probably hasn’t a clue or is just full of it.
I know what you mean by the wait and see approach, but I also know I have wasted a lot of time and likely missed out on some great women.
I think you mentioned once before that dating is like practicing. We learn what works and what doesn’t and who to cut from the team and who to keep to win.
Hey, it’s been awhile, I’ve been reading your posts from time to time.
The dating world can be harsh but rewarding as well when you meet the right man.
Sorry, your last relationship didn’t work out for you And that the man you were waiting on didn’t come through for you. I have one question though, if he said you guys would be great together then why did you not make a move instead of waiting on him? It seems you really are better as friends.
I hope you meet a someone new soon that makes you happy. Keep sharing.
Hi Traci and welcome back!
Good points made, especially the dating world. As I sat with a friend over drinks this past Friday, I felt a little sorry for her after hearing about her dating fiascos. She has met a scam artist from the UK, a local man who kept dragging his feet and was inconsistent with communication until he learned she was about to come into some major money, and recently, a man who rocked her world until he admitted he had a wife a few thousand miles away. Brutal! But I’ve got my armour, mace and .45 if needed! I’m ready! Haha
Second point, why did I wait? Well, it seems as if Agent and I had some type of miscommunication – I initially thought he was being the good friend, understanding and supportive while I went through ending things with Rescue, but then learned that he was interested in more.
It was almost like plucking hairs to get to this realization so in a way, I DID make a move. By explaining that I was a great woman with the ability to be a true partner, I pretty much told him a few weeks ago to shit or get off the pot.
While I admire the fact that a man is passionate about their career, willing and ready to give that 105%, I know of the men who know what balance or work-life means. He did not and would have been a Rescue Part I, Part 2.
Rescue was a firefighter, always ready to work whenever, 72 hours straight if needed. Hey, I’m not knocking that at ALL. A man working is allllllllllll the way good. BUT if he chooses to be involved with a woman, he needs to figure out how to incorporate her in his life and make time especially if they’re in the honeymoon period.
Thank you for the well wishes Traci, I’m looking forward to new experiences!
Yes, I have a great man in my life right now.
A man adores a woman that he appreciates and wants in his life, that’s how my man makes me feel everyday. We do have our issues but we work them.
Your situation with the Agent seemed one-sided. Ypu shouldnt have to feel like plucking hair to get a man to acknowledge how he feels about you. He openly tells you, first chance he gets or when asked directly. How long did the ‘honeymoon period’ of your relationship last, you seemed to have a short window?
Regardless of what happened with the past, there are still great men out there.
Good to hear that Traci! Now, just extract your man’s DNA and put it in a bottle and you’ll be an instant mega billionaire!!
The great thing about me is that I have this little thing called hope – I know there are good men out there. Maybe only like 2,000 or so but they’re out there.
A little clarification on Agent before we go…
It was only recently (within the last 2 weeks or so), that our conversations went to the “here’s what I’m looking for” side of things. Prior to that, a few other conversations and comments alluding to me not quite being over my ex, Rescue.
A few other things in between is when I realized I was dealing with a man who either wasn’t very expressive or was so hardened emotionally because of what he does, he doesn’t let the tough guy bravado down. The weekend that never happened is when I proved my suspicion that I was as important to him as a torn three dollar bill.
It’s just frustrating as hell Traci! I’ve dealt with the man who wanted me even though his life was a mess as he began to start his life over (Rescue) and right after, the man who’s life appears to be right on track and completely together who talks a good game, but had no follow through.
I’ll get it right though, that much I’m hopeful for.
Have a good evening and as always, thanks for your comments.
It’s about damn time and you should already know better than to wait for anyone. Stop dealing with these immature and selfish men because the type that you’re choosing to deal with has to be the reason for the types of outcomes you are getting. Yes, I’m blaming you. Know your worth and don’t waste time if they aren’t ready to take it there.
Alright Silver, I’ll give you that – I should know better but remember, I never professed to being an expert.
Everything when it comes to dating is through trial and effort. You experience, fuck up, learn lessons, experience, screw up, etc…
Selfish? Oh yes, that could be a big part of some of the issues I’ve ran into with these men.
Immature? Yep, that too. No matter how they may present themselves as being over the dramatic types of women, games or how they’re “ready”, the opposite is what comes out instead because they really aren’t ready for the real deal. Not just in the case of this latest hangover, but with all of them.
Sometimes what we think we want is the furthest from what we really need.
I hear you though Silver, you’re just looking out for me and it is truly appreciated. Truly.
I’m with Kendall, you shouldn’t have to wait on no man. And the simple fact of you trying to convince a man by explaining to him how great you are in order for him to say he has interest in you is never a good thing. Excuse me for saying this, but he doesnt seem as though he ever had a genuine interest. A man pursues not the woman and recognizes her worth not the other way around. You may want to keep that in mind as you venture out into the dating world.
I wish he would just hurry up and make his move, we would be great together. Why can’t he understand I’m the best bet, yadda yadda yadd
This is NOT what I meant when I said I was waiting for Special Agent, but I see your point Dwight- having to say anything even remotely close to “you should know I’m…” shouldn’t be needed if a man is truly interested.
Perhaps waiting wasn’t the right word- observing is probably better for this situation. Without knowing what your current relationship status is, I can still presume you’ve been interested in a woman and wanted to observe her actions, right? See if she’s truly who she says she is, try and determine if there’s something there to pursue. This is a better explanation for the Agent.
Thank you for the feedback going forward, though this failure boiled down to one simple fact – he wasn’t that interested. A good game was talked but no follow through.
He either was just looking for a random fling which required minimal time investment and was just bs’ing. Figured the demands of his job need to be accepted and a woman to suck up any cancellations or radio silent moments. Or he may have a woman he’s involved with. History says its number two, but I’m not trying to figure out if that is the case or not.
To answer your question, I’m a married man. I found your blog because my wife and I are thinking of creating one as well to share our knowledge of dating from both the male and female perspectives and we wanted to see what is out there. One thing I have learned is we definitely think different.
From my past experience, when I’m interested in a woman, I’m not observing, I’m engaging her by talking to her and always making plans to see her and just spend time.
If we were “friends” then I may have been a little more subtle, but I would compliment the woman and say things recognzing her worth and how wonderful I thought she was. And always asking her to ‘hangout’ so that I can again spend time with her.
Let’s be clear, when a man knows a woman is free and clear, he is going to try and get at her if he is interested in her. He is not sitting around waiting for her to bring it up. Again, we are simple creatures, we state what we want and go after it.
To be candid, while I don’t know the details of your involvement with this man. Whatever, interest he had in you was lost the 1st time around. I read your response to others and I don’t believe this man ever really pursued you. It was all “You” doing the work to try a “We” with him and that’s why it never happened. I’m guessing he didn’t try to set up a second date when he cancelled the first. The reason a man won’t do that is he doesn’t see you in his future or giving his time to that woman in the future. And a man has to hunt, we want to conquer, feel like what were getting is a prize.
A man may have a demanding career and sometimes its takes a special woman to understand that, so don’t overlook a man that works hard, considering the alternative of not having one that has drive. That is how a man thrives.
But your case goes deeper. He knew you always had an interest and used it to his advantage thats why he came back a second time. This is what some men do, when their bored or in between women.
It’s not that he isn’t ready for the real deal, it’s that he doesn’t see you as the real deal for him. Trust me when I say, it is his career and more than likely another woman.
A myth is men are scared to committ that’s not true. However, a man is scared to committ to the wrong woman or be pressured to be involved with a woman that he doesn’t see a long-term future.
That’s when some men may go along with what a woman is saying to make her happy, while she is thinking “We” he is thinking, she’ll eventually get the hint or just disappear.
I’m saying all of this to you because so many men and woman are in denial about their relationships or lack thereof. The quicker you take it for what it is the sooner you can let go and move to find a great man like Traci said. You should listen to Kendall and 1_SilverFox.
Hopefully, you won’t ban me, I know how you woman can be..lol. Remember you have alot to offer the right man.
Move on and Be Happy. We are all still learning.
Alright Dwight, this reply forced me to put down the cell phone and grab a keyboard but before I continue allow me to pick all of my teeth up from the floor, re-adjust my jaw and dust off my ego. =)
First, congratulations on having made it out of the rat race of dating and into what I’m sure is an amazing union! The fact that you and your wife, and as a team, are interested in sharing what you have learned from your journey certainly piques my interest and if there’s anything men and women can agree on is the fact that we think quite differently.
There is a bit more, but not that MUCH more to the story with the Agent as you alluded to and while I’ve taken in all of what you said, there are several things that stood out, especially this: “A man may have a demanding career and sometimes its takes a special woman to understand that, so don’t overlook a man that works hard, considering the alternative of not having one that has drive… ” For fear of being looked at as the naive amateur dater, the woman who like many out there has on the rose colored glasses, I must tell you that I am normally straight and narrow – black or white, rarely any grey. With the exception of a few hangovers as of late, my radar for the bullsh*t actions men try to pass off as signs of interest is pretty high and my tolerance it very low. I have been involved with several men with demanding careers and I WAS that special woman who understood that, but to an extent. Being in a relationship with a fire captain when half of the west coast was on fire was quite the challenge and I tried to maintain as long as reasonably possible. The hard working and driven man is probably best matched with the same type of woman who would be successful being with an athelete, musician or traveling circus ringmaster.
Long story short, you’re pretty much on point though there are several details (including the distance between us) that even enabled me to give him any consideration a second time. Was I in denial? No, I don’t think so. Was I attempting to give this man a chance to show what he tells? Most certainly because I am normally so quick to dismiss a man without giving him a chance, but in this particular situation, I was shown that a second chance was not deserving and fortunately for me, it only took all of two or three weeks to figure it out.
Bottom line – a lot of time and energy could be saved by men and women alike if they would just be up front about their wants and expectations and do away with the crap. I should have trusted my instincts instead.
I won’t ban you, you came out swinging with the truth but take a look back at some of the older posts. I’m not as “green” as you’re thinking I may be. Oh, and by all means – keep my blog on your roster because I haven’t given up hope on meeting the right man for me. Hell, I already have a few blog names ready for the transition from dating hangovers to relationship bliss.
For Dwight and any other men who are married or in relationships with women, I applaud you for figuring out a lot of things in life. The cold hard truth? Most men don’t have a clue.
IF most were up front and didn’t play these silly little games, there wouldn’t be as many pissed off and jaded women out there. I am really not trying to make this a gender thing cause we all know both are guilty of some of the shenanigans that causes so many people to be single.
Come on Dwight, you are the anomoly. Most people are putting the feelers out there and not always so direct with “I want him/her” or “I don’t”. I was curious and went back and read another one bites the dust which talks about this dude, and other than just seeing if he was about anything, I can’t understand why Ms. Carmen took a second bite from the apple. Then again, we don’t know all of the details.
I’m saying all of that to say this – situations sound one-sided but we may not know what the other side was saying. Dude was obviously telling her something that had her willing to give it a stab.
A few months ago this same man was the cool friend while going through a break up, now all of a sudden he’s a contender and screws up again??
Good riddens, next!
Everything that can be said about this has been said; you gave a chance to someone not worthy of it.
No matter how much you try to rationalize it, you wasted your time on this one but fortunately, not a lot of time.
He’s probably not a bad guy at all, just not the one willing to invest real effort in you. Screw him. The next woman after you will probably screw HIM over.
Kimmie, that last line hit home because for a short time I was secretly wishing the next woman he encounters ends up really being a man.
Thankfully, I got over that – it is what it is and you’re right, he’s not a bad guy at all.