Relationship 101THIS is Why I'm Single!

Why is dating so challenging?

Oh how I love the random posts found on Facebook, and today’s came in the form of “Question of the Day”. Why a married woman is interested in knowing this is beyond me unless she’s just curious, but the responses shared is what piqued my interest.

Ground breaking? No. New revelations not previously known? Of course not. Was I surprised that nearly all of the respondents were women? Absolutely, positively not.

Here are a few…

– “Living in Atlanta!”. I’ve heard this many times before from friends who live there, as well as from media reports. The ratio of men to women in this ‘hot spot’ is ridiculously unbalanced and I was even told that I should never consider moving there unless I was coming with a beau or husband in tow. Even then, I better beware because of the barracudas that would be ready to pounce on that new meat!

– “A woman not telling you what she really wants and one who will be the same person before and after sex”. This man even added that women seem to be bipolar, ever changing in personalities. I completely agree and have always made it a point to tell the men I meet if I am ready for marriage, a carriage and a picket fence or just an activity and fun buddy.

– “Finding a man who actually wants to DATE”. This is a big one because some people have lost the concept of dating. Asking “can I come through and kick it” or “Let’s hang out” is NOT dating. It’s hanging out or fuc*ing, nothing more.

– “The I don’t need a man type of woman”. Fair enough, there are plenty of women out there but come on fellas, many of them are full of it. It’s bad enough these types of women have likely been doing it on their own, been in bad dating situations and single for so long to the point where they might act like this. The reality is that while many will prance around singing silly songs like “Independent Woman”, when the partying, wine tasting and books club meetings are over, they’re taking their lonely butts home crying in a pillow wishing it was a man instead. Mainly fronting, but I agree – this type of woman can be a complete turn off!

– “Folks keeping it real”. As much as I hate hearing this phrase, it is a reality. The reply I just posted to this thread said there were two main reasons for the dating woes – dishonesty and separate agendas. What is the number one complaint from someone when they say why things didn’t work out? “I didn’t know…” Or “He/She never told me…”. Someone either “forgot” or failed to fess up about a girlfriend/boyfriend, wife, kid(s), that car or home they really don’t have, they really don’t like kids, not interested in a relationship/are interested in a relationship, want marriage/don’t want marriage etc… The separate agendas can be closely tied with the first reason, because when you’re not up front with each other your are most certainly going to be expecting two different results.

– “How about just GETTING a date?”. Yep, I’m feeling this one too. Why are so many people resorting to online dating, versus meeting men and women organically? I can testify to the affect that some men have forgotten how it works. Seriously, it’s like they’re wondering what should happen if you see a woman you would like to get to know. Just last week while out having drinks, my girl Kim and I noticed clusters of men at a local spot and she says “I don’t get it; all of these men just standing around in circles. They are glancing around at women, and you can tell some of them are interested but no one is making a move”. Now of course, the reasons can range from them being married or in relationships and are just “lookie loos”. Or maybe they’re waiting for that right moment, eye contact or whatever. What does it take for them to actually walk over to a woman, say hello and strike up a conversation? It’s like they’re stuck or something. In fact, the very next day I had a man approach me and say “You are extremely attractive; I have been watching you all day and finally had to come over and tell you this…”. Really? All day? Sigh.

How about this as a solution to the dating woes?

The next time any of us in the single bucket meets up with a person, take your list of “10 Things I hate About Dating” with you and swap list. I know, I know – then doesn’t allow for very much so you better make them the good ones and most important. My theory is if the two of you have similar items OR can agree on at least half of what the other wrote, you might have a chance.

IF instead you are giving each other the stinky eye that says “What’s wrong with that” or “That’s stupid, this is how we are”, it is safe to say that you’re better off moving on.

Sounds elementary, but let’s face it- all of these adult men and women who think they have gained wisdom in their years are completely clueless when it comes to dating.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…


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Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!

I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.

This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".

If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!



  1. Right on with all of these and really, where we live makes it worse. I’m in the bowels of the world in Vegas! Can you imagine the quality picking I’m working with.

    The liars make dating the hardest. You can’t just ask a person if they’re married. Oh hell no, you have to ask are you WITH someone because they think separated, shacked up sometimes, or dating for a long time means single.

    Good one Carmen, good one!!

    1. Damn, I never thought of Vegas that way. Bright lights, late nights, liquor and sex is what comes to mind, but I do wonder how anyone would want to be there outside of the strip and Club Cheetas!

      Oh yes, dishonesty is a big one and serious deal breaker. If a person isn’t married, then they’re considered single. If they are shacked up and occassionally get it in though they are “technically” not together, they’re single.

      I’m telling you, there needs to be a pre-screening checklist or something nowadays.

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