Damn, damn damn!!

For the life of me, I simply can’t understand what the hell is wrong with the people who are doing the online dating thing!  I have had the recap of my date with the Bearded Dragon in draft mode for over a week now, and in the meantime, have still been trucking along with the online dating experience and I am truly confused.  One question is twirling around in my head like a figure skater on speed is what?

What the fuc_ is wrong with these men?

I believe I am going on week four and I promise, I am really trying hard not to come across as some snooty or a prima donna, but the sheer volume of adjectives when describing what I am seeing within these written profiles, the photos, how they contact me, and interact is quite extensive.

One of the things I had in mind before choosing which site I would join this time around, I told myself it was time to try stepping outside of the box.   Start being more “open”, consider “others”, add a little creme to my coffee or any of the other phrases we use when discussing interracial dating.  I figure having been involved with only one type of man could be where the problem lies and since my men were the poster childs for dating any and EVERYTHING, why not?

I mention this swirling thing only to say that the men who have reached out to me are coming from all walks of life, yet this is still something that may take me some time to be completely sold on.  My point?  Men are still men, and while there may be variations in behavior based on cultural differences and upbringings, they are still men.  I’ve been called “beautiful brown sugar” by a Kid Rock knock off, asked if I could “picture being with a papi from around the way” by someone who looked like he was a member of Los Lobos, and was told “you are very sexy, I’m new to the west coast and am looking for a tour guide” from a 21 year-old Italian hottie, and message stalked by a brother who was royally pissed because I was “too stuck up” to have replied to his first FOUR messages.

Okay, so here’s the deal – there is a shitload of baffoonery out there and while I’m certain there are women who are just as guilty of doing some of the most ridiculous of things when it comes to online dating, I can only attest to what I’ve been experiencing as a woman.

If there’s is any doubt whatsoever of WHAT a man can do to receive ZERO play, ZERO response, NEGATIVE ZERO flirts or messaging, and ZERO chances at meeting any woman with half a brain or class, here are three bonafied days to meet your ZERO goal:

1.  Ridiculous profile name

Having to create yet a user name can be mind boggling, especially if you’re trying to stand out – I totally get that.  What I don’t get is why someone would think that names like “BJCHOKE” would be one where a woman would go “Oooh, that sounds sexy!”  Or how about the ones whose favorite movie was Batman?  Yes, I  totally get that too, loved the last movie but really – why is there a Dark Knight 1, Dark Knight One, and Dar Knight 1?  We’ll see if you caught that last one.  The creativity factor is really suffering as well, because most feel the need to have their profile names identify them even further as if the photo didn’t really tell the story.  White Knight, whose profile says he’s a 35 year-old male?  Shocker.  I had the pleasure of messaging BlkPrnc and *gasp*!  He was a ….a….a….brother!  This morning I was a little confused when the photo of LatinLow2 showed a picture of a nice young man from Adelanto.  Sigh.

2.  Photo violations

If you were born after 1986, using a camera phone in front of a mirror is a no-no.  Seriously.  I’ve seen this more times than I care to remember and for goodness sake, if you must use one the very least ou can do is:  (1) turn off the damn flash because that glare in the mirror looks silly, (2) adjust your eyes so you’re not looking like a cockeyed animal, and (3) be mindful of  that background because I’m sorry, dirty towels or crayon streaked walls in the background is not a good look.  I could certainly go on to mention the shirtless photos, Mr. Muscle Beach collages, shots of that woman you all say is a cousin or good friend poorly cropped out, or you taking a sneak shot at work with cubicle heaven surrounding you.

3.  Poor grammar

The last time I made a fuss about poor grammar, someone commented that I was being too picky and to give these men a break.  In fact, I believe this same person even went on to say that complaints like this were the reason I was single.  To hell with anyone who thinks that expecting anyone who is old enough to be online, create a profile, answer all of the questions to complete it, and maintain the communication system should get a pass for demonstrating blatant ignorance and iliteracy.  I’m sorry, not that every man needs to have been by my side in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade spelling bee championships, but I can only excuse so much as being Iphone auto corrects or “easy mistakes”.  I cannot be attracted to someone who thinks I am “sensere”.  I appreciate a man whose children are “importent” in his life, but he’s not for me.  I like hearing about any man who is gainfully employed, and it is good that he is goal “orientated” but no, he isn’t for me.  A quick tip for anyone who may be grammatically challenged – how about working a template in MS Word first, using spell check, then posting?  Better yet, cell phones DO have that option built right in.

End rant here.

It’s truly amazing that things have evolved into forms of communication that are almost exclusively electronic.  We want to chat online, email, message, text – forms of contact that highlight weaknesses and shy away from verbal communication.

Even more amazing that these same men who are guilty of doing some of the most infantile things in the interest of meeting a real, intelligent, and classy woman are often demonstrating the complete opposite.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers… if nothing else, theses web sightstes ar gud for pure comic relife.  Ha!

Carmen