I’m ready to lay Special Agent’s story to rest in the archives. Thank you all for the text messages, BBM’s, emails and posts in response to “Dishonest Men, Jaded Women. Several of you who choose not to comment here on the blog seem to feel that my reaction was a little too nonchalant, not angry enough, no signs of “slash that fool’s tires”. Trust me when I say this, I was over dealing with him at 4am Saturday morning before all of this went down. The next woman who doesn’t understand his brush off, special assignments or mood swings and has to Google “how to date an asshole” can deal with him and SHE can snap.
No, he wasn’t anyone that I could ever really consider a friend because he wasn’t man enough to be up front me, so allowing him back into my life, I’ll take the fall for that.
However, I will NOT take the blame for having dealt with a man lying about his status- that is a character issue, not a Carmen issue.
Now, with that being said…I decided to take a particularly detailed comment from a subscriber named Ginger Ann. She’s a happily married woman who’s been through the bullshit, trials and tribulations before being blessed to have met a good man.
What I like about her is that she bounces these issues off of the mind of her man and tells it like it is (though sometimes she may go a little too hard). Still, Ginger genuinely expresses either extreme pity for me or sincere hope that the day comes when the hangovers are no more.
Ginger Ann, you’re on!
Happy Monday Carmen,
I don’t know if your ears have been burning or not, but you have definitely been a topic of the day.
A couple of things to follow up on my last comments:
First of all, as women We Teach a Man How to Treat Us….
This is a part of me that feels sorry and embarrassed for you and these women; but at the same time we were not shocked by what happened, just HOW it happened.
You asked the rhetorical question: “Why his words didn’t line up with his actions?”
I ask you the same question- If you and Special Agent kept using the words “Friends” and “No expectations”, then why were you making a 2 hr drive and I quote to “Get your back blown out” and “Give award winning head” to a “friend.”?
What were you expecting to happen?
I honestly do think on some level Special Agent considered you a friend but you were never going to be upgraded.
When reading back to your first post about him and then a few posts before this one, the man knew you for 2 years and at no time past your initial encounter did he ever pursue you for a relationship. That is unless I’ve missed something.
So tell me this – why waste your time even being friends especially with the way he handled you just a few months prior? I mean just really; just because a man sends you a few text messages, emails or makes a few telephone calls from time to time does not make him good.
For you and any other women, we have to be smarter than that.
Regardless of the fact you found out about this supposed main woman and any others, Special Agent let you know that his respect level for you is minimal if existent at all. When he told you “You’re right, I don’t know what I want” you finally got it right which is code for “It definitely ain’t you”.
How about adding another sting to this equation?
While you are laying in his bed he then talks about any men you have been dating or involved with sexually, and adds that he has no problems with it. Yes, another code for “I don’t give a shit who you’re with”.
Finally, to stomp the grave and he wanted you to drive to him to continue “Friendly fuck*ing”.
Talk about a low-down, dirty mothfuc*er.
I’m just shocked you didn’t leave right then and there.
Carmen, this man gave you all the signs.
He liked you at a basic level, may have even enjoyed your company, but at the end of the day, your “friend” felt like you were nothing more than (as you put it), something to do.
Listen, I’m sure that you will probably say it was your choice and you are exactly right. So again, look at the character of this slimy dude who, not to be out done when you texted him, had the nerve to use your own words against you by replying about having no expectations.
Chile – I would have Snapped and THEN smoked a cigarette.
I know that was a long first point, but I also have another…
Women set your standards and make a man meet them, not the other way around.
Finally, as for Miss on again/off again, I don’t care if he mentioned marriage and her in the same sentence in front of “God himself”- he is not and will not be marrying this woman.
She is an a relationship with him.
After sixteen long years and now all of sudden he realizes SHE is the one? He has 2 kids and I’m going to go out on a limb and that she isn’t the mother. I’m wondering if he has more than 1 baby mama; wouldn’t surprise me.
Add in the live in girlfriend who moved on just 2 months ago, and now Miss on again is just Googling how to handle him? Why? Well, because he was probably telling her the same things he was telling you.
Sounds like a pretty smart woman to me (insert sarcasm here). Just so I’m getting this straight, instead of talking to her future husband about their issues she is on the internet. So like I said before someone needs more People.
I can’t help but go back to him trying to set up regular visits with you, so where does this woman live that he would even think like that? Or maybe he just knows that she is a fool and wants him bad. Hell, she stayed around for that long, she IS a Dumb Broad (Yeah, I said it even if she is reading-No pity).
Special Agent is bold….I give him this, and he deals with the insecure.
Honey, I don’t care how good his job may be, how cute he is or how good the dick is, with the way he slinging it …it will fall off soon enough.
I truly hope you meant it when you say that you are done with this man. No texting, phone calls, emails or Facebook friends. Be done with this loser.
Sidebar to this type of situation is something one girlfriend experienced. She was cheated on by her man and not only remained friends with the man, but kept him as a Facebook friend. This woman said she was scared to lose him and let go and even my husband told her that she NEVER had him, so why was she still hanging.
This comment is for Tania: You’re right, women do stay with cheating men or “try to stay” and guess what the men do?
Leave these women for one that has standards and won’t put up with his bullshit. At least that is exactly what my friend’s ex did and some of my husbands old friends did as well. Something to think about for women who want to stick it out and deal.
Here’s the sad part about all of this- Special Agent will commit to a woman, just not none of the ones that he is currently “involved” with or shall I say stringing/giving them enough to stay interested or think “Maybe”.
He seems to have an MO. That goes something like this…
.”I can’t date you right now, but lets be friends…act like we a together when I see you and maybe I will make you believe that from time to time just to get you off by back…if I kinda like you.”
Yeah, that’s the Asshole!
Its either the one that got away before this mess broke out or a new woman who holds him to standards that will get this “Gem” and I roll my eyes so hard!!!!!
We will never know the whole story but I hope you heal and are able to move on.
*Drops the mic*
Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.
Carmen, My husband and I thank you for the inidividual post. It was truly unexpected.
Yes, I do go hard at times, but I can be as soft as cotton candy. 🙂
The truth hurts, but you (and all those other women) will/can heal from it…The problem is people don’t own their mistakes and when you do that you are subject to repeat the cycle again.
And “Yes” – Dwight and I truly hope that we come back to your site in the near future and read about you finding lasting love.
A lot of truths and lessons. It’s a shame women even need these types of reaffirmations but hey, as long as there are people carrying on in shameful ways, it will be needed. Thanks for the synopsis and Carmen, you’re the lucky one here.
I will say, however, that many, MANY women keep a f*ck buddy, and I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. And I would even venture further and say this: I don’t get emotionally involved with my buddies.
I keep it as such: E-What are you doing? FB-Nothing. E-Want to come over? FB-F*ck yes I do. (Insert horizontal polka/mattress mambo/whatevs). E-I hate to have you eat and run, but see you…you can’t stay.
So where am I going with this? I hardly ever discussed their life outside of my bedroom dalliances, and I didn’t let them ask about mine. The last thing I wanted during my ‘I just want to get laid’ period was any kind of emotional attachment.
So what if that is what Carmen was going for? She found someone who curled her toes, blew back her hair, and made her scream in bed. What woman would want to give that up? If it is just sex someone is looking for, it sounded like a great opportunity.
Granted, the no emotional attachment thing can backfire, as it did in this situation. But you can’t make someone fess up to having a significant other. She could have asked point blank if he had a woman, and he still could have said no. What then? You take him at his word. Nothing is going to make a man stop cheating if he wants to cheat.
@ E you right, we can’t make a man fess up to anything and it is wishful thinking that they will be up front. Even in the booty call buddy situation it only works if both are up front, you know? Like if I was doing a guy like that and then started seriously dating someone new I’m going to tell him. I don’t need both.