As of last week, my address book was minus one again – Jersey Boy struck out. I find the title of this post fitting since he was an avid softball player; that should have been a clue. Actually, he was out before he was even in because I could tell within the first couple of contacts that he was going to be more like the crippled horse instead of the amazing stallion. Oh yes, it was only two weeks or so ago when I posted about Jersey Boy here , where I mentioned how nice our meet up had been. With minimal expectations. What was left out of that hopeful encounter was that his text only approach to getting to know me was ridiculous and turned me off in the worst way, such that I was ready to delete him. Shame on me for thinking that a man who was 45 years-old would behave in the same manner as those who are my age and younger – text, text, text. Even when I saw that he was trying to do more than the basic “How’s it going”, “Have a good day” or “What time are you off” types of inquiries and would reply back “Too much to text, give me a call later”, he wouldn’t. Instead, texting followed by some more texting.
Should there be any confusion on how you can truly get to know a person, attempting to have actual conversations via text messaging is NOT the way to do it. For the naysayers who say “I’m not always able to talk” or “Texting is okay, it’s more convenient especially if you’re busy”, what the hell ever. No one is that busy, so caught up with life that an introductory conversation after first exchanging numbers shouldn’t be the first form of contact. Those of you who are dealing with this crap, you are settling and are only perpetuating the dating ignorance.
So back toJerseyand why he’ll be added to the Hangover Wall of Fame. After our meet up, he walked me to my car and when I didn’t immediately pull off behind him, was kind enough to call and check on me to make sure everything was okay. Nice gesture, I’ll give him that. He proceeds to tell me how my online photos understated my attractiveness, while adding how happy and surprised he was that we hit it off so well. I won’t front, I replied the same and of course breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn’t a nightmare in person and was taller than my breast-bone. Jersey and I talked for nearly another half hour or so until we both had arrived at our destinations, then later that evening, we talked some more until sleepy thoughts had taken over. I’m saying all of this to point out that I had no delusions of this man being attracted or interested in me because of how things all went up in smoke a few days later.
The very next day is Father’s Day. We spoke early that morning and after having the “What do you have planned for today” discussion, realized that we both appeared to be free to get together. Admittedly,Jersey was a workaholic and the type of industry that he works in is booming right now which explains, according to him, why he had been single for so long. In fact, he does a lot of socializing while making million dollar business deals and again, respect and understanding is there for a man who is about making money. Besides,Jersey told me during our first conversation that he was the VP of Sales for is company and even though LinkedIn says he’s really just a sales consultant, I’ll give him a pass on the semantics of titles. He’s a busy man. I offered to take him out on his actual day off for a “Dad’s Cone” and meet him closer to where he lived inPasadena; the time was agreed upon and I was preparing for another great time. About an hour before we were to have met up, a brief courtesy text was sent and instead, the conversation that should have been via telephone ensued:
C: “Hey, running a little late. Will be there by 4ish instead of 3, is that okay?”
C: “Did you want to meet there or pick you up at your place?”
J: “Well I’m still in downtown LA, so it doesn’t really matter. My uncle just flew in last night for a convention so I’ll try to wrap it up with him.”
C: “Uncle? Oh. I thought you said you were free today, but hey – family doesn’t visit here often, so we can do a rain check.”
J: “Great, sounds good. Are you free during the week?”
C: “I’m not sure; we’ll play it by ear. TTYL.”
What the hell? EitherJerseywas attempting to kill two birds with one stone, had sudden amnesia on the “I’m free today” conversation just a few hours earlier, or was tied up with someone else. Why not call me earlier? What would have happened had I been en route to him without the heads up text? Sure, things and situations come up and I’m totally understanding of that but how about a little fuc%#ng courtesy? Strike 1.
Alright, so I’m a little annoyed that I made child care arrangements, was dressed and ready to head out the door. Do you think I made much of an effort for a weekday consolation meet up instead? Nope. For what? The way I see it, extras such as getting together during the week and missing precious sleep are only afforded to the men who are deserving of it. Later that afternoonJerseysent me a “Sorry again” text and that was it. Like really, the last form of contact I had received from him and while a part of me was like let his ass go – he’s a workaholic anyway another part of me (the ego) was wondering if he was that stupid and here’s what I mean.
Since I hadn’t replied to his two text message, the one which really didn’t necessitate a reply, I was hoping he wasn’t taking the lack of response as something else because of that cancellation on Sunday. Sadly, he was that stupid because instead of simply picking up the phone and calling to talk to me, I learned during my call to him a few days later that he figured I was no longer interested. In fact, that entire conversation was awkward because he was snippy when he said “Yeah, you stopped replying when I kept texting you so I said fuc%# it and figured I wasn’t going to chase any female”. For one, there was only one text and two, did it not cross the man’s mind to just CALL? Jerseyagreed that he probably should have instead of assuming. Proof that age truly does not matter; learned behaviors (good or bad, smart or STUPID). Strike 2.
Once we had moved beyond yet another glitch, Jerseywanted to get together that Saturday and while the activity or destination hadn’t been determined, we agreed that a second meeting was long overdue. This day was particularly busy for me and time was crunched, but I made time and had planned on getting to his house at around 4pm that afternoon. Child care arranged, dressed in a really cute summer dress with sexy heels, ready to head out the door and if none of this is familiar to you, you catch on very slowly. Within about thirty minutes or so of me leaving my house, I received a text message simply saying “Call me, it’s urgent”. Translation for something-came-up-again-and-I’m-sorry-but-have-to-cancel-AGAIN, and while I’m not sure if this is a scientific fact or not, I’m pretty sure that a person begins to lose their patience after the second time of the same thing happening. Strike 3.
There were no dramatics, no huffing and puffing or lectures about all that I went through to be ready at the time promised. Instead, I paused after he explained a run he had to make to Chino Hills to check on malfunctioning electrical equipment for a major project and simply replied “Okay, do what you must. Talk to you later”. Just as with the last time, I received a status update saying “I really wanted to see you tonight, but I’ve got to go out to Moorpark then back, so this won’t be wrapped up until late”. How thoughtful of him. Yeah, okay.
That was it. I mean really it. I never replied nor has there been any further communication between the two of us. In fact, I’m still a little surprised that I didn’t care to deal with Jersey Boy again even though my favorite and hottest pair of sunglasses had been left in his car from our first last only meeting. Oh well, they can be considered a loss or casualty of dating because whether this man was a workaholic extreme or was planning too many dates with women on the same day, I have neither the time or energy to entertain his shortcomings any longer.
A warning to those who come across a person who claims to be interested in dating but says they’ve been single because they’re too busy to date.
Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…
Hmph! He would’ve ticked me off too. That whole not chasing females…ugh…females(??? but I digress) was a result of his ego being bruised. I just don’t understand how people can think it’s ok to do these things and there not be any lost of interest.
Oh yes Mel, that “chasing” touches a nerve every time I hear it.
The loss of interest is of no concern to many of these men. Why? The internet.
They figure what one woman won’t deal with, five others will and then some.
I really think the whole male/female ratio of imbalance has some people thinking they can get away with anything simply because they’re “wanted”.
The next woman he meets will be that wacko who breaks glass and keys up cars for being stood up so much.
Damn girl! I thought I could scan and get an update, but ypu really gave the full story about this guy. Thanks for that, because otherwise I might think you were just being a little too snooty.
To hell with that! Some people just don’t know how to manage their time or just have too much going on in life. Once you recognize your worth and know stood up, canceled on several times or squeezed in somewhere, you’ll spend your time on the right guy.
It sucks though because most of the guys we meet seem cool and have potential. And then we wake up!
Thanks for the vote of confidence Kimmie. You’ve been reading long enough to know that I’m a pretty reasonable woman but hell, enough is enough.
The whole time factor is key; in fact, I think I want to write something just on the “I’m too busy to date” people who tend to flock to the Internet but are inflexible.
I just get a little weary at times because it seems like many of these men think and act just alike.
Carmen, that’s the problem. People like him figure the internet is the best way to go because its easier, but they fail to remember- you still have to date, online or not.
Glad you nipped this one in the bud.
That’s right Kimmie… The internet is the ideal spot for those of us still willing to work at dating, but is also attractive to the lazy ones as well.
Don’t waste your time, sweetie you are too good for that. You know the deal, Jersey Kid didn’t want to make the time.
Next batter to the plate…
Next batter to the plate is right. I just don’t understand why a man wouldn’t think that these types of things aren’t cool.
Better yet, how about they stay away from the dating scene until their lives get out of the I.C.U. ?
You’re one of the smarter ones I see, which means you’ll probably means you’ll have a harder time settling down.
That sounds crappy but its the truth.
The average female would have kept going through it with this man, trying to “work with him”, only to be disappointed in the end.
Good for you.
I just can’t understand why guys go on a dating website when they don’t really want to date!! Go on a booty call website, since that is what they are looking for.
Yes Esme, yes!!!! There should be a dating site for:
– Dating on a whim
– I need a date for Friday
– Booty call, no questions
– Blue Collar looking to upgrade
I could go on… 🙂
Holy shit, C…we could make a fortune!! One site for all those choices!
Don’t tempt me Esme… It sounds like an appealing idea and you KNOW we could get clients. Hell, we’ll even need a site for Small Di_ks. How about a Rent-A-Boo? You know for those slow Sundays when you just want to Redbox it or need a date for that company function?
Rent-a-boo? LOVE it! For when all you want is a cuddle buddy! I think it may be time for an ‘honest’ dating website…