“My guy isn’t all that fine either but he captured my heart”. This is what one of my friends sent to me after reading my last post about Brooklyn’s Finest. The pseudonym alone was really a play on words because I never thought the man was fine; it was his words, the way he talked, the excitement and zest he has for life, the sincerity that poured from him about…his thoughts about me. He became the “finest” because he says and does everything a man should want to if he’s trying to seal the deal with a woman. So here it is Friday afternoon and I’m feeling weird, almost sad in a way. A text message sent over 4 hours ago that I was afraid to open until now is why.
I don’t think I can force myself to be attracted to him and a part of me feels like I need to try harder, but I can’t. In fact, my fingers are itching to send him a text message or even call and cancel next week’s meeting. Wasting someone’s time is not something I’m accustomed to doing, so agreeing to spend his time and money knowing I’ve been staring at photos trying to make my attraction wake the hell up just isn’t right. Especially considering our conversations and message exchanges this week.
Our first conversation was Monday; discussed everything from not wanting to have our upcoming birthdays alone to things that turn us off about online dating. We both were texting each other after talking harping about how great and refreshing it was to have talked. A few message exchanges later and Brooklyn’s Finest had said he thinks he’s found the one he’s been looking for in me. My reply? I’m too much of a realist to say or think something like that from one conversation and absent of any interaction in person.
By Tuesday, we had established a routine which began with the “Good morning, have a good one” text messages and a call or two throughout the day, capped with a call at night, a hang up, and a final text before going to bed. BF, a man who is very transparent with his feelings, told me he was so happy to have our paths cross, had already planned our second date and invited me to share his birthday at dinner in a few weeks. Me? I gushed that our chemistry seemed too good to be true and I admitted that because I’ve been here before, I was cautiously optimistic. He understood and said that was an excellent choice of words and agreed it was good to think that way. Still, at the end of the day he said he had absolutely NO doubts about me.
Wednesday while I was in class, BF sends me a text message saying “You are the one, I have canceled my dating profile. I have faith in you, in us and want no other distractions as I work on making you my lady”. Shit man. Really??? It took quite some time for me to reply and when I did, made sure it wasn’t with any hints of the panic I was feeling which in my eyes means he was doing way too much. “Oh wow, I love your enthusiasm and can’t wait to meet up” is the reply sent.
How do you go that extreme when the other person is not expressing the same sentiment? That going off line even normally happens during a discussion where the two people are saying they’re ready to do it.
It gets better…
Thursday, BF is telling me how he can’t wait to spoil me, and later sends me a text letting me know he would be at a conference until 9pm. In his words “Keeping his lady informed”.
I’ll admit, I have been feeling everything from excitement, to speculation, to concern. Is this guy for real? Does he really become enthralled with a woman this fast, so hard? Is he running game, telling me what I want to hear?
In addition to all of this static in my mind, my concern over the meeting began to grow even more. I still wasn’t able to look at any photographs of his and experience any rise in emotion or attraction; in nearly everyone viewed, he was “Hmm, okay” and a little too many I thought “Oh wow.. Hmm..”.
So there it is, I knew it from day one- this whole physical appearance thing was going to be a major problem. As another girlfriend who was sharing her little ray of hope with me, commenting how similar our two guys were in quickly trying to sweep us off our feet, I knew going in that the attraction wasn’t there. I’m not expecting every man I meet to be so fine that my panties get wet on demand like with Rescue or Good on Paper. He doesn’t have to exude that sex appeal that has me wanting to lick him from the top of his ear lobe to the tips of his fingers like Papi. But he DOES need to be someone I can look at and say that he is nice looking.
As I’ve posted in the last couple of times, I am really working on trying to get beyond the exterior but old habits and ways are hard to change. How long would it take you to teach a dog to stop shitting on the carpet if you didn’t do it until it was w0 years old? You catch my drift? This isn’t anything new and for you old timers, do you remember this post?
Now I just need to figure out (1) how to reply to this morning’s two head shots that I asked for twice yesterday, (2) if I am going to go through with this date next week that I’m sure he put some effort into, hoping I’ll see him in person and have a spark of SOMETHING and (3) if I just need to woman up and tell him how I feel.
I don’t think I can name very man men who were either ridiculously handsome, very attractive, very good looking, good looking or really cute who pulled out all stops like this who weren’t crazy. Most of the men who fall into this category often do just enough. Truly a blanket statement, my personal opinion but I dare any woman to tell me I’m completely off.
Damn. I need to take my mind off of this situation, so I just sealed the deal for a lunch date tomorrow. First conversation and this guy and I said we would rather cut to the chase; if we like what we see, we can spend the rest of our time getting to know each other.
Until there’s a cure…
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