Enron

As of a few moments ago, I just canceled my second date with Enron only he doesn’t know it yet. You’ll notice that this post doesn’t have a title because hell, I’m a little conflicted on what it should be.

While I always said the direct approach is the best way of letting someone know you’re not interested, I may have to do a gradual phase out of this one.

Let me just say that Enron is an amazingly interesting man. He had my mind enthralled with his initial message to me, and after the second reply something struck me that said “These words are too good to be true”. I have said time and time again how the words that a man writes or the ones that come out of his mouth are highly regarded. If he appears to be nice looking online and is the same in person, I am smitten.

Within a few hours, Enron and I were speaking on the phone covering everything a variety of topics, and you know how easy it is to get hooked when the first conversation goes really well. You know what I mean? When there is none of that uncomfortable silence, awkward moments if someone talks about something in the red zone, or has one of those lifeless demeanors?

Here’s the skinny on Enron:

– 28 years old, 5’9, very nice looking profile photos and an amazing “About Me” section, highly intelligent, well traveled and cultured. He attended UC Berkley for a while so yes, he’s fifty shades of fucked up!

Don’t judge me on the age. Since I’m not yet 40 years-old, I would be considered a bobcat and not a cougar.

– Divorced, 1 child, owns and operates 3 businesses, only child, adopted, mother died when he was very young, estranged relationship from adopted father. Admitted to me yesterday that as I had suspected, he has abandonment issues.

I’m getting ahead of myself, let me go back a bit.

So we clicked (yeah, don’t the majority of them in the beginning). Our discussion covered everything from funny profiles, being raised in Beverly Hills THEN South Central LA, traffic, human weaving hair, aftermarket auto performance parts, a possible move to France, and pirating software.

Oh yes, you read those last two right and the move to France is a direct correlation to the software hustle.

While I certainly appreciate his candidness with me, I ended that conversation going to bed like “Hell to the god damn no!!!!”. But I’ll be damn if I didn’t talk to him the next day and the day after that, while I was on vacation, when I returned and went on our first date on Monday.

Why? I really can’t offer a real explanation but one reason for me continuing to deal with him after his “I now have a felony for…” I was kind of impressed with Enron’s level of intelligence. He’s basically a computer nerd but has a survival instinct that is out of this world. The man could sell ice in hell, so even though he has two legitimate businesses, he would always have a back up plan should things run dry.

We both agreed that the majority of the planet would be clueless on how to make money if they lost their jobs, simply because they are complacent and comfortable with the paycheck.

Another reason why I kept talking to him, aside from him saying all of the things a woman could possibly want to hear is sheer curiosity.

I have never been involved with someone who had that type of past, or at least I didn’t know about it. Yes, there have been the men who might have done a few months over something stupid from their teenage years, unpaid tickets and the like but the type of stuff he did?

I can’t recall exactly what so it likely involved a computer, but he was court marshaled while serving in the navy in San Diego. Hmm, I wonder if he and Special Agent met? The recent episode was near Christmas when he became Microsoft’s most wanted, which landed him in the pokey for 2 weeks, restitution and a shitload of community service.

A possible third reason- blog material or maybe the mind set that people make mistakes. I really can’t say, but I think I’ve been giving him a pass because he got caught doing things most people do everyday. So yes, Enron is smart but obviously not smart enough NOT to get caught or not smart enough to just be on the up and up. Hasn’t anyone learned from the other white collar criminals who have been caught?

There is so much to say about this hangover and that day as we enjoyed a delectable Italian lunch, I was actually able to learn some valuable investment tips and so much more. Yet, over the last couple of days my “to hell with this” mentality kicked back in.

So while lounging at the pool today, sharing the details with my friend Kimora, I realized this isn’t going any further for the following reasons:

1. He’s a felon. I’m not judging and yes, mistakes happen but who’s to say he won’t continue his alternatives to supplement his income?

2. He’s too damn smart. I don’t think I could ever trust him. I would either be worried about him hacking into my pc or something crazy like re-routing my direct deposit or something.

3. He’s damaged goods. Not only is his background eerily similar to Full Metal Jacket’s (I know I have mentioned this name a few times and promise, HIS story is coming soon). My book will delve into my theory of how men who lost their mothers early OR never got over their loss later in life OR are estranged from the woman who birthed them, are seriously messed up.

4. He is too needy and would not only be up under me at every waking moment, he will surely have moments of solemness and loneliness when he can’t see me.

As much as I want to meet and settle down with the right one, it will NOT be at any cost.

So…. With all of the above being said, perhaps you’ll understand why I couldn’t come up with a better title. Here are a few ideas that crossed my mind:

“She Dated a Felon”
“At Least It Wasn’t Drugs”
“The Needy Criminal”
“Abandonment Issues & Men”
“Men With Fucked Up Lives”
“This Is Why I’m Single”

I don’t get it. I had a man like Brooklyn who rely had his shit together and was really good on paper. Yet he was unattractive and came on way too strong and became needy and smothering before we even met. Several text messages a day about how badly he needed to meet and be with me is just too much.

I meet a man like Enron who is good on paper as long as you don’t do a fingerprint or background check, but was very honest and upfront about his past. We met once and he was hooked, and hasn’t even sniffed my vagina. Planning “our future” with his step-child and “our” child within 2 weeks of meeting. Several text messages a day about how badly he needs to see me, or about how he misses me and again, is just too much.

Where is the balance? It has to exist, it just has to.

Meanwhile I have Rescue calling and texting two days away, taunting me with visions of his tongue attacking my clitoris but fortunately, I was strong enough to decline.

Maybe being alone isn’t such a bad idea after all.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones
Myhangovers@gmail.com

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