For some reason, I have tried to convince myself that being more flexible and allowing for change in life will often result in good. Yet when it comes to dating and my relationships, this thought process always backfires and causes more headache than is worth. Some people often tell me that I'm a bit too extreme especially when it comes to men, and the "you should at least keep him as a friend" bullshit comes up. If I started out being interested in someone for relationship potential and things don't work out, what's the point?
Now I'm not talking about the person you may have spent a lot of time with, learned to like a lot after getting to know each other marvelously, or may have built some great business or activity-related alliances with. I'm talking about the 2 week in, no major investment of anything except for exceeding your texting data plan or the one you really wanted to make it work with, but you didn't feel anything for that person. Balance has just solidified my reasons for telling a man sorry - no we can't be friends. In a matter of a week and a half, he has managed to go from me looking forward to a good morning or random afternoon text, to wondering if I need to take a mean bitch approach to shut him down once and for all.
That last night we were together is when Balance asked "Well can we be friends?". This was aptly timed after he accepted that no matter how cool we seemed to get along, he just didn't do it for me physically. I really don't believe I have ever had a man tell ME how I felt about HIM in a way that wasn't good, so how did I reply? By saying (convincingly, so I thought)that the stories of people ending up with great in relationships falling madly in love in the absence of attraction in the beginning, were believable.
How well did that go over? Not very well at all and when I told Balance no, trying to just be friends isn't what I want to do, he sat across from me pleading his case. A desperate sounding man is so unattractive, and while I can't say that I blame him for wanting to be acquainted with me, I already knew "just friends" wouldn't work for more than one reason.
For one, here's my theory on interactions with someone you just met and started dating: after just a few outings, you are NOT friends. Sure, he and I enjoyed conversations, text banter and laughs while in each other's company, but we are not friends. Secondly, trying to be friends (more like settling) doesn't work when someone is more interested in the other. Balance thought of me as the best future wife and baby maker he had encountered in a while. He was very open about his feelings for me and how attractive he thought I was, at one point saying he couldn't wait to go to sleep looking at me, and awake to my face and body as well. My feelings towards him? He has a nice set of teeth.
So you mean to tell me that a man who thinks I'm a Greek Goddess will settle for just friends? Liar. A third reason the "just friends" isn't going to fly is because Balance felt the need to remind me that we were friends. Often. Here is where the annoying and childish insecurities come in, where he would say some shit like "Yeah, the guy who was only good enough to be your friend" or "What's up homegirl?" or my favorite - "So can we be friends on Facebook now?". I guess he figures a constant reminder that we are now beyond the dating phase will maybe have me realize I'm really missing out on a great guy. His request for Facebook was ignored. My fourth reason and probably the one that turned me off the most, was how comfortable Balance suddenly became. The text messages and phone calls were edgier, with a lot more slang. I would joke and tell him the South LA/Inglewood in him was coming out, but he was really starting to become too comfortable. A few days ago he sends me this EXPLICIT text message about a dream he had involving me, my mouth and his sperm. Shortly after, he adds a finishing touch to his stupid text by forwarding a pornographic photo. I replied back "Too far" and realized this was the REAL guy, unmasked being revealed. He figured being on his best behavior was no longer needed since we are "just friends".
See, I'm not a cutthroat just to be spiteful - there's always a reason for my actions. When a man asks to be friends, he either wants to be FWB's OR will secretly hope that a woman will come around and agree to something more. Of course, he really may want a platonic friendship, but in my case, its clear where this hangover's mind is. I'm sure a few of Balance's infractions have been ommitted, but by far, the WORST and most pitiful display of a man demonstrating the immature I'm-great-but-you-didn't-want-me-and-I'm-going-to-make-you-want-me action took place on Tuesday. He sends me a series of text messages -pictures of different engagement rings and wedding bands. When I replied (took the bait) with a question mark, he said since we're "cool friends" he wanted to share his secret obsession and pictures of engagement rings he's been collecting for years. Balance added the creme and sugar to his bullshit by saying how much he knows about the quality of diamonds, cuts, styles and more, all because he wants the woman to be in love with the ring as much as she is with him.
Wow. I'm done, he has been deleted. Next.
You already know...