I just returned to work from a last minute, and very much needed doctor appointment. In exchange for a $10 co-pay, twenty minutes of waiting, an assistant who couldn’t stop gushing about how much he lovvvved my name, and a doctor who kept using Kobe Bryant analogies?
A diagnosis of thigh or abductor tendonitis, two prescriptions for a muscle relaxer and inflammation and the following post-visit instructions:
Exercise Prescription for Healthy Adults
– Warm up
– Do your aerobic workout
– Stretch after your aerobic workout
– Cool down
– Invest in equipment
– When ready to increase exercise, increase by 10% from previous workouts
I’m silently dying inside, trying not to pee on myself and I’m sure you’re wondering what the hell any of this has to do with dating or a hangover.
About a week or so ago I began noticing a little twinge of pain in my groin area. Since I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus from working out and hadn’t fallen or anything, I was stumped as to what it was from. Then a few nights ago while talking to Hope, I joked that I may have pulled a muscle or something when he was uh… indulging in a little meal.
Several days later, the twinge turned to pain if. I moved a certain way then moved to my thigh and hip and I’ll be damned, on Sunday while Hope and I were out, it intensified. So bad to the point of me limping a bit to take some of the pressure off of my right side.
Last evening, I was planning on walking with a friend but when I experienced several instances at work of standing and damn near collapsing, I nixed that idea and tried stretching a little. Once I tried the knee-to-chest stretch, the location of the pain was found and then it dawned on me- it WAS the Hope experience!!!
When I say that night was a marathon of him pleasuring me, I mean it. Climax after climax until finally, I literally tapped out by pounding on my sofa because I was dehydrated and my legs were cramping. I guess I was either tensing up too much before each explosion or needed to stretch. Is this considered getting injured on the job?
Needless to say, when pain gets serious enough to affect your mobility, off to the doctor you go. So knowing this, just imagine my attempts to explain to the assistant and then the doctor what happened to cause all of this.
I told them “I was doing the knee-to-chest stretch and must have overdid it” and just about died when the doctor said not to act like Kobe. He told me “Kobe goes hard, he’s experienced and has been playing and stretching for years. You can take your time and not stretch as hard, you keeping your legs that way so long can injure yourself.”
Who thinks about stretching before foreplay or sex? But hey, at least I can say it was worth it and will refer to those helpful tips above.
Don’t judge, it’s my life.
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You hurt yourself so doing what? ? Oh wow, girlfriend this is too hilarious. I’ll be sharing this during water cooler talk. Ha!