Just like that employer deciding that the maximum number of applications for an open position has been reached, I have officially closed out my online dating profile so of course this could mean one of two things. The first being the optimistic stance that a wonderful person is now filling my phone with “good morning beautiful” messages, calls just to say hello and bonding time getting to know one another. OR we could go with the reality of how draining and mentally and emotionally exhausting dating can be when you continue meeting the types of men you wished were all in a landfill somewhere being shitted on daily by flocks of pigeons.
Yep, it’s definitely the latter.
One to three months is the amount of time this self-imposed hiatus is being set for, so while I’m slowly sorting through any remaining men, the absence of being distracted with what could amount to anywhere from 10-20 messages a day, is very much welcomed. Not only am I taking time to focus on other things (such as making myself even more fabulous, inviting and desirable), the quiet time from what was once a bit of a dating frenzy has allowed me to take time for a self-assessment. Yes, I said it – I’ve been evaluating myself, actions, behaviors, habits and things of the sort which may need a little tweaking or need to be eliminated altogether.
The reason people fail in relationships or dating is because they’re like hamsters running around and around on that noisy wheel, with the same results in the end. In fact, as I’m hearing from several of my close friends gushing about their newly found prospects for love and even catching far too many Facebook soap operas from two of the former hangovers, as they profess their love, a little birdie inside of my head is wondering if any of them have done an assessment of what shit they needed to work on within themselves before looking for love again. Most likely, the answer is no.
One of my girlfriends is really excited, yet cautiously optimistic about her new prospect wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I might get a text message here and there if they’ve had a little spat about something yet the issue undoubtedly goes right back to her own issues. She happens to be a very attractive woman, yet is burdened with all types of insecurities that manifest themselves when dealing with her guy in the form of ridiculous interrogations and accusations of him cheating. Same shit, different man. It isn’t just the women because a former hangover Tall Glass of Wine is back in love again, surprisingly with a woman who looks like the missing member of a mariachi band from the 80’s but he’s still struggling with the same demons, carrying the same baggage. He is still an excessive weed head, still doesn’t know how to prioritize his life or finances and still opens himself up far too much just begging to be used then abused. Same shit, different woman. Some people who continue marching on without realizing that they just might be the issue when it comes to dating make me think of this song.
So again, I’ve been thinking about my dealings with the hangovers from last year and realized a few things that have changed my perspective on dating and how my strategy will be modified when I get back to it in a few weeks or so. There are still a few deal breakers that won’t necessarily change such as going out with the man with 5+ children whose paycheck is being raped by child support payments, or tying to build something with the one who is the workaholic making his best efforts to fit me into his busy life and of course, I haven’t abandoned the idea of marriage so the guy who says he’s not interested isn’t one I’ll even entertain anything more than a casual chat. The illiterate men who fail to tap into the area that is an incredible turn on to me, by having the ability to communicate with finesse and readily express themselves, probably aren’t likely to have much luck either.
What does my little assessment say that IS in need of tweaking to make sure I’m not carrying over any baggage in the next round of dating and a future relationship? Well….admittedly, I can be a little too extreme at times and have taken the “no gray area” mantra a bit too far at times. A little more patience can be exercised (within reason of course), especially since I realize it is likely I have already met the person that was best suited for me but probably dropped him like a bad habit and quickly.
Alright, a few tweaks and adjustments are needed to ensure that once the hiring freeze has been lifted, applications can begin rolling in once again but in the meantime… My energy is being placed in more important places such as preparing my piggy bank for this home purchase, ramping up these last courses for my masters degree program and finally – dumping these extra 15lbs that have been weighing me down physically and mentally.
Oh yes, this girl is on fire! But in the meantime, let’s see what happens with these last couple of applicants still pending.
Until there’s a cure (though there’s a temporary interruption in the influx of men)…
Carmen Jones
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Interesting- someone who takes a moment to think they might be the problem. I agree that if more of us stepped back and looked at some of those texts or listened to some of those messages we might find things in need of adjustment.
Okay, so you and everyone else so far this year have gone on some sort of break and I’m all for self improvement but…. that gets old and hella lonely real quick.
Sounds like another version of defeat so I say get back to dating and just be selective about the men you deal with.
I’ve done the whole need a break think mainly because Match was like shopping at my local grocery store-I was seeing my same neighbors over and over. I changed up my settings, made the radius wider and noticed a difference in the types I was meeting. I’m still single but expanding my options.