You Don’t Need New Friends

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It’s just after 6am and I just ended a telephone call with two lies by telling the man on the other end that I was parking underground and would be losing reception (with not a parking garage in sight) then saying I would call him back.That first minute of what was spewing out of his mouth had me worried and the remaining ten minutes confirmed my suspicions of how quickly this number would be deleted. Allow me to introduce Jaded Jack or JJ. 

I met JJ this past Saturday while hanging out with a few friends and while he wasn’t a real looker, he was decent looking with a nice set of teeth, good sense of humor and his casual banter was entertaining.  Since we exchanged numbers in passing, we didn’t have time to get anything other than names, ages and a few other things so as I’m deciding on sending a “Take care” text message or just ignoring future contacts, I’m starting to realize that online dating isn’t all that bad.   

This may sound crazy, but more and more of us are reverting back to our computers as a source for meeting people because of the information we can learn about a person before exchanging numbers.  A lot of what we learn from someone’s profile and those pre-screening messages such as career, schedules, children etc… may not necessarily be obtained at the time of meeting.  We want to know all of these details but don’t want our curiosity to sound like some kind of inquisition. Then again, looking back at the hangovers of the past that I did encounter online thenmeet doesn’t necessarily scream success either, huh? I guess this just means that meeting compatible and decent people or dating really is like playing a game of craps and JJ was the snake eyes rolled with wobbly dice. 

This morning’s first post-meeting conversation started with him calling me a little after 6am and went like this: 

“Yeah, I just finished my push-ups and am normally up around 4 or5am when I was working. I was laid off from Pepsi-Cola and was doing a stint with the school district, but I’m better than cleaning up classrooms and stuff like that.  In fact, I’ve got a meeting with the union this afternoon to try getting my job back.  All because I got into a heated, verbal altercation with a coworker I’m out of a job…”  

People keep telling me to bite my tongue but that just isn’t me.  See, this is why I’m not looking for anything right now, relationship, nothing.  I’m just looking for a cool friend until I can get myself situated and everything worked out right…I need someone who doesn’t want to fight and argue every day, because I just went to hell and back these past two years in my last relationship. 

I’m a bit jaded but I’m not looking to be with anyone right now. The woman I was with took me to a different place and would always accuse me of cheating, said I was still sleeping with the mothers of my children (yes plural and no, I didn’t care to ask how many) but then would remind me how fine she was and how she could have any man she wants.  I know I’m not the finest man in the world OR the tallest, but when a woman sees what is between my legs, SHE will be blessed…..” 

Ninja what the hell is wrong with you and was the part about you being well endowed supposed to be a selling point?!?!                                                                                         
When I say this dude went H.A.M. he went on a ridiculously detailed rant!  In fact, I don’t even remember him taking a moment to breath in between what he was saying and my jaw was just gaping taking it all in.  As I drove into the parking lot at work, images of JJ foaming at the mouth while his blood vessels were ready to explode popped in my mind while he continued to recant the details of his two-year emotionally abusive, confrontational and destructive relationship with ghetto Bonquisha.  I was able to slip in “It took you TWO years to figure all of these things out about her??”and said something about people ignoring the warning signs that are jumping out at us, even in the beginning.  Hint hint. 

Finally he took a breather and this was my chance to agree with him and say yes – A friend is all he needs right now and yes he is jaded based on past experiences with women.  Once parked and ready to get on with my day, I sweetly murmured those two little lies mentioned at the beginning of this post and ended the call. 

I’m thankful JJ revealed so much about himself and did so right away and although there has been some thought about how I’ve handled some of the hangovers such as Hope or Balance who really could have been kept around friends or casual acquaintances, one thing is for sure- THIS type of man with anger issues reminiscent of Bullet does not need to remain in my circle for any reason.  No reason whatsoever.

Interesting how JJ answered the question I was wondering but didn’t ask when he commented how beautiful I was saying he “just couldn’t pass up the opportunity of getting to know me”. Sorry boo, you don’t need new friends to share the smorgasbord of problems your life is plagued with right now. 

Lesson learned: Many men and women are plagued with personal problems and in my opinion, really have no business trying to meet new people for any purpose until they have worked their shit out.  Your life doesn’t have to be perfect, but should be balanced. 

Until there’s a cure… 

Carmen Jones

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Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!

I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.

This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".

If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!


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