Out of all of the things learned during my experiences with dating and relationship, one thing is constant- you can’t change a person. We may be able to influence behavior or get a person to lean in the preferred direction, but unless he or she is willing to change, the results are short lived.
A friend asked me how do we keep the tides from changing when dealing with someone new? Especially of you’re particularly interested in seeing where things may go. I told her to change your game, start trying and doing things out or the ordinary or unexpected. I’m not talking about crazy or anything that would compromise your values and beliefs, but different.
We chatted a bit more about how I felt so many men and women had become LAZY daters. Both are asking for the world with a cherry on top, but no one is willing to put on any real effort.
I like to consider myself as being the woman who dates and builds relationships, so I put in some pretty solid effort. The results vary (though the fact that I still have this blog is a testimony to the outcome), but when a man comes along that seems worthy of that extra, he’ll quickly recognize he’s struck gold.
Out of Sight? So far, so good. There are still some really big reservations quite naturally, because we haven’t met. I hate the thought of him being another Brooklyn’s Finest or worse, a Critter especially because he seems like a good fit.
I do, however, have an ace on my hand. It turns out we have a mutual friend, someone (a male) that is very close to me. Since I’m interested in that oorganic experience without any outside tainting, I have not yet asked the friend about him. Damn, such a small world.
Talking to him most times out of the day is welcome, and not that feeling of being obligated to get to know a person. I actually look forward to any kind of contact from him and even better? This man is NOT shy or too proud to admit that he thinks the same.
The two of us are still trying to figure out the missing link with each other; wondering what the real reason the other is single. I’m enjoying the getting-to-know-you phase we are in, and revel in our ability to talk about so much without fear of being judged by each other.
He’s interested in knowing how well my day went and I’m interested in knowing how his even longer day ended. Yesterday, I took the time to show Out of Sight a little something “different”. Bad day- no, a shitty day is what he told me he was having, saying he welcomed anything to make it better.
A man’s thinking of better can range from a photo of breasts to a bj when he got home from work. Since I will not do the former and the latter is impossible, I came up with a little something that would brighten his day that would be completely unexpected.
I sent HIM flowers, sort of. A nice assortment of fruit from Edible Arrangements was delivered to his office with a simple note that said “I hope thos helps to brighten your day.”
When I received a few missed calls followed by text messages such as “Wow” and “That was so nice”, I knew my mission of showing him a little different had been accomplished.
We shall see how things progress, but so far it seems like we are both doing our part to try to keep those good feelings and hope from changing.
Until there’s a cure for the hangovers….
Carmen Jones
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