My Dating HangoversRelationship 101

He’s Getting Closer but…

He’s Getting Closer but…


Nervousness, excitement and that tingling feeling and a host of other emotions is what I’m feeling right now which seems a little strange because I’ve already met Out of Sight who in just a few short days, will be back in California and this time for good.

I’m so happy and can’t wait to give him the biggest hug and some of the longest and wettest kisses possible, and find myself just smiling at the thought of him.  Hmmm, what a refreshing feeling.

Having stepped outside of my comfort zone of local only encounters and allowing a nearly 4-month friendship (guess that is what I call this “thing”) with someone out of states seems to be paying off, and I’m looking forward to things flourishing.  The two of us have had a chance to learn so much about each other and I’m not a believer that it’s true about absence making the heart grow fonder.  When you’re limited and not able to simply jump in the car and see someone in an instant, the way you communicate and how you do it makes a world of difference and fortunately Out of Sight hasn’t faltered too bad.

Since we met a few weeks ago, he has dropped off in contacting me a bit and while I can certainly understand how stressful and tiring a major relocation is, I still called him out on his shit and reminded this man that developing a pattern then deviating from it doesn’t sit well with certain people.  Especially women.   Busy or not, we all have to take a break to eat, walk to or from your car, poop or have some other break in a 24 hour period where you can take a FEW moments to send a quick text if a telephone call isn’t convenient.  Being a parent, career woman, student and person with a busy social calendar, I can certainly understand what busy means but come on, it’s not rocket science.  A simple text a day is sufficient for me even if it just says “Hello, have a good day and we’ll talk tonight…” and after a few days of me backing off a little with my attempts to reach out, he got the message loud and clear.

This has definitely been an interesting learning process and again, we have been learning so much about each other – both the good and the bad. By the way, have I mentioned that all things considered, this man is simply amazing?  Good-looking, smart and witty, caring, funny and full of life and what I really love about him has to be the go getter/get the job done type of attitude.  This all sounds lovely yet still there’s a bit of trepidation.  As with any situation between a man and a woman, we have our doubts because and mine have to do with Out of Sight’s actions.  Is he going to act like the man I’ve grown to really care for or will he be ke those “vacation” types of romances where people seem to change after buzz wears off.  All I can do is have a little faith and hope, right?

I’m hoping he doesn’t get here and completely lose his mind reverting back to how many of us were living our lives in our 20’s, meaning the decade absence from a place chopped full of exciting lifestyles, nightlife and of course a bevy of beautiful and exotic women. Something we’ve talked about is how we might be on two different tracks in life right now because I’ve been there, done that – all of the partying is pretty much out of me, rarely do I hang out late and the mission for me is to settle down and work on my family.  On the flip side, Out of Sight was in a boring marriage and lived in a place where the most exciting events were tornadoes and the occasional holiday cookout.  We’ll just have to see how he adjusts to the new life in La-La Land.  I care a lot for him and just don’t want to be the fool who has been building something with someone for months, who has no intentions of considering or pursuing anything else.

Something else I’m hoping is that he isn’t that much of a workaholic that I find myself in another situation as with Rescue, the first time around where I created a new phrase known as the “single girlfriend”.  Besides just wanting to spend time and make sure that what we have isn’t just a telephone call only type of compatibility, but I need to make sure he’s not sooooooo busy that he isn’t able to share more of beautiful, yet rather large appendage between his legs.  Out of Sight says his sexual appetite matches up to where mine is (yes ladies, if you’re getting it good you will want it more and more) so I’ll be looking forward to him being able to deliver.

Oh – I forgot to mention a little something last time as I may only have alluded to something having occurred when he was down a few weeks ago, but that’s a different post for some other time. Let me just say that the three instances  we were able to squeeze into a 24-hour period were pretty spectacular and left me wanting more and more.  It wasn’t planned, but when he kissed me with some of the softest lips – it was all she wrote.  Besides me sharing the details from our first of many intimate encounters,  I have to answer a question one of my girlfriends asked that I didn’t have an answer for at the time- who was better- Hope OR Out of Sight?

I’m getting a little carried away talking about this one but this goes to show how much of an impression this man has had on me but perhaps he’s underestimating my feeling for him, and is playing the cool dude role encouraging me to date.  I raised an eyebrow when he first told me this and his reasoning is he figures since I love to write, precious writing material would be lost if I stopped dating “before he got here”.  Huh?  He must have fallen on his head and anyone else who thinks I only continue to subject myself to the abuse of dating to have blogging material.  Let me make this perfectly clear – I would rather be settled down with a person with great potential than having a dating blog to generate a few shits and giggles.

Like I said, we’ll see how everything plays out and while Out of Sight was seemingly okay with dating, his opinion changed a bit when he started hearing more about this second guy…

Island Boy and I  have now had a total of three dates with another in the works for tonight,  and as I attempted to explain to Out of Sight (yep, he knows about him), he’s a nice person.   There aren’t any glaring red flags on why I shouldn’t keep going out with him but at the same time I’m not exactly doing cartwheels and feeling all giddy when I get a call or text from him.  He is very nondescript and a little hard to read which leaves me wondering if the calm,  cool and collective demeanor of an intellect with two distinct personalities, who is just catching a break from a bit of ex-wife drama is a good fit for me.  Yet there are other times when the edgy Belizean flavor of Island Boy comes out so I guess it’s just a matter of dealing with that “other” dude as well.

Again, we’ll have to see how things progress starting with tonight’s date.  By the way, we still haven’t kissed aside from a peck on the lips and two departing smacks on the cheek each time so he’s either a very slow mover or….

There you have it…. I’m happy that Out of Sight is getting closer but haven’t given up on considering other options until  gets settled in to see what may come of this “thing”.  Then there’s another man who says he’s interested in me, is trying to court me regularly and has me pegged as relationship material, but isn’t really generating a lot of excitement.  I’m not to the point of being torn because I know who I want, but will play things carefully.

It’s been over a year since I’ve been single again and I’ve encountered so many imposters presenting themselves as men who were ready to get out of the dating game, but they weren’t for real or ready.  Still, I’ll keep trying to get that right fit and avoid the many distractions coming at me from former hangovers.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…
Carmen Jones

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Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!

I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.

This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".

If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!



  1. Woot woot! Things are looking awfully bright, my dear :-). Good to see allowing yourself to step into a zone of patience is paying off.

  2. Nervousness is still good, it means you care enough to continue making an impression on this man.

    I’m holding out hope for you, but really think you’ll be fine. Just remember to always, always trust your instincts.

    1. Hi Marie and thanks for your kind email earlier this week. The follow-up meeting went off like a breeze and that nervousness was all worth it.

      Good guy on the surface for sure and I’ll hope that reaches down to the core.

      Thanks again!

    2. Oh yes, and going with my gut feeling is a much hence my caution being practiced with this man.

      I don’t like being disappointed and certainly am not trying to get my feelings hurt, so Out of Sight had better come correct.

  3. Interesting look into the world of dating. It sounds like you are both (you and the main contender) are playing it safe. The way I see it is things only get complicated and make good beginnings go bad is when you stop being up front with each other.

    Good luck!

    1. Agreed Mark and as easy as the idea of being up front sounds, that is rarely done and is likely a sole reason for things going caput.

      We like to complicate things, I guess for the excitement value.

  4. Things sound promising here but your hot and cold- happy with how things are going then damper the excitement with a but.. I’m just starting to read your blog so I don’t know what kind of baggage from other situations you might be dealing with to add extras. Me personally never dealt with the long distance situations because of so many horror stories of the person looking crazy in reality or just being crazy when you got around them. It sounds like you’re worried about being left hanging. Sometimes you have to just go for it unless there’s reason not to. Good luck to you and thanks for letting me comment on your page.

    1. Ooh Shenelle, exaggeration is not my forte so trust me- I’ve been through more than my fair share of disappointments.

      I’m kind of like a chameleon right now amd have been adapting to my environment.

      Out of Sight has been inconsistent, so I’m starting to behave the same way.

      You should never out out more than you’re getting in return.

      Thanks for stopping by.

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