Is This What I Wanted?

For anyone out there who thinks the best way to get over someone is to meet someone new, two fist pumps in the air to you because I think it’s a bad idea.  Several of my girlfriends have done this even though I have always suggested otherwise because they don’t realize that if you’re still licking wounds from that last situation do you really think you’re a good candidate for the next guy?  Besides all of your issues what about the poor unsuspecting sap who will have no idea why you start showing some unappealing traits after a couple conversations and dates. Each person is different so it may take a shorter period of time to get over the feelings of disappointment, anger, desires for revenge, feelings of hopelessness, and for some people like me – thoughts that you are simply too good to remain single may be the motivation for getting back out there.   Even if it is too soon for you.

I think it was the latter that led me to believe that I shouldn’t stop dating after my dealings with Out of Sight and what did I do?  I went right to the benchwarmers.  All of the men I had exchanged number with who had been trying their best to woo and pursue me, putting forth their best efforts in showing me all of the things that scream out to a woman “I want YOU!”.I’ll admit that there was a part of my thought process that went along the lines of trying to prove a point to Out of Sight that although he wasn’t in a position to make something work with a woman like me, another man out there certainly is willing and is in a position to do so.  I should have known better because what I really need is a dating timeout should have removed myself from the scene altogether and instead, I ended up spending time with two men who are getting tired of me “playing games” and “not knowing what I really wanted”.

The notion of me being unsure about what it is that I want is almost laughable because I am most certainly sure, but it has been a combination of me simply not being ready to open up my world to anyone new and plain lack of attraction. Both of these men were forewarned that I had recently cut off dealings with someone and still, they decided to dive in head first and after a few rounds of fuzzy vibes, poor communication and spells of me not wanting to spend any time, are realizing that they may be doing nothing but wasting their time.

Johnny Appleseed was mentioned a few posts ago is one and this new guy I’ll refer to as Knee Jerk was the other, two men who may have just ended up in the right place at the wrong time.  Still, as good as they seem on paper they both have elements that aren’t too appealing.Johnny is a man on a mission and he made it pretty clear that he’s tired of dating and is looking for his next wife.  At 45 years of age, he is well over the party scene and hanging out late at night, and is no longer attracted to women who are still doing the same thing and wants a woman who is also ready to settle down and start building a future together. This sounds like my kind of guy, right? The complete opposite of the last two men (Out of Sight and Hope) I had been dealing with who are so wrapped up in life reconstruction which is preventing  them from see the light at the end of the tunnel while, not understanding why they’re not in the best position to be online dating.  I gave Johnny the disclaimer so he was forewarned and I allowed him the chance to decide if he wanted to leave me alone and walk away or take a chance. He opted for the latter and wants to remain on the scene until I come around because as it put it – you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to realize a great opportunity that is placed before you.It’s quite refreshing to encounter a man who is exactly where he wants to be in life and realizes that if you meet someone, you connect and can envision that person being a significant part of your life for the long run, you better go for it.  He made his intentions and direction in life abundantly clear and on more than one occasion has left me completely speechless with one of several food for thought moments.  Johnny’s idea of what a man is supposed to be and how he should act is quite impressive and at times, I felt like he was doing a little too much to sell himself even though it all sounds really good.  For instance, he responded to a comment about my dating disappointments he responded with:

I’m ready to cut off this nuisance dating web site for the sake of cultivating a relationship with you, but you need to figure out what it is that you really want.I am very much interested in you and I know a precious find when I stumble on it.  You need a real man, not these boys perpetrating as men.  I have been in the role of being the protector and the provider and want to be there for you to take all of the pressure that you carry off your shoulders. Being a single parent is a lot of work and I recognize you are a great mother and would like for us to come together and make something happen. I’m the guy who will be at all of the kid’s games, helping out around the house and more.I don’t know what that man did to you that is making you want to give up on what you’re looking for and deserve, but then again I could care less.  His loss, my find.  Enjoy the rest of your day and we will speak this evening.

I mean really – what woman wouldn’t find a man that speaks with conviction about his life and purpose, and has a special clarity and goals for how he intends on planning out his future with a significant other appealing?  I love the way this man communicates his feelings with me in such a free and uninhibited manner because he’s a man on a mission yet somehow, I’m turned off all at the same time.  When you have spent hours and hours of talk time for months, and several instances of face time with one man and feel like you gained nothing only to meet another you’ve only seen twice who acts like he’s ready to give you the world, it can be a little confusing.  I think it’s part of that rebound affect and me not having cleared the air with the last man that is causing me not to be as open and receptive to this man.  Now is the time to decide if I should set aside the little nuances that aren’t so appealing to me and go with the flow. Time will tell.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones
myhangovers@gmail.com