Online DatingSettling or Compromising?

Decisions, Decisions

Decisions, Decisions


I think I need to make a decision on what to do with this online dating account and there are two good reasons for not wanting to do anything too hasty but at the same time, there are two very good reasons for why I should just pull the plug.

It has been quite some time since the process of deleting of a dating profile has occurred for a good reason because normally the antics of men simply drive me to the point of sheer disgust and hopelessness and slowly, the dismantling begins.  The amount of time I pop on the site to read messages slows down and my response time, even slower and eventually I start to feel that the process of meeting men this way is nothing but a complete waste of time.  Next in the process and those of you still dating this way know it, is when we begin removing photos or specific details that only alerts the page stalkers that you’re about ready to make an exit.

Dating is tiring and there have been so many times when the profiles have been canceled because I figured the world consisted of nothing but men like Hope or Out of Sight so when I think back, there’s only been two instances where I took myself offline because there was a solid reason for doing so.  The first person was my ex-boyfriend, emotional fuck-up extraordinaire (Mr. Jekyll) and the other was about two years ago when Rescue breezed his way back into my life and to be honest, he did rescue me from a sad state of affairs because the dating scene wasn’t any better than it is today.

My Dating Hangovers was started several years ago because of Mr. Jekyll and a select number of nut jobs I encountered after our relationship had ended and the main purpose of blogging about dating experiences was to vent (therapy), learn from my mistakes (tough lessons indeed) and most importantly – make sure that I was ready (I’m sooooo ready) for a real man once he came along.  What’s funny but a little sad about that last part is that there’s a good possibility that I have met several men who fit the description of being stable in their lives, understood the benefits of wanting to settle down to plan and build onto their futures with a woman and most importantly – adored me, appreciated me and saw the value in what I have to offer as a woman, friend, confidant, companion.  Yet there was either something that was lacking such as the need for some semblance of physical attraction or their baggage that prevented me from allowing anything further.  The image of the man I want to be with is quite vivid and while there are concessions and compromises that can be made in some areas, anything in the critical zones is nothing short of settling.  I can’t and I won’t.

All of this is being said because I’m ready to give someone a real chance and in the words of one poor guy who didn’t make the cut, the distractions of the dating site aren’t needed any longer. This is meant to be a brief post so if I went into the details of this man I’ve been talking to for about two weeks, enjoyed a fabulous first date with on Saturday morning only to be in his company again over a nice dinner that same day, it would be much longer than what I have time for right now.  He’s older, intriguing, balanced, funny, chivalrous, focused, cultured, inquisitive and very much interested.  We begin our days with a quick hello, probably some quick music trivia and a daily challenge that can be about anything from relationships to “what would you do if” to religion – you name it, we’re all across the board.  I appreciate his openness and normally if a man texts me after a date expressing his enjoyment and adds “I know it’s very early but I recognize what type of woman I have in front of me and I assure you, I know exactly what I want…”, there are feelings that he’s probably desperate or a creep.  Not this time for this man who as of now, doesn’t even have a hangover name yet so maybe that’s because I’m hoping he doesn’t end up becoming one but I’ll think of something soon but the word that comes to mind is REFRESHING.

The points about this post that are being left out about why it might be a little premature to think about canceling are obvious – it’s early so how can I possibly know about his true character since there’s a possibility that everything he is saying and doing may be nothing more than a facade.  Yet at the same time, we know how many people we’ve dated who we thought we knew after months and even years, only to learn later that they were full of shit or there was always something.  Time will tell and one thing is for sure – I’ll definitely stop responding to the former hangovers in ways that could be an unwelcome distraction to this latest interest.  For now I’m looking forward to answering today’s challenge from him with the first question being “What does an exclusive relationship mean to you?  Is there a specific time-frame to become exclusive”.

You know I LOVE a man who can have the interest and make the effort to get to know the real CJ.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

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Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!

I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.

This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".

If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!


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