For those of you who have not had the pleasure of trying out the online dating experience, this may be news to you – it sucks.
For the others like me who have tried everything from eHarmony to Black People Meet to Match and a few rounds on the ultimate cesspool known as Plenty of Fish, you will certainly agree that there are certain types of (special) people who call themselves dating.
On your quest to find love and happiness with a good man or woman who wants the same, you might come across the Socially Retarded, Really Unavailable, or Down to F@ck (DTF’s) types instead. I’m thinking nearly every type including the ones above have frequented my inbox, assaulted my ears by telephone and maybe even my sugar walls, but here are the 4 main types of online daters that come to mind and they are:
Coming across the man that usually seems to be the complete package is a blessing and a curse all at the same time. He’s typically going to be very good looking, have a stable and high paying career (not just a job), likely doesn’t have too much baggage (never married/no children), educated and smart, owns one or more homes, and in his mildly or incredibly high arrogance, WILL constantly remind you that he is basically the bomb.com.
GGTW’s may or may not show their true colors in the beginning and even if you find they’re showing traits you dislike or straight up treat you like shit, it’s hard to leave them alone because of the many qualities they possess.
Example hangovers: Special Agent, The Calm, Asshole.
It seems like the main ones flocking to the dating scene are the same ones who have absolutely no business trying to date. They’re not ready.
Wondering if you’ve met a TP? His profile or conversations may include statements like “I’m starting over and…” or “I’m trying to get back into the groove of things after…” and even “I’ve got one foot out the door…” and maybe even “I’m just seeing what’s here”.
This man has unfinished business with a relationship, may be in between jobs, recovering from some health or financial crisis, looking for a place to live, or is still bitter from the last relationship that went wrong. He’ll try to convince you to just be a little more understanding since he’s just a little down on his luck.
The TP has no conscious or guilt about dragging you into his world of instability and turmoil, and the crazy fact is that he’s likely to be very good looking AND may be putting it down in bed better than the GGTW types. Perhaps this is why in spite of his deficiencies; so many women get caught up with him.
Example hangovers: Good on Paper, Rescue 911, Enron, Full Metal Jacket, countless hangovers who never made it to the blog.
The title is obvious for the type who thinks that meeting women online is THE best way to go, you know, because he rarely is away from a computer. He’s quite similar to the TP man and because he’s probably dealing with all of the same issues, he is always working so you’ll rarely get to speak to him and will have grown gray hairs waiting to meet him.
He has a demanding job, travels often and rarely says no to overtime. Fortunately, a woman will have a clue about his hectic life and schedule because workaholics will tell you in a profile that reads like this:
“I’m a hard-working man who puts in 60 hours a week…”
“I work a lot and don’t have much time for…”
“I travel a lot and would like an activity partner…”
Believe me- I’ve got plenty to say about this one because this type has drifted in and out of my life often. He really either has no time OR more aptly put, refuses to make any woman a high enough priority to make time. This man is really looking for fillers for any downtime he may have; someone to exchange a few texts with to make sure he’s not lost his touch, someone to call on those long commutes home, or a bed warmer after a long days work.
Women, beware because the workaholic may be confused with the GGTW. Also, he knows how to bait and reel you in by initially showing you plenty of attention and seemingly available to date and work on a relationship. Girl please! If you are lucky enough to see this side of him, it’s probably because he’s on vacation or realizes what it takes to get a woman’s attention.
Dating this type of dude only works for a certain type of woman.
Any women looking for the Friday date night, someone to join you at the kid’s soccer practice, or anything remotely close to consistency, this is NOT the one for you.
Don’t get me wrong – having a financially strapped man is no good, but trying to date one who doesn’t care to balance a career and significant other is just as bad. One word this type is missing -BALANCE.
Example hangovers: Rescue 911, Special Agent(technically, he probably doesn’t fit here since his hard work was more outside the office, managing his harem of women), The Calm, and Jersey Boy.
Yes, I used the feminine term because these are the men who act like little girls- they’re the mitches. These types are needy as hell, likely to be damaged emotionally, have crazy from mood swings, and involvement with them will surely lead to the most stressful times of your life.
Damsels are the polar opposites of The Workaholics and what’s odd is they may be just as busy but will make time for you but will want
ALL of your time, energy and attention. You may experience his PMS moments, argue over insignificant things because he’s a drama queen, and may even witness an emotional breakdown or two.
The profile of a Damsel seems too good to be true and for the most part, they treat you well. Advice if you meet one? RUN.
Example hangovers: Full Metal Jacket, Sybil, Jekyll, Enron.
What else can I say about this type other than telling you to get ready for some really confusing times. I think he’s a smorgasbord of all of the above, and is probably a pretty good catch.
The downside of dating this one is that you will never figure out what he wants with you or life in general. He’s hot then cold, off then on and basically all over the place. I think it’s far better to know if you’re dealing with someone who just wants a buddy or just wants sex, but when he acts like he wants marriage one day then falls off the radar the next? I just can’t deal.
Examples: Too many to name.
This is exhausting just thinking back on this list, and I don’t think anyone can ever say I haven’t given different types of men with different situations a chance. I’m just tired of meeting the wrong ones faking like they’re the right ones.
I’m just tired of the dating hangovers.
Until there’s a cure…
This is an interesting article. But you would have more credibility if you had a type of guy that was none of the above and was an all around good guy. They exist. But you dont even include that.
There are plenty of those good guys that you probably told “no chmeistry”. And thats fine if you felt that way. But to make it sound like the good ones dont even exist is plain wrong. Perhaps you need to learn to filter your dates a little better if you keep running into the types of dudes you mention.
Interestinglly enough, the only common denominator of all these problem guys is you.
Alright John, I’ll take comments such as yours and always try to find the point or rationale.
I can own up to not having chemistry with quite a few men I have met, and as I stated in a previous response, this list was not all-inclusive. Nor did this post say ALL types of men online, right?
Of course there are plenty of good ones and its highly possible that those types are not online for one reason or the other.
Being the common denominator? Sounds like a futile attempt to make a blow to my character.
Nevertheless, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
It isnt an attempt to hit your character. But the bottom line is that if you constantly run into these types of men, you are part of the problem. You are the common denominator. it is what it is. . Heaven forbid you should take ownership of the men you choose to go on dates with.
Interesting breakdown, but in all fairness – can you share the types of women too because I’ve met the Find My Sugar Daddy, Find my sperm donor, Find my zanax, Find my broken heart and Find my mind. What are the clear signs for these women, because I’m a litte fed up with meeting them.
Anonymous – for you? Sure, I’ll put something together that yells “RUN!”
As for your series of “find me’s”, I’ve probably met their brothers, fathers, cousins and uncles.
The point here is to recognize the types and what they come with and if you’re not interested in wasting energy, avoid them like the plague.
For the gentleman who commented above – Carmen said “some” types of men, so I’m sure what she shared here wasn’t meant to be all-inclusive.
There are the good types, the ones who are the closest you can get to being “the one” and all that good stuff, but unfortunately the majority rules. Most that you find online are on a different type of mission than most women.
Thanks for sharing Carmen, and for the record – I seem to have an affinity for attracting and getting involved with the workaholic. I’m a very busy woman so maybe they flock to me by nature.
Yes Marie, “some”. My thoughts are not angled to bash men or discount any of the good ones but hell – like you said, the majority rules.
If there was so much of the good types to talk about, there wouldn’t be so many dating sites and quadruple the number of dating blogs chronicling the not-so-good.
I am trying to date online & your observation is so true. I will add the men that are online but wont pay to play. They have profiles saying email me but they haven’t paid for the service to even respond. I call those “Attention Seekers” they like getting winks but have no intention of returning any gesture cause that means actually spending money.
Won’t pay to play? I like that Brandie and that is so true. A few weeks ago, I posted excerpts from an “Attention Seeker” who had manipulated a particular dating web site so he could still get the chicks, but without spending a dime. As long as a woman had her cereal box decoder marker, she could figure out his telephone number and ta da! A connection is made for free.
My thing is this – I realize there’s simply no way to avoid certain types of men, so why not know what you’re up against and how to spot them. You can always make up your mind if you want to play the game with them, but its like sticking your coins in a machine that has duct tape on it – play at your own risk.
Hey baby girl, I feel the need to jump on in since the males seem to be taking this post out of context.
I think you find the same types online for men that you do for women, period. Ive dated very successful women (surgeons, those in politics) who complained about having a man, but didn’t have time for me. Those dtf types too, who acted like my penis was always ready for the taking because they were too busy for anything else. Then there are those who have their noses so high up in the air like they were the best thing since Wonder Bread, which is probably the true reason they can’t find quality men. So with that, keep on sharing and have a blessed weekend.
Carmen- I enjoy your blog but some of the comments above to make some sense. It does come across as sour grapes when you all of of your “main types” of guys have negative implications. Maybe it is the majority out there but it is painting men in a harsh light and you dont account for the ones that are none of the above.
You seem to be an attractive woman and so I am sure you have quite a few men to choose from to go out with. The reference made about making better choices for the ones you go out with does have some validity. There has got to be a way via phone calls and gut instinct to weed out the ones you mention.
Thanks for your readership Dean, though I’m not sure where the “sour grapes” comes in. I’m sure there are tons of articles out in there that touch on this same topic -so I guess there’s a little confusion why a few readers like you feel this had a bitter slant.
Not that my opinion is even the slightest bit swayed, but again, these are the types of men who have made that first contact with me and tried to pursue something.
You probably won’t believe this but I would LOVE to do a write up on the other end of the spectrum- the “good types you can’t pass up”. It might be a little slim, but it would be worth it.
I appreciate your feedback, so thanks for taking time to comment.
Oh and you’re right – I AM a pretty good looking woman. 😉
I’m sure there are about a dozen other types but you nailed the top offenders. To hell with the haters and their snide comments, you tell it based on what you experience.
So its yours or any other woman’s fault for meeting men you aren’t compatible with? Maybe I’m missing something.
Okay, I had to come back. Since it seems the men are somehow taking all of this to heart, I’ll address this to them:
What exactly is the problem with Carmen’s post? I don’t see that she’s saying “all men are like this or that”, so what’s your problem and why are these types HER fault?
How often (assuming you’ve dated online) have you men made a different assessment of type of woman you really met after meeting?
I mean come on, what the hell is wrong here?
I can honestly say that after having tried out a couple of sites, people tell you what they wanna tell you to GET you. Once they have your attention, all kinds of shit comes out that wasn’t revealed before. So I don’t get where you make it seem like dating someone wo works all the time and doesnt make time for someone else or whatever other traits no one should have to deal with unless they are desperate, is a bad thing.
Geesh, relax already.
Easy Jessie, easy! Thanks for seeing the intent of this post. I never want to come across as bashing men, but hey- if the shoe fits…
These are based on my experiences and you’ve been reading long enough to know how badly I want to set aside or maybe even overlook some things. The guy who’s so busy trying to make sure he’s stable and secure, makes for a great potential partner. The guy who’s so busy he doesn’t TRY to incorporate a woman into his life? I’m sorry, call it what you want but a woman should expect more.
Anyway, I’m not trying to defend shit.
As one of the gentlemen said, it is what it is.
This one is for Jessie/Carmen and those in the cheap seats:
I think you are missing the point of my comment and Anon/John comments too. Carmen has already stated that these guys reveal themselves in their profiles/conversations. Example:
“His profile or conversations may include statements like “I’m starting over and…” or “I’m trying to get back into the groove of things after…” and even “I’ve got one foot out the door…”
So if these guys put such things in their profiles or conversations then you already know they are trouble so why bother going out with them in the first place?
Fortunately, a woman will have a clue about his hectic life and schedule because workaholics will tell you in a profile that reads like this:
“I’m a hard-working man who puts in 60 hours a week…”
“I work a lot and don’t have much time for…”
“I travel a lot and would like an activity partner…”
Once again Carmen knows the signs to look for and yet she still goes out with them.
Not only that, but she goes out with many of them. See the amount of little nicknames she has for them.Thats a lot of guys and yet they all had these same “tells” in common. And she pursued it anyway.
So that is where she is not taking accountability for her decisions to go out with these guys. She knows in advance of this (because she gave countless examples of their patterns) and then complains about it.
This is what is meant by her not taking acountability. These guys didnt just pull these stunts out of the blue. They were like this all along, waved their red flags and yet she chooses to ignore it and then post about it after the fact.
Okay Dean, okay – I hear you and own up to getting clues on things to come with men, but understand this – people explain away.
The same men who may have profile indicators, will say “I work hard, but make time as well” or are just looking for someone “not to judge and give them a chance”. Etc…
Again, point taken.
And cheap seats? That gave me a nice chuckle, so it’s all good.
Wait a minute Dean, I’m not trying to get into a pissing match because obviously you would have the advantage of aim, but what’s the issue here? I’m not a blogger so I don’t know what the etiquette is but last time i checked this was not anything to be taken to heart. If I am reading correctly, you’re basically saying a woman should just take everything for face value, when most men are bitching about not being given a chance because they’re misunderstood. Damn, you may as well call her stupid though you’re attempting to mask things by a wordy reply.
Curious? Are you single or married?