Fifty Shades of…

Fifty Shades of…


Last night’s date with a man I originally met over two years ago was painstakingly boring and from the moment we walked into a local spot for a few drinks, my mind was already wandering to the dirty limits.

Who was I going to fuck once I get rid of this sappy dude?  Sounds pretty bad to think about a man while in the presence of another but it is what it is.  The night (finally) came to an end with a church hug and as soon as this ass hit the seat, I was looking at my phone wondering who would be the suitor of choice.

The first person that came to mind was  a definite no, off limits, do not contact for sex or anything else, not ever.  Feeling defeated at having to dip back into the coffers for a little nightcap sex, the mission was abandoned and I went home and settled for giving my pillow some head and my sheets a little ass.

But not tonight.

After sharing my latest dating experiences with my girlfriend Me So Single, I was feeling pretty frisky and told her it had been a few months now since my last encounter with Out of Sight and it was time for some action.

She went through the same checklist of former flings with me and we narrowed my options down to two – Papi and Good on Paper.

I always had great times with the two of them, and each had his special skills in the intimacy department so within a matter of minutes, the bat signal was sent to each of them with some of the most sophisticated wording possible after 2 Mai Tai’s – “I’m HORNY”.

We sat there giggling at the message and nearly fell out of our chairs thinking about the comedic reaction had I sent a group message instead that allowed ALL of them to reply.

So damn tempting, but I didn’t and instead just sat back seeing which fish would bite first.  Papi responded saying he was on his way home and would meet me there.  Me So Single already knew this meant whatever time we had remaining at the restaurant to shoot the breeze was coming to an abrupt ending.  This is what great friendship is all about – no one standing in the way of another when it comes to a kitty call.

Papi is truly my fair weather friend  with benefits and the only reason I stopped dealing with him last year is when I was trying to focus on that other guy but hey – I’m very much single and ready to tingle.

Lovely indeed how this man never seems to disappoint and when I walked into his house, and he immediately began to undress me with his eyes.

I knew we were about to indulge in some pleasurable grown up fun.  The man has always been an entertaining lover. Making it his mission to ensure that there are multiple orgasms had before I leave and we have played around with toys and even handcuffs, but tonight was quite different.

When he pulled out some type of chord for the television to stream music I jokingly asked “Oh, is that chord for me” to which he replied “It can be if you want”.

A sly smile crept across my face and when he started playing around with the video record feature and grinned at my sexy faces and poses to watch myself, Papi asked “Would you like to experiment with this one day as well?” to which I replied yes, some day but for now….he can just get ready for me.

He’s so methodical with his movements and talks to me with a firm and steady tone.  Instructing me to get on the bed on my knees with my back towards him then asks me he doesn’t have his cuffs but can improvise if it was okay with me.

Trying  to respond with words proved to be a little difficult because by now his tongue was making its way to my g-spot but while he’s working there, I suddenly hear the sound of velcro followed by something being wrapped around my left ankle.

Of course my reaction is to look behind me to see what he was doing, but as soon as I moved my head, he dove deeper inside of me with his tongue.  Okay bad girl, keep my head straight ahead is what came to mind until a few moments later, I hear the same sound and can feel the same thing being placed on my right ankle.

No other connection was made other than something being strapped to both ankles but I was still free and soon, was told to turn around and lay on my back.

Staring this man in the face and going up to run my fingers through a mass of tight, black curls, I’m now noticing how his expression has changed to one that gave me an idea of what was about to come from fifty shades of Papi.

Literally and figuratively.

He leans in and begins ravishing my mouth with his tongue, going to my breasts then back again to my mouth and suddenly there’s that sound again and the same contraption on my ankles is now on both of my hands.

Nothing more to think about since both my feet and hands were still free but then things get interesting as he stops to link the two hand cuffs together and for a minute, my mind is trying to make the connection.

Are my hands going over my head clasped together?

Is he about to flip me over on my back so my hands end up behind me or something else?

The answer was neither because in a matter of seconds, my hands AND feet were bound together in front of me and for one brief moment, there was a little trepidation about what was to come next.

I know for a fact that “Oh my God” was probably said over twenty times as I shook, shivered, convulsed, moaned and whatever other voluntary and involuntary actions my body went through.  This man devoured, touched and explored EVERY part of my body and I do mean nothing was left untouched.

We definitely tapped into areas that had never been experienced in the 15 years that we have known each other and let me tell you – if you have never experienced any type of kinky sexual experiences involving anything from blindfolds to vibrators to bondage, you have absolutely no idea how heightened your libido and sensation can really become.

You might be wondering how is it that the sex with this man can get even more interesting.  The fact is that he always keeps it lively and out of curiosity, I even asked him how was it that he was so damn good.

His response was that he ready books and a lot of them, starting back in high school with a 300-page vignette on the anatomy of women.  Papi takes the time to know and understand the woman’s body which in turn, means he is focused on her ultimate pleasure and satisfaction.

Damn does it show and I joked while getting dressed that I felt as if I should be paying him.  Now that’s some good shit.

My hormonal cravings have been satisfied for now and oh – as I was driving home, guess who responded to the bat signal?

Good on Paper asking if it was too late or if I had already moved on to the back up plan.  The lack of response should have answered this for him so sorry, the early bird gets the worm.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

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Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!

I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.

This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".

If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!



  1. Whoa! I don’t know what kind of blog I just stumbled on but I’ll say this guy sounds like one hell of a good time. My kind of girl, can’t wait to read more and if my single life had this kind of tryst, I might be okay for a while.

    1. Nancy, I’ve been lucky in that regards (wonderful lovers)…’s the other parts of a man and companionship I need to work on. But until there’s a cure, I have nights like this. 🙂

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