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The Selfish Fucker

The Selfish Fucker

hititThey say it’s best to try everything at least twice and that’s exactly what I did with this latest hangover who as of Wednesday, so it seems like this was a mutual agreement to hit it and quit it.

Our initial encounter went pretty well  and if  you recall, the sexual interaction was a little strange and not very satisfying with me because it felt like I was in bed with Roger Rabbit who was doped up on some type of enhancement drug.  He just couldn’t get enough because as he said over and over again, “your pussy is just so damn good” and it seemed to me as if I was expected to just give in to his raging appetite.  During our post-sex wrap up, he asked again if it was really that bad because we had gone on for so long and said it was because he had consumed so much Vodka and swears the drinks gave him some super powers which explained that crazy marathon sex.

Seriously?  Of course I had to do a little checking on the benefits of Vodka myself and learned that some types have potato byproducts but guess what?  Didn’t find shit that said libidos are being extended by having a dirty martini or two so I’m sticking with him having popped a pill before we went to dinner.  This guys ego was something else because it was almost as if he was expecting me to give him four gold stars for our encounter but instead, I had to admit that because of the chaffing and just exhaustion it wasn’t such a great experience for me and in the end it was because he’s a selfish fucker.

With the exception of a brief moment of me straddling him before being tossed over on my back like a rag doll, the duration of the night was with me being trapped in HIS favorite position which for men who have smaller or thinner penises, love it since it allows for optimum penetration.  I then reminded him that having my knees pressed to my chest with his former football physique on top of me was tantamount to having someone sitting on my chest.  Now that I think about it, he came across as having some serious expectations for that having been our first time because he not only was asking “Who’s pu$$y is this”, he kept begging for a blow job and at one point even had the nerve to get me to try anal sex with him.  No boundaries for this man, none at all but he obviously thought the same applied to me which is the furthest from the truth.

Needless to say, I wasn’t excited about anything else along the lines of intimacy with him but he is a decent enough guy so I at least agreed to a second date with him and figured hey – he might even get a second chance but my mind and body were in a completely different zone than that previous week.  In fact, everything was different with me to the point where I didn’t want to hold his hands and and when he went in for a kiss, he was met with my cheek.  Since we live so far apart we had already decided that he could crash at my place and be gone by checkout time, so we arrived and as I was in the bathroom washing up, he had popped open a bottle of wine and by the time I walked into the bedroom was butt naked in my bed – waiting with glass in hand.  This entire moment was pretty damn comical to me because it reminded me of the scene from Waiting to Exhale and there is something about a cocky bastard just knowing he’s about to get it that infuriates a woman.  So I did the ultimate – started wrapping my hair up in a scarf,  threw on my pajamas and turned onto my side before telling him “Nighty night”.

Have you ever been laying in the bed and felt someone’s eyes burning a whole into your back?  Yep, this is exactly what I was feeling and was tickled pink when he kept telling me the clothes and panties had to come off because he was definitely getting some before he went to sleep.  Again, the expectations of this man were incredible and it was because of his attitude that having sex ready and available at his beckon call that I lay there telling him it just wasn’t going to happen.  He asked again and again “Why” and “Why not” before finally saying that he had to respect my decision and would “handle things” accordingly.

Now he’s pissed because he can’t get his way and can’t understand how I was so willing the first time and unwilling the second.  Interestingly enough, I sometimes wake up in the wee hours of the morning if I’m with a man and have an intense craving for sex so this night was no different.  All it took was a couple of rubs on his bald head and shoulders from me to awaken him and within a few moments, we were both ready to go and then within about TWO minutes, it was over.  Yes, three minutes and what’s the first thing that comes out of a man’s mouth when he comes too quickly?  “This has never happened to me before”.

I can’t win for nothing with this dude – it’s either too long or too short so he either didn’t have time to take something, was so excited that I finally gave in or maybe it was the rum and coke he had and not the Vodka.  No hard feelings here and at least I tried something new and did it  more than once.  There weren’t any expectations of him other than the exploration of sex with a new partner and for him this woman wasn’t willing to deliver whenever and however he wanted so this just means I’m back to my Ladysgasm or sticking with the regular players with proven track records of consistency and satisfaction.

Until there’s a cure….

Carmen Jones


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Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!

I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.

This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".

If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!



  1. My goodness! This dude is a trip. Just reading about your experience made me wince. It seems like there are so many selfish jerks out there. It’s not cute at all

  2. Vodka makes a man go all night like that? Doesn’t sound right to me nor does a man asking why you’re not interested in having sex again. Who does that?? I wouldn’t spend another moment trying to figure out what happened with this pill popper- he couldn’t have it his way and lost interest. Whatever.

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