Since I’ve been back from my European vacation, things have been pretty quiet on the hangover front and to be honest – I’m enjoying the down time. Not having to worry about getting all dolled up for a meet-up with some creep who drives around with a bottle of Moscato or feeling bad for accepting a “friendly” outing from a former hangover when I realize he still has hope that something could ever be is just a bit much. It’s been a little over 3 years now in my single hood and every now and then, a self-imposed vacation from men occurs.
Now is just the time to sit back, relax, reflect, observe and share dating horror stories and not with other women but with a man I used to date – USBC which was short for “Until Something Better Comes Along” and you can read up on him here and here.
We’ve been Facebook friends for quite some time now and over the years, each of the things we’ve said to each other have come true:
Dating him wasn’t really an option because he hated the idea of marriage, wasn’t interested in having anymore children and actually loathed the idea of being in a relationship – plus his 5’5 stature just wasn’t appealing to me. He told me he understood I was looking for something else and joked that I would end up with the man who wanted all of the above, but that the dude would have so many issues it wouldn’t work. This fucker was right on the money because once I left him alone, Rescue came back into my life creating emotional havoc.
Dating me wasn’t really an option because (at the time) I was interested in having another child, loved the idea of being in a relationship and certainly wanted to be married in the future. I told him he was the type of man who would attract broken women looking to be rescued, who likely wanted a new daddy for their kids, wanted the baby, marriage and the moon and he would settle down with her anyway knowing he wanted none of those things. He would stay with the woman, be completely miserable then break up with her and blow up her heart and mind. I was right on the money and he’s still unable to explain how he ended up in that relationship in the first place.
Saying all of this to say this – USBC told me something that wasn’t at all shocking and is actually something I think about 95% of the men I’ve been involved with are in need of – some damn therapy!
Sometimes you have to take a breather from dating and relationships to reflect on the types of people you have been with and how things may have ended to really see what the common denominator is and after a few sofa sessions with his therapist, he had finally resolved that the problem was within. I knew this was the case all along but for some reason, hearing this man talk to me without the ego and just saying how he had so many opportunities for happiness with wonderful women was a tremendous turn on. It was HIS emotional baggage that was causing problems.
I’ve been saying it over and over and over again how many emotionally (or even mentally damaged) people in the world are constantly screwing up the emotions and lives of the unsuspecting victims on the other end.
Just think – if more people would swallow their pride and recognize that their upbringing as a child, dysfunctional family and every imaginable life event in between and take some action by having a seat in a darkly lit office on someone’s couch, there’s a chance for more of the healthy and happy relationships. One of the last conversations I had with Out of Sight was actually in the dim lighting of my living room, on my couch when I told him this: “You are a great catch indeed; handsome, smart, funny, ambitious and an excellent lover but please promise me this – get yourself some therapy before you even THINK about getting involved with another woman. Save yourself some time and save her the headache and disappointment…”
Times have certainly changed and my maturity has come full circle because years ago, hearing a man talk about therapy was one of those things that might send me running for the hills but now? At least he’s trying and the thought of him working on himself is incredibly sexy. The likelihood of men like Out of Sight or any others following in his steps? Slim to none but hey, that’s none of my business.
Until there’s a cure…