Dumb Shit Guys DoFirst DatesInterracial DatingMy Dating HangoversOnline DatingPlenty of FailShitty Dating ProfilesSingle Girl Problems

He Didn’t Wear Heels

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Last week’s date marked the first time I’ve gone out with a non-black man and while one “quick” meet up will never allow me to claim an interracial dating experience, at least I was open coerced enough to have tried it.

During that excruciating hour and eleven minutes with the hangover I’ll call Guido, a few things became perfectly clear to me:  (1) nearly every man lies about at least one thing on his dating profile, (2) broken English and improper verb tense isn’t something I’ll ever be able to stomach, and (3) being told how beautiful I am repeatedly in one sitting is a little creepy.

That being said, to say that I was turned off by Guido is an understatement and while he was planning on making the night last even longer by moving from drinks to dinner, I politely declined saying I wasn’t hungry even though my stomach was growling like it hadn’t been fed in weeks.  The second and third realizations can certainly be annoying, but it’s that first one that kills me about men just like Guido who lie, lie, lie when it comes to their profiles and according to scientific research, 81% of the people out there are lying about something. 

Height, age and weight tend to be areas where the deception is the highest.


While Guido still looked a little bit like the profile photos posted he was just a shorter, bigger and more ethnic version of himself in real life.  Obviously I’m not very good at hiding my reaction to this actual version because he asked me why I seemed to flinch when he walked into the restaurant where we met. 

It wasn’t really a flinch but more like me silently asking who the fuck is this when seeing he was about 5’7 (profile said 5’11), chubby with stubby fingers wearing a jacket his body was screaming to get out of (profile said “athletic”) and while it didn’t matter either way, appeared to look more Latino (profile said mixed race). 

Of course if he’s going to ask what I thought about his appearance, I’m going to explain how different he looks and do you know this fat bastard even had the nerve to joke about the height discrepancy by saying “I’m not wearing my heels today” before quickly changing the subject. 

After he began the lengthy sales presentation about himself, I soon learned a few other things he lied about in his profile including his profession and ethnicity. 

Guido isn’t really in executive management but is a financial analyst who probably thinks he’s the big cheese because of the travel perks he received and pimps out to the ladies.  Also, when asking if his family still lived in Puerto Rico since he’s always traveling there (must have forgot he told me that’s where he’s from) I was confused when he shook his head like I said something offensive, before replying that he was from Chile.   This little tidbit explained realization number two.

Once again, there’s another fraud in my presence who ironically,  complained about having met WOMEN who weren’t what they depicted in their profiles.   I guess he decided to pay it forward thinking there was nothing wrong with little white lies.

Dating in general is already pretentious and risky enough without having to worry about the “little things” people aren’t truthful about either directly or indirectly.  Here’s the thing about lying when it comes to your appearance – unless you’re able to make some miraculous physical transformation before we meet all you’re doing is setting yourself up for failure, while eliminating yourself from ever having a chance at a second date.

Someone needs to tell these ass clowns to just be up front so they can stop wasting precious time, energy and gas.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

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Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences!

I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land.

This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....".

If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy!



  1. Wait, you killed it with those fat hands and I agree- just be up front and he may just get lucky. Lying jerks!

    1. Sorry LaRae, the hands were a pivotal part of the evening. Had he just been a couple of pounds over his “athletic” description, that could be excused. But when I say his coat was struggling for space, I mean it and staring at those pudgy hands and fingers, became athletic focal point. Lol

    1. Honey, unless the person you’re meeting is visually imoared, these kinds of shenanigans will never work. Ever. Unless the person is only out to use someone (be a benefactor) which it sounds like has been the norm with Guido.

  2. Why sit through the date if the guy looks that bad? I hear stories like this and figure women are just after the next free drink.

    1. Jarrod, I can’t answer for any other woman but I’m definitely not hurting for a drink or free meal.

      Sometimes I sit it out or just end the session pretty quickly and in this instance, sat there daydreaming about my exit strategy.

      The guy was beyond disappointing physically and a bit of a smart ass, and slightly condescending but not unbearable. Had he been an asshole, this would have ended within the first ten.

      Sometimes the effort it took to get ready and out has to be justified for me. Especially if it’s a week night AND rainy, so I stuck it out and kept my portion of the bill under $10.

  3. Okay, trying to make the best of the situation is fair. I’m just thinking sitting there the whole time can give someone the impression every thing is fine when it isn’t. I see trying to be polite but don’t you think it’s misleading just a little bit.

    1. What the hell? !?! No Cyeera, that isn’t okay. Posting photos that show you in more flattering positions is one thing, but intentionally being untruthful? No. This writer can keep that shit to himself.

      The reality is that yes- we can specify ourselves out of the rankings and I’ve seen quite a few ways people are manipulating information to up the ante.

      Some of the black men are putting “other” or mixed race so they come up in various searches. Others are putting multiple cities like “LA/TX/GA” and while they could be in Vegas but travel often, that still is misleading.

      Hell…. My encounter with Out of Sight was a farce because that bastard put “Carson, California” even though he was in Texas.

      Embellishing is one thing, lying is another.

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