Here’s how you blow up 18 years in a single text message:
“I’m such a punk because I should have said this last night.
I can NOT separate these (new) emotions from amazing sexual chemistry and with each visit, it gets worse.
Confuses me and I send stupid shit like this.
But… I do want sooooo much more in my life than just an occasional tryst, no matter how incredible. I know what I want and you can’t give me that.
So for me, it feels like I’m settling and I can’t do that.
Not the best way to tell you and for that I’m sorry.”
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again- I don’t swim in murky waters. This situation with Papi was as dirty as the Mississippi River for me, so I opted to bail out the water (feelings) and row away.
Oh and in case you’re wondering, he most certainly had something to say in response which for me, made this even easier:
“I just have to find a way to make it more than what it is”.
I wanted to know what the hell that meant buy quickly realized it didn’t matter.
He missed the point that I was (selfishly) making things all about me.
Me sharing my thoughts wasn’t meant to liberate his hidden feelings and it sure as has wasn’t to be taken as some kind of ultimatum.
I don’t want Papi to have to find a way or try figure out anything.
He just needs to realize that’s he’s getting ready to experience something his “careful treading” had successfully avoided for such a long time- the disappearance of me.
Once and for all.
Damn shame because yes – the d@!# WAS that good.
Until there’s a cure..
Carmen Jones
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Goodness, how in the world does it get to this point where you really say no more.
I’ve been tossing around the idea of saying “adios” and each time, without fail, make an excuse not to.
Not sure if I should feel sorry for you or applaud you.
Feel both because they’re both right on point for this situation. Oh and love the name!
Get ready for the next chapter and consider this one a lesson. Don’t go there anymore, no one’s got time for boy toys. And girl, that pic is hot!!
For some reason he just started out that way and we stuck with the purpose.
I figure having having a f buddy is good for reducing the casualty count (new sex partners) when I’m in between relationships. This last stretch has been over 4 years and I’m NOT interested in celibacy.
So this was my solution but things just got out of hand for me and for that, lesson has been learned. 🙂
You’ll find soon enough that it isn’t as hard as you think and then wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. Let this dude have all the time he need to figure out what he wants because it isn’t your job to wait patiently, twiddling your thumbs. Who knows how long he’s felt some kind of way for you but the fact he was cowardly about it and said nothing, means you need to leave that alone. All the way alone. Next!
I hear you An _ gel and it really doesn’t seem all that hard at all. Now when I’m getting home late at night and want a little booty, that’s a different story!