Here’s how you blow up 18 years in a single text message:
“I’m such a punk because I should have said this last night.
I can NOT separate these (new) emotions from amazing sexual chemistry and with each visit, it gets worse.
Confuses me and I send stupid shit like this.
But… I do want sooooo much more in my life than just an occasional tryst, no matter how incredible. I know what I want and you can’t give me that.
So for me, it feels like I’m settling and I can’t do that.
Not the best way to tell you and for that I’m sorry.”
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again- I don’t swim in murky waters. This situation with Papi was as dirty as the Mississippi River for me, so I opted to bail out the water (feelings) and row away.
Oh and in case you’re wondering, he most certainly had something to say in response which for me, made this even easier:
“I just have to find a way to make it more than what it is”.
I wanted to know what the hell that meant buy quickly realized it didn’t matter.
He missed the point that I was (selfishly) making things all about me.
Me sharing my thoughts wasn’t meant to liberate his hidden feelings and it sure as has wasn’t to be taken as some kind of ultimatum.
I don’t want Papi to have to find a way or try figure out anything.
He just needs to realize that’s he’s getting ready to experience something his “careful treading” had successfully avoided for such a long time- the disappearance of me.
Once and for all.
Damn shame because yes – the d@!# WAS that good.
Until there’s a cure..
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