And just like that…

My swirly stint with Jon B is over!

It became too confusing trying to decipher his mixed signals when he’s doing one thing but continuously tells me that he wants to “take things slow”

What the hell does that mean?!?!

Not once did I press him with one of those “what’s next” or “what are you looking for” conversations, not once.  While he’s repeating his mantra of wanting to take it slow, he should have just said he’s not interested in the seriously dating (or dating me) because I was getting a little confused.

Wanting to see me more than one day in a week, especially taking up my weekends isn’t necessary if you want to take it slow so again, how does that work?

It’s too soon to be having these kinds of conversations more than once.

The first time I asked him what was up with his delayed respond to text messages, he offered up some talk about business being crazy or some remodeling stress and the second time I mentioned it he told me he didn’t have to talk every day.

Which part did you want to take slow?

So when I told him I wasn’t really sure what he was trying to do here and that I figured he was trying to be my replacement fuck buddy, he would tell me again how he wanted to “take things slow”.

Did he want to take it slow when he was whispering naughty words in my ear while kissing me up and down my neck? Or maybe he wanted to take it slow when he had that sudden urge to follow me to the ladies bathroom, doing a body search to see if I was wearing any panties?

Could he have wanted to slow things down after our little bedroom tryst before that movie date?  Oh wait, I got it – he really needed to take things slow after that missing condom scare.

I am not a toy he can play with when bored, lonely or horny.

Here’s the bottom line:  I made the mistake of thinking I was dating someone, when he was just “hanging out” when he needed something to do.  His actions made this all perfectly clear because nearly every time we would get together, it would be on his terms and timeframe.  

In addition to all of this, not once did he ask me any of those questions that a man would normally wonder about if they were interested; he never asked if I was dating or seeing anyone else and never asked if I was sexually active with anyone. 

He never asked because it never mattered.

So after our last conversation this past Thursday night, I realized he was really beginning to act like a fuck boy, and then I started playing games. 

His texts were being ignored, I took my sweet time returning his calls and once he left a message saying “Hey stranger, give me a call back”, I was satisfied that he’d been given a taste of his own medicine.  Finally, I responded to him by text with a “Have a great weekend” and he replies “You do the same Carmen”, (deliberate use
of my name means fuck you) so I realized this gig was up.

I’m after that mutual attraction and connection.

If I meet someone and the feeling is mutual that we’re interested and wanting to know each other beyond a few outings, we will WANT to communicate and as often as we’re able.

I know this kind of man exists because I’ve had them before and since I’m really not trying to recruit a replacement for Papi (though there’s likely no such thing), why settle for being the woman that is just a time filler?

I tried it.

It was fun while it lasted and now this is yet another item I can check off on my bucket list, even though he is a watered down version of the swirling experience.  At least I can say I was open to an interracial experience and maybe willing to try it again because at the end of the day, the actions and intentions of the man make the difference.  

Not the ethnicity.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones